The first part of getting out of here is getting to the torturers' room. At the end of this room is the exit. It leads to a stairway that leads down and opens into a room where we have to fight two Stormcloaks.
As I thought those things, I speak to Hadvar.
"Alright. Let's get going."
He nodded his confirmation, and we went downstairs.
As predicted, there were the two Stormcloaks.
"Maybe we can try to talk to them..." Hadvar starts, before they draw their swords.
"What was that?" A male voice calls out.
"We need to get..." Hadvar starts an attempt to negotiate. They ignore what he's trying to say, so we burst in there as quickly as possible.
The first Stormcloak was leaning against the wall, and the second was sitting down in a chair. They were both armored in Stormcloak outfits; and one had a battle-axe while the other had a sword and a hide shield.
The one in the chair took a second to get up when she saw us actually come in. I sprint forward and unhesitatingly slash my sword to her stomach, which was blocked by her armor. She grabs at her side. I swing at her neck this time, but miss and hit her shoulder.
She falls to the ground, gasping with blood spurting out of her shoulder. My stomach churns as I realized how easily and unconsciously I did that. It was as if I had killed people before, but different somehow... I swear, I was not a murderer on Earth, so why can I do this with no more than quick, quiet breathing?
I end her misery with a quick stab to her chest. Her eyes as her body fall back shut slowly, tears fall as though she were sad, and what seems to be death throes clenching her teeth before the peace of death took her over.
What is this feeling? Or rather, why do I feel nothing? I've just killed someone, and felt nothing?! Taking a life shouldn't feel this commonplace... this... this easy, should it? It feels no different from throwing a stone in a pond, or writing my name a piece of paper. No different than getting dressed in the morning, or putting on my shoes to go on a run.
I've just ended someone's future, their legacy, forced them to suffer extreme pain throughout all of it, and I feel no different. That woman likely had a family who loved her, and to me, she was no more than a bug – a life to be crushed underfoot. I'm sure she had her reasons for fighting in this war, but I do not intend on
Am I a psychopath, someone unknowingly bred with the perfect genes to kill without a second thought? I thought I knew what feeling nothing was, but the thought of feeling nothing after killing someone is somewhat... terrifying. Is this emotion I feel right now remorse? The consequences of my survival is another's death? Oh. Oh God. Maybe I am a psychopath. After all, this... this isn't survivor's guilt, isn't it?
Could it be survivor's guilt if I was the direct cause of the victim's death? Was my humanity the cost of my traversing to this world? Had a deity made my being here a blessing upon this land, or a sentence to it's death? If a hero is a psychopath, heartless and cruel, are they truly a hero? If a line cannot be drawn between the grey area of murder, lining the difference between punishment and wanton slaughter, are they still worthy to be called a "hero"?
If I cannot investigate myself with interspection, perhaps I need to turn to introspection? I am clearly not omnipotent, but I am more than 'human'. 'Humans' are able to feel empathy. I do not. Or at the very least, I seem not to. For that matter, what is empathy? Is it no more than the idea that throughout history, people have required, and thus acquired, the ability to understand the complexities of emotions that others feel? This study into my soul – my entity – my being, cannot lead to positive consequences, both in the short term and the long term.
I need to stop thinking. If I continue down this line, I fear something inherent about myself may change. Before I move on from this event, though, I need to pray, for my victim in the past, the victims I may have to create in the future to ensure my survival, and for the spirit of the warrior who died in front of me.
"I send you to Sovngarde, to serve in Shor's Hall." I whisper quietly.
The Nords believe in the afterlife of Sovngarde, the place their souls go upon death. All the Nords have to do to go there is prove themselves in combat, and die a valiant death, worthy of a warrior. The place their souls wait until the end times is Shor's Hall, a place of merriment, feasting, and combat, where their souls can rest there relatively safely until the End of Days. Until the End of Days, we don't know what will happen.
By the time I finish killing the female Nord, the other Stormcloak yells out a warcry, and I turn around. His iron battle-axe is swinging horizontally at my face and I drop, trying to dodge it. Thankfully, it wasn't especially fast, but it was very much too close for comfort. Having someone actually try to kill me is exhilarating, and adrenaline begins to pump through my veins. I can just barely hear something at the edge of my hearing, very quiet but audible.
