Anastasia's POV
Next Morning
I slept last night. I didn't expect to, but I did. I went for a walk early that morning, thinking I wouldn't find any of the Crows awake at that time.
I didn't know how to face them after yesterday. Because even I didn't understand my reaction to them. Ionen approached me so bold and I stabbed him. Damion slipped his hand under my chain mail to warm my freezing tits – something that should have warranted a scream or at least my immediate reprimand.
Instead, I felt like I enjoyed it.
It had nothing to do with him being handsome and strong. I was immune to vanity on that scale. I had seen them from afar most of my life, I was often happy to keep my distance. And his vow –maybe it was the vow. I don't know. I don't understand my reaction to him or the others at all.
I experience the same nervousness and desire intertwined when I spot them before they spot me. Outside I've found them. Beyond the snowy private courtyard, this one is only accessible to me and trusted staff.
I'm behind a pillar after just existing my walk through the laundry to grab a new towel for my room.
I serviced my room myself.
I hold the steaming hot towel to my front, as I still wear my grey shift from when I went to bed. In my other hand I hold a cup of tea, which is almost empty.
I sip it as I see the knights casually making their way out of the men's bathing house, located across the courtyard. They wear nothing but loose trousers, and they towel through their wet hair, talking and laughing to one another good naturedly.
Even Axe has his hood off and he is able to look them in the eye, his hair is cut short to his head, the opposite of his brother Damion.
Krys and Rurx couldn't look any different but still, they are somehow related. Krys has well defined and well fed musculature, while Rurx is leaner and a little taller, his long, long, long locks of brown hair still settle around him like doll's hair. I still hate how thick and perfect it is. It's just not fair. My hair frizzed from the slightest moisture, so I tried to braid it whenever I could be bothered, although most of the time it was just wild and untamed around my head, floating just past my shoulders.
I wait for them to cross into the connecting guest chambers, separated from my side of the castle, but instead of turning back to their rooms, they start to round the courtyard, following the stone pillars, still talking, and clearly speaking of food.
They're hungry now.
I was hungry too.
I was making my way to the kitchens next to grab a fresh bit of bread and run with it back to my room.
We were going to intercept, or they were going to see me spying from just outside the laundry.
I have to make a decision quickly.
I am so nervous I don't know if I can approach them without chickening out.
I try to channel the power I had yesterday, the kind of power that I really had to try to hold onto around them with every word and look, calculating everything. I couldn't slip. I slipped into kindness for a moment yesterday, I got too close and smiled too much and welcomed them – and then they all went for me.
I let it happen and I forget the world.
It was a dangerous feeling. An escape.
I walk with my tea cup on my hot towel, heading for the kitchens, and I decide to quicken my pace.
I am closer than them, but their strides are quicker.
As I approach the corner which opens to the kitchen and the smell of freshly baking bread, always on par with the winter sun rising, I hear the silence of their sudden sighting of me.
I step into their path and I look them over, but I quickly turn and stride into the kitchen with them behind me.
Wiping through their wet hair or rubbing their towels across their shoulders, they had stopped to stare. I was so tempted to look at Axes' eyes, but I stopped myself at the last moment.
I just felt them from the corner of my vision as I turned.
No one says good morning to me.
But neither have I said it to them.
So, whatever.
I hurry in, placing my towel on top of a barrel with my empty tea cup, I pass the tables to reach the fresh bread on top of the counter next to the kitchens and I take a bun, then I take some butter and I spread it through the middle. The chef smiles at me, I smile back.
I am too hungry to speak. I take a bite and chew, while my stomach rumbles.
I had forgotten to eat yesterday, too consumed with nerves and grief combined.
The Crows move around me, taking their choice, while other staff show up yawning and stretching their arms above their head, rubbing their eyes as they also quickly line up for breakfast.
I move back to my towel, and I see the naked backs of Damion, Axe, Rurx and Krystoph as they just focus on their food, paying me no attention.
I hold my towel and my empty tea cup and I stay for a moment, glaring at their inattention.
Only masters treated their slaves with such disregard.
I had seen it timelessly, even wives, classified as men's slaves, they were barely acknowledged – unless they were of some immediate use. Like pleasure. Mostly just pleasure.
Now that they didn't feel like groping my tits, they were leaving me alone.
This makes me weirdly furious.
I keep glaring at them, feeling my anger rise.
I take another bite of my fresh bun and storm from the room, heading back to my room.
On the way out of the kitchen, I see four new faces.
Concubines weren't allowed in the general vicinity.
But I see four of them, makeup all scattered, their lips puffy from being kissed all night – and their clothes cover their thighs but not their tits. They have love bites all over, and they're all blonde like me.
