Dinner with dad was quiet. He had asked questions about the outing, called it a date. I gave a tight smile and told him it was nowhere near that, though maybe, the invite to the Spring Festival could be considered our first.
"My daughter, on a date with a prince. I knew those mortal boys weren't good enough." He grinned, teasing as he said it. I groaned. Like I had any choice but to go - fate of my dad on my shoulders and all. "Mom was mortal," I'd returned. He gave a look over at me, like maybe he hadn't thought of that when he'd called out mortals not being enough. "And I, myself, am half. I'm sure there's Fae out here saying the same about me with him."
"If there is, I will deal with them. You just worry what you're going to wear. I'll send for the seamstress."
No apology. That's how it usually went. Growing up, my mom just told me that it was who he was, how he was raised. Fae were told from the time they were young that humans were inferior and it was a hard thing to unlearn. He wasn't cold - no, but...He tolerated us, I think. Whenever I'd ask my mom how they came together, why they married if only for tolerance. I wondered if she had been forced to the way I was. "He loves me in ways you don't see." She would say. I never knew how they met. I never knew what there wedding was like - where it had been. There were no photo's.
I knew my dad loved me, but sometimes I think his love only extends to the part of me that is from him. He'd tried so hard when I was younger to find any bit of magic that was inside me. I would stand for hours in front of candles, trying to light them. Glasses of water to see if I could form the liquid. Lift a rock, heal a papercut, anything. Most girls cry after a math lesson at a kitchen table with their fathers - I would cry for hours afterwards at the utter failure while he just said we'd try again tomorrow. I could do some small things - a portal, light a candle, form a light. But that was about it. After years of sweat and tears, those were the only things I could manage to do.
"You'd be able to do more if you had proper schooling." He'd say, hinting to the fact that he wanted me to learn from the school's mages here in Aelis, where I knew he wished I'd grown up. My mom would roll her eyes and tell me she thought I was doing fantastic, she wished she could do any magic. I'd give it all to her in a heart beat, begging so deeply to fit in with the others in school. I didn't feel like I belonged in either place - mortal realm or Fae. No matter where I went, I wouldn't fit with the group of either. Too human for the Fae, too odd for the human.
I had come to resent my Fae side. I so badly wanted to fit in with my classmates and their normal families, I had refused to even read the books my dad brought back from this realm with him. History books, old Faery Tales, magic books - I even dyed my hair for the longest time. Being in middle school and having silver hair was like having a target on my back for the bullies. They were stupid insults, childish ones, but they left marks on me. I didn't have the pointed ears, thankfully (though to my fathers never ending reminder - I am not whole) I'd spent a small fortune on black box dye. I was overjoyed when the whole fad had turned into fashion colors - I could stop damaging my hair, finally. I was complimented. I felt like I could breathe for just a minute, until I remembered it wouldn't ever matter if I fit in with them. I'd never fit in - I'd never have to worry about the boys, worry about dating. I'd had boyfriends, but, the reminder above my head that I'd have to come back here hung over me the whole time.
I was too into my thoughts as I rounded up the spiraling stairs to my bedroom that I didn't even think twice to look around my room as I went inside, wondering what kind of braids Meva would put my hair in for the festival as I strode across to my jewelry box to set aside the earrings I had taken out.
That's why I was so surprised to trip over a chair that was tipped over in my room.
"What the fuck-" I snapped, falling forward. Thankfully, I regained my posture to take a look around my room. And just how tore up it all was.
My blankets were torn from the bed, pillows everywhere, chairs tipped over, the drawers of my nightstand were all flung open. Earrings and jewelry were scattered around the floor, half the fabric that was hanging over my bed was now laying on it, half strewn out across the rugs beneath the frame. And there, a few feet away from my bed, on the floor, were notes.
How was your date?
That flower looks ridiculous.
The way you smiled makes me sick.
Crumpling up the letters and throwing them across the room, I grabbed my pillow and screamed. I let everything out that I could until my throat was raw, as if nails and claws had taken themselves to my vocal cords.
I sent Meva away as she tried to ready me for bed, not wanting her to see that I had, apparently, made an enemy that night at the banquet. I picked up my mess of a room and changed into my nightgown, laying in my bed as I waited for the house to grow still. It felt like hours, anticipation building up inside of me to get down to the river and find out who's been doing all this.
