"I've decided to write my own speech, so don't worry about it being too long," Tommy began. "I absolutely won't say 'I'll try to keep this short to leave time for you to write checks to support me'—that crap politicians think is funny. I know all politicians start their speeches with that joke, but for the life of me, I can't see what's funny about it?"
"And those guys never keep it short, either. They always go on and on for an hour or two. Fuck that, an hour or two! He might as well go home and lick his own wife. If he could lick his wife for two hours, I guarantee she would definitely love him more. But blabbering for an hour or two? No one here is going to fall in love with him for that."
"An hour or two of speech boils down to nothing more than starting with the promise of keeping it short, then rambling about their dreams and grand ambitions, and ending with 'God bless America.'"
