There was once a semblance of happiness, perhaps it was before I could remember. To me, happiness always felt like filling a cup full of water, constantly adding liquid to a container with a gaping hole in it. Futile and short-lasting. I pretended to smile and joke, taking on the role of someone lesser than human, a jester for people to laugh at and enjoy when all of the forced joy I breathed in through their empty praise was superficial. In the end, I had tried so desperately to fill that cup that I no longer had an identity anymore. It was a fruitless life, piling sin on top of sin until I realized I had been so absorbed in not being alone that I became the world's loneliest existence.
Even now, is that not the case? I am dying. I can feel my ears ringing in pain, warm blood trickling down my body as if that is the only sensation I can feel left, the hot tickling of my vital fluid running down my skin. My eyes feel unfocused, the corners of my vision black as the muffled screams of terror enter my pierced eardrums. The floor is cool, freezing against my clothing and making my whole body shudder in cold. I am dying, a realization. Isn't there a saying that people only want to live when they're dying? I think so. I have made so many mistakes in my lifetime, some of which were so vile that I can't help but wonder if even the devil would praise me, or perhaps call me pathetic.
"Lucian, keep your eyes open! Help is coming!" I heard the distant sound of my best friend, Dante, yelling, speaking the most random words to placate his own unnerved heart. Isn't he the reason we were in this state anyway? I almost wanted to laugh bitterly. Dying because of a mere hoodlum, it was far too pathetic, I should've just given him my money but I wanted to be a hero and defend my friend who was already a goner. I simply just took his place in the watchful eye of a shaky handgun. Every time I act out of turn something bad happens, I should've just been content with living this life that I always called dissatisfactory prior to now. No. Maybe there is still a way for even this mutilated body to be remembered, an absolute nail in the coffin for the image I have created, and to finally be engraved into the hearts of those around me. Not as a blessing, as a curse. My final, most selfish act.
"Remember what I told you…when we got drunk and had to wait outside for a ride?" His eyes seemed to flicker momentarily, the street lamp illuminating his auburn hair as I licked my dry lips, "I told you we'll be best friends forever…don't you remember that?"
It seemed he understood now, his eyelids closing shut as the brightly colored hazel eyes beneath them burned with tears. This was a goodbye I was giving him. He nodded, mumbling a yes under his breath.
I smiled, forcing him to open his eyes to engrave this expression into his mind with no chance of ever forgetting it. Lifting my weak arm, I placed my hand on his shoulder, unable to even control my fingers enough to squeeze down on his skin gently. "I'm sorry…our forever ends tonight…so please, keep me in your heart, even as a dream…even as an illusion…let them know I lived."
It was a curse in the form of words, damning him to a long life of guilt and regret.
With no will left to continue fighting, I could feel the condition my body was in. It hurt, it hurt so bad I could barely even process it. I listened to his heartbreaking wails and sobs as I neared the end of my time, small tears escaping my eyes for an emotion I couldn't bear to try and decipher. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die, but there's no other choice. Perhaps I said all of that aloud, as I could faintly hear the cries for someone–anyone to help get louder. Thank you, and I'm sorry. I hope the guilt devours you until your very last days, and you remember my final breaths at your wedding, when you have your first child, and when you recount my story to others on drunken sorrowful nights. Let this be my legacy, all in the form of your trauma. I hope you never recover.
It didn't take long for a sudden bright light to cloud my vision, forcing me to open the eyes that were originally so heavy. When I opened them, I saw a great plain full of flowers and hills that spanned for miles on end. It was eerily barren, without trees, bushes, or any sign of life besides the small plants beneath me. I let out a breath, both in awe and fear. Is this the afterlife? An endless plane with no humans other than me? No, that thought was quickly proven wrong when I felt fingers grasp my shoulders from behind me.
"It has been a very long time since someone has come here." Her voice was nothing short of ethereal, soft like the petals of a bluebell flower but loud enough to echo into my ear canals. It was the kind of voice that instantly gave a person a sense of calm, saccharine like the sweetest candies, yet I couldn't bring myself to turn around. Maybe it was just anxiousness, but I knew my entire life would change drastically if I met eyes with the person holding my shoulders. Her breath was on my neck as she continued speaking in a gentle whisper.
"Do you want to live?" I felt shivers run down my spine as she finished her sentence, "At any cost?"
