"Let's end this meeting here."
The matron servant of the House of Women bowed her head politely as she excused the Queen Candidates.
"We will meet together again as scheduled in two weeks."
Esther met Habeth's exultant smile with a forced grin as the women passed each other on their way to return to their chambers.
While she strode down the hallway, as fast as she could without appearing conspicuous, Esther prayed that the Queen Candidate would not call after her.
"Please!" Esther pleaded internally with Abraham's God. "Please, keep Habeth's tongue until I reach the safety of my room!"
Fortunately, her desperate plea was granted, and Esther breathed an audible sigh of relief as the maids closed the door to the chambers after her.
"You must be unhappy with the new restrictions," Baara commented later that evening as she brushed Esther's hair. "You won't be able to freely visit the record hall for quite some time."
"I can't say I'm pleased," Esther sighed.
The hall filled with dusty books wasn't the only form of entertainment available to her, and it certainly wasn't important for her to study old records. Perhaps, this could even be considered perfect timing, and Prince Teresh would forget all about her in a month's time.
Esther knew all that, but still, it felt like a rock had sunk to the bottom of her stomach.
Baara was right. She was unhappy--terribly so.
Her entire life had been spent in the small confines of the Despised Clan. The only things she had learned were those imperative to the humble life of a believer, such as home making and religious ceremonies.
For the first time, her world had expanded. Far beyond the walls of the palace even, out past the farthest reaches of the Persian Empire.
Because of it, she had become greedy. Living a small life--attending tea parties and giggling with other girls--even her old life of chores and occasional visits to the local market, suddenly seemed too cramped.
Like she couldn't possibly fit inside of it anymore.
"I wish I had not become so greedy," Esther frowned at her reflection in the mirror Baara held in front of her. "Then I would not have to feel something so unpleasant."
Baara chuckled, laying the mirror on the vanity.
"Queen Candidate, the worst feelings in this world only come about after we have experienced the best feelings," she remarked. "Disappointment because we felt excitement, longing because we felt love."
"And pain.." Esther added, "because we felt joy?"
"That's right," Baara nodded. "Do not fret, Queen Candidate. Those feelings, even the unpleasant ones, are simply the essence of what it means to live."
"To live.." Esther echoed the woman's last phrase thoughtfully.
She had never thought that there was a difference between 'to live' and 'to be alive'. Uncle Mordecai certainly would have chided her for being silly if she asked him the distinction between them.
When Baara used the words 'to live' instead of 'to be alive', however, suddenly there became a huge chasm dividing the two.
Esther was alive; she had been for sixteen years. It was a miracle that her Uncle never ceased thanking the God of Abraham for.
Now, she wondered if, during those sixteen years, she had ever lived.
"Please pardon my intrusion."
The tall maid announced herself from outside the dressing chamber.
After receiving a nod from Esther, Baara replied, "Enter."
The woman came in holding a delicate piece of folded parchment, sealed with scarlet wax.
"You have received an invitation, Queen Candidate," the maid explained, offering the paper to Esther, "from the Queen Candidate of the second best place of the House of Women."
"I see," Esther tried to refrain from frowning as she took the invitation.
The date, written in Habeth's elegant lettering, was for the next day, just after lunch.
The tall maid bowed, but paused before turning to leave.
"I.." she trailed off for a moment, searching Esther's eyes.
"I spoke to the maid who delivered this," she began again. "She said there were eight invitations sent out by the Queen Candidate."
"Ah.." Esther nodded, remembering the last tea party she had attended in which Habeth invited a total of eight girls.
Most vividly, she recalled Baara's whispered warning that she ought to refrain from accepting invitations to such gatherings ever again.
"Thank you for delivering this," Esther smiled at the tall maid and excused her, leaving herself alone with her handmaiden once again.
Fidgeting with the invitation, Esther wondered how she should respond.
"I suppose you would tell me to reject this," she glanced at Baara, who had not spoken since the tall maid left.
"Well, so long as you don't.." Baara trailed off, carefully selecting her next words, ".. do anything spectacular."
Esther wanted to ask, 'liked spilling tea into the hostess's lap?', but she didn't need to. Both women already knew that was the exact incident the handmaiden was referring to.
"I think I shall attend then," she said instead, "and do my best to keep my head down and hands still."
"Would you like me to inform your maids to send word and prepare an outfit for tomorrow?" Baara asked, offering an approving smile in response to Esther's decision.
For a moment, Esther found a strange comfort in the woman's approval. In the past, she had offered her sincere advice to Esther concerning parties, but now she also showed trust in Esther's judgment. It was such a stark contrast to the way Mordecai watched over her with his strict rules and rigid stance.
She did not blame her uncle, of course. He had done everything in his own way to protect her. Baara's actions, however, gave her a kind of confidence in herself that she had not known so far in the foreign world that was the Shushan Palace.
"Thank you," Esther smiled warmly at her handmaiden, her words directed not just to the task Baara had offered to do at that moment, but to all of the support she had given so far.
"Please let them know that I will be attending."