Shan was sitting on the bus, looking out of the window. They've won. Two to zero, so they got two points. It was too easy of a game. They basically obliterated the opponent's damage carries with the traps themselves because they had stepped on every one of the ten traps Shan made.
When they won, they went to the middle of the stage and bowed to their fans, thanking them for their support. At that moment, he saw a person with a cap and black facemask, walking away with Lucy. It hurt that he didn't even wait for him.
"Can you… stop somewhere and let me out?" Shan asked the driver out of nowhere. He had the rest of his day free because it was a match day.
"Why?" Chao asked and Shan looked away. There was no reason he had to tell him.
"Did he just ignore me?" Chao asked Yitian, who just shrugged, but then frowned.
"You want to go somewhere?" he asked, his voice filled with apparent worries. Shan looked at him and nodded. He waited for the bus to stop before getting off.
"I have a phone. Bye," he said and got off after thanking the driver. He looked around, after watching the black nanny car, with their logo on, drive away.
Somehow, even when they won, he did not feel good. Shan did not enjoy the game at all. He just played it as best as he could. But why did he not enjoy it lately?
Shan searched for the nearest Lego shop nearby and surprised, he found out there was one just a few streets away, so he simply took a walk. Finally, he could think.
He was a little bit distracted by the people walking around him. Some were interesting, and some talks he heard were even more interesting than the people themselves.
But nothing was more interesting than his inner monologue he had about being so emotional when he shouldn't be.
'Just admit you care about him.' Shan shook his head, but his inner voice wouldn't stop.
'Hey. Maybe you could end up together…' Shan looked at the phone, hoping he would soon be in the shop. Why did he have to forget his headphones, out of all days it had to be today?
'But he would probably die too. Wouldn't he? Would you kill him too?' Shan had enough. He smacked himself and attracted unwanted attention that way.
'Shut up, you stupid brain, and just sing a song or something!' he shouted inside his head at himself and hoped to recall a catchy song he heard somewhere. Thankfully, he recalled I AM by IVE and was thankful for the edit he saw on Instagram.
Shan arrived in the Lego shop, repeating the song in his head over and over again. But it wasn't only that one song, it became a mishmash of all the Kpop songs he listened to at that time. One about biting, the other about chili peppers… He could make a salad out of the songs in his head.
He went inside and his mind shifted to what he wanted to think about. He was looking at the already assembled pieces. Huge Lego statues or smaller ones. All being cute and awesome in ways. When he held the switch, the Ferris wheel would turn, and the crane would move. It was amazing.
'Admit you like him. You think he is pitiful, and you are worried he would end up like you.' Shan sighed. Of course, his inner voice was right. He pitied Hyunyeong. He never wanted to see the scars he made on himself on another person.
Unconsciously, Shan was touching his left wrist, the scars he had there. After that one time, he never did it again. And because he went to therapy, Shan hoped he would never do it again.
However, because Hyun did not attend therapy, Shan worried he would do something as stupid as Shan did. Even though Hyun was a stranger to him.
'And if you don't want to go crazy again, he should remain a stranger!' Shan stopped his steps with the blatant shock of what he thought.
'Remember Yitian? Huobai? Yixing? After meeting you, they all had terrible fates.' Shan saw the most adorable thing he ever saw and decided to buy it.
'You know that's not true. It was their fault they got hurt. And all of them got hurt even before meeting me.' Shan laughed at the argument he had with himself and grabbed the Totoro Lego he loved so much. From the corner of his eye, he saw something even cuter. Something that reminded him of Hyun.
It was part of the Brickheadz and everything in that series was adorable, but this cat was too adorable. A white fortune cat with black eyes that reminded Shan of Hyunyeong.
'Will you give it to him before or after assembling it?' That was the real question. Shan paid for both boxes and then found his way by public transport back to the headquarters.
"Hey!" someone shouted, and it was a voice Shan knew very well. Yuhuai jumped on his back and almost knocked the air out of him.
"Where have you been?" he asked, but then took a look at the bag in Shan's hand.
"Oho, new figures? What do you have?" It was their shared passion, though Yuhuai was much more into it. He was now assembling the Hogwarts castle in his room, so it was out of reach for everyone on the team.
"Totoro," Shan shared and Yuhuai clapped.
"Awesome. Is it the one with the leaf? Have you tried to assemble it on a stream? I did, covering the logo, and the guys loved it. But announce it beforehand. They said it's relaxing and they could ask questions while I was doing it and I could answer them in peace." Shan smiled at him and loved the idea. Maybe if he had a sleepless night tonight again. He could try it.
They went up together. And said bye in the elevator, because Yuhuai had to train.
"He loved the game, but hasn't left his room since," Lucy said when getting in the elevator. Just like that, out of nowhere, she made Shan think about Hyun's mental state again.
"I hate you," he said when getting off. And he meant it. Why did she care for Hyun's mental state, but didn't care about Shan's at all? Well, it was probably the latter. Shan wasn't close to her. He won't take a liking to people, so then if they disappear it won't hurt so freaking much.