This is an enormous love-seeking sorrow of emotion he just caught a glimpse of. All his life he carried out techniques to help bring about tranquility to his life. From controlled breathing, being mindful, living in the flow, and many more but today he is effortlessly impaired emotionally just by darting into Leah's eyes for a split second.
Her sorrows are displayed in her gold-brownish eyes which are then reflected in Troy's when he gapes. Normally in this kind of situation, just like he did earlier when he was attacked by an indecent feeling of lust. He would use the process of snuffing out such unwanted sentiments off his head. But shockingly to him, he is convinced enough to believe that this is an emotion that he must deem on because it grants his soul a feeling of abundant life. These sorrows are without a doubt ugly at the roots but he delights in their surfaces. Not because he wishes for them to live on, but because he feels that they bring significance to life as a whole and are also vital for the mind since they convey a perspective needn't be forgotten by humanity.
It is life at the end, everybody will live it regardless, so why run away from it; Troy is seated looking hard into the hurting eyes of Leah, picking some of the beautiful sorrows out of her soul while she is seated, still puzzled by yet another odd behavioral state shown by Troy.
"Are you alright?" Leah says. Troy breaks eye contact when he hears her voice realizing that he has been staring awkwardly hard.
"Why do you say that? I am not the one who was crying."
"Right." Leah can not tell if he is trying to hide his emotions or not, nevertheless, does she care much to find out? "Just that you were frozen for some time and staring a bit too hard."
"Well, I am sorry for making you feel uncomfortable,"
She lifts her hand nearing the water bottle to her mouth, then lulls the movement after hearing her companion apologize. "No, you are not at fault here, just that uhm-" Her eyes plunge to the ground as she speaks, and she slowly lowers the bottle down to her lap. "I am the one who has to apologize for breaking down like that. Especially after you just advised me to control my emotions."
"It's okay. Don't batter yourself, please."
"I don't know-" Her voice is low and her eyelids cascade down her eyeballs making her ground aerial view limited to less radar. "I think I'll probably never get a lifetime peace of mind as you do."
"Please do not view me as an enlightened being or such," Troy says, still in fascination and even more curious to learn more about her sorrows.
"But you are enlightened. At least that's how I see you."
"Don't sugarcoat." He chuckles. "But your tears, I feel they have something to say."
"I don't quite follow." She looks up at Troy in a riddle.
"When you were crying, you must have been troubled by something more than that homeless man." He takes a sip from his bottle and then commences to speak. "I could be wrong but I think you have a perspective to challenge mines. I dare you to cough it out, please." For a few, Leah just looks Troy in his face without uttering a single word. She wonders what he is intending to hear from her perspective. So to keep everything on good terms, she decides to come out clean as possible.
"I don't know what you are expecting to hear but-" She takes a deep breath and then exhales with a sigh.
"When I began to cry, actually moments before I began to cry, I was thinking to myself- no holdup, let me take it back a little further. I'm sorry. It all started when I saw those two guys fight one another. Midway through the fight, I looked your way and you were relaxed to the bones while everybody around was at the edge of their seats with either excitement or anxiety taking hold of their body. But you, no, you weren't either excited or nervous just the same ol' calm boy who wears a smile on his face. Now that is someone who will never let his peace of mind go in damps, or so I thought. You were just comfortable, not even trying to help break off the fight." At this point, Troy wishes to jump in and do a bit of protecting his name by pointing out that however things went, it doesn't mean he should live in regret but rather choose to live happily now.
Leah proceeds to speak. "Assuming, I guessed you wouldn't care much about what's past and rather choose to stay happily at peace at the moment. Whether you helped or didn't, it does not bother you at all, simply because you believe that in the end, you'll have to let go of regret and so why not let go of it now and live peacefully? Right?" Troy nods.
She proceeds. "Honestly you are the reason for my tears. I am confident that you are wise, you hold a torch that can guide others to light. Without a doubt, you got a tight grasp of your mind and I can tell you are a man of your word, but I also believe that you are ignorant." Leah lifts her heavy eyelids to look Troy's way. "I'm sorry, I hope you're not mad." She then thoughtfully identifies the truth that he is immune to loss of self-control.
"I'm good. Please continue." Troy replies.
Leah notifies him of her struggles. "Just like many, I am lost and it is no secrete that my mind is idle as a baby's." She moans discreetly. Seeing her in such composure as she talk, Troy could tell that she is echoing from her heart in genuine honesty. That is why he was in a bleak state of sympathy for her when he heard her talk of her mother in this way, "The suffering I inflicted on her is the one that haunts me the most. What's worse is I only learned that she has been hurting all this time just moments ago." Leah's eyes get heavier with every word, as she stares deep down at the ground like she is one with the mine surveying team.
She keeps going, mentioning that each decision or action she made in her life, no matter how big or how small, brought either joy or suffering to another person or any other living thing for that matter. "I have been so careless of the way I go about my daily livelihood, it's sad I don't even know how many of the people my decisions and actions drove in sorrow onto their lives." Her eyes stay glued to the ground.
"Like many, I just get carried where the trade wind blows, following every desire which arises that I forget to interact with visible and tangible things that have been surrounding me the whole of my life." With her hand on her lap and her palms against the fabric of her gloomy dress, she clutches the dress by her fingers. "Oh, my poor mother. She got it the worst."