I was thankful she didn't give me the time to respond before continuing, as I couldn't bring myself to open my mouth or unclog the lump in my throat, "No…perhaps I shouldn't say it like that."
"Because then it'll make it sound like you have a choice." A part of the world before my eyes began to crack like glass as if it was never truly real but just the reflection of a beautiful scenery through a mirror. The hands holding my shoulders climbed up my neck and onto my face, placing themselves on my eyes, and all I could hear in the blackness of the woman's fingers was the sound of glass shattering. This world was falling apart.
"I don't want you to see the miserly state of this space, we haven't had any visitors in a long time." Visitors? Just what happened here for even the world to begin to shatter? I had so many questions, but beyond my curiosity was a concern for my well-being.
"I don't understand, why am I here?" I asked, voice slightly trembling anxiously despite my attempts to sound level-headed.
"Ah, I was shocked too. However, there is a reasonable explanation for this, and it is that someone has brought you here." She spoke lightheartedly, taking her hands off of my eyes and forcibly grabbing my shoulders to turn me around. I met eyes with a tall woman, her jet black hair reaching down to the floor and her body emitting a bright light as if it consumed the glory of the sun whole.
"You see, the world needed someone to turn the tides of a certain worldline, keeping it from destruction. So, we sent a human to evaluate and gather 300 souls from Earth, take them there, and hopefully save it, in exchange for his greatest wish, immortality. Hm, but that man was rather selfish, and refused to hand over the 300th soul, knowing it would cost his immortality." She continued nostalgically, as if speaking upon an old fairytale, "However, today, he decided to save the life of his beloved best friend and take him to that world, despite the knowledge that it would lead to the end of his long life. That man is your friend Dante."
Dante is immortal? Matter of fact, he saved my life in exchange for his own death? My head was spinning from all this foreign information, but she didn't give me a break like she was running out of time.
"Thus, after centuries of waiting, you will be our final transmigrated individual! Ah, rejoice, this is an honor!" She grinned, gray eyes curling into curious half moons, "although…because of that, this cute little place will explode in about five minutes…"
"Huh?!" I yelled in shock, however, her smile didn't falter, in fact, it grew larger.
"That's right! So let's get to business." She clasped her hands together, "Your talent will be up to the scales of the world, however, I can give you a single ability to help. The stronger the ability, the greater the penalty."
The woman put a finger to her chin, contemplating my future like she was wondering what to have for dinner tonight, "okay! I'll give you extreme mana sensitivity. You will be able to see all the magic paths and auras of mana, giving you an advantage when it comes to learning magic."
Perhaps it was just me, but as I awaited her next words, the space around me began to darken, growing colder for every millisecond she remained silent, "In exchange for your extreme mana sensitivity, for every time that you use it, your vision will deteriorate by 2% in one eye or 1% in each. However, since that is rather harsh and it seems that my favorite transmigrator favored you, I will give you an additional reward and some advice. If you lose all vision in one or both eyes, you will be able to use the gifted ability without the penalty forever. As for the advice, I will tell you something that is more valuable than anything."
Her eyes went cold, thousands of emotions tightly intertwined in a knot that would be impossible to solve hidden beneath a set of moonstone eyes, "stick to the vampire, and you will live longer."
As she said the final syllable, another crack was created in the space. Blood escaped her lips, trickling down her chin and painting the daffodils beneath her in red.
"That is all. You must go, we don't have any more time." The woman swung her hand to the side, muttering foreign incantations as a black portal began to appear from beside her.
"What…what is your name?" I asked. It was a question that would do me no justice, and frankly, of all the things I could ask, it was the most useless. But I was unaware of what would happen to her in this space when I left, and at the very least, I wanted to have the slightest bit of knowledge on this unknown yet powerful woman.
"Ha…it's been a long time since I have said my name. It is Helia." Helia's voice sounded resigned, or was that just in my mind? Taking steps towards the portal, I watched as the sky shattered and the floor beneath me began to crumble.
"Remember, transmigrator, the greater the talent you have, the worse the scales of the world will affect your upbringing. Providing a reason for talent will always end up in blood." She smiled, although now I realized there was nothing beneath that empty grin, "and don't forget, all souls will return to their original world and reincarnate. Including that of your beloved friend. Find him, even if he is different from how he once was."
