"Did you hear about that fight in cafeteria today?" I heard someone whisper behind me as I took my seat in class. Truthfully, a fight after winter break wasn't a big deal, in fact it was the most common occurrence as people's emotion flare up after seeing the people they hate after two weeks. Still that didn't mean I didn't want to hear about it some more.
"Yeah. It was between Ronnie and, I think it was that quiet wrestler that was always just there, Ashton Belle." Another stated. My ears perked up at the sound of this. I knew from experience Ashton could pack a punch, but he's never actually lashed out at anyone before, except me.
Who tried him?
"Who do you think won?" By now, I turned my head slightly so I could hear better.
"From what I heard, the Dean showed up in the middle of it, but someone said Ashton smashed Ronnie's face into the floor several times and Ronnie is fucked up. Must've been brutal since he's such a big guy."
"Oooh, I wish I caught it on my phone! It would've got so many hits on YouTube. I wonder what got into Ronnie's head? Who would even want to fight the biggest guy in school."
"I even heard that he was about to break Ronnie's arm. Wonder what got him so riled up?"
I played those words in my head. Ashton normally didn't have any qualms with Ronnie, as he was the captain of the wrestling team, but if Ashton wanted to break the jock's arm, he could. Ashton also wasn't one to start any trouble so it must've been for a specific reason. And I feel like I already knew the answer as to what the reason was.
"Oh god..." I buried my head in my arms. If these two girls were talking about it, then it was evident the whole school would already know about it.
"Someone else said it was about that loser Hospice Boy. Wonder why they would even care about him."
"Another guy said he swore that Ashton said it was because he's Hospice Boys boyfriend."
"Like, ewwwwww," The two giggled at this.
Now it made sense why it was even being talked about. Although i was a little surprised that people were still questioning if they were really together or not, I couldn't take kindly to those girls offending Danny with that name. Whipping my head around, I glared at them effectively getting them to shut up. "Don't call him that name anymore. It's tacky. Besides, wouldn't you want your boyfriends to stand up for you like that?"
The girls looked at me a bit perplexed but decided not to argue. "Well, did you hear about it?" One asked.
"Obviously not," I groaned. There was no way I was seeking them out after the talk I had with Danny in the hospital. I didn't have the balls to look him in the face again and I didn't know what I would do seeing those two so happy and in love with each other. The only thing I could still do is try to undo the damage I caused to make myself feel better.
"What should we call him then? We don't even know his name," one of the girls piped up eagerly. Fuck, the pride I felt being able to change peoples minds just by demanding it to happen was completely gone. I just felt sorry for them for being so gullible, especially to someone like me. Why did they even want to listen to me?
"Danny, that's his name...I don't know. I don't care, just not that Hospice shit! It's played out and I'm sick of hearing it," I grunted. The girls shared a look before nodding and giggling.
"Someone just sent me a video of the fight! Wanna see?" One of them asked eagerly. Without letting me answer, she angled the phone and shoved it in my face for me to watch it first.
From how the video started, it was clearly a planned attack. The person recording had the camera set up as Ronnie approached Ashton, Danny and Sam and said something that I couldn't make out. Ashton suddenly lunged over the table and tackled Ronnie to the floor, knocking two food trays over in the process. Ashton started strangling the life out of Ronnie, but he grabbed one of the discarded trays and smacked Ashton in the face. Using it as a weapon, the desperate kid managed to hit Ashton a few times in the head before he caught it and literally threw both it and Ronnie onto another table several kids were sitting at, sending food and trays flying. In a panic, half the cafeteria stampeded out, though the other half, like most dumb students in school, simply encouraged them to keep fighting. Ashton jumped on the table and pinned Ronnie to it, delivering three harsh blows to his face drawing blood. However, Ronnie caught the forth punch and flung Ashton to the floor, taking the opportunity to try and hit back.
In response, Ashton pushed Ronnie face up before kicking him off. Taking advantage of his blazer, Ronnie pulled it over Ashton's head. He spun Ashton around while his vision was blocked, landing a few blows to the back of his head before Ashton managed to slip out of his blazer by just ripping it in half, revealing that over winter break, his muscles seemed to have gotten bigger. Ronnie couldn't protect himself from the hard kick that landed directly on his mouth, sending him flat on his back. I could see that even the camera man flinched.