I don't know why I think that.
But I stop next to them and I stare at one of their thighs… all of their thighs.
D.
A.
R.
K.
They were cut by a knife. Marked by their initals.
The concubines don't seem too upset by this, in fact, one of their fingers trails over one wound.
"Jealous?" she whispers at me, her light blue eyes alight with a satisfied fire.
"Why would I be jealous of a whore?" I ask, feeling my voice tremble. The girl looks taken aback. I almost cry, and she almost looks guilty. I don't think she meant to tease or taunt, she was just making light of the brutal way they were owned by the Crows, "I… apologise," I quickly add.
The concubines don't know what to say, they stare at me, speechless.
I turn to run and one of them grabs my wrist, but lightly, she tugs me closer, to whisper in my ear, "They asked us to be you."
"What?" I tug away from her, "What?"
"Be careful," the first one speaks up again, "All they talk about is you," I don't stay around to hear anymore, "See you tonight, Ice Seer!" she adds, and she actually sounds friendly. I shouldn't be so surprised, the concubines were always friendly. They were all willing.
I quickly move back inside, finding the staircase to head back up to my level and my bed chamber.
I didn't expect such kind words from them.
And I also feel guilty.
I don't know why I feel guilty.
I wash quickly, with a sponge and tap water. I don't have time to heat a bath.
I dress in a light blue dress, which covers me from my neck to my ankles. It was a fine dress, hugging every curve, and I also had cute white gloves that went with them too.
I liked this look.
I wanted to open the court today and talk more.
It would be a good distraction before the Harvest.
Maybe an hour later I hear them outside my door, talking to each other.
They're awfully relaxed.
I open my door and face my Crows.
This time my hair is braided, and my charcoal is more lightly applied around my eyes so it doesn't start to mix with the humidity and drip down my face.
Damion, Axe, Rurx and Krys have a respectable distance for now, waiting by the opposite wall, leaning on it, waiting for me.
They give me their full attention now.
Axe, in his full black coat and hood pulled over his eyes, Damion in his usual scuffed and thick armour, Krys with his shiny rings, glamours belt and shiny black shoes. They all wear their black coats as well, for any travelling involved for the day.
"Do any of you know, if anyone like Ionen is coming today?" I ask.
"Probably his first wife, with a rage for you… every other house that bides by what you see in the Ice, is out protecting the usual territories. The Boned people don't rise again for another month until the new moon, it should be a quiet day," Krys says this all smoothly, as if he prepared it.
"If it's too quiet, I'll retire the court early," I respond.
I then walk past them and make my way for the court.
I couldn't look at Damion.
He had a fire in his eyes. He wanted to tease me. I could feel it coming before he even airs it.
"How can we please you best today, Anastasia," he drawls it, sounding ready for a fight.
"You can break your vow, that would be a start," I growl it under my breath.
Damion chuckles, "…I don't think I will, princess."
"You can have anyone here," I hiss back at him, and he's right there, right near me, eager to see my screwed up face.
"Concubines don't fight back," Damion tugs my braid once before he falls back into step, "…although none of us thought you'd be one to… run from us."
His deep voice is full of pleasure.
Pleasure at my apparent weakness.
He had to go there.
I spin in an instant and I approach Damion's front, reaching for his belt and looking for his short sword.
Damion keeps his hands up, as I unsheath his weapon and press it to his throat.
"Shut. Up. You. Vile. Man," I hiss at him.
But Damion gives me his throat.
Hands still in the air, looking… happy.
Even though Axe looks nervous by his side and the other two aren't moving.
"If I offended you, I'm sorry," Damion says it so smoothly, even arching a brow without twitching.
"Why aren't you fighting back?" I ask, "Huh?"
"Well, you'd lose miserably," Damion states the obvious, "And we couldn't keep playing together, now, could we? If I threw you in chains… it wouldn't be any fun," he watches me lower the sword and push it back into the sheath at his belt, as I shake my head and spin around, marching forward again.
Why did I fall for it?
Why did I like it?
Why did I like him? Or any of them?
It wasn't a game.
This was my purity they were coercing.
I hated it.
I hated that I was giving in, in small ways.
The moment I caved completely; they'd lose interest.
I had to remember that. Their interest in me in the first place was one of the reasons I was defended.
And my interest in them was the reason they stayed.
It was both ways.
But, fuck, they were an unhealthy distraction.
I almost felt safe with them.
The moment I felt safe, they'd put a collar on me and be done with me. I had to remember that. I had to remember.
Me.
I.
If they took me, if they owned me – I wouldn't exist.