"That's strange, even for Angie," Penny says.
I let down my hair to keep the sun off my back. "It was disgusting. We walked home from the beach," I say, shoving my hands into my overall shorts.
"We?" She sips from her mocha frappe, raising a groomed brow. Her brown eyes suppress a laugh. "How was your walk?"
I shake my head.
"I'm just asking."
"It was an unplanned, humid, two mile walk in the middle of the night."
"Point taken." Silver rings on her slender brown fingers catch the beaming sun. She's wearing blue poofy vintage jeans, a black graphic tee, and black pointed heels. We're going to the fair. She doesn't own many sneakers.
"He walked me home, because it was late," I say, trying to discourage her imagination.
"Sure, Rose. Then what happened?"
"Dan dropped Ang off, and took Ben home. I couldn't look at her. Grandma came out, but I'm sure she wasn't asleep. They argued about some hickeys. Probably not her first time with a guy, but definitely the first time she was that bold."
"I can't see her doing that."
"Well, she did. Maybe I shouldn't care."
"You? Not care about Angie? In what universe?" Her legs dangle off the park bench. She's short like my grandma, but their big personalities make them giants next to an introvert like me.
"We never talk anymore. We only hang out because grandma makes us."
"Well, a break never hurt anyone, but family is forever."
I stay quiet.
She jumps up to can her frappe.
A gray Honda Accord whips to the curb beside the bench.
"Ladies! Your chariot awaits," Matt says out of the driver's window.
Penny beams. Vanilla lingers in the air as she darts passed. Before her heels can hit the road, he's lifting her in his arms. "Matt! I missed you!"
"Oh, yeah?" he says, with a surprised smile. He sets her down, then squeezes the breath out of me.
Penny just got back from a cruise to the Caribbeans, and Matt was on a family road trip, so we missed the first two weeks of summer together. This is the last summer before everything changes. We go off to college soon, so we promised to make it count.
I sit in the backseat, and rest my feet on the center console. Penny sits shotgun, searching for a song on the radio. Our usual arrangement.
"Keep those gators away from me, will you?" Matt says to me.
"They're tamed." I move them closer.
"Down boys, down! Man they look hungry." He can't help himself.
In the mirror, he winks an icy blue eye.
Penny pokes his arm. "Summer toned you up! You're going to impress all of the girls."
"I've got my eyes set on one," he says.
He's riding with the windows down, and the a/c on. A bad habit of his. The wind tosses his wavy brown hair, but he doesn't mind.
He's tall with thick eyebrows, and a smile that girls swoon over. His skin is an olive complexion.
Penny stops switching the music once she lands on a classic. If she and I could live in any decade it would be the eighties.
We jam out like old times, but Penny is the only one who can actually sing. When she does, her dimples sink into her smooth skin. Matt watches at a red light.
She belts out crazy notes with her eyes shut. "And now we're flying through the stars, I hope this night lasts foreeever!" Sliding down her seat, she gives her all to this imaginary performance. It's contagious.
"Ain't nobody, loves me better, make me happy, makes me feel this way," we sing over and over.
Our trio has been thriving since middle school, when Penny and I first met him.
He changes the radio after a while, because unlike Penny and I, he can't stand old music. He only puts up with it for us.
"Matt, could you please roll up the windows?" I ask, rubbing the goosebumps on my arms.
"What? Is this making you cold?" He blasts the air higher.
"Matt!" I say.
Penny laughs. She enjoys our banters, and I secretly do too. When she brings her legs into her chest to keep warm, he finally cuts off the air.
~
Matt and Penny leave to use the restroom. I snack on a blow pop and wait in line at "Sam's So Sweet Smoothies." About the only healthy option at this year-round fair.
I sense someone standing awfully close, and find Dan staring straight ahead. A childish grin tugs at his lips. I'm nudged when I lose interest, but he still doesn't look at me. It dawns on me that he's waiting for me to talk to him. A game. I tuck my lollipop inside my cheek to speak.
"Okay. Hi, Dan."
"Oh hey, Rose. Didn't see you there." He finally meets my eyes.
"Is that so?" I bring down my shades to block out the sun.
"I knew you looked familiar. It's the hair. You wore it up in middle school."
"Because animals kept their paws in it." My bland voice doesn't deter him.
Two guys that I also vaguely remember from middle school cut the line, ignoring those who complain behind them. Their eyes dart from me to Dan, and one slings an arm around Dan's shoulder.
"Hey Rose, how've you been?" The taller one asks. Ed. His name is Ed. And the shorter one is James.
Their attention lingers on my lollipop, and I decide that I don't care to catch up. Thankfully it's my turn to order.
"I'll have the Berry Blast," I say.
"I'll also have my berries blasted," Dan says, stupidly.
The cashier giggles to herself, with rosy cheeks. Do girls really fall for his obnoxious humor? Did Angie? I think back to that night and my stomach churns.
I pay and trash my candy. At a nearby souvenir tent, I browse a collection of rings, careful not to wander off too far from my friends. The tent is dark purple and filled with bohemian antiques. Soft tunes hum from a dusty record player sitting on an oak book shelf. On a wooden table, there's beautiful jewelry on display. I examine a silver elephant ring when Dan and his buddies join me.
