Night had fallen, and we decided to relax and stay in. We were past due for a heart-to-heart, but I didn't see it coming. We were cuddling in bed, his breath against my back.
The lights had gone out, and we were about to fall asleep, I had found comfort within his grasp, but I could feel his heart becoming restless, even though he didn't move a muscle.
He grabbed my hand softly, but then squeezed it hard. It was like he wanted to say something, something he had buried deep down. It didn't hurt, but his grip was strong.
"What is it?" I asked.
There was a beat as silence permeated thought the room, it was like a dark and lonely feeling.
"What am I to you?" he suddenly broke, like a knife cutting through the air. He asked in a sweet and tender voice, it was fickle, so soft I could barely hear it under the winds and critters of the night. His arms held me tight in this position, I wanted to turn and meet him in his eyes, but I couldn't move under his weight.
Now was the perfect time for my body to be fully human.
"What do you mean?" I asked, still unable to turn.
"Do you have feelings for me?" he asked circling the subject. "Do you REALLY have feelings for me?" he asked again, hitting home his point.
I wasn't sure where this was coming from? But I played along.
"Of course I do!" I exclaimed, much to his surprise.
"You're heavy," I said almost suffocating.
"Sorry!" he said realizing now how much pressure he was putting on me and letting go. I was able to turn around and see his eyes. That crimson yellow peered back at me, his pupil a deep black. His hair was down after the shower.
Then he said it.
"I want to be more than just your boy toy," he said with a sheepish laugh. The seriousness of the moment was gone, and we were back to our joyful banter. We couldn't be serious for a moment when we were like this. He tried his best to bring the moment back.
He snickered.
"I mean - I want to be more than your seed bearer" he explained.
"Of course you're more than just that" I placed my hand over his waist and held him closer. "I've never considered you just that." I explained trying to get it through to him. Not sure I was doing a good job.
"Yeah, but, do you just like me for my body, I'm thinking maybe I forced you into the contract, and maybe you wanted to explore your options," he said. "Do you like me just because I'm strong?" he asked seriously.
"I didn't, and I don't, I think you're perfect," I said softly I thought for a moment.
"You're perfect for me, you're extroverted, funny, caring, and loyal, almost to a fault," I said wrying my way through my words. I was never good at the mushy stuff. But I think that's what he needed to know right now.
A beat between us.
"I'm just worried," he said burying his head in my shoulder. I started playing softly with his hair.
"Worried that I just like you for your muscles, and not your heart," I said touching his chest slightly. He nodded, hiding still.
"Sure, I like the muscles," I said, his voice producing a whimper.
"But!" I said.
"That's not all I like about you, I very much like your personality, and this insecure version of yourself, is also something I like," I said.
"What's going on though? You know you can always talk to me about everything I have no idea how you kept this hidden, we spend every single waking minute together!" I said.
"I've suppressing it for a while now," he mumbled against my chest.
"And you were gonna tell me this, when?!" I asked. He finally looked up at me, I pushed my eyebrows up.
"I thought this was common knowledge for spirits of Zomearon?"
"You mean to say most of them only cared about looks, and only looked for the strongest seed?" I asked. He nodded. I started thinking of how someone would get seed's out of this type of relationship Dragan was describing. The most horrendous thoughts came to mind.
"Not for me," I continued.
"Anyway, doesn't matter, the meat of the subject is just that, there's nothing you have to worry about, just be yourself around me, because that's all I want," I said, that was enough to bring a smile to his face. To bring him back to his normal self. Maybe that's all he wanted to hear.
There was a long pause, he just stared at me and smiled.
It made me smile too, and blush my face.
"What!" I said burying my face in my hands.
"Nothing, I just like looking at you," he said, his pearly whites showing. I felt red in the face all of a sudden.
"That's the problem, your eyes are cunningly beautiful," I said under my hands.
"You're cunningly beautiful," he said and kissed me on my forehead. I don't think he understood the full extent of that word.
He yawned, as if all of his anxieties had just washed away.
"Can we go back to being little spoon big spoon?" he said still with with a tender sweet deep treble.
I nodded and turned around, he put his arms around my chest, his fist against my heart. I noticed how big his hands were against my face. His fist was around the the size of my head. I kissed his ring finger.
He fell asleep rather quickly, on the other hand, I was still getting over how blushed he made me feel. He had this way of being vulnerable sometimes, that just really made me fall more for him.
I got a little bored of not being able to sleep, I grabbed his hand and started playing with his fingers, he didn't wake up, didn't even change his breathing. He was sound asleep. His breath slowly rising and falling against my back.
But I closed my eyes, and let his rising and falling of his chest lull me to the state I called sleep. I had found out that my sleep was more like some sort of meditation.
Tomorrow was a big day.