I wanted to ask so much more, the uncertainty of my future and the messages behind her words clouding my thoughts. Though, as if knowing I wanted to stall, Helia pushed me through the portal with her bright, porcelain hands.
"May the world take pity on you, Lucian." And just like that, I was catapulted into a world of darkness.
It was night. Cold and wet, droplets of water from the rain on leaves of trees, sparkling under the moonlight. The moon was bright, almost too bright, shining as if it was impersonating the sun.
In the forest, many small animals scrambled around, some nocturnal, others not. Behind them were their predators, dashing in the same direction but not towards them, as if they were all running from the same thing, but who knows what could make these fearsome animals all run in unison; on instinct to survive.
A couple of meters away, a disgusting cracking was heard. Loud, and not stopping. Something was being born.
It almost had the same anatomy as a human, same bone structure, but 12 feet tall, with no muscle and no skin. Its organs were floating on its bones, sticking to them and ignoring gravity as the creature twitched and contorted in directions that made its bones crackle as if made of plastic.
The creature almost looked like it was in pain, reaching out to the moon with the same arm that broke and repaired itself over and over again. There was no way to tell if it was in pain though, not when it didn't even have a functioning nervous system or a set of vocal cords.
Then, it collapsed. Like it had lost all energy or control of itself, it dropped to the floor with a loud bang.
From within the empty sac that resembled its stomach, nails raked across it from the inside, tearing the organ open, like a live birth, but not the birth of a human.
Something was being born.
A hole was torn open, two small hands grabbing at the flesh and ripping it further until it could fit its head through the creature's stomach.
The hatchling looked human, around the age of a 4 year old. Red eyes, pure white hair, and ivory skin, as if it had albinism. It wasn't human. It most definitely wasn't. But it impersonated a human, took on a human's appearance so well it was terrifying.
Behind the creature walked a man in a white lab coat that was smeared with a black tar-like liquid. He held up a strange device, placed it to his ear, and spoke in a low voice, "The subject has been found. I will be taking experimental subject 081 back to the lab."
My first memory in this world was of fluorescent lights above me in a dimly lit room that reeked of moss, like a basement that hadn't been touched in 20 years. I took in my surroundings, gazing at the world around me in curiosity. The room was pure white, with close to no decorations besides a clock tower that ticked back and forth, the time going by with the hours on the Roman numerals of the grand clock.
A man wearing a white lab coat walked in, appearing in his late thirties but if he shaved his face and combed his tangled black hair, he could pass for younger. Taking a chair from outside the room, he placed it in the corner and sat down for hours, simply writing down in a journal whilst analyzing me. At this moment, I remembered what Helia told me, the more talent I have, the worse my upbringing will be, to create a reason for my talent. However, if that was the case, I wanted to be talentless! What is this bullshit? I'm a lab rat now?!
"081, can you hear me?" I looked up at the sound, and when I met green eyes that were cast down upon me indifferently, I knew this man was not an ally. He stared at me for another few seconds before turning away and writing down in his journal. In the same manner, another series of tests went by in the form of random questions or light probing my eyes. When all of it was done, he stood up and took my hair in his hands, forcibly grabbing it and pulling it up so our faces could meet. Perhaps it was the power imbalance felt by a mere child kneeling, forced to crane his neck all the way up to stare at this man, but for the first time, he smiled.
"Don't disappoint me, I have a lot of high expectations for you." His eyes were scary like they were holding some sort of twisted depravity disguised as infatuation for an interesting object. He's dangerous. That's what every cell in my body was telling me, hairs standing on edge as if waiting for him to show his true motives. But that was all. After he said those words, he let go of me and exited the room. Only this time, he left the door open. Without missing a beat, I stood up and walked out of the room, legs trembling from lack of usage, but I didn't care. There was so much uncertainty in this place, and if everyone was like that man, I'd have to adapt fast. And find the damn vampire that Helia told me about even faster.
When I first stepped foot outside of the room there was a gift for me, a mirror. In the reflection of the mirror was a young child, around 4 years in age, with long white hair that reached my lower back. The child had an upturned small nose and porcelain skin, so pale it appeared as if I had never seen light. Reflecting in the mirror were crimson eyes, far more than what should be natural for a human being. However, that brings about the question of if I am even human? I cannot remember anything about my infancy or birth, as if it had never existed at all. How could that be possible? Looking around, it is easy to assume that this place is a mysterious laboratory, and that means I must be a test subject created for a purpose. Perhaps, I was born out of some sort of unconventional means.