Tossing the pillow to the side, I decided that it was time to get this show on the road. I'd go to the lake, and wait. I would find out who's been stalking me, and scream. I assume most of it out of jealousy for having Thayers attention - I'd scream about how I didn't ask for any of this. If I could, I'd be in the mortal realm, flirting at the bar. I'd be dancing on tables, I'd be in college. Doing anything but being a chess piece that was my dads only political power left, being moved across the board. That if they felt like they could fix it, they could sure as shit try - I was just a girl in my twenties trying to make the best out of this situation. I changed into my street clothes, not even bothering to be careful as I snuck out the window, and headed down the path to the river once again. One way or another, I'm going to find the creep that's been trying to terrorize me. Because, frankly, my dad's been doing fine my whole life. This whole thing was doing a great, stand up job itself.
I stomped my way there, pulling my hair up into a bun. I pried at the loose dirt that hid my phone and mortal snacks and sat down on a rock, closer to the water than I normally go, but the cool air soothed the heat on my face.
"If you're here, why don't you just come out!?" I say out loud, eyeing the tree line in front of me.
A few moments pass, and nothing.
"You sure seem to love moving my things around, messing with my hair, and leaving me lovely little notes. You can't be that shy!" I yelled out again. I saw no movement, nothing inclining there being another soul here, and gave up.
Face puffy and throat sore, I ripped my phone from its spot and scrolled through my phone until I found it. A picture of my mom and me, smiling together. My smile was lopsided, teeth missing from the front. I was sitting in her lap as she read to me. Her hair was short, falling just above her shoulders in blonde curls she always fussed over. Blue eyes turned down to watch me. There was so much in a photo and yet not enough - nothing to stop the wanting that grew inside your chest like weeds. Tears burned my eyes and for once, I decided to let them. They felt hot against my face but I did nothing to stop them as I sobbed into the quiet night next to the water, pushing my hair back from my face as I stared at my phone.
I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop the panic that raised inside of me - I couldn't control my shoulders as they shook. I shook my head, vision blurry with the hot tears streaming down my face. I felt like I couldn't breathe - like my chest was caving in on me. "I - I don't want to g-get married, mom. I don't want to - I know you said I could do it, that I could be strong - but I don't think I can be. I don't think I can do this." I heard Thayers voice again, telling me about how he held no expectations. But there would be - there'd always be the expectation within our relationship. Always something I would have to do, pretend to care about, pretend not to. I didn't think I could do it, I didn't think I'd be able to. It terrified me - like it was a wall inside my mind, and the closer we got to the wedding, the more it grew. Terror for what would happen if I didn't, if I did - everything. "I can't - I don't know what to do." I sobbed, not even caring that I was sure snot had started leaking out of my nose. I stared at my phone through the tears, willing her voice to come through and tell me everything would be okay. I was too engrossed into the phone that I didn't even see - or feel - the mossy, cold, slithering hands on my legs as I shook.
Next thing I know, I'm airborne.
I try kicking, but that doesn't do anything. More hands wrap themselves around me and before I can even let out a scream, my lungs are filled with water. I thrash myself around, flinging my arms and legs as I try to break free of whatever has its hold on me.
Fucking river nymphs.
My lungs began to burn, and I began to cough, which only dragged in more water. I couldn't stop. The nymphs were dragging me lower, and lower, down into the river. I thrashed around, prying at the iron-clad grip they had on me as I tried to rip them off. The deeper we went, I wondered how far down this river actually goes. We would have to meet the bottom at some point, and from there, would they just grip me until I drowned? Would they torture me as I fought for the surface? The lower we went, the more weight I felt in my head and the weaker my fight became against them. There was no way out. I couldn't pry the hands off me, couldn't kick the bodies away, and once I was out, nothing would stop them from grabbing me again.
I want to see my mom. I wanted to be free. I wanted to feel peace - for once, just complete peace, where no one needed me. Where I wasn't engaged, where I wouldn't have to do anything for anyone.
So, I went limp. I stopped fighting. Not that what I had been doing was really even considered fighting when I was in the clutches of a river monster.
I closed my eyes, and did my best to go peaceful, allowing them to drag me down with them.
Then I felt a large pair of hands grip my waist. I felt the nymphs let go. I felt myself being pulled up. I opened my eyes to look, but the water was to dark, I couldn't make my savior out. I assumed it was my dad, he probably heard me stomping out my window, followed me out here.
Once my head reached the surface, I let out a gasp. Followed by a cough. I was dragged onto the edge and onto land, where I began crawling on my hands and knees up to the grass, where I vomited up all the water my lungs had been filled with. A gloved hand offered me a rag, and I took it without thinking. I wiped off my face and slowly stood up, only to almost be knocked back on my ass when I saw who stood in front of me.
Silas.
Who was drenched. His shirt clinging to him, giving great detail to every muscle hidden beneath it.
And looked beyond pissed off.
I looked towards the dirt path, wondering how I'd be able to get past him in time to run to the house. How loud I'd have to scream for one of my dads guards to hear and come running. I stumbled back a few steps, trying to create more space between us. I didn't want to know what all Silas would be willing to do to piss off his brother - even if I wanted nothing to do with either of them.