Ronnie stubbornly got up and charged towards Ashton aiming another punch at him, but Ashton grabbed his leg, suddenly lifting him up and slamming him onto his stomach. Pinning him to the floor, Ashton proceeded to slam his face into the hard tile floor. Ronnie turned his head to the side and the camera zoomed in a bit, revealing his nose to be damaged and a missing tooth. He tried to punch Ashton off, but instead his fists were grabbed and a foot planted him firmly on the ground.
Ashton's mouth was moving but I couldn't hear anything that he said. When he finished speaking he glared viciously before twisting Ronnie's arm. By the way it looked, it felt like Ashton was trying to break it. Ronnie tried desperately to get up or at least roll over, but Ashton had him fully pinned down. Ronnie cried out loudly in pain, kicking his feet out in pain; the muscles and bone must've reached their max flexing potential by now. One more twist and the bone would pop right out. But before Ashton could take really do it, a booming voice resounded throughout the lunch room.
""WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"" The students and camera turned, catching eyes with the Dean, 2 security officers, and a few teachers. Walking to the center of the crowd, Ashton immediately let go of Ronnie. ""Both of you: my office, NOW!""
The video ended there, leaving me in absolute shock. "Holy shit. What did he say?" I asked the girls. They both shrugged as I handed the phone back to them to watch for themselves.
"Oh! Well it looks like Ronnie started it," one of the girls said. "Who would've thought that country bumpkin would be so violent."
"I wonder what happened."
"I knew that guy was no good. It's always the quiet ones."
I turned back around not caring to defend anything else. The assumptions they made about Ashton were entirely untrue as the guy was softer than a sack of flowers. "Actually, that Ashton kid isn't so bad. He always keeps to himself and he's just shrouded in mystery. He never talks about himself and he's usually nice to people but he's hard to be around."
"I get it, I couldn't even approach him at any party. And those two dating is just weird."
"Did you ask him about it?"
"He just said they're dating and brushed me off, so I didn't take it seriously. The weird thing is that Sam says we got it all wrong and they really are in love with each other."
"I feel bad prying, but it's so weird I can't help but be curious about that."
"I guess Ashton isn't as scary when he has this guy next to him."
I tried my hardest to drown them out by putting in my headphones. Unexpectedly, I saw a new Danny even though I wasn't trying to. He looked healthy and he finally got a haircut that showed off his face well. In fact, he looked like twice as pretty as he did before now that his face could really be seen.
My heart hurts more than my leg thinking about it more. To feel this kind of love for someone scares me. I'm always thinking about how much I like everything about him. I feel like if I completely let go of it, I'll feel twice as empty as I already did at the moment. I know he's in love with Ashton as Sam sometimes complains that it's all he talks about when he comes to play video games with Martin. Hell they were even talking about kids together. I also know exactly how he feels about me hanging onto this kinda feeling
The sadness I felt, akin to abandonment, feels extremely awful....or maybe I'm feeling so sad because I know that I'm an awful guy. Those days, when I corrupted both of our feelings, I at least wanted to convey how beautiful I actually thought he was. Especially now, I've entertained the thought of playing with death to escape the clear line that was drawn in the hospital. I thought for a moment that I might die when that car struck me, and that thought gave me a lot of comfort, until it wasn't the case. It was just a normal car accident. Ugh, my leg itches, and I can't get to it through my cast.
I want to see Danny and talk to him again. It's impossible to do right now, but maybe when the scars of the past fade for me, I may gather enough courage to reach out and have a normal conversation with him as a friend. Even if not a full conversation, an exchange of hellos.
A part of me still wanted to grab Danny from Ashton and just yell at him. Ask him if he took my feelings for him was a joke! Did he never ever want to see me again? Why do I have to be completely cut off from his life? I've tried to give up on him so many fucking times, but it's the hardest thing that I've ever had to do! It's pathetic how desperate I feel. Thinking back, I acknowledge being way to impulsive when it came to us. I interrupted both of our studies because I was throwing a big tantrum. Back then, I had no one to consult with and I couldn't see where everything went absolutely wrong between us.
Regardless of whatever it was, I wasn't allowed to let myself fall into further despair because of it. I need to focus now on performing well in school and next year, work. The only thing I've really gained from my stubbornness is the ability to see reality and accept it as is.