I heard footsteps approaching and snapped my head to the side, meeting eyes with a tall woman wearing all white clothes, like a nurse's uniform. She walked in my direction, wavy brown hair bouncing as she moved, her small face and gentle smile giving off an impression of kindness.
"Good evening 081, I'm here to bring you to your room." She uttered in a sweet voice, placing a hand on my shoulder and ushering me away from the mirror. With a hand still on my shoulder, she directed me along the maze of hallways in this underground lab, sometimes speaking to explain what specific locations were. Once we reached what appeared to be dorm rooms, everything white without a single speck of dust, she stopped.
"Do you have any preferences for what you want your room to be?" I glanced at her and paused. The vampire has to be somewhere around here, right? She did say something about how after dinner everyone must go back to their chambers. I exhaled quietly, and closed my right eye, channeling all my strength into that specific part, and then a miracle happened. Through my left eye, I could see through the walls, blue and purple strings scattered across the place. Above, in every corner was likely a concealed camera, with an influx of purple strings in those specific areas, however inside of the rooms there was no such thing. Rather, there were moving blue strings in every room, fluid like they were human. Only in one room was there a single red-stringed humanoid, sitting down on the floor unmoving.
"That room." I opened my eye and pointed in the direction of the red string. I didn't know for how long I used the ability, but I could slightly feel the deterioration of my vision in my left eye. It doesn't matter, I'll focus on my goals instead of myself for now. She seemed to be momentarily shocked that I could speak, but it quickly faded as she took in what I just said. The nurse looked between me and the room nervously, scratching the back of neck in anxiousness.
"Are you sure? What do you think about any other chamber? Some even have a window or comfier beds!" She rambled, clearly tense. I merely shook my head, listening to her long sigh as she took out a device. I didn't need to use an ability to know it was likely some kind of magical communication device. She spoke into it, explaining the situation in a low voice while eyeing me. From the other line, I heard a woman's reverberating laugh and indistinct chatter. In the end, she turned off the device and cleared her throat, right before taking my hand and moving toward the room.
"…just what is that woman thinking?" The nurse murmured to herself. We now stood in front of the room, and I stared at her for her next move.
"If you are uncomfortable or feel like you're in danger, just talk to one of the staff, and we'll take you out of the room quickly! You are very important, so make sure to ask for help if you feel something is wrong before something bad happens!" I nodded. The nurse sighed, likely wondering if I even registered her words, before taking out a set of keys and undoing the five security locks. I'll admit, I was pretty intimidated by how many security measures this specific room had. Gulping, I watched as she opened the door and let me inside, gazing regretfully in my direction one last time before closing the door behind me.
In the room sat a girl, around 10 years old, with dark red hair and white skin, dull yellow eyes boring into my skull. She didn't seem to have an interest in me, on the contrary, she stayed unmoving and stared at the door. I glanced around the white space, seeing two beds and one nightstand separating them, a window covered up by strong metal bars, and a single fluorescent light above us.
"Are you a vampire?" I asked, and the girl finally stared at me, expression puzzled. She stayed that way for a couple of seconds and opened her mouth, spreading her lips with her fingers to display that her canine teeth were taken out, and so was her tongue. It was as if she was saying, 'I can't tell you, but I can show you.' I grimaced at the sight of scarred tissue and poorly done stitches. Just what is this place, showing such cruelty to a mere child? I shivered, sitting down on the bed in front of her.
"Did it hurt?" She shook her head, placing it on the wall with a soft thud, but not taking her eyes from me.
"Hm…so if you're a vampire, do you drink blood? Is that why they took your teeth away?" She shrinked into the wall, citrine eyes narrowing at me and if I could read faces, hers would say, 'Who the fuck do you think you are?'
"Then," I smiled, full of teeth, "if you drink blood, will they grow back?"
Her eyes widened, and reflecting in the yellow abyss of her irises was a small child with madness in his gaze. Hesitating, she shrugged. I tilted my head to the side, silver hair covering my face to hide the maliciousness spreading across my very skin.
That's right, I would do anything to survive.