I see Hadvar just behind him about make an attack, but I try not to let the Stormcloak realize that Hadvar is right there.
The Stormcloaks' battle-axe scrapes my chest. I wasn't fast enough to dodge, which was just enough to tear the leather in that spot, and spin me about a meter off to the side. Whoever had this man take a battle-axe was a fucking genius, because this man was incredibly strong. Maybe not especially fast with a battle-axe, but definitely strong enough to use it.
He then starts for a downwards chop at my body, intending on splitting me in half. His iron battle-axe moves slowly at first, but quickly gains speed as it falls ever closer, as he hooks it around his shoulders and behind him for momentum.
Then a sword appears in front of his neck. A second grim crimson smile hangs off the Stormcloaks' neck.
Hadvar had managed to sneak up behind him and slice his carotid. More than, actually. Sprays of blood splatter onto my face.
The Stormcloak died, and as he did, he dropped his battle-axe. I picked myself up off the ground.
As I did this, I thanked Hadvar.
"That one certainly felt close. But thanks."
"In this, nearly everyone's an enemy." He said. "Better to protect the only sword on my side. And you're welcome."
I hesitate for a second, and mentally prepare myself for what I was about to do next.
I grab onto the corpse of the man, and started looting his body.
I pulled off a small coin purse he held in his pocket. Inside were 7 gold coins.
I also take what gold I could find off the woman. 4 new coins to add to my purse. I slip the shield off of her arm and strapped it to my own.
Hadvar watched in silence. He understands well the brutality of combat and the profits of looted goods that occured naturally after.
"Let's go," I said when I was done.
We go through the doorway to the main hall.
"Wait. Something's not right." I call out to Hadvar. He looks at me, confused until I edge forward slowly.
Then, the pre-scripted event takes place. A loud draconic roar rings out as the ceiling crashes to the ground.
"Quick, in here," I yell, over the crashes, as I point to the room to my left. It's the kitchen. We sprint inside, stop for a second, and I take a quick look around. There's a door on the other side.
"That wasn't a good sign. The dragon may still be out." Hadvar said.
"Wait, it's the kitchen storage, there might be some potions left." He continues, gesturing at the barrels.
The barrels and sacks are all like the games'. Brown barrels made of oak that similar to games' but different, in that when I take off the lids, the ingredients were visible in forms unlike that of which they were seen in the game.
I look where I expect the potions to be, and I find them exactly where the games' were, in four general places: in one of the barrels, on two of the shelves, and on one of the tables. I start with the left-handed shelves, since those were closest to me.
On the left-hand shelves were a potion of minor magicka and a small pile of salt in a small wooden bowl. Magicka is the essence of Skyrim's use of magic. In other games, it would be termed mana, mp; or in DnD, it'd be something like spell slots.
I stick my finger in the salt pile, to taste it, (because when you eat the ingredients in-game, they provide different effects, both good and bad). I don't know what I was expecting but the salt, unsurprisingly, tasted like salt, albeit slightly sweeter reminiscent of Himalayan salt. Then I notice a small portion of some unknown energy I hadn't felt before be drained from me.
I tried to focus on the energy and tried to manipulate it more. However, it seemed I was either too weak or inexperienced with the energy, or simply didn't have enough of it, to do anything with it. I could probably assume that the energy I just felt was Magicka. But since I couldn't do anything with it, I decided to leave it alone for now, and continue grabbing the potions, after grabbing the potion of magicka.
I move to the right-hand set of shelves and see the potion, a minor potion of healing. Next to it is a bottle of wine. I grabbed the potion and left the wine alone.
I went to the check the barrel, and there were five potions inside; three minor potions of healing, a minor potion of stamina, and a minor potion of magicka.
'Can't forget about this last one', I think as I grab the last small potion of healing from the table.
I grab a sack, one of the ones by the mantle of the fireplace, and put them all inside before sliding the top of the sack into my waist-high belt straps.
We keep moving, and go out the door.
