I don't know why am bothering myself writing this diary because no one cares about me, even if this diary somehow falls into some stranger's hand he would read the first page and will burn it and Throw the ashes into the Garbage.
When I was young, I did not understand why everyone hated me, and why their eyes carried hatred and disgust toward me. No one was kind to me except the kids, whose looks were full of beautiful innocence and curiosity.
But that does not last long until they are taught or influenced by their parents or the pack to stay away from me, and then the cute little angels who were my friends join the group of bullies and turn into little devils who know no mercy.
proven the fact that there are two groups in the pack.
Me and them.
As strange as that sounds I am a wolf, well a werewolf is the correct term and yes I was born like that, not like in the movies when the victim is bitten or scratched and there is a new werewolf no, BIG NO. If you get scratched you will bleed and if you are bitten you will simply die.
To be a werewolf, your parents must also be werewolves or at least one of them should be. Also, I'm not your typical werewolf, I'm not beautiful, strong, or even like a regular wolf, I'm fat and lack physical fitness. I tried to exercise and lose weight.
But whenever I try to run for a short distance, I feel suffocated, and the earth begins to rotate around me, and have a burning sensation in my chest.
.
So I gave up trying and settled for the with this glory of a nickname 'The Pig'.
Also, I am not of pure blood, meaning that my mother is a witch, but this is not the problem. The problem here is that my mother is not my father's mate. Um, I apologize for the beta, I am not allowed to call my father.
So, oh yeah, the beta betrayed his mate with the witch. She is the one who used her evil magic and seduced the house and one thing led to another and...
Traaaaaaa.
I come into existence...
?????
I know, I know, it's not like that's something to be proud of but for them, I'm the cheap magic trick that no one paid to watch and everyone demanded compensation with interest.
Well they always said I'm stupid but I'm not, I know why everyone hates me, I understand this fact very well since childhood, but I chose to overlook it and pretend not to know anything. This was the easiest way for a child to get past the pain and overlook the fact that he was unloved and alone.
I built barriers around my mind, convincing myself that I was fine on my own and that I would survive, but I never closed my heart, so that there might be someone who might love me for who I am. I have tried and am still trying and will not give up. I refuse to believe that my condition is hopeless.
I mean, it's not the end of the world that I'm ugly, fat, like a pig, the son of an evil witch, and my wolf looks like a wet dog, right????.
I may be lucky and meet a blind person who loves me for who I am.
Well, I'm not brave, I don't have an attractive voice, and I'm not a social person, or even funny, but from that...
Damn it
....,
Not everyone in the pack is a bully, the majority, yes, but not all of them. The beta mate, for example, does not insult me or hit me. She even stops the beta when he loses his shit and treats me like a punching bag. Her eyes bear strange looks, but I do not hate her.
When I imagine my mother whom I have never seen, she appears in my imagination and seeing how she treats her children well... I think I subconsciously took her as an ideal mother for me.
And the Luna too, I mean she doesn't stop anyone but she doesn't participate or ignore my presence. It's Good to ignore, please keep ignoring me What a nice lady.
And the son of the alpha James, the future alpha sam, he also does not hit me and sometimes smiles in my face and there was a few times that he helped me. I think I'm slowly falling in love with him.
is it bad ?..
Yes, definitely.
Will I ever be able to confess and tell him?
Nope.
This secret I will take with me to the grave. That is if I will be buried and my body is not thrown to the animals in the forest.
But the person cherished the most in the pack is Zoe, the daughter of the beta, And my younger sister. We were born in the same week, I'm on Monday and she is on Thursday. She always plays with me and brings sweets and whatever she can of her toys. And I tell her everything.
She even knows I have a crush on the young alpha, I mean she felt it, like .....I- I don't know like women six sense and just know about, I just conform it.
And she cries so hard when one of our brothers hits me and they love her so much that they stop hitting me in her presence. I do not feel jealous and I do not have the right to covet more than that, I am just happy that one of my siblings loves me and cares about me and I will not ask for more than that.
Zoe acted like a sister, like a friend and she is all I had, and I never felt like an orphan in her presence and life went on like this until we were twelve.
Neither of us shifted — not as if anyone cared about me — but Zoe was concerned. Everyone was tense for her, as she was loved by all, and her grief affected the whole pack, but her mother was very optimistic, as she always wanted one of her children to be Omega, since her three children were the eldest, the future Beta, and the second and third, being the warriors of the pack, and she had no hope for her two youngest children, who stated Showing a violent nature that does not fit the omega nature since a young age.
She wanted a soft, sweet baby that she could pamper forever, and she told Zoe that it was okay to be an Omega and that the pack would love her more. But even after months had passed, Zoe - or I - didn't shift until we were 13. That's when Zoe ran away from home and no one knew. Where did she go?
I was afraid that something bad would happen, so I went to look for my little sister in the forest, I spent several hours searching, but there was no trace. I did not want to back down and give up, because I knew that Zoe would do the same for me.
I kept searching until my feet can't move any more my legs start hurting so bad that I couldn't feel them anymore and well I spent the night alone in the woods and went back to the pack house, I came back in the morning to see if there was any news about Zoe
And to my delight, she came back. He said that she needed some time to clear her mind and that she was able to communicate with her wolf, Which was strangely the same size as our older brother Beta's wolf which is weird because it's impossible to have two alphas in one pack and the same goes for the beta but since the others didn't care why should I, am just happy my baby sister is back safe and sound.
It seemed as if Zoe sensed my presence and smiled at me, a smile that was not a smile, one that seemed empty and unreal, It looked different not like my Zoe, the same night I had a fever.
my whole body became sore my feet and hands I can't scratch that it seemed like my whole body was breaking. I was sweating and tears were flowing from the corner of my eyes, I couldn't even scream and felt like I was going to die.
I don't know when I lost consciousness and when I woke up in the morning and there was an extra voice in my head, it seems that I shifted last night and my wolf was the one who spoke to me just now. I was so happy that I wanted to share this with my best friend.
When I went to the kitchen to help make breakfast I saw Zoe flirting with Sam, and she gave me a fake smile from yesterday, that had meanings I didn't realize until later.
That my zoe never came back.