Alice threw up some more in Thomas's bathroom and then she and Wilma took showers in turn before they fell asleep for a couple of hours on the couch. Apparently, Alice had gotten sober enough again to remember she wasn't really speaking to Liv, because she didn't as much as give her a nod goodbye when they left in the morning. Liv was too distracted to even care. The residue of whatever that was that had passed between her and Thomas in the car lingered. When she was folding up the sheets from the couch he entered the room and suddenly she got hyper aware of her movements and the way the folding of the sheets was too unsymmetrical and why did she feel his gaze so heavily on herself? Annoyed, she shook her head slightly and unfolded the sheet to start again.
"Those are going in the machine anyways."
He didn't sound entirely unamused and she blushed and shrugged, put the fabric down.
"But thank you for being so concerned about the folding of my bedding."
"Just wanted to show my gratitude", she said and sat down on the couch, put her chin in her hands, "Let me guess. You want me to leave?"
"No."
That was a surprise.
"I'd like to go for a walk. With you. But if you need to get home... I mean your mother must be..."
"I told her I slept at Wilma's", she interrupted.
Thomas nodded and then gestured towards the door. They walked silently, slowly, sort of as if it was the first time going on a walk after having been severely injured and put on bedrest. It was a Saturday and the kids were out, drawing up hopscotch squares with chalk on the pavement or jumping on the trampolines in the gardens. Right as they walked back up to his door he stopped and turned to face her.
"I could go abroad."
"What?"
"It would help. With this. I could study or work remotely."
Things started to spin slightly as she understood what he meant.
"And we'd forget about it", she stated on an exhale.
"Unlikely."
It was in his eyes, a mere glimmer, but it was enough for her, for now.
When he entered the flat he didn't stop her from slipping in behind him. The silence went on, they replaced the sheets on the couch in silence, they made and ate sandwiches with tea for dinner in silence, they even brushed their teeth next to each other in complete silence before he went upstairs.
Attempting sleep was useless so Liv face-timed Wilma to ask her permission to use her as an alibi for her mom, a second night.
"I'm sorry. I did my homework here and it got late and I couldn't explain to mom why I'm at Tommy's", she lied and there was a knowing smile on Wilma's lips.
"Yeah. Of course. You both saved our asses last night. How long have you guys been slumming it by the way?"
"Now what... Whatever in the world gave you that idea, Wilms?", she responded on autopilot as the fear spread through her body.
"Could have been the fact that I saw you making out in his car through the hall window", Wilma deadpanned.
"Fuck."
"Oh what's the biggie? I hope it's not that you think I'd get hurt because that crush or whatever. It's already forgotten."
"No, I mean... I would have told you but..."
"Shit, it's Arvid isn't it?"
"Mainly", Liv agreed and massaged her temples.
"I'll take it to my grave", she said somberly.
"I know. Thank you. And I'm sorry again about the secrecy and shit."
"Oh don't be. I get it. It's complicated stuff."
"Yeah. And we're not having sex, for the record."
"Why-ever not? It looked like you wanted to, judging from..."
"Got it. But no."
The faintest thump from upstairs reached her and she glanced, curiously towards the staircase.
"Can I call you tomorrow again and we'll talk more?"
"I'm holding you to that. I want the juicy details you know."
They hung up and Liv tiptoed upstairs, stopping outside Thomas's bedroom to slowly open the door he had apparently shut.
His silhouette sat on the side of the bed and his shoulders were moving up and down in sync with his heavy breathing.
"Tommy?"
"Sorry, did I wake you up?"
"No", she walked inside hesitantly, "What's going on?"
"Nothing. You should go back to bed."
"Did you...?", she raked her eyes over his feverish-looking expression, "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Of sorts."
"Oh."
Not being able to contain herself she knelt down in front of him, put her hand gently on top of his only for him to flinch and pull away.
"Hey I'm sorry", she began, slightly startled by his reaction before she felt that a warm liquid had somehow gotten in her palm, "Oh my god that's... that's blood. Where..? Shit is that from you? What did you do?"