"You're looking at rings?" I ask, not looking up.
"For you, if you want one," Dan says.
"No, thanks," I say.
"Come on, get something you like," he says again.
"It's not hurting his pockets," Ed says, reassuringly. "He's loaded."
He says it so easy. This must be the line that hooks the hardest catch, but I'm not biting.
"I actually have to get going. See you around." I leave and scan the crowd for any sign of Matt and Penny. Like a hungry stray dog, Dan follows me. He's alone this time.
He holds out the elephant ring. "For you."
I take it after some thought. "Thank you. I'll make sure that Angie gets it."
He smirks, surprised.
"Whoa, do I need to smash in someone's face here?" Matt's surfer guy voice never gets old to him. Penny either apparently. He doubles over in laughter before embracing Dan. They talk about tryouts.
"Where were you guys?" I ask Penny. We walk to a nearby bench.
"That trash talking clown got to me. Matt dunked him and won this," she says, lifting a plush bear. "He didn't want it."
"It's cute."
Salty buttered popcorn and sweet powdered sugar fill the fair. The chattering crowd has grown each hour. The rides glow in the near evening.
"Cute? I can leave if you want to finish talking about me?" Dan says when he and Matt join us on the bench. He sits too close.
"I won't stop you," I say.
"Ouch!" He yelps with a hand to his chest. "That hurt, Rose. Tell you what. All is forgiven if you can answer a question."
"What's that?" I ask, dryly.
"Do you want to go on a ride with me?"
Matt and Penny are engaged in their own conversation.
"No, I don't." I doubt they're listening, but I lower my voice. "Wasn't my cousin enough for you? Go find someone insecure to chase, and leave me alone."
His eyes get dark. Like a stormy blue. The surprise must register on my face, because he soon relaxes into a smirk. He lifts up slowly from the bench and says goodbye to Matt.
Man.
~
"One more ride?" Penny asks.
We've rode nearly every ride, and eaten things that I didn't know could be deep fried. We yell just to hear ourselves over the crowd.
"My feet hurt, Pen. I'm ready to go home," I say, wearily.
"Come on, let's just do the Ferris Wheel and then leave?" Matt says.
"Alright. I guess one more won't hurt," I say.
The seats only hold two, so I tell Penny to ride with Matt.
"Are you sure? Matt wouldn't mind riding alone."
"I'm sure," I say, because I don't think I've seen him smile like this before.
My wobbly blue seat lifts to let Matt and Penny on. I get higher, and the rides look small and colorful. The shopping tents and food stands are easily tiny huts. The pink sun sets on the busy city as the wind tosses itself lazily through my curls.
I hear his voice in the seat above and freeze.
"Hey, Rose," Dan says cheerfully.
He's got one arm wrapped around a pretty blonde, and a bag of popcorn in the other. He's so predictable it hurts.
"Dan. I see you've taken my advice." My laugh is dry.
"I did. It's not too late to accept that offer though."
She seems painfully unaware as she scrolls through her phone. A blue light emits onto her face. Pink lips, big hazel eyes, and sharp cheekbones. Her long hair is curled loosely, and her brows are thick and perfect. Funny how a girl like that isn't enough for some guys.
"No, thanks." I turn back to my view, but it's over. The sun set, taking the pink clouds with it.
"Fine."
He goes back to his conversation. There are girly giggles at his apparent wit. The wheel turns a few more times, and by now the dark city is lit up with its artificial lights. Just when I thought he had grown bored, he calls me again.
I scream when his load of popcorn falls on me. They're cackling like hyenas. He's still holding the bag upside down.
"Oops." He shrugs.
He tries to get my attention after some time, but I can't react.
Once the wheel stops, I run through the crowd and into the nearest bathroom. In the foggy mirror, I clean myself up as best as possible using the sink and brown napkins. My shades are still a greasy mess, so I shove them into my pocket. My blush leotard has grease spots here and there, but my hair is able to cover it.
The tears come fast and I let them. I get it all out of my system while I have a sink in front of me.
I've never met anyone so careless. It enrages me.
I gather my thoughts and eventually cool off. He won't see me cry. He won't get to me. No amount of money or charm can buy him that gratification. That's how I get him back.
Outside, I spot Matt and Penny walking over to me. I can tell they're going to ask me a million questions. That's the last thing that I need tonight.
~
We park outside of my house, and I finally spill the beans. Matt has some choice words, and Penny is ready to feed him her rings. I love them for it, but the last thing I want is drama this year, so after I beg they agree to drop it, with the exception that Matt gets to tackle him harder during practices.
It's warm tonight. The air conditioning feels refreshing once I'm inside. The lights are off, so I walk by memory, finding our staircase in the blackness.
I'm at my door when I hear crying down the hall. My grip tightens on the knob.
You should talk to her.
No. I'm done following her.
She's hurting.
Well, today I am too.
I braid my hair and change clothes. In my cozy bed, I faintly hear her still. I fight the urge to get up, even as my heart floats to the bottom of my chest. Even as hot tears fall to my cheeks. I refuse to comfort her this time.
It's okay to care.
I think I always will.