He said it ironically: the superstar. It seemed he never thought of himself as a superstar, though, the advantages of being a celebrity were too numerous to mention; lots of money, lots of girls dying for his autograph, and having everything easily.
As I was sinking deep into my thoughts, his eyes threw arrows at me with mysterious peeks, but I was capable of dodging them until he surprised me by questioning with cryptic purpose, "Why did you take the stairs?"
I slid him a sideways glance, and I noticed a drop of water steeping down his calm face, and through his long neck, slipping into his clothes. For a moment I thought that I was delirious. He did not even bother to hide his tears. He just permitted them to shed freely before my eyes, as though I was unseen, or I was not there.
I answered genuinely moving my eyes away slowly, "I was feeling shy. "
I liked the idea of being unseen. It was more comfortable for me to be a ghost.
" But you are talking to me spontaneously now!"
Spontaneously! For real?!! Did he think that I was talking to him spontaneously? Although I was not, I was just thinking that I was unseen by him, and that helped me to stand there for a long time in front of him.
"You being there made me feel shy, because I could not imagine that Rena's brother would be you," I replied calmly.
" Does that make any difference? "
"Yes, it does…and I am still shy ..."
He smiled saying ironically, " Such a strange girl! What's wrong with your voice? Are you sick?
" A Sore throat."
"Oh!! Get well soon."
"I will."
"Why do you always cover your head with a scarf? "
"Because I am a Muslim girl."
"I know you are a Muslim… I meant, are you forced to do so?"
"No… no one forces me. I do it to get closer to God. God loves decent women and I want him to love me. "
The glitter in his eyes conveyed the unspoken words that were spinning inside his mind. Although the satirical grin on his face, my inherent beliefs were so stiff to be affected by it. However, when he allowed his thoughts to be heard, I was shocked.
"Oh!! I thought it was a punishment," he said.
"A Punishment??!!" I echoed amazed.
He shrugged his shoulders expressing puzzlement, "Because of the biggest sin. " he elaborated.
"What biggest sin? "
"The sin of women... You know, seducing men and leaving Eden."
So he did believe that women should get punishment due to men losing their Eden forever!! I thought to myself.
How fearful the difference between human religions, and cultural and ideological backgrounds are!! In the animal kingdom, no ape thinks differently from the rest of the group, no wolf believes that the Messiah is a God, while some believe that he is God's messenger, whereas some do not even believe that he existed. People's minds are so different; they are similar to deep caves. I have always believed that animals are lucky enough to be freed from the burden of thinking. Thinking is a disaster because it is different, several, and deviant. It separates human beings instead of gathering them. We will never find two people thinking the same way even in the same religion; the Muslims for instance, though they believe in the same God, same prophet, and same book, they believe that all the messengers of God are equal; still, they differ in many things.
"Do you mean Eve's sin? " I said.
He nodded.
I looked at the two girls who were still messing up with the man and then answered, "In contrast to what Genesis says, the Holy Quran has never mentioned that the name of Adam's wife was Eve and never blamed women for leaving Eden instead the only ones who were borne the responsibility of that were men. There are verses in Quran that say: " Thus did Adam disobey his lord, and allow himself to be seduced"(2)… "We had already beforehand, taken the covenant of Adam. But he forgot: and We found on his part no firm resolve. " (3). The Holy Quran negates what Talmud and the Old Testament tell about Ibrahim, Lot, the Messiah, and all the messengers of God and says that they were, are, and always will be the best men of mankind ever. They had never committed sensooffencesnses. " (4)
"Did the Old Testament say that they had commitoffencesnses? " He questioned shocked.
"Here you are. look at what you have done to yourself..you are not so good at speaking with people, you have thrown yourself into a deep well the moment you opened your mouth. " The voice in my head whispered.
I looked at D-O for moments, scattering my glances over his beautiful features which make him look like a confused kid. I was looking at his face secretly feeling shy. The side view of his face is breathtaking. Those thin lines appearing beneath his eyes when he smiled urged a strange feeling inside of me …a feeling that I did not know what to call. And all I knew is that my fingers wanted to draw those features no matter what and I did not like that at all.
I replied to the voice inside my head, "What a beautiful prince!!" and as usual, it mocked me for being an idiot.
" I did not know that…is that true?" D-O added as I remained speechless.
I did not know what to say, I was afraid that he would think that I was attacking his beliefs, he is Christian and Christians believe in the Old Testament as much as they do with the New One, I was afraid that he would conclude that I was trying to drag him into my religion forcefully. It is great for a Muslim to live in peace and harmony with people from different religious backgrounds, but it is so bad to be the accused part as he/she tries to explain his beliefs that differ from theirs. It is also so annoying to be obliged to illustrate this and that every time you speak to someone, and for an introverted person like me that would be real hell.
" Well, Muslims believe that this is true, meanwhile the other religious communities do not. On e contrary, atheists think that we are fools. " I struggled to say
He was silent for a while then said surprised, "How is that? "
We kept looking at each other for some time; I did not find the right way to clarify these complex things. The voice inside my head was right. I do not talk much and as I open my mouth all I say is ridiculous things I never intend to say, so I decided to take the shortcut and answered him,
"Islam is a global message aiming at correcting what has been garbled in the old religions. Are you interested in knowing about that? "
But that was not what I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say that human beings do not share the same beliefs and that every religious community has the belief that it is right and theirs is wrong.
Another moment of bleak quietness had fallen. I felt that his features have changed completely as he kept looking at me. It seemed that something was spinning in his mind, something that he already knew. Suddenly, he answered showing no interest saying, "I do not think that I am interested in that."
I nodded silently as his direct glances made me blush. He also came unexpectedly saying, "I didn't get any message from you recently!!"
I looked back at him astonished. He added, "But why do you insist on sending that sort of message!? "
"What messages?!!" I asked immediately.
He was confused, as he found out that I did not understand what he was talking about, He showed me some messages on his phone that read the same sentence over and over, " Stay away from me, please! "
I held my breath. A lot of thoughts were hovering inside of my mind, I tried so hard to close the door so as not to let them get out.
"Have you ever been to Future Dreams' shop which sells painting tools on the seventh of September?" I asked.
"I do not remember. Why? "
"I wonder how did I get your e-mail?"
"That's what I need to know too... You surprised me as you did not hide your identity. "
I felt that I was hallucinating again. Inside my head, there was a journey. On one of my foggy journeys. My eyes were wide open and I kept looking at him. He is the same person, Goguryeo's prince I met for the first time when I went out with Soo; and he was then saying that I emailed him asking him to stay away from me. Although I have never emailed him and I did not even know his e-mail.
I left him shocked and run into my room. I checked my drawer; there was that paper, on which four signatures and an email were laying. Was the email I thought belonged to the other member of the x-five, D-O's email address? If that was true, who did ask me to text him when we met on the seventh of September in the Future Dreams shop? But have I ever been there? If I have not been there, from where did I get these signatures, and what about this email?
I switched on my laptop; I logged in to Gmail. The page moved immediately to a personal account that carries my full name, and my photo, showing those messages as the messages I sent for months to the same email. That was not the whole thing, the greatest disaster was that the e-mail I have texted was not the same one written on the paper in my drawer.