"It's nothing", he answered between his teeth and got up, leaving her distraught.
"Wait."
Piecing the blood on his knuckles and the thump she had heard together, she realized he must have hit something. Already halfway to the bathroom she ran after him, put herself in front of him and he had to hold her away from himself to avoid too hard of a collision. The blood got on her white t-shirt as well and the symbolism of it almost made him smile.
"You hit the wall?"
Thomas merely sighed, attempted to move past her.
"Jesus, is that a real thing? That people do?"
The surprised innocence in her voice only annoyed him further.
"Wait, I'll help you with that. You need to get it cleaned up."
"I got it."
Gesturing for him to sit down on the edge of the bathtub, she started to rummage through the cabinets for alcohol and band-aids, "Would you tell me about the dream?"
"I'd rather not."
"Why?"
"Because it would upset you. The band-aids are top left if that's what you're looking for."
"Try me."
"Your brother was using an eraser to rub my skin off."
It made her pause for a second.
"Seems symbolic somehow", she then observed dryly, guided his hand towards the stream of warm water from the tap, "You get a lot of nightmares?"
"Yes", he answered frankly, "Although rarely starring Arvid."
And less rarely starring his father, Liv guessed. When she had patted the cuts on his knuckles with a cotton pad soaked with alcohol, she put on three band-aids and raised his hand to her lips, kissed it three times. The last time she lingered, and noted how his breath caught.
"It's that I'm here. It's what we keep doing. I know."
In the door-frame of his bedroom he stopped and bent down to carefully, hesitantly kiss on her cheek.
"Thank you."
"Won't you just...", she started to say as he pulled away, "Just thank me slightly less chastely?"
An embarrassing request, she felt, but failed to regret it when he sought her neck this time with his mouth, whispered "Thank you" three times in between the kisses. At the low sigh of pleasure she gave out the third time as she felt his breath on her skin, he scooped her up into his arms and went to sit down with her on the bed, cradled in his lap.
"Once, you're brother took an actual beating for me."
"When?", she asked, tracing his tense jaw with her fingers and then shuddering slightly at the conjured image of her brother beaten bloody.
"We were fifteen maybe. We had decided to meet outside my place and I was late because my father had gotten angry. So... for some godforsaken reason Arvid decided to come up and ring the doorbell continuously for ten minutes, until my father opened in frustration."
"Of course he knew what was going on. He knew you'd rather die than be late for anything."
It was in fact an endearing although somewhat neurotic quality Thomas had, to always be compulsively early to everything. A quality revealing that perhaps he wasn't as cool and careless as he seemed.
"Yeah he knew exactly what was going on and still... Jesus Christ he's an idiot. He said we were supposed to hang out and my father said I was sick and would have to cancel and when he tried to shut the door Arvid just ran inside and into the living room where I was. He knelt down by me and then my father entered and he... he beat your brother nearly unconscious."
The pace of the retelling had increased and he moved a little in anguish, without noticing, held her closer to himself.
"I think I remember that. You stayed at mom's after that didn't you and you both looked like shit", she said thoughtfully.
"Yeah you must've been around what - eight back then? We told your mom we'd fought with some neighborhood boys. Boys that age have lots of bruises anyway and my father knew how to mostly hit where it wouldn't show up later."
Liv fought a grimace.
"My point is... your brother is... rare. The best friend one could ever hope to find and I find him. I find him... and I go and get myself obsessed with his little sister. I mess with her head and I treat her like a cheap secret."
"That's bull", she attempted to interrupt, her stomach turning.
"I do the one thing I'm certain he would never forgive."
His little monologue almost made her feel like crying and she shook her head, frustrated at the picture he was painting, yet unable to find words of sufficient power to argue against it. Instead, she kissed him almost reproachfully, as if she was hoping to kiss away his guilt, the bitter taste of betrayal that seemed to linger always in his mouth and on his lips.