The only thing that I can do is mourn the feelings that need to just be put to rest. I needed to let go of how every word and every sentence Danny said made my own thoughts calm down. Because of his influence, things that I used to be unwilling to face are no longer difficult to deal with and it makes me more relaxed. Perhaps this sense of security he brings me made it twice as hard for me to just let him go, because it makes me want to fall for him every time I see him.
Someone shook my shoulder in an attempt to get me to pick my head up. The only person who really bothered to approach me openly was Sam, so I didn't have to lift my head to see that it was him there. He took out my headphones himself as he sat down.
"I assume you heard?" Sam asked.
"Yeah," I pointed to the two girls behind me. "I saw it too."
Sam sighed heavily. "Ronnie came up to our table during lunch and just said that he wanted to invite Ashton to pass Dan around the club now that he looks healthy enough to take a dick, and Ashton just lost his shit. I don't know what possessed Ronnie to have a go at Ashton like that out of the blue, but he definitely wasn't expecting that to happen. I think Ashton kind of snapped too. I mean Ronnie has been mocking Ashton for years, but he never got a response like that before."
"He made fun of Ashton?" Did Ronnie have a death wish?
"Yeah, everyone knows that Ronnie was the best on the team until Ashton joined in freshman year. Why do you think people call Ashton a country bumpkin? Ronnie started all that, Ashton just never cared about any of it enough to do anything. Ronnie also tried to make Ashton quit the team a few times but he can't since he's the only one that feels that way," Sam quickly explained. "It's a one-sided beef, but I guess he touched Ashton's bottom line."
"How did Danny react?" I asked without thinking.
"Like it was the greatest thing he'd ever seen," Sam shook his head. "I swear, that kid is impossible to figure out. I can't tell if he's a psycho or not, but he makes me wonder sometimes. Soyoung tells me he's the 'femme fetal' type, but who the hell really knows. That reminds me," Sam turned around and smiled his best smile at the girls behind us. "Hey, can you do me a favor and delete that video. It'll really help me and my friend out if you can help me stop the video from circulating."
The girls behind us squealed in agreement and promised to delete it from their phones and help him get other people to delete it as well. "What're you doing?"
"Trying to keep it from going on the internet or spreading outside of school," Sam said.
"Why?"
"Violent encounters is grounds for scandal, which is bad for business. It's better to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. It was quite the spectacle after all."
"Where did Ronnie get the balls to do something like that? Doesn't he know who Ashton is?"
"No, based on Ronnie's behavior, he really thinks Ashton's a regular countryman. I don't think anyone really knows about it and people tend not to believe it because he doesn't hang out of try to fit in with the other rich kids."
I remember not believing it when I was told that Ashton was of the rich kids. Martin and I were convinced that with his face, the only money he had came from nefarious activities. When we hung out with him, he just made it clear that he was a farmers son, which was technically true, but a huge understatement. "He has the ego for it, why does he keep it quiet?"
"Would that make you treat him any differently?"
"Probably."
"That's why he keeps it to himself. For some reason he wants to be as normal as possible. His ego is probably not as inflated as we think in the first place, although it's still huge. Either way, I wonder why Ashton snapped this time."
"This time?"
"Yeah, Danny gets hit on a lot ever since you stepped off, doesn't he? And aside from that, ever since he's been able to participate in gym classes and cut his hair, the locker room talk about him has gotten quite vulgar. These are straight guys calling him beautiful in their spare time because he looks so fuckable for some reason. If you ask me, the problem stems from that."
"Why?"
"Sometimes, when Ashton is at practice or something, he gets approached. They always mention that Danny's a guy, but they do it in really creepy ways. The last time, some kid from sophomore year gave him a love letter, but when we read it, it was just some kind of erotic proposition. It's crazy because Danny is just a regular guy, but he's such a perv magnet," Sam wiped his forehead. "I'm honestly worried that he can't be left alone."
I understood that. Danny was extremely beautiful, so beautiful that no one really could feel like they stood a real chance with him. It's easier to think that if you can't have him, then you'd rather hurt him. "What do you expect him to do? He looks like a girl but he's still a guy."
"Ugh! I feel like a concerned parent. How can I man him up?" Sam pondered.
