I wiped my face with a towel. "You know, I want to write something on you, but I only have a memory for yesterday," I put the polaroid in my diary.
People said it's an old school way to express our emotion. I open page by page. A door opened. "Julia? Are you there?" I'm already at the Rockeness. How about the Jillian? She's here with me.
"Yes, be careful." I hold her hand. Evelyn looks at us. She was already back from her trip. She's… different from the first I met her. How I can get her out? I asked her mom and her grandmother's permission. They put a lot of terms and conditions on me.
I know it's a risk, but it's for her good sake. It's possible to cure blindness from birth, I heard. "Julia, I want to eat fish and chips and drinking beer…" I put my finger on her lips.
"I should get back to work, Jill. We can't get fish and chips if you won't let me working." I said. She sits on the couch.
"Julia, I found the school you asked!" I'm looking at Evelyn. It's hard to writing a story for a newspaper if it's not have proper storyline and grammar. They published my story every Sunday. Thanks to Evelyn, I can write my story with ease.
"Where it was?" I opened the email that Evelyn send me.
"Julia, what are you doing now? What should I do?" I am massaging my temple. I should ask Kirana to search for a job for her, but she doesn't have any talent. What should I do? She can't follow me anywhere forever. She literally can't do anything.
I took a deep breath. Shit. I regret my decision to bring her. It's not about… I pitied her, but it's for her sake, freedom. "Julia? Your phone was ringing. You don't want to answer it?"
Right, I should meet her. "No, thanks, Eve. I need to meet her." I grabbed my key and money clip. "Jill, I want to meet my ex, and please be a good girl. I'm responsible for yourself, remember!?" She nodding her head. Her innocent frightened me.
How's not? This world is full of fake person. What if someone wants to take advantage of her? I gave Evelyn two hundred bucks. "What is it?" She asks.
"For your meal." I'm walking outside and the bookstore, same as the usual. Ironic, doesn't it? In front of this store, there's an internet cafe or PC Bang. "Where are you going?" I'm looking at Mrs. Sherlyn.
New book arrived? "I want to meet my ex. You come in?" She shook her head. Maybe I should check it later.
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I park my motorcycle next to her car. "You come late." She crossed her arms over her chest. She looks beautiful in that shirt and jeans.
"I have a guest, remember?" She looks at the other way. I taking off my helmet and take a deep breath.
Irene bites her lips. She knows I can't speak without someone speaking with me first. "I…"
"It's true I still love you. You can call me liar, jerk, or whatever cursed words you want to call me… it will not change my mind, sorry." I grabbed her hand, put it on the fence. "Kirana already told everything, I guess?" She's nodding her head. "I regret to break your heart, but we don't have… same purpose anymore. I wanted to have a commitment with you, but…"
"I want to, Julia! You don't give me time to explain! The rumor was…" oh, not again. "Look, I already quit in modeling world and decide to move here." It's not about you quitting your passion. It's all about my feeling towards you, Irene. I don't want we continue this relationship.
If you want me to respect your decision, but why do you look like forcing me to respect it? Why, Irene? "Do you remember what you did to me!? You came to my motel in the middle of the night and threatening me. Is that you called love!?" she gagged by my words. "I love you, Irene, but…"
"I know, I know." She took a deep breath. "I heard your dad was sick. Is that true?" I'm nodding my head. "I don't know why are you hiding your truth identity, Julia. If I were you, I will say it louder to the world." She said as she rolled her eyes.
I know she was sarcastic to me. "That's why I want to go home. Take care of everything before he left." We did not speak after that. I'm looking at the sky and lean my head to her shoulder. I know we're not a couple anymore, but this time, I need someone to lean on.
I closed my eyes and let the wind gently blow my face. A raining sound surrounding us. "Let's we get fix it together," she said. "We…"
"Let me think it first." If I keep rejecting her request, it will become a loop that never ending. I straightening my body. "If you want to fix it, don't cross the line." We looking each other eye to eye.
Irene embrace me and exhales. I can feel my shoulder wet. "Thank you." There's no other way. I respond to her embrace, then let it go. "I will study abroad and… waiting for you."
I'm nodding my head. "Let me cook for you. After this book finishes, Kirana will pick me up, and we go to Indonesia." Irene nodding her head. We get inside to her hotel room to eat ramen together. For the first time in our relationship, we're having dinner together.
I wish we had done that from the beginning. I stop and looking at her back. She's change. Should I… give her a chance? What about her? Jillian is my responsibility now. She's my friend and blind. She can't live on her own. "Julia? What's going on in your mind?"
No, I should be positive. I rubbed my face roughly and took a deep breath. "Nothing. I just… thinking about my book. Why?" Thanks for asking.
She opens the door, and I look inside this room. "I will leave this town on Wednesday. I hope we can meet for the last time before I go to Austin."
I hummed. "How's your condition? Feeling better?" She's nodding her head.
I sit next to her and grabbed her hand. I never wanted this, Irene. We never wanted this to happen, right? If you keep your promise. This never happened.
"Julia,"
"Irene." I'm looking into her eyes. "I never… wanted this to happen. Please be happy. With or without me, you should be happy."
She's gripping my hand tightly. She didn't feel tears rolling down to her cheek. "I'm sorry, I just…" I put my lips on her and embraced her.
"I love you. If I decide to continue our relationship, it will not become a healthy one. Just think about it! We haven't seen each other for months, slamming door, yelling, and… fights. Are you enjoying all of that!?" Am I right to make this decision?
I don't wanted to this happened. "Let's take a break, okay? A break." I furrowed my brow. "W-we can…"
"Okay, fine. We take a break." I wiped her tears. "In one condition. If I said, we're done. Please, don't be denial, okay? You should know my mental strength. I can't hold it anymore."
She's nodding her head. Now, this is will be tough.
TBC