I watched my father break down after a while.
He had hope that I could be returned back to the kind of 'normal' I used to be. What a naive guy.
Seeing me listen to Steve had given him hope.
And to be fair, my friend was amazing.
Who else could brag about killing Demons at the age of five? Not me, at the very least.
"Psychopathy isn't a disease. You know that better than we do, right?" His hopes were dashed.
Steve's father, Farhon, wasn't the type to allow my dad's delicate feelings to exist. It was false hope.
And I agreed with him.
Dad, if they hadn't stopped me back then, I would have killed you with a clear conscience within me.
I was pure evil.
Don't cry… I don't want to feel sad because you're crying for me. Your tears are wasted.
I don't deserve them.
You should treat me like the clearly insane person that I am. Don't treat me the same as before.
…Why do you force a smile at me?
When he left that basement again like he had been actually going to do his job, he approached me again.
I instinctively stepped back when he got close.
There were strong emotions in his eyes. They were definitely negative and pointed in my direction.
Did he want to kill me right then?
The answer to my foolish thought came quickly.
"Miliv… I'm sorry for being scared. I'm sorry… I'm a bad father. I should have protected you." Dad was holding my little body in his arms and apologising profusely. His heart bleeding out all over me.
I chose not to feel any empathy towards him.
No matter how thick the river, they couldn't get past my dam. I didn't want to feel… this really bad thing.
Guilt… I didn't ever want to feel it.
If I was to think another way, it was because of this man's foolish feelings that my powers left.
Steve was restricting my Gift, and the seals he'd put on me was restraining my inner power.
An energy I'd like to personally call… 'Evil Haki'.
The next day I spied on them from atop of the stairway to the basement. Hearing it all again.
"Holy Mana will kill him. Not cleanse. We are trying our best, but we need time." Someone spoke.
It was Steve's aunt, Diana.
"…Time, huh?" There was an unspoken hopelessness in dad's eyes when he started to force a smile.
Pretending he was happy there was at least hope.
He knew me too well. There was no changing me back now. The milk was spilt. I was a demon.
Even if my body didn't change outwardly,
There was no regrets in my heart.
Perhaps there should've been, but I was different from normal people. If I didn't want to…
…I'd never feel a thing. I wouldn't.
The only thing weighing on my mind and heart were the memories of before I 'turned'. Innocence.
The naivety of having ignorance.
I sneaked away and decided to watch my two best friends in the garden. Max was doing well.
"Your aim is off." The sword wielder facing him criticised. Steve was training him to fight Demons.
Dragging us along in his dream to be a hero.
Or something akin to legend.
I didn't doubt him. Intelligence, strength, and sheer sensitivity to emotions… he had everything needed.
Maybe he didn't even need us to make him big.
Or was he using us as fodder to make himself stand out? Show how great he is compared to us.
What a nasty personality.
"Alright. I gotta rest up. Try to digest what I've been teaching you." Steve said while walking away unhurried. He didn't seem tired, even though his sparring partner was laying on the floor.
My former friend laid on the ground while gasping for air. His transformation had worn off.
Similar to how muscles relaxed.
I saw my opportunity. It was a good time to kill him and take his powers… if my Gift wasn't sealed.
And so…
"Max~" I called out to him while falling onto his tired body cutely. This kid didn't see that.
Looking at me like I was just a demon.
His old eyes were different from the innocence I remembered. The times we'd play together.
"Are you still mad about what happened?" I put my hand on his chest and comforted him.
Patting him like a baby.
He got up and left without talking to me. Giving me the silent treatment after noticing me.
I followed behind him while leaving Steve to go mediate and heal his strained physique.
From what I was told: Five year olds like us shouldn't be trying to increase our muscles.
At our current age, exercising our bodies too hard may do the opposite of what we want.
So I was surprised that Steve was still doing it.
Even Max wasn't simply tiring himself out. He was trying to master his Gift and its natures.
All the transformative qualities, as well as the Earth and Lightning Affinity that came with.
When he was done, he'd relax inside with permission from his mother. Getting food sent for him.
Eating was what he'd always look forward to.
As his old friend, I understood him that much.
