A Screenplay by Missyber
INT. QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES - AFTERNOON
Generous psychologist DR BRAD PLUMB is arguing with splendid Florist MS HEATHER SMART. BRAD tries to hug HEATHER but she shakes him off.
BRAD
Please Heather, don't leave me.
HEATHER
I'm sorry Brad, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
BRAD
I am such a person!
HEATHER frowns.
HEATHER
I'm sorry, Brad. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
HEATHER leaves.
BRAD sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, sweet assistant SIR MIKE HEMINGWAY barges in looking flustered.
BRAD
Goodness, Mike! Is everything okay?
MIKE
I'm afraid not.
BRAD
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
MIKE
It's ... a ghost ... I saw an evil ghost hurt a bunch of babies!
BRAD
Defenseless babies?
MIKE
Yes, defenseless babies!
BRAD
Bloomin' heck, Mike! We've got to do something.
MIKE
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
BRAD
You can start by telling me where this happened.
MIKE
I was...
MIKE fans himself and begins to wheeze.
BRAD
Focus Mike, focus! Where did it happen?
MIKE
a hospital! That's right - a hospital!
BRAD springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
BRAD rushes along the street, followed by MIKE. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
EXT. A LIBRARY - SHORTLY AFTER
ROY BLAST a sinister ghost terrorises two babies.
BRAD, closely followed by MIKE, rushes towards ROY, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
MIKE
What is is? What's the matter?
BRAD
That's not just any old ghost, that's Roy Blast!
MIKE
Who's Roy Blast?
BRAD
Who's Roy Blast? Who's Roy Blast? Only the most sinister ghost in the universe!
MIKE
Blinkin' knickers, Brad! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most sinister ghost in the universe!
BRAD
You can say that again.
MIKE
Blinkin' knickers, Brad! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most sinister ghost in the universe!
BRAD
I'm going to need knives and salt, lots of salt.
Roy turns and sees Brad and Mike. He grins an evil grin.
ROY
Brad Plumb, we meet again.
MIKE
You've met?
BRAD
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young BRAD is sitting in a park listening to some flute music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees ROY. He takes off his headphones.
ROY
Would you like some peppermints?
BRAD's eyes light up, but then he studies ROY more closely, and looks uneasy.
BRAD
I don't know, you look kind of sinister.
ROY
Me? No. I'm not sinister. I'm the least sinister ghost in the world.
BRAD
Wait, you're a ghost?
BRAD runs away, screaming
EXT. A HOSPITAL - PRESENT DAY
ROY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
MIKE
(To BRAD) You ran away?
BRAD
(To MIKE) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
BRAD turns to ROY.
BRAD
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
BRAD runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
BRAD
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with knives.
ROY
I'm not scared of you.
BRAD
You should be.
INT. A HOSPITAL - LATER THAT DAY
BRAD and MIKE walk around searching for something.
BRAD
I feel sure I left my knives somewhere around here.
MIKE
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly knives.
BRAD
You know nothing Mike Hemingway.
MIKE
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, ROY appears, holding a pair of knives.
ROY
Looking for something?
MIKE
Crikey, Brad, he's got your knives.
BRAD
Tell me something I don't already know!
MIKE
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
BRAD
I know that already!
MIKE
I'm afraid of dust.
ROY
(appalled) Dude!
While ROY is looking at MIKE with disgust, BRAD lunges forward and grabs his deadly knives. He wields them, triumphantly.
BRAD
Prepare to die, you sinister sprout!
ROY
No please! All I did was hurt a bunch of babies!
HEATHER enters, unseen by any of the others.
BRAD
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those babies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Brad Plumb defender of innocent babies.
ROY
Don't hurt me! Please!
BRAD
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these knives on you right away!
ROY
Because Brad, I am your father.
BRAD looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
BRAD
No you're not!
ROY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
ROY tries to grab the knives but BRAD dodges out of the way.
BRAD
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, ROY slumps to the ground.
MIKE
Did he just faint?
BRAD
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly knives.
BRAD crouches over ROY's body.
MIKE
Be careful, Brad. It could be a trick.
BRAD
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Roy Blast is dead!
BRAD
What?
BRAD
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
MIKE claps his hands.
MIKE
So your knives did save the day, after all.
HEATHER steps forward.
HEATHER
Is it true? Did you kill the sinister ghost?
BRAD
Heather how long have you been...?
HEATHER puts her arm around BRAD.
HEATHER
Long enough.
BRAD
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Roy Blast.
HEATHER
Then the babies are safe?
BRAD
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable parents enter, looking relived.
HEATHER
You are their hero.
The parents of babies bow to BRAD.
BRAD
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Roy Blast will never hurt babies ever again, is enough for me.
HEATHER
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the baby's parent passes BRAD a shiny necklace
HEATHER
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
BRAD
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
BRAD
Well, if you insist.
BRAD takes the necklace.
BRAD
Thank you.
The baby's parents bow their heads once more, and leave.
BRAD turns to HEATHER.
BRAD
Does this mean you want me back?
HEATHER
Oh, Brad, of course I want you back!
BRAD smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
BRAD
Well you can't have me.
HEATHER
WHAT?
BRAD
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a ghost to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
HEATHER
But...
BRAD
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Mike.
MIKE grins.
HEATHER
But...
MIKE
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
HEATHER
Brad?
BRAD
I'm sorry Heather, but I think you should skidaddle.
HEATHER leaves.
MIKE turns to BRAD.
MIKE
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
BRAD
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly MIKE stops.
MIKE
When I said I'm afraid of dust, you know I was just trying to distract the ghost don't you?
THE END
Created on 26th March 2023.