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice hoarse. I tried to clear my throat, wincing at the scratching pain that came along with it.
"I saved you, maybe show a little gratitude." he snapped, standing up straight and pushed his wet hair away from his face as it curled in slightly. I narrowed my eyes. Sure, yes, he saved me, but he's also the man everyone shrunk away from. I didn't know what he was capable of, but if immortal beings were terrified of him - then it'd be stupid for me not to be.
"What are you doing out here?" I really need to learn how to shut up. I didn't even think before speaking, before digging for information. Had he been the one to leave those notes - was he trying to mess with me? It made sense, at least, if he were trying to get back at his brother.
"You forget that most of the Autumn court is out during the night, I was simply going for a walk when I heard something in the water. " He shrugged, wringing out his coat.
"Then why not just let me drown?" I coughed, water still finding its way up my nose. I couldn't back down - couldn't let him see that I was terrified. He'd use it against me.
"What's the fun in that? I have other things in store that don't involve your death." I was waiting for the yet, but it didn't come. I assume it was implied.
I laughed, but there was no humor behind it. "Do you think I wanted any of this? I'd much rather be back at home, but, I had no choice in this. I'm stuck. I'd much appreciate to live the rest of my miserable life without your...theatrics, please. The notes, the...hair, thing. You can stop it now." It was his turn to laugh at that. He shook his head, pulling his wet cloak back on around him as he slung his bag over his back.
"You'd do better to remember who you speak with, halfling. Or the treaty wont matter the next time you mouth off. I have no reason to do petty tricks on my brothers play things." Silas hissed into the air.
"I'll do better to remember that you don't know when to leave," I mumbled, more to myself than anyone else. A false sense of security came over me, telling myself if he wanted to hurt me, he already would've. I crossed my hands over my chest to fight the cold that snapped at me. I was waiting for him to leave before I dared to take a step. He looked at me, one of his dark eyebrows raised up as he studied my face. I guess he'd never had someone talk back to him before.
I looked into his eyes, and tried to see why when I looked into them, I could still feel the world slow. It was almost like an invisible line led to him, like I was drawn to him. Two ends of a thread starting and ending at us, vibrating and shaking between us as we stood across from each other. He looked at me for a moment more, studying my face, almost squinting in the dark to make out if anything in me were lying. About what, I didn't know. "You really don't know, do you?" Silas finally broke the silence that fell between us, almost in a whisper. I shook my head, "About what?"
There was a moment, one where I thought he might explain. I waited, but no words formed from those parted lips as he went back to his normal cavalier stance and began forward.
"I suppose you'll have to find out for yourself." Was all he said as he marched on.
Offering no explanation, no further comment, I decided the conversation was over as well. I walked over to bury my belongs once again until I realized that my phone was gone, and I groaned. I hope it didn't fall into the river.
I walked back over to the rocky shore and began leaning down, surveying everywhere I could make out in the moonlight for a glimpse of it. Silas snapped as he made his way back over to me, grabbing my arm and tugging me away. I tried to rip my arm away from him, but he just dug his nails in deeper into my arm. I cried out as he pulled me fully away from the rocks and pulled me to him, looking up at his emotionless face as he glared down at me. "Who do you-you're hurting me."
"I don't care. Did you not learn from our little swim ten minutes ago, halfling?"
You are not whole, Edith.
I pulled myself away, and this time, he let go with little fight. I stumbled back as my hand flew to where his fingers just dug into my skin.
I was used to the insult. I had heard it growing up, so many times. From my dad, mostly, who said it in hushed arguments with my mom behind their bedroom door. Then here, when Meva would get frustrated with how I wouldn't sit still for her. The guards had whispered it. The others at the banquet. Either I had no sense of offense in my face or Silas didn't care that he had, still appearing as casual as ever as he dropped his arm to his side.
"I - I was just looking for my phone." I cursed at myself for allowing my voice to break. What was in that phone was all I had left of her. The last bits of her voice. We never took family videos, and the only ones I had were small clips. Small, ten-second videos I had saved to laugh at later were all I had left.
"It's useless here. It'd be foolish to die after I just wet my good shoes to save you."
"I know that, you ass. My mom died and what was on that phone was all I had left. I was hoping if I could find it, I could still convert them to a new one."
I looked up at him, pressing my arms to me tighter as I crossed my arms over my chest. It was probably at the bottom of the lake where I'd never see it again, honestly. How careless of me, how stupid. I could've thrown it onto the shore if I had just taken a minute to even think. When I turned back to snap at him that I didn't care about his shoes - he was already gone.