Maybe I was too thrown off to recognise why he wanted to kill me when I'd first turned, but the reason became clear after a thought. He'd lost his father in a demon attack, after all.
His friendship with me wasn't as important as killing demons. It was why he and Steve could get along.
That, and…
"Doesn't the Artes Lines going through you make your body feel weird?" I leaned on the table.
"…Looking at you makes me feel weird." He finally spoke to me, but what was this sense of distance?
"Come on. Weren't we close friends before?"
"You tried to kill me." He spoke it flatly.
"You tried to kill me first, remember? Wasn't it you who started this?" Truthfully, I should be angry at him too. My corrupt heart and Demonhood were two different things. If only he listened…
But I let bygones be bygones.
Dad was a fan of this whole forgiveness thing. I'm sure if I forgive him first, he'd do the same.
Max wasn't a bad person.
And as if to prove my thoughts correct, he started to look guilty when thinking about that time.
It was a change of mind I couldn't relate to.
Making me more certain that letting myself be dragged around by emotions wouldn't really help.
It was all about 'doing what is appropriate'.
The right gestures and actions.
"…Sorry." Max whispered. This fickle guy looked like he would take back his words if I didn't accept it.
"You're forgiven. Don't worry. I'm back to normal now. No more trying to kill." I promised him without a care in the world. He looked so moved when hearing my words, as if a burden was lifted.
"…I'd heard about your condition. I don't really understand it, but… you really have changed. And it started because of what I did to you." It looked like my dad helped without me knowing.
He's always such a busybody.
"Don't feel so bad. Don't cry. I'll tell the others that Max is a crybaby. He's a big baby~" I smiled at him.
It felt like things would get back to normal.
At least, that was until I heard…
"The others… They won't meet us anymore." Max looked down and made one thing clear.
Things would never be the same anymore.
We were isolated now. Freaks of this village. They didn't know yet, but we'd face them…
One day, we'd have to confront it face to face.
I comforted the little Max, the crybaby, in my arms as he wept on my shoulder. It was too bad.
I wonder… why I felt that way.
…..
….
…
..
.
Three months. That's all it took before I got sick of all this acting and attacked Steve with a knife.
After he was tired from pushing his body, I grabbed a weapon and tried stabbing him in the back.
Since my dad was there, no one had expected it.
I managed to stab straight into his chest.
Steve's blood was on my hands now, but a rubber bullet blew away my hand before I finished the job.
My head turned to see dad crying again.
I'd tried to be indifferent towards that look, but it looks like I couldn't hide my feelings anymore.
Dad, I love you too.
You took care of me. Wrapped me in a blanket when I was cold and fed me when I was hungry.
You always looked at me.
Never averting your eyes from what I was and what I'd become. For that, I wanted to be proper.
The kind of son you wanted me to be.
Oh, I swear to you, I tried… I really did try.
I could see the disappointment in your eyes, but you don't know how much I tried to stop myself.
To think the way you wanted me to think.
Feel the way you wanted me to feel.
I've always loved you, Dad. I don't want to hurt you.
You're the only person in this world who cares.
That's why you can't simply kill me. I know the reason you changed your bullets was because of me.
You foresaw this too, right?
Still, you wanted me to have a life of my own.
But that's exactly where the paradox was. Living a proper life was a cage to me. It rattled a lot.
Unable to handle the force of my own fury.
This feeling of unfairness from having to act like a normal person. Being what I'm not.
What could I do to make them accept me?
It's true that I felt like killing people at times. This was a part of me. Similar to how I liked egg on toast.
A preference that wouldn't change so easily.
Just because you stopped me, didn't mean I didn't desire it. Over time, I realised my own fault.
And I also realised…
…I don't deserve to be set free.
So, can you end my misery?
This pain I felt from hurting you again?
Please, just kill me already…
You can rattle my cage, and I will bury my rage so no one else will ever see. Until I was sick.
It'd come out like this again when I finally got sick of acting. It'd overcome and possess me faster than my heart and body could think. My body would move on my true desires before reason could stop me.
Dad shot me again. And again. And again.
"Stay down…! Stop. Stop already!" He tried to warn me. Tried to get me to back down with words.
I still clenched the knife and gazed at him with a plastered smile. No, I wasn't going to.
