They sat opposite one another a 10 minutes or so later, still on the fringy carpet, having reached a bit of a dead-end. Both were suddenly more aware of the intimacy in their little meltdown on the floor and a mutual feeling of embarrassment hung in the air. Thomas had awkwardly removed himself from the earlier, clutching embrace, cleared his throat and was just about to announce his leaving when Liv spoke again.
"Would you teach me to fight?"
He looked, surprised, at her.
"I... I'm definitely not the one to go to for that."
"Why not? You can fight right?"
"I mean... a bit, maybe. I can't teach you though."
"Why?"
"Why are you asking?", he inquired, already guessing.
"Because I want to be able to defend myself."
She gazed down at the carpet.
"I... I don't know. It's not that easy with these things", he sighed.
"How so?"
"It's often more about luck, about opportunity. I mean in your situation... You managed to get away. You're smart. You're athletic and stronger than most. I mean you're still doing a lot of football right? That stuff goes a long way."
"Sure", she snapped, "You know I felt really clever and strong when he was pushing me up against a goddamn tree."
Thomas flinched and stared sharply at her, looking a bit as if someone had punched the breath out of him. She raised her eyebrows defiantly.
"Yeah. Didn't I tell you that part yet?"
"But he didn't... he didn't..?", he couldn't even bring himself to phrase it.
"He didn't get to the part where he could pull out his dick if that's what you want to know. I got away just as he was trying to get his belt off", Liv muttered and Thomas shot her a wary while at the same time relieved look, "If he'd gotten there I think I would have killed myself by now." Another bullet.
"Don't say that."
It wasn't a threat, more of a plead.
"Yeah, probably. I feel so fucking dirty already."
Thomas faced away because he didn't want her to perceive any trace of rage in his face. How was it fair that a man that repulsive was able to make her feel this way about herself. If anything, it ought to be the other way around.
"I swear to god I'm gonna find him and then...", he said through his teeth.
"That's right. Revenge. Teach me how to fight. Teach me how to be able to really hurt him if I ever see him again."
Eagerness shone through her exhausted eyes and she got to her knees but he put a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head.
"Not today, Livs. I mean... You look sick, you know. Really sick. Just... please tell me what I can do to help you right now. How to make you feel just a tiny bit better, get you some peace. Except by teaching you to fight."
Liv seemed to think for a bit, got something hesitant and fragile in her look.
"Would you- Would you listen?"
It was almost a whisper but he knew what she was asking.
"Would you tell me?", he responded softly.
She nodded slowly but did not start speaking for several minutes, just a tortured expression on her face.
"How did he... How did he get you to come with him?"
The sentence went unanswered for some time, making him regret it but then she started talking. "He said he wanted to show me something. I... I thought he was speaking about some old statue or landmark or whatever. It was just Alice's dad, you know. I've sort of grown up around him." Thomas nodded.
"So we wandered into the woods and he was casually joking and I laughed but then... then he got weird. He looked at me slimily and got all close."
Liv's breathing became stressed and her eyes started to dart around the room.
"It's enough. You don't have to..."
She interrupted.
"You know what he said, Tommy? That I've grown into a whole woman and shit. That I must know, that he knows that I wanted to... That we wouldn't have to tell anyone", her voice cracked at the last word but she continued, "And when I said there was no chance in hell, he said if I was going to tell on him anyways he might as well get to... get to... God."
The look on her face was one of pure devastation and she started to rock back and forth with her arms clasped around her knees. Thomas felt extremely nauseous and extremely furious all at the same time. He put his arms around her again and rocked slowly with her until the shaky and rapid breaths subsided into calmer ones.
When Liv woke up the room was dark. Thomas must have carried her to bed because she was lying under the covers. Standing up drowsily, yawning and stretching, she got down the stairs and slumped down next to her mom on the couch.
"Hi, baby. You're just in time for the choosing ceremony."
Maria's eyes never even left the screen but she flung a piece of the blanket over her daughter's legs.
"Glad you finally got some sleep. Tommy told me."
Suddenly Liv realised just how much of her and Thomas's fight, or whatever that had been, her mom must have heard.
"Yeah, great. Did you talk to Arvid yet?"
"He knows. Swore he'd get on the next plane home... but... I said that wouldn't make things easier for you."
"Well, no. Suppose it wouldn't. I miss him though. Even his stupid mood swings."
"Me too baby. It sounded as if Thomas got quiet the temper on him too, judging from the things I heard this morning. I always thought nothing could faze that boy."
Liv frowned.
"Well me neither. I said some things though, some things I probably shouldn't have."
Maria patted her leg.
"You deal with this however you want to. If ever, whenever you want to talk to anybody, me or a friend or a professional, you just tell me."
"Thank you, mom. I did talk to Tommy about it today."
"I suspected so. That's great, Liv. I know he's happy to help you. He's awfully worried about you." "He said that?", she blurted out, curious.
"He didn't have to. Before he goes up to your room he asks me if you've been eating and sleeping and talking and even smiling. He's like a parent with a newborn."
"Interesting choice of metaphor but sure."
Maria chuckled and put her arm around her. Liv let herself disappear into the silly plot of the TV-show, feeling for the first time since that night like things maybe were not total shit.