The rubble from the ceiling is behind us, as we walk away.
There's another stairway ahead of us, that leads around a corner and into the torture chamber. It holds five people currently, the torturer and his assistant, and three Stormcloaks. As we approach, we can hear sounds of clanging and crashing, groans of pain, and shouting.
When we go around the corner, we see the two cells and the five people fighting. A Stormcloak wielding an iron battle-axe, just like the one from before, was swinging it at the Torturer, who promptly dodged it. Another Stormcloak wielding an iron war hammer lets it fly around to the body of the Torturer's assistant. Seeing this, the Torturer pulls a dagger out to stab him, but by then, it's too late.
The Torturer's assistant can't dodge in time and his ribcage loudly shatters. His body spins around and slams into a cage. He's dead. The Stormcloak who killed him is now dead, too, soon after the Torturer stabs him in his heart. Behind the Torturer is yet another Stormcloak, wielding a mace.
As all that was happening, I run forward with my sword raised and shield tucked. I quickly slash at the one wielding the battle-axe, who was reeling his battle-axe back in from making a wild swing. He turns as he hears my loud footsteps, and roars loudly, then runs forward and meets my blade head-on with the neck of the battle-axe.
Our weapons stick together as my blade got hooked on the leather straps crossing the handle of the axe. He knees me in my stomach, which throws me back a bit, knocking the wind out of me, but freeing my blade. He lets go of me.
I fall backwards, and he swings his battle-axe around his shoulders and over his head as he swings it down. As he swings his battle-axe down, I raise my shield. The axe rebounds off my shield, ruining the Stormcloaks' attack and staggering him back. As the Stormcloak stumbles back, I get up and run forward. I bash my shield into him. He falls backwards, his head taking the majority of the bash.
His head whips back, and using that chance, I swing my sword into his neck horizontally. I wasn't able to get much strength into the swing though, so it stops when it hits his spine.
Blood sprays onto the walls as I yank my sword out. Part of the man's neck flies out and lands on my foot. It was a part of the man's esophagus.
I shake my foot, getting it off. I lower my sword, and take a quick look around.
Hadvar and the Torturer are fighting the last Stormcloak. The Stormcloak gets thrown around violently, to the left first, then the right, and his body falls down, two gaps in made on the sides of the man's chest.
The Torturer takes a minute to catch his breath, his hands on his knees, and says, "Lucky you found me. It got wild in the last few minutes here. Sounds almost like a dragon attacked. These guys didn't take too lightly what we did to some of their friends."
"You're right about the dragon," Hadvar answers. "The legends are true."
The Torturer sighs, and answers.
"Oh shite... Well, we can't do much about that, but we can get out of here, at least."
I take a good look around and notice that just like in the game, there is a knapsack on a small table with a book, The Song of the Dragonborn. There was a dagger next to it. In one of the cages was the corpse of a mage, with a spellbook next to him.
I go to the knapsack first, and open it. Inside were four lockpicks and a potion of minor healing. I gently place the other potions in the knapsack as I pad them with some spare cloth from the Stormcloak corpses' armour. I figure the dead won't mind, anyways. I swing the knapsack over my shoulders as Hadvar and the Torturer talk.
I pull out one of the lockpicks before sliding one into the cages with the corpses' lock. I wiggle it around a little bit, and turn the lock before the pick starts to jam in place and jiggle. No way this could be harder than it looks right? The pick breaks in half, and I pull the broken shard out of the lock before I try again. Shit. Maybe if I try again...
The 2nd pick I use works easier than the first, and as the sound of a *click* rings out, the heavy gate door swings open. I pull off the clothing of the mage, and stuff it into my bag. The clothing is enchanted, so I could bag a pretty good price for it later on. I neatly fold it before laying it around the potions, just like the the cloth and armor padding the potions originally was.
As I pull off the clothing of the mage, 25 gold coins came falling out of a satchel on his side.
Next to his head lie a small potion of minor magicka and a copy of the spell Tome, "Sparks". I open it, and read some of it out loud.
"Chapter 1: What Is Electromancy?"
