I've long since accepted the fact that nobody in the world welcomes me. But even so, since I was lucky enough to be borned. Shouldn't there be at least a place for me in this world? A young me thought, only to be crushed by the irony of those words.
In the end, a place for failures can never exist. Only those who were lucky enough to be borned in a place that accepts them always wins.
I was born with parents that seemingly don't care about me. I tried to do my best, to do everything I can to impress them but nothing ever did work. Nothing did. I sought kindness but all they did was marginalize me.
As I tried to search for something, only nothing was in my palms. And then problems piled up, they towered over me, making me feel useless. I was an ant to my own problems, not knowing what to do to face them.
My dad divorced my mom, leaving my mom stressed and financially broken. Did I even have any talents to make them proud? No. I never did have any of those, that's why I'm jealous. Jealous of all of those who could just say 'Just work harder' I did work hard! I did! I tried to! But a man has limits!
I have limits too. I just… I just wanted to be loved. Even though there were people surrounding me, I still felt lonely. I grew up, knowing how flawed this world was, but still, I acted innocent, because I wanted to be innocent.
I wanted to stay as someone who doesn't know how flawed the world was, I wanted to stay as someone who knew that there was someone he could rely on. But no, I couldn't rely on anybody, all I got was suffering and suffering.
Then I stopped moving, I stopped chasing my dreams. I stopped everything. It would be better if I just starved to death.
I guess my greatest mistake was… existing.
…
I woke up with my mom right in front of my face overjoyed by my consciousness. I stared at her with no emotion at all while she was crying, tears of joy ran through her cheeks while she hugged me. "Shu!"
Right. I passed out suddenly did I? My mom let me go. "I'll bring you something to eat. Just stay in bed, okay?" Mom left the room, while I ignored her last sentence. I stood up from the bed, taking off the blanket from me while I walked around the room.
But then eventually, all I did was now stare at the window. I saw the green lushes of green grass and the farms. Different vegetables were growing before I then heard the door open. My mom had an annoyed expression on her face.
"I swear… You always disobey me!" Mom said before I walked to the bed and sat there. Holding a wooden plate in her hands she gently placed it on the table beside me while I stared at it. "Hmm? What's wrong, do you not like the food?" She asked while I shook my head.
"No." I grabbed the fork and immediately pierced it on the food, taking a bite of it. My mom stared at me with worry.
"Are you fine now? Does anything hurt? Do you have a headache? Stomachache? Anything?" My mom rapidly asked me in concern, something that I haven't even experienced yet. Concerned? For me? I can only shake my head, answering no to all of her questions. "I think it's better to chec-"
"I'm fine mom." Mom had always been a bit overprotective. Even when I simply tripped she would rush to me and ask me if I'm fine or anything. She was TOO OVERPROTECTIVE. Yet to me it was quite welcome, it was a sign of care.
Care that I couldn't reach in my past life.
I sighed before finishing my food and laying down on the bed. "Get plenty of rest okay?" My mom placed her palm right above my head, gently patting my hair while making an ethereal smile. I didn't reply.
I only stared, once again.
…
The noble was there again. She was waving her hands at me while rapidly approaching me. This time mom didn't let me outside the house, so I decided to sneak away. I know it's bad, but still I enjoyed the company of this noble girl.
The noble grabbed my hands and then dropped her cheerful smile. "I have bad news." She said while making a sigh in sadness, I raised my eyebrow. "We're leaving tomorrow." She said while making a downed face. Although I didn't feel the same sadness she had, I still knew the pain of leaving someone.
"It's okay, I think. Probably. Because when we're older, we'll meet again." I said with a smile, this made the noble smile while she made a giant smile.
"Yeah! You see you see! I'm planning to go to a school!" She said once more. "A school that studies magic! They call it a magic school! Hehe!" School, huh? I did have bad memories, but most of them were okay.
Plus school here is for nobles. Commoners like us won't even stand a chance if we tried to enroll in. But nonetheless, I told a lie. "I'll try to go to a magic school too."
"I'm sure they'll accept you!"
Unknown to the girl, she also told a lie to me. I won't be accepted, and we probably won't meet again.