"Thank you," I said to the driver after I got off the car.
"Enjoy, ma'am."
Tim sent a car and a personal driver to pick me up from home. I told him it wasn't necessary, but he insisted, saying he wouldn't be able to pick me up himself. I had no choice but to agree.
To be honest, I've been feeling upset with him these past few days. It's not actually our exact anniversary date, and I don't know what the problem was, but he kept postponing our meeting. He was hardly responsive for several days. Every time I called or texted, he was always busy, so I just let it go. Until he took the initiative to call me now.
From the outside, the restaurant looks peaceful, warm, and inviting. I was greeted by a staff member as soon as I entered the restaurant's double glass door. I already felt the expensive ambiance of the place. From the small chandelier that casts a dim light in every corner of the restaurant, to the silk covering on each table, I immediately knew that the food will be expensive. I walked slowly, and with each step, I could hear the soft sound of music.
I felt a mix of emotions when I saw Timothy, but my nervousness quickly overshadowed them as our eyes met. Is it because it's our anniversary today? But why do I feel like something is wrong?
"Hi!" I greeted him cheerfully as I approached him.
"You're here," he immediately stood up and helped me to my seat. "Take a seat," he said, carefully pushing the chair in for me.
"Shall we eat?"
I couldn't understand, but I feel like there was something different about him now. "Okay," I agreed. Maybe I'll just ask him later. We didn't need to order any more as it seemed like everything was already prepared. Starting from the Appetizer up until the dessert.
I couldn't help but feel uneasy in the silence that lingered between us, so I couldn't resist breaking it. "Are you okay? You seem unusually quiet," I started the conversation, but all I got was a nod.
"Seriously, Timothy, is everything okay?" a mixture of annoyance and concern evident in my voice.
He seemed to have noticed that, so he answered. "I'm fine, Bree," his response was curt. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Was it because of me?
"Are you sure? You look really stressed. It's like you haven't eaten or slept for a whole week."
"I'm okay, Bree. Just eat and don't worry about me," he replied irritably."You don't look okay. Tell me the truth, Timothy. What's really bothering you? You've been so stingy with your replies to my texts and you won't even answer my calls. Is there a problem between us?" I could hardly feel my feet due to the nervousness I was feeling. The weight on my chest was heavy, and I couldn't understand where it was coming from.
"You want the truth? Okay, I'll tell you the truth," he said, catching me off guard.
I carefully set down the utensils I was holding as my hands were sweaty with nerves, and my anxiety increased even more when I saw his cold gaze on me. I quickly hid my trembling hands under the table, afraid that he might notice.
"I want you to know that none of this is your fault," he continued.
"What are you talk–"
"Please let me finish," he said, cutting me off. And from that moment, I knew what would happen. He hadn't said anything yet, but I already knew what would come next.
"I'm sorry, Bree. I did everything to save this relationship, but it's not working anymore. Look–"
"It's not you, it's me. I don't deserve someone like you. I know those lines, Tim. I'm a bookworm, remember? But I can't believe you're using such a cliché line to break up with me. Come on, you can do better than that," I said, my voice trembling with suppressed emotions. I've dealt with scenarios like this so many times that I know how to hide my feelings, but with Tim, I always seem to blank out, feeling weak.
"I'm sorry, Bree," he said, looking down now. I had hoped that he was just joking, but it seems I was wrong. My hands are shaking too much right now, but I don't want to show him any weakness. I promised myself I wouldn't show my weaknesses to anyone ever again.
"Don't be, Tim. Don't apologize for something you wanted," I let out a sarcastic laugh to cover up my trembling voice. My mind is filled with different possibilities of why this breakup is happening. I know we haven't been okay for the past few days, but we were both looking forward to this day, our first anniversary. I really can't believe he's doing this right now.
"Look, Bree, I don't want this, okay? I'm not good enough for you. I keep hurting you, and I don't want that to happen anymore. We need to grow. I need to grow."
"Do you think leaving me now wouldn't hurt me?" I said with a bitter smile as he remained silent. "I won't throw a celebration party for our breakup, Tim! I won't post it online with lots of heart emojis and smiley faces! I don't understand why we should grow separately when we could grow together! Isn't that what we wanted? That's been our dream for so long!" I said, trying to catch a glimpse of emotion in his eyes, but he was hiding them well.
"I tried growing with you, but I can't anymore," he said with an apologetic expression on his face.
I couldn't help but grip the edge of the table at the restaurant tightly. Hoping that it would give me some strength, even if it was just temporary because it felt like all the strength I had before seeing him vanished. The strength came from happiness because today was our anniversary, but now it has been replaced with pain and anger. I tried to look for words to say to him but I couldn't comprehend what he said. I'm too overwhelmed with my own emotions and right now, all I want to do is to leave.
