"My dear friend, when you see this letter, you should also have received the small gift that your lovely child, the world's kindest little angel, delivered on my behalf."
"You might be wondering if Jeff Raven has lost his senses in a drunken stupor, sending the wrong gift? Certainly, friends don't maintain their bond with such gifts, and moreover, through their children. I shall confront him about this issue face-to-face tomorrow."
"In truth, I've done something that requires more courage than drunkenly sending the wrong gift—I've joined the special election in our district and have become one of the candidates."
"The reason for my candidacy is that I believe the beautiful 18th District needs greater racial diversity. The intent behind this gift is to encourage our white residents to use Trojan to demonstrate their openness to racial diversity, creating more living space in this district for Cuban and black folks."