Clearly, learning magic in this reality is going to be difficult, as compared to the game...
I gesture to Hadvar and the Torturer that I'm ready to go, and we set off, heading towards the prison cells, where it turns from clean(ish), worked stone floors to a dusty, dirt-covered floor.
We pass by four more cells, with two or three of them with the bones of a prisoner inside. We hit another stairwell that turns left the second it ends. It leads to a straight hallway. We continue on past it.
We pass through a cavern on through it, with five or so Stormcloak warriors inside. We fight our way past them, the fight being that much easier, now that there were three of us. Post-looting earned me a shiny 37 Septims, a letters to family members of the Stormcloaks, and a bow to add to my collection of weaponry so far. I read through the letters, find out where they need to be sent, and intend on returning them once I finish the Stormcloaks v. Imperials conflict.
Eventually, we come to a broken wall, where it clearly becomes a cave, and no longer a structure with a designed system of architecture.
As we go through it, the Torturer says, "These used to be used by the Legion in a war."
Hadvar asks, "Which one?"
The Torturer simply sighs. The Empire's fought so many wars over the course over the last thousand years, that to know would be impressive even to Hermaeus Mora, the Daedric Prince of Fate and Knowledge. The most recent war, the Great War, was fought only 20 or so years ago, and is the cause of the current situation with the Stormcloaks and the Imperials.
As we walk through the ancient caves, a path opens up in front of us, with the left hand side leading downhill. The right hand side is blocked by fallen rocks, but a small stream still ran through it, flowing and trickling as though rubble were nothing to something formless, which is true, I suppose.
We take the left hand side, and follow the stream as it ebbed and flowed. It leads to a new hole to our right now. As it was on a ledge above than the ground, Hadvar and the Torturer climb into it, and I climb in after.
This part of the cave opens up into a larger cavern ahead of us, and we jog through, until Hadvar slows us down, saying something about giant spiders and giant snakes or something. I look around and see the webbing that the spiders he's talking about, Frostbite spiders, create.
Frostbite spiders are a species of spiders in Skyrim that grow to massive sizes. From the minimum size of a large dinner plate to the size of a carriage, they grow everywhere in between. They have a venom they can shoot out of their fangs that is somewhat similar to liquid nitrogen. It slows down bodily processes and kills blood flow. In the game, it reduces both your stamina and your health at 4 points per second, lasting for 5 seconds.
The spiders' webbing covers everything, from the walls to the ceiling, and all over the floor. There are giant web sacs lying near the cave walls on every side, and as we walk near them, a Frostbite spider jumps out, and tries to bite Hadvar.
Hadvar's quick reaction speed allows him to move quickly enough to chop at it with his sword before it can though, thankfully. The Torturer finishes it off with a stab through its midbody.
Another spider attacks the Torturer from behind right after and bites him on the neck. His eyes stare deep at me, as I jump to his back, and slay the spider with a quick chop.
As the Torturer hit the ground, the Torturer gasps out, "Send this to me boy."
His hand reached into his armor and pulled out a ring tied to a folded letter, before falling loosely, as his eyes slowly dim and become glassy. His blood spurts out of his neck onto the letter. I quickly grab it before it could get too bloody. The blood from the Torturer mixed with venom swirled together and created a ugly purplish mix between crimson red and a murky turquoise.
Upon taking the letter, I felt a weight press down on my shoulders, as the dead man's plea rang on in my ears. I take a minute and pray that his soul go to Sovngarde. Hadvar takes a knee as well and says a short prayer.
"We have to keep moving." He says after he finishes.
Before we do though, I grab some of the Spider eggs from one of the giant broken sacs.
"We could sell some of these to an alchemist," I say, and put them in my bag. My consciousness remains unfettered, but my mind is focusing on the future.
I take a breath and imagine the fangs of a spider ripping into someone else's neck, and remind myself it's for the best, as I cut apart the majority of the web sacs and stab a bunch of eggs. Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! It's not so much the spiders I have a problem with; it's more of a problem with the disgusting cold blood spurting out, and the occasional dipping of my hand into a sticky, fleshy surface and pulling them apart to cut them.