"Don't worry I might not be okay right now, but I know one day I will be. Thank you for everything. I'll go ahead."
As I uttered those words, I immediately stood up, despite feeling my knees weaken. Tears started to stream down my face as I walked out of the restaurant. I wanted to stay and wait for him to tell me it was all a joke, but I didn't want him to see how vulnerable and hurt I was. I quickly hailed a cab without even looking back. I was scared that I might run back inside and plead with him to reconsider his decision. But I didn't want to beg someone to stay in my life again. I let out a heavy sigh as I felt a huge lump in my chest, making it hard to breathe. Tim had been my best friend for three years, and we were supposed to celebrate our first anniversary today - or what was supposed to be our first anniversary. But now, it was all gone. He's my everything and I just lost all of that today.
"Placid Park please," I told the cab driver before leaning at the backrest of the seat and gazing outside the window letting my mind wander with all of the countless possibilities. Is it because of me? Did I have a lot of shortcomings? Am I ugly? Was my effort not enough? I keep on thinking about what could be the reason. The reason why he left me...
"Ma'am?"
I aggressively wipe my tears. I can't seem to understand the reason no matter how hard I try. He was my best friend and I'm hoping that the least he could do was tell me the real reason for dumping me.
"Ma'am? Are you okay? We're already here." I was brought back to my senses when the cab driver called me loudly. I lifted up my head and I saw him eyeing me through the rear mirror.
"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you." I handed him the payment before getting off.
As I sat under the tree in Placid Park, I let the cool breeze envelop me, providing some comfort amidst the turmoil inside me. I closed my eyes and allowed the breeze to brush against my tanned skin, bringing a momentary sense of relief. However, the tears kept coming, falling slowly down my cheeks, as if mirroring the pain I felt inside.
I watched the children playing in the park, their laughter and carefree demeanor contrasting sharply with my heavy heart. It was a stark reminder of how life moved on even when my world seemed to be crumbling. I tried to find solace in the serenity of the park, seeking refuge in the comforting presence of the tree I sat beside.
I leaned against the tree trunk, feeling its rough bark against my back, and let myself succumb to the overwhelming emotions. The tears flowed freely now, and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I let them fall, releasing the pent-up sadness, frustration, and confusion that had been building inside me since Tim walked away from my life.
The park was my sanctuary, a place where I had often found solace and peace. But today, it was also a witness to my heartbreak, a place where I sought answers to questions that seemed to have no clear resolution. I tried to make sense of it all, but the pain was too raw, too fresh. I took deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart and clamorous mind.
"You know, crying doesn't suit your pretty face."
I was interrupted in my train of thought when I heard a voice, almost a whisper, beside me. I saw an old woman in her mid-forties, wearing knitted long sleeves and an asymmetrical long skirt, when I opened my eyes. I just stared at her with my mouth hanging open, amazed by how beautiful she is despite her wrinkled skin.
"There are unexpected things that will happen in our life. Some are good while some will make you question your self-worth, but don't take it as a sign to give up."
I couldn't stop myself from crying. I don't like it when someone comforts me. I appreciate it, but I tend to get more emotional. She patted my back, and instead of stopping, I just cried even more. I cried until my eyes dried out. She handed me a tri-colored handkerchief.
"It's okay, thank you." With a small smile, I wiped my face with the back of my hand and politely declined to accept the handkerchief.
"You'll need it in the future," she insisted, urging me to take it. So, I stopped arguing and accepted it. "Be strong, be safe, and never lose faith." With that final remark, she stood up and left.
I stared at the handkerchief and pondered for half an hour. Before I finally decided to head home. I shook off the dirt from my pants as a bolt of lightning suddenly materialized in the gloomy sky, followed by a clap of thunder. Even the children playing in the park ran to their guardians, crying and pleading to go home. Taking the gloomy sky and thunder as a cue, I stood up and started to walk home as well.
My house is just nearby, within walking distance. But the reason why I came to the park instead of going straight home is that I didn't want my mother to see how messed up I am. As I walked down the familiar road toward my house, I couldn't help but revisit memories of him. Every part of this road holds memories of him. I closed my eyes and let all the memories come flooding back.
"Bree, didn't I tell you to always stay on the sidewalk?" he said as he quickly swapped positions with me.
"I don't see any difference, Tim," I replied irritably, annoyed by our sudden exchange of positions.
"It's not the same, Bree. The safer spot is on the curb so always stay there when walking. I'll stay down here so if some random car loses control, I'll be the first one to get hit. Understand?"
"Pft. You sound like a big brother." I laughed, imagining him as my older brother. Argh! It's hard to imagine.
