[Shout out to jonathan b. and Cloudy!]
Hollywood What If Chapter 105
When Kazir heard that 20th Century Fox was interested in making a sequel to Napoleon Dynamite, he expected to be asked to direct or write the movie.
Since Kazir had no idea how the movie would turn out, he decided to take on the script instead. He avoided the possibility of failure, and that was not a bad thing.
For a person like him, his knowledge of the future was his strongest talent. Not his calm mind nor his strong memory regarding movies.
So Kazir decided to take a chance with the script this time... He was inspired by The Hangover.
In the plot he created, Napoleon and Pedro went to Las Vegas to visit Deb. They were older and had graduated from high school.
To be honest, Kazir had no idea what he was doing... The truth was that Kazir had no screenwriting talent. So he hired a bunch of writers to fill in the plot holes. He made sure that the writers had experience in writing comedies, just to be sure.
This is how the script of Napoleon Dynamite was created. Las Vegas had its bad side, but it also had a good side. Unlike The Hangover, where the movie emphasized drugs, crime and prostitution (sort of), the script of Napoleon Dynamite was mild.
Every few minutes there were comedy sketches and funny lines to keep the movie entertaining.
Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro Sanchez entered a casino and won a lot of money betting on horse races. Because of this, the casino manager noticed them and tried to cancel their money.
Napoleon and Pedro had no choice but to run to get away from them.
Las Vegas was huge and Napoleon found a place to hide. He was caught in a live TV show where he had to do dance steps... And he started doing those silly dances again.
He didn't know that his uncle and his brother were actually watching the show and they went on stage to stop Napoleon. It was hilarious, or so Kazir thought.
Since it was live, Napoleon became famous in just one day and the casino decided to let them leave with their money.
That's right. That's the whole plot of the movie...
20th Century Fox was actually skeptical about the script. Tom Rothman in particular felt there was another way to make it better. Tom Rothman secretly hired writers to do another version of Napoleon Dynamite II, just to be sure.
However, their suspicions were allayed when The Hangover was released.
Napoleon Dynamite II and The Hangover had some similarities, both were set in Las Vegas.
20th Century Fox decided to go with this script. They trusted Kazir's creativity.
"I didn't expect this to be the result."
Kazir looked around and found that most of the audience had a great reaction to the sequel of Napoleon Dynamite. They were all smiling, happy with what they were seeing. They were even laughing.
"What?"
He asked himself. In his previous life, Kazir always wrote noir and horror films. The seriousness and depressing tone of noir films. The terrifying shock and deafening scream of horror films. All of his films were either noir or horror. He never went into comedy or action.
When he wrote Napoleon Dynamite, Kazir understood that it was not his real creation. He just plagiarized it. He was a thief, a bastard.
But this time it was different. The idea was all his. Sure, it was inspired by The Hangover, but it was still something different.
Kazir felt like he was on to something big.
"Kazir, are you okay?"
Reese suddenly asked him worriedly, touching his arm.
"Huh?"
"You're crying."
Kazir touched his face and realized that he was indeed crying. In the midst of a long round of applause from the audience, Kazir shed tears.
...
...
...
June 5, 1997. It was Thursday night. Actually, it was almost midnight.
The summer schedule was always packed with blockbuster movies and the month of June was not so easy.
The heavy movies released today were Con Air from Walt Disney and Napoleon Dynamite from 20th Century Fox.
The two movies were released at the same time and it was obvious that the collision was going to happen.
"Kazir, I didn't expect you to stay. I thought your job was already over after you passed the baton to Hugo Lameire."
Kazir could not sleep. Not with this film attached to him.
"Tom, don't be like that. Napoleon Dynamite is like a child of mine. I want it to succeed."
Kazir glanced around the corner. He found Hugo Lameire sipping expresso vigorously. His anger was long gone and only nervousness remained. Right now, Hugo Lameire was hoping that the movie would be a hit. Otherwise, all the promises Warner Bros had made him would disappear. Everything depended on the outcome of Napoleon Dynamite II. So he was nervous instead of angry.
"Sir, the result is here."
"Give it to me."
Tom Rothman got the stats.
"$3.8 million. Not bad."
This was already within their expectations and Tom Rothman didn't have a problem with the result. After all, there was another heavy movie coming out today.
"How about Con Air?"
Kazir asked.
"It says here that Con Air made $4.3 million."
Con Air had Nicholas Cage in it, and his box office appeal was very strong at this time. Kazir was expecting this situation.
What neither Kazir Grey nor Tom Rothman expected was that Napoleon Dynamite's vibrancy would be strong.
June 5th, 1997. Friday. Napoleon Dynamite got $11.32 million, while Con Air got $7.21 million.
June 6. Saturday. Napoleon Dynamite made another $13.50 million while Con Air made $9.62 million.
June 7. Sunday. Napoleon made another $8.78 million. All told, Napoleon Dynamite grossed $33.61 million on its first week.
As for Con Air, it earned $8.08 million. For three days, Con Air has earned $24.91 million.
-- Pah!
"What's going on here?"
Michael Eisner slammed the newspaper down on the table in anger. He was furious.
Why was he angry?
Because the investment in Con Air was huge, yet it was being beaten by a small-budget comedy!
The production cost of Con Air alone was $80 million! On top of that, they invested $15 million in advertising!
"S- Sir..."
The secretary jumped when she saw the old man seething with anger.
"... Contact Kazir Grey and ask him if Grey Pictures is interested in working with Walt Disney."
He took a deep breath and decided to calm down. In his opinion, Kazir Grey was the one responsible for the film's success. Naturally, he wanted to squeeze the man's creativity before it dried up. Warner Bros and 20th Century Fox managed to profit from him, so why not Disney?
"Y- Yes." The secretary stuttered.
It was only the first week, but Michael Eisner already knew that the rampage of Napoleon Dynamite II was only the beginning.