When I finish with that, I head over to the corpses of spiders and take a big deep breath, then start cutting the venom sacs and fangs out. The coldness radiating off the corpse nearly numbs my hand. Hadvar assists by grabbing the corpses and holding them still.
I grimace before pulling my dagger out and cutting apart the spiders. Some of the fangs are too tightly attached, and I have to rip them out, and with them come the venom sacs. I shove them in my bag and call it good. I don't want to be near a corpse any longer than I have to, human or otherwise.
I gesture to Hadvar that I'm ready and we start heading off, tramping through the dirt and dust of the caves.
We eventually come to a ledge and another stream, where Hadvar gestures at me to stop. He whispers.
"Bear. We could sneak past it, or try to kill it, your call."
"Sneak around for sure, we definitely don't have the strength to take on a bear." I respond quickly. I look over to him, and he's suddenly got a bow now, along with a quiver of arrows. Where... Where did he get them from?
We slowly make our way past the bear. The light shining in from a large crack in the surface above our heads shines light upon the bear.
The bear's shiny brown fur ripples as dust falling from the surface crack hits the ground to it's nose. Hadvar raises his fist, gesturing for me to stop, in fear that the bear might wake.
It stops moving and Hadvar lowers his arm and faces the bear. "Go behind me," he breathes out. "If it wakes, I'll distract it."
I sneak over, and pass the bear. I turn towards it, and whisper for Hadvar to come over. He looks at me, and starts sneaking over quickly.
He makes it past me, and we repeat the process until we're at the mouth of the cave, where we face the light at the end of the tunnel.
The light pouring in from the cave entrance is blinding. I back up quickly, until my eyes stop hurting. As my eyes slowly get used to the light, my heart starts to pound. After all, this is still the world I admired while it was a game, and I'm about to make my way in it. It looks like it's early afternoon, around 3.
Just like before, when we entered the keep. No loading screens. 'God it's so much better without having to wait for the loading time.'
We walk outside. The forests are much thicker and a lot greener than in the game. Then we hear a dragon roaring. Alduin!
"Get down," Hadvar calls out, taking cover next to a boulder. I dive next to him.
Alduin flies over us, in the direction of Riverwood, probably heading off to start resurrecting a dragon. That's one of his powers. His Shouts are capable of resurrecting other dragons, even after they've been killed thousands of years prior.
As Alduin continues on his path, completely ignoring us, Hadvar says that Alduin's going near Riverwood, and that the village will need support from the Jarl** of Whiterun, the first of the Nine Holds.
Hadvar starts to run from the trail to the road. The road snaked north, and fell downhill. As I tried to keep pace after him, I realized my physical condition was nothing like my game characters, meaning as soon as I could find lodging, a stable source of money, and I finish all quests that need to be finished as quickly as possible, I'd have to start working out more. Hadvar slowed down in some spots to ensure I was still following along.
After about a quarter of a mile, the road changes directions, and leads off to my right. On my left were three pillars, the Guardian Stones. The Guardian Stones are of the 'Standing Stones' system in the game. The stones would grant certain benefits to those who find and activate them. Unfortunately, you could usually only have a single stone active at a time, in the game. Hopefully, that single stone rule might be rendered false due to this world becoming my reality.
Each one of these stones were mainly similar in design, being roughly seven feet tall, pillar-like, and having a large ovular shape that narrowed towards the top. All three stand on a dais covered in moss, grass, and vines. The pillars themselves have a large empty orb-shaped hole bored near the top, and each had a design engraved on the front that pertained to the powers the stone granted. There were only three Guardian Stones, but in total, there were thirteen Standing Stones.
The Stones in the Guardian Stones were the Warrior, Thief, and Mage Stones. The designs engraved on these Stones were of a warrior with his axe raised high, a thief running with a dagger in one hand and a bag of gold in the other, and an elder mage holding a staff out.
Each grants the user a 20% increase growth rate in the Warrior, Thief, and Mage skill tree archetypes. I usually play a rogue-ish sort of character, but sometimes I'd switch it up a little, and play as a mage or warrior. In this life, I should act as a rogue as well, as rogues held the highest survival rate amongst the three.