If he started smoking, it may add to his....it might just make him look even sexier actually. A lot of people might say they've become attracted to him because Dan has a girlish face or because he didn't present as very masculine. I think Danny feels the same way deep down, that's why his rough and mean personality doesn't match his face. In reality, you were crazy if you couldn't acknowledge his beauty. The idiots are the ones who don't fall for his looks.
"It's impossible to keep people from looking," I knew that myself. In fact, when I had first noticed Danny's little quirk, I warned anyone who asked me about it to never approach him. But that didn't mean I was able to stop people from creeping on him completely. I knew a few people tried to take advantage of me bullying him to try and fuck him.
No one could've ever predicted Ashton being the one to finally get it. That's why people are shooting their shot right now.
"Ronnie still took it too far. That's the first time I've ever heard somebody ask for him to be passed around. Part of the appeal was that he was untouched but as dirty minded as everyone else," I admitted.
"Is that it?"
"You don't like men, so you don't get it."
"It's not like you like men either, just Danny. I can appreciate a pretty face, but I don't understand the sexual attraction part."
"It's....." What exactly was it that made me feel that sexual attraction to him? I know that I did, and that one time I was able to kiss him did feel great. "I don't know what it is. He's just girly enough to fuck."
"That's what I don't get. As girly as he looks, he's still a dude. But people keep saying they don't like men but want to fuck him. I'm starting to think I'm around a lot more closeted bisexuals than I thought," Sam threw his hands up in defeat.
"Sure, whatever."
"Ah, are you still in love?" Sam suddenly asked.
I thought back to what Dr. Mancini had been consistently pointing out to me. It was the moment I saw Danny and Martin speaking back in middle school that i suddenly realized that Danny was someone I didn't want to let go of. My downstairs thinking confused my upstairs brain into thinking that there was a possibility of more than there actually was. I quickly felt completely enamored with Danny after I met him, swearing up and down he was the perfect human being that does absolutely everything right and fits me like the metaphorical puzzle piece i've been searching for. I created an idea of him in my head that didn't necessarily match up to who he was. I started to confuse comfort and a sense of security with love from a young age since my parents weren't interested in me. When I was bored, fabricating an amazing relationship in my mind usually kept things interesting for me as well.
Jealousy, lust, infatuation, fantasy, comfort, security and boredom. All perfectly normal feelings for me to have in this situation, but none of them love. Just codependency because of my shitty parents.
"It's was never love, Sam. I was just overly obsessed with the idea of him that my infatuation felt like love," I said.
Sam looked at me in shock but quickly hid it. "You sound like a therapist. But that's a good thing I guess, at least you're back on earth with the rest of us."
Ouch, over the break, I forgot how straightforward Sam always was, no wonder him and Danny got along so well. "Thanks, I guess. Why aren't you checking up on your friend? Isn't he feeling sorry for hitting someone by now?"
"Do you really think he attacked Ronnie out of a sense of justice? Don't make me laugh, you're mistaking him acknowledging his sense of domination for regret. You're thinking very highly of him if you think Ashton is normal, even Danny knows it was all about Ashton's big ego."
I knew the guy wasn't normal. "Yeah."
"Ah, how was your break?"
"Meh," I shrugged. "Thanks for the stuff by the way. It's helpful."
Sam had sent over a Christmas tree with presents to match, food, essentials and pocket money to both Martin and I during Christmas, so it felt like a regular Christmas for both of us. Martin's first Christmas without his parents looked like it was the happiest he had ever been. When his grandparents came to check up on him, he instantly reverted into a normal little boy without any worries. I felt vindicated in feeling disgust for my immediate family, except for Giacomo, as neither my mom or dad reached out to say a word. In fact, I had no idea what they were doing or how they spent their holiday. As much as I expected nothing from them, it still hurt like a bitch.
"It was quiet. Martin and I were able to buy some new games so we played all day. That food you sent over was great as well. Martin keeps bitching about wanting to burn the tree though." I said.
"Do you not know?"
"Know what?"
"Did your parents not contact you at all?" Sam asked. I shook my head, silently wondering why he had asked about them. "Danny's dad was on vacation during break and, on Christmas, your mom and dad went over to try and talk to Danny."
I silently started to panic. No doubt it was my mothers idea to try that shit since we haven't actually gotten anywhere with each other. "What the fuck!"
"Dan said they came over under the guise of trying to fix your friendship without taking any responsibility. Your mom even suggested he break up with Ashton so he could tend to you for them. But really they tried to bully Danny into not retaliating on them."
