I stare blankly. Flat lines. No heartbeat. No brain activity. That isn't supposed to be like that. But my parents can't be dead, right? I saw them just yesterday. How can they be alive one day, and dead the next? I feel myself choke on something that isn't there. Isn't there. My parents - aren't here anymore. I won't ever be able to see them wake up. I thought how much of a problem I had been for them, causing them to worry all of the time. Why do they look so peaceful? Why didn't anyone tell me? Wasn't their death too important to just go by near unnoticed? I realize that would have lived a completely regular day tomorrow, right until my visit. Then what? No. Wait. I need to calm down. My heartbeat. Calm it down. Maybe, I reason, maybe these are just the effects of the coma? Of course! I'm so stupid. I realize they couldn't be dead. That just - doesn't work, right? Yes! In fact, I realize, I don't even have to look at the synopsis that shows their current condition. Why am I even here? I shouldn't be here! I've got to get out. NOW! Before someone comes in and catches me. But something forces me to read their condition.
Name: Isabella Asa
Age: 42
Sex: F
Affliction: Cancer, entire body
Last condition check: 15.03.2024
Status: Deceased, awaiting transport. DO NOT INFORM SON OF CONDITION, MAY RESULT IN HEART FAILURE
Name: Milo Asa
Sex: M
Last condition check: 15.03.2024
Status: Deceased, awaiting transport. DO NOT INFORM SON OF CONDITION, MAY RESULT IN HEART FAILURE
Again - I'm staring blankly. Now what? Coma induced state? Bullshit. They're dead. Never to come back. THUMP I hold back the bile THUMP and look around for THUMP THUMP a window something anything to air this THUMP THUMP THUMP stupid room and anyway which fucking idiot put the windows so far away THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP and my heart is beating so fast so loud but that doesnt matter theyre gone never to come back and i want to vomit so i do THUMP THUMP THUMP right in front of my parents and then, I realize, I need to calm down but THUMP THUMP THUMP they're gone gone gone and I collapse onto the floor. My head feels like it's about to explode, and for that matter, so does the rest of my body. I convulse, lying in a pool of my own vomit and piss, too shocked to even cry. But - I need to calm down. NOW. I struggle and gasp for breath, and eventually gain my calm. And then I cry. I realize whats happened. I come to terms with it. Or I try to. Still struggling for breath, I force myself up. Every movement is a torture, I feel all the bones and ligaments grind together, but I move near my parents bed. I nearly fall again, but I'm fine. Everything is fine I realize, and life will go on. So before I leave and go on with life, I want to kiss them both farewell. I smile as I lean forward to plant a kiss on Mom's forehead. My lips touch her forehead. Her foreheads cold. She's cold. She's gone. THUMP THUMP THUMPTHUMP THUMP THUMP And my hand explodes, unable to handle the pressure. I stare blankly at the stump that was my hand, and I don't even scream. The pain sets in a second later, but I'm numb anyway, still in shock. While my blood poors out in liters, I really realize what has happened. And I almost even come to terms with it. With their deaths, not my injurie. I couldn't care less about my hand. But then I fall back again. The blood loss is getting to me. I know the room is bright, but I can see a darkness encroaching at the edge of my vision. I'm not sad, though. I don't have anything I want to do, no regrets. I realize I should have at least said goodbye to Alice, and all my friends, even the doctors, but that is not going to happen. Ever. I realize how stupid it is to be scared of an eternal death, of an unavoidable death. So, in my last moments, I decide to embrace it. I'm going to merge with an endless void, and I won't be at all. And then, I, too, am no longer part of this world.