A bullet struck my temple. My face. Eye. Even my legs were hit. My joints. Organs.
The back to front and suds of my body got hit.
The pain of rubber bullets was nothing.
I wanted to kill this bastard restricting my Gift.
This chain that was a noose around my neck.
Steve was suffocating me with his Artes Lines. I sometimes felt like I couldn't breathe.
The bullets made me high on the pain.
That hurt which should've stopped me made me feel alive instead. Cruelty arose on my face.
I'm sorry.. I'll always be a slave to the darkest part of me. I can't help it. I'm running out of time.
Kill me.
Take your blade out now… before I lose it.
I don't want to even attempt to hurt you again. Get out while you still can. My demon is awake.
I'm more awake now than ever before.
The moon is getting high, and that beast within me is back again. Craving blood. Excitement.
But he failed my expectations.
Steve's parents took him away and thoughtfully left us by ourselves, but he still didn't do the job.
Did he want to die?
"Miliv, come back to me." He pointed his rubber bullet gun at me while I was laying on a tree.
Battered down and bruised.
"I'm already here though~?" I put tongue on cheek and turned my head. Trying to annoy him.
Just do it already.
I'm just a blight in your life.
With me gone from it, you can romance Max's mom and play house with Farhon's family.
Do it all you want. See if I care.
The world wasn't a picture frame. Our house wasn't the only place where our family belonged.
You made a new house of memories here.
You've seen angels and devils in this world. You know right from wrong. What's so hard here?
It's the old story that's been told before.
The demon gets slain to protect other people.
I'm just some spawn. Don't care too much.
Stop being a crybaby.
I don't deserve your mercy.
I've fought for forgiveness over what happened before, but I couldn't follow through.
Don't grace a fallen demon with pity.
If you give me the chance, there's no low I wouldn't go down to get my way. That's who I am.
Accept it.
I already sold my soul, and the devil I'd sold it to is laying in front of you. Blame me for it.
As I will always be a slave to my desires.
To the voice ringing inside my head.
All these monsters deep inside of me never rest.
They will keep speaking until I'm dead.
If you're scared of me, then act like it. I'm going to stab you if you keep fucking acting weak on me.
Don't show sympathy for devils.
We will NEVER cry.
I raised my the kitchen knife I'd stolen towards his face. Threatening him. His face was pale.
Just as I thought he'd finally take out a blade, the gun in his hand fell in front of me.
"I'm sorry… Are you hurt too hurt?" His gentle voice weirded me out. Did he forgive me already?
"Let's run away together." Just as I was about to hug the fights that came close, he whispered me this.
The sweetest temptation any devil could bait.
"Run?" I looked up at the moonlit sky, confused.
"I can make it so this never happened. Trust me. I WILL protect you." Dad spoke to me.
Saying something outrageous so easily.
It was only at that moment did I realise what he had been trying to tell me. What he tried showing me.
He loved me too.
No. I couldn't accept it. This was the wrong path in life. I know… because you're who taught me.
Still, you will never leave.
Never throw me in the fires of retribution. Never leave me here to burn in the weight of my sins.
Do you think that would get the devil out of me?
No. It wasn't that complicated.
You simply cared for me.
…Why do you have to do this to me?
Hah… I can't believe in the middle of the night, it's this guilt haunting me. Lulling me.
But these whispers in the dark won't let me sleep.
The demon I am wants my soul.
I can continue fighting it for my life, but it won't ever let go of me. You too… would never leave my side.
Thank you.
I understand it now.
What must be done.
And what is the only thing I knew how to do.
The sound of a knife puncturing flesh made dad flinch. He moved himself back.
Only to see blood all over his shirt.
His eyes raised to see me wielding my knife.
I… had struck my neck with the blade.
Piercing deeply the only way I knew how.
"NO!" Dad tried to make me let go, but I held the blade through my neck tightly.
Not giving him an inch.
"Sorry…" I mouthed those words to his frozen figure.
He couldn't understand what I had just done.
Sorry, this is the only way I know to relieve you.
By killing your problems myself.
But please, even if I die now… Make a place for me in your house of memories. Remember me.
Sorry, Dad, I love you.