"I am sorry. But- what does it have to do with me? How does it make me ignorant in some way? " Troy speaks.
"Oh, Troy. You have such a glamorous mind I have ever seen." She sighs, "The light you hold needn't be placed under but rather on top of the lamp to help provide glare for everyone living in these dark times." Still not taking her eyes off the ground, she endures yet another gulp of water.
Hatching from an egg to become a caterpillar, the little slimy creature drags its body against the leaf surface as it takes constant bites from it. Moving from one place to the other, this worm-like creature all it ever does is consume as much food as it can until it grows fat. Too much food intake is vital as it needs all the strength it can gather to undergo the metamorphosis stage. Awakening from a long and deep coma state, it emerges from a thing called a pupa. Now it looks nothing like a worm nor does it look fat, its body might look like a tongue of slime but what is special is it now hauls with stunningly colorful wings. Within a few minutes, all the slime has dried out, its wings begin to stretch out. Just moments later, it stands at greater heights of the branch with its wings fully pushed wide and they are as beautiful as Leonardo da Vinci's last painting before he went blind. Once a typical thing now is a flying beautiful butterfly; A transformation of a butterfly is truly amazing.
In learning more about her, these transitions are what Troy sees whenever he hears something new from Leah. Must be special to compare her to his favorite species.
Leah resumes speaking. "Truly speaking you are a wonderful person Troy. Many people like us aren't fit enough to live life so we find ourselves idling around the place like lost spirits. Many people like us need guidance from people like you to help us live life the right way." Speechlessly, Troy stares down her bowed posture. "Walking down the streets, you see a kid crying over her spilled ice cream. I believe you should at least try to help bring joy back to her gut either through a motivational talk or buying her a new ice cream, whatever it is I don't care. Not to easily walk away minding your peace of mind." A short halt before resuming makes Troy swallow a gulp of his saliva.
"You see neighbors having a heated argument, please consider shedding a bit of your light their way. Men fighting on the streets, also try to shed your light their way. At the end of it, what is peace if you can not share it with your kind? Oh, I guess I am challenging more of your choices than your ignorance." Eventually, she lifts her face off the floor and locks sight with her compatriot.
What was minutes ago is looking stunningly more golden now, both wisdom and fondness melted together to form one solution, it spilled off Troy's heart in an enriched golden color at the words of his compatriot's speech.
Words jam down his throat as he tries to return the lingo. "Okay!" It is all the best he can do momentarily.
"I don't mean to be very demanding but, I just think you need to try a little harder. If you want to raise a man from mud and filth. Do not think it is enough to stay on top and extend a helping hand down to him. You must go all the way down yourself, down into mud and filth. Then take hold of him with strong hands then pull him and yourself out into the light." Their eyes remain locked onto one another, saying lesser than one word, Troy is at an awkward standstill.
Leah burst out with a peal of fair laughter almost chuckle-like. "Your face-." Her uncontrolled laughs make it hard for her to speak thoroughly. "I know it was too much to ask of." A big smile from the remains of the laughter adorns her face. "I was just tossing around ideas, don't mind them that much."
Troy forces a smile on his face. For him, these 'tossed around ideas' play a huge role in broadening his insights. Deep down in his habitat of speech, he searched for the courage to come out and tell her that he is desirous of her presence and learning more of her perspectives since they supremely enhance his essence and give him more of a clearer vision. Unfortunately, he fails to gather adequate courage to do so.
On the other end of the stick, Leah's attempt to drink some water is brought to a quick halt by an approaching swallowtail, this butterfly lands on the thumb of her mid-raised hand. "Wow, what a brave little fella you are." Her face blooms with a ravishing smile as the butterfly gradually flap its wings back and forth. "Oh my gosh. This is gorgeous." Her eyes zoom on, examining all its captivating parts with a central focus. "Isn't it beautiful?" She asks.
Taken by surprise, he does not answer right away but rather just watches. His eyes are greatly amazed by the sights occurring before him. Of all things that could have happened today, the rarest species of butterfly that he wished to see for the rest of his life appears out of the blue. Sensitively, he lays his eyes upon the little creature then without a bit of turmoil he unhurriedly gazes over his answered wish. Calm to the bones, he keeps applying gentle gazes on the butterfly making this observational act his only priority.
"Oh, isn't it beautiful?" Again she asks. Abruptly, Troy's mind makes room of priority for Leah's query. He shifts his view to her.
Even though she is delighted, still he can tell that she is not aware of the infrequent reality she is undergoing of being in contact with a very scarce species of butterfly. From taking his eyes away from the most beautiful butterfly he has ever seen, he now looks inside the eyes of Leah which are strongly gazing at this most beautiful butterfly, then instantly he acknowledges the actuality that Leah has the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen.
Abundant luminaries decorated her pupils. Unintentionally he slides his view down her face, and his bowl of amazement is filled to the rim when he sees how soft her facial skin is. It seems so smooth that he can feel its touch without laying a tip of a finger on her face. Looking down at her lips he is moved by its natural gloss and her constant smiles became an overdo of an unnecessary act which is playing a huge role in fuelling his head with cluttered thoughts. Everything about her was beginning to come up lavishly in time, even her nose made him believe that it is incredibly nice.
"Well?" She says as she turns her head and they lock eye contact again.
Entirely absorbed by her facial features and paying no mind to the butterfly, "So beautiful." He replies in a very low voice. "The most beautiful thing-"