"I'm not! I just want you to be safe. I don't know what I would do if anything bad happened to you."
"Careful with your words, Tim. I might get the wrong idea and think you have feelings for me," I teased him as I squeezed his nose, trying to annoy him. I was surprised when he suddenly stopped in his tracks and grabbed my wrist. Confused, I looked at him.
"I don't just like you, Bree," he said in a very serious tone.
"Chillax, I'm just kidding—"
"Because 'like' would be an understatement for what I'm feeling for you."
I smiled as I remembered our bittersweet memory as if it happened just yesterday. I was such a fool. I always let the people I love betray and hurt me. Do I have a curse?
After the long time we've spent together, I don't know if I should believe everything that he said and every action he made which made me fall in love with him. But no! He was my best friend before we became lovers so I know him... I know Tim, but right now I want to ask myself if I really know the man I've been with for the past 4 years.
As tears fell from my eyes, the rain started pouring as if sympathizing with my broken heart and sadness. I cried my heart out, letting the rain cover my tears and hopefully, my pain. Soaking wet, I let out a huge sigh before entering our small house. I've been living with my mother since I was young. I can't remember some of my childhood memories, but there are some that I really can't forget. I raised my head, trying to hold back the tears that are beginning to fall again.
"Oh! Have you been standing there for a while, dear? Why haven't you come inside? Are you counting the raindrops on our roof?"
"Mom! Come on, I wasn't."
"Then why are you staring like that? Wait, why are you up so early? Did something happen? Why do you look like that? Where's Timothy? My, you're all drenched in rain," my mom asked, bombarding me with questions one after the other.
"Yes, yes, everything's fine, Mom," I coughed, trying to compose my hoarse voice. She looked at me for a moment, as if searching for something, before meeting my gaze.
"Alright, if you say so. Come on, let's go inside so you can change your clothes. I made some banana bread, your favorite," I breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't press the topic further. "Really? Let's go then, hurry!" I said in a cheerful voice, my eyes gleaming with anticipation.
My dad bought this house for me and my mom. I was young when he bought it. It's not really a big or grand house, but it's enough for me and my mom. All our necessities are here. My mom raised me all by herself while my dad went MIA. He would only show up when absolutely necessary, but sometimes not at all. I'm used to it. It still hurts, but my resentment and anger toward him outweigh the pain and longing. I still remember the days when I begged him not to leave.
The smell of freshly baked cake infiltrated my nose the moment I entered the kitchen. "Here it is!" My mother excitedly handed me the platter containing the bread. I quickly sat on a chair by the table and dug into the hot, freshly baked bread. I was so absorbed in chewing and savoring the rich flavor of the cake that I noticed how my mom was looking at me.
"The picture lasts longer, mama. You can take a picture of me and then stare at it all you want." I faced her and posed as if there was a camera in front of me.
"What's wrong, child?" My smile disappeared when I saw her serious face and heard her concerned voice.
"There's nothing wrong, ma, why?" I said, avoiding her gaze.
"I know you have a problem, my dear, and whatever it is, always remember that I'm here for you, okay?" She said, giving me a gentle pat on the head.
"I'm okay, ma. Don't worry. I'll change my clothes first." With that, I stood up and walked toward my room. My tears started streaming down my face the moment I closed the door behind me. I quickly grabbed the first set of clothes I touched and changed before flopping down on the bed.
I picked up my phone from my bag, hoping to see any messages from Tim, but there were none. I should have seen it coming. I felt his cold shoulders towards me, but I ignored them.
"You're really stupid, Bree."
I feel the tears swelling up in my eyes again. My vision is blurry because of it, but I can still see the picture on my phone's lock screen. We are looking at each other with huge smiles plastered on our faces. How did we end up here? Where did we go wrong? Where did I go wrong? I buried my face between my knees and let my emotions take the best of me.
I almost jumped on my bed when I heard rustling outside my window. I turned my blurry eyes toward the open window in my room. The skyline was turning dark from its orange color, indicating that the sun had already set. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep while crying. I stood up and wiped the tears from my face that were starting to fall again, as I walked towards the window. The cold breeze touched my bare skin, making me shiver. The weather was getting colder again, signaling the approach of the rainy season.
I was about to close the window when I saw a dark figure across the street. He was standing under the streetlight, looking at me. I couldn't see his face because he was against the light, but his stares sent chills down my spine. A gust of wind blew my curtains, and as I pulled them aside, the figure was gone.
What was that? Or more like, who was that?
Terrified, I slowly took a step backward, and to my surprise, I felt a solid figure behind me. My hands quickly turned cold as I felt his breath on my neck, and my entire body was covered in goosebumps as he whispered in my ear. My body froze as I heard him say, "Don't cry."