I walk up to the Thief Stone, and place my hands on it. Nothing happens. I whisper, "Activate." Again, nothing happens. I start getting nervous, as I realize that all I had to do when playing the game was just press the A button, and I have no idea what my character when I did that.
Hadvar, who's behind me watching my apparent foolishness, snorts. "You idiot," He says. "You're supposed to pray to the Celestials to grant you the Stones' blessing. The content of the prayer itself doesn't matter too much, as long as you request the Celestial to bless you with the power of the stones. It's not too hard."
Then he walks forward, kneels in front of the Warrior Stone, and prays quietly. After he finishes and stands up, the hole bored near the top fills itself with a ball of light, that shoots a whitish-blue beacon into the sky. The beacon radiates no heat, but glows brightly, almost like a cylindrical star. I don't know what it is, but a feeling of heat washes over my body, and a unnatural sense of rage hits my mind. I feel like I want to smash something, be it flesh or metal, the rage of what must a barbarian. But then I feel what smiths must feel, the joy of creating new things, and the courage and strength of a knight flows into me. Then I feel the holy, upright spirit of the crusader, and the coolness and tranquility of an archer. After the archer, comes the sensation of nobility and gracefulness of a knight, and the ambitious, yet apprehensive joy of embarking on yet another adventure from a rogue. As one leaves, another appears in its place, and after I feel the determination of a scout, I finally feel the brashness and the confidence of a warrior. But what remained throughout all of that, was the feeling that I fight because I must. There is no other option in a world such as this. To not know combat would be not know one's self. When a blade meets to another blade, and the fears of death of their wielders collide, only then can you be sure of yourself. If you cannot control yourself in the face of death, how can you say, "Yes, I'm in control."?
The feelings and sensations go away as the light from the beacon slowly disappears, but my heart keeps pounding, yearning for a fight, hidden deep down inside myself. I try calming myself by slowing down my breathing, and soon that longing for a fight goes too. I focus on the idea that it was artificial, and soon it goes away.
"The feeling passes, but if you hold onto it, and remember it, your growth in that aspect will grow." Hadvar says.
I realize what Hadvar meant. If I pray at a Stone and get a certain feeling, then whatever Stone I pray to will allow me to grow, if my Stone can relate to it.
For instance, the Warrior Stone will increase my skills in combat at a faster rate, but when I act in relation to a thief, my growth will be comparatively slow.
I shut my open, confused mouth, and turn back to the Thief Stone. I start to quietly pray.
'O, Celestial, please give me the bonuses this stone gives, because I'm gonna be needing these passive effects. Also, if you could tell me why I'm here, that'd be nice, too.'
The Stone starts to glow, just like Hadvar's did. A new sensation washes over my body. I feel an intense greed, that of a thief, and the persuasive tone of a bard or a merchant It continues on to the passiveness and focus of a monk, the wish for survival for an acrobatic burglar, the hopeful holy stepping of a pilgrim, the unapologetic wish for change of a revolutionary agent, and the quiet, cold loneliness and the uncontrollable desire to kill of an assassin. Then the joy of having money, and being able to live more comfortably, and the warmth of having friends to be around. There were, too, the guilty pleasures of dishonesty.
The feelings go away, and I start to feel the cold gnawing at my skin. As the sun starts to fall more, the temperature starts to drop quickly. We are on a mountain, after all.
Hadvar looks at me again, and speaks.
"We need to get to Riverwood."
He starts jogging down the road, and I follow. The lower we get, the temperature rises, so it stays about the same as we go further. We make it about another mile down the road after I notice that, before I slow down to take a breath. It's looking to be around 6 now, and the sunlight's starting to turn orange. Hadvar stops for a quick break, too, and says, "We need to keep moving."
Then, we hear something run around in the trees. The crackle of leaves to our sides. No... all around us. Then we hear growling.
A creature bursts out of the trees and brush to my right.
A wolf.
*Thu'um is pronounced 'thoom'.
**Jarl is pronounced "yar-el". Hit the "el" part quickly after the "yar" part, and you should pretty much have it down.