HELENA'S POV
"No!", I answered quickly. "I never sleep beside anyone", in Brandenburg, I sleep alone in the library and sometimes in the tower battlements. And even recently in our journey, I rather sleep outdoors under the trees than to snuggle with men in the tents.
Stellan lifted his head and squinted his eyes. "But… you slept with me once before", he said like he was this large puppy dog wagging its tail.
"That was the only time", I remembered as he rested his head back on the pillow.
"Then, let's keep it that way. Let's be each other's sleep buddy. Come on", he insisted with a slight nod if invitation. "I don't find anything wrong with this anyway, do you?", he asked as he go of my waist. Of course in his eyes, I'm a man and definitely, there's nothing wrong with two men sleeping together on the same bed. "They're still preparing our dinner, and we're expected to leave after that. So let me grab a shut eye for another long journey", he said. Without much choice, I slowly laid on his arm, lying stiff, hugging on the quilt up to my chest, with eyes staring at the ceiling, while he laid on his side looking my way.
"Those goblins… they were like ballistic and out of their minds. Aren't they supposed to be docile?", I asked.
"Let's just say, rebels do the dumbest things. Like what I told you, I don't trust them", he said plainly not even considering that Andrew is his brother.
"That's an odd thing to say about your brother", I turned my head towards him and saw him starting to get snuggly with his heavy eyes.
"My brother isn't who I thought him to be. Because if he was, he wouldn't dare put our lives in danger", Stellan made a clear point of his reasonable resentment towards his brother. But I thought, blood will always be thicker than water. Even if Evandrus is the worse bruvver, they are still connected by blood, some thing that can never be changed.
"Sometimes, we do stupid things especiallly when we feel lost, or desperate. Evandrus might just lack clarity of what he wants in life, that he didn't he's choosing a wrong path", I said as I stare back in the ceiling. From then I heard no reply. Thinking Stellan was already sleeping, I turned to him with his eyes looking fixedly at me.
"I've always adored him.. I tried to understand his outlandish ways, even until now. But I never thought that with you just mentioning his name with those lips of yours… and you reasoning out for him would make me feel terribly sad and angry at him at the same time ", he pulled me closer with his arm over my head. And with one swoop, I landed straight on his lips as I rest my hand on his chest. My eyes widened when I felt his warm tongue tangled with mine. With his eyes closed and hand on the back of my head, he devoured every corner of my mouth as I taste the sweetness of the liquor lingering in his.
My stolen first kiss was different from this. It was short and quick, and blood stained. I wasn't even able to appreciate it. The second time was hot and forceful but gentle, like he was holding back entirely.
Now is different.
Stellan's kiss is full of tenderness and passion as he lead me to a dance of our two hearts in a perfect harmony. He deepened our kiss as he grab the back of my head towards him, pulling me close as we relish the moment. I didn't knew that there's such an intense kiss that would make the world suddenly cease to exist, leaving us in a sea of pure, unbridled emotion. I kept my eyes open to see the glorifying moment that I never thought would ever arrive. I held my breath while I bite on his lower lip softly, tasting how good it was just what I have always thought. Our tongues circled as we savour each other's sweetness until I closed my eyes and feel the electricity running all over me. Our kiss lasted for what I felt like an eternity. As we finally break the kiss, we looked into each other's eyes catching our breaths. When he pulled away, he looked at me his unwavering eyes locked on me. "Haelan", he whispered my name as a man while he chase my lips again.
Despite I was craving for more, I flinched pushing him away as I lay back on the bed. "What happened to taking it slow? I'm certain now that you won't like me if you get to know the real me", so I guess he's totally into men.
"Haven't I known who you really are now? A soul traveler?", he rested his head on his arm without moving away.
"There's more to know. And it will disappoint you", I answered. If only I soul traveled to a man's body, we would have a real chance for a moment.
"No matter what it is… it doesn't bother me", Stellan made a bolder move as he climb on top of me pinning me on the bed. I covered my chest with the quilt as I feel every inch of his body. I could feel his heart racing at a pace matching mine.
"I'm just a falling star passing through the dim sky. And I fear that the truth might finally kill your curiosity about me.", I stayed completely still as he rest his hand near my forehead, while he brush my cheek with the other. "You're a paladin, and I'm a soul traveler. You're a man and I'm a… a.. ", I bit my lower lip as I can't utter the record breaker of several reasons why I am not right for him. "… we're simply and undeniably worlds apart", I clasped on the quilt as I avoid his gaze.
"That's a long unconvincing and unacceptable list you have there… but none of them is good enough to change my mind…", Stellan left me dumbfounded as he stare on my lips. "Tell me you don't like me. Tell me you don't see me the way I see you… Tell me you haven't fallen for me as much as I have fallen head over heels in love with all my heart and soul with you. With that, I might consider walking away", I left my mouth open seeing him unfazed with every word he just said. "I regret the day that I became a coward of my heart's true desire. And now, I won't miss the chance again to be honest with what I truly feel for you, for I can now clearly see through the beat of my heart, that you are the one for me", he said without removing his eyes on me.
"Stellan..", I called his name as I meet his gaze. I was too afraid to admit the truth, but I had to… even if it means that I would lose him. "I.. I'm a woman", I clasped on the blanket even tighter as I held my breath waiting for his reaction.