"Danny would never do anything to them!"
"Yeah, well, your parents don't think so. Danny said they seem sure he's going to retaliate....hold on! They didn't even message you?"
"No." I mumbled. So she could find time to try and harass Danny, but won't send me a single message. "I hope he continues to shut them down. Who knows what the fuck they're thinking?"
"Want me to bring you to speak to them?"
"Are you kidding me?"
"You chased Danny harder than your own parents?"
"Unlike them, I'm thankful to Danny. He always spoiled me so he was worth more energy. Uh, they don't think I sent my parents over, do they?" Suddenly I felt very uneasy. Those motherfuckers might've ruined my source of therapy, not only for me, but Martin as well! "Fuck! I haven't received any messages! Does that mean I can still go to the clinic?"
"Bro, I don't know! Ask him yourself." Sam put his hands up.
"I don't think he'll even want to hear anything! What do you think even happened? I'm overthinking....I think, a lot and it's nerve wracking! I promised to stay away and I've been keeping my word, then my parents fucking crash his holiday. Sam, help me, I'm fucked," I begged.
"Relax. If they thought it was you, I'm sure Danny would've confronted you by now. You know he isn't one to stay quiet about these things. Worst case scenario, I'll help you, ok." Sam assured me. "Just keep on doing what you're doing."
Just in case, I quickly took out my phone and sent a message to Ashton explaining that I had no idea what my parents did and that I wasn't in contact with them. Part of me worried that I was already on thin ice since Danny came to visit me in the hospital, and knowing how egotistical Ashton could be according to Sam, this could very well be the end of any help I received.
Thankfully, Ashton didn't leave me in anticipation for long. I quickly received a message back acknowledging that he knew it wasn't my fault and not to worry about anything.
Relaxing in my seat, i took the time to go over the teachings of my doctor so I didn't have to think about Danny. Repeating it helped strengthen my resolve every time I heard about Danny or Ashton. To rid my mind of him, I had to remember myself and only myself. No matter what type of life I had in the past, knowing and understanding the circumstances of my own life will help me make decisions that could change the course of my life forever. But more importantly, it will also help me value the victories I have in life.
Despite having the terrible personality that I did, people suffocated me by crowding around me everyday at every moment. I just wanted to breathe, so I acted like an asshole to everyone I knew, except Martin. Unfortunately, whatever I did just made people like me even more. If they couldn't hate me, I thought it might be better to make them fear me, so I surrounded myself with delinquents.
People weren't as quick to approach me after that, but it still couldn't keep people away from me. Even after being straightforward with the people who bugged me, I still had several stalkers. There's still no quiet or peace for me as becoming quiet and withdrawn has only increased public interest. According to the girls, I had just gained an outcast quality that 'makes me a total heartthrob' or more mature.
Being popular sucks ass! Nothing was going like I wanted to it too and my broken leg was just making it worse. It wasn't me they loved anyway, it was just my face that attracted everyone. I knew that. I've even thought about mutilating it before, but I never did because I was too scared.
Danny was the only one who didn't care about that stuff.
Shit.
"Introduce me to some girls Sam," I sighed.
"I guess fucking your way through the pain is a viable option. I can call my uncle and-"
"No! Someone respectable like Soyoung."
"You think your ready for that kinda relationship? Or you want someone new so you won't feel lonely?" Sam asked me seriously. "And here I was thinking you were taking things seriously. You shouldn't ruin a good girl until you're fixed."
"You'd rather me fuck around and risk getting an STD?"
"Better that than some innocent girl you'll just ditch after you make progress in therapy. I can only help you find hoes."
"Come on man!"
"Ask Martin, I'm sure he knows someone perfect for you." Sam meant well in saying this, I know that. "If anything, a real from dating is just what you need."
"Do you feel uneasy because of me?"
"No. Well, of course I was properly shocked by how crazy you actually can be, but you are who you are. We're able to be real friends because you're committed to changing yourself, plus it's actually fun to hang out with you sometimes. Besides, it's not like I approached you without ulterior motives," Sam said. That's right, Sam approached me for the same reason everyone else did, how could I forget? Then again, the only reason I gave him the time of day was because I thought he was beneath me enough to fill in for Martin.
Geez, no wonder I couldn't make any real friends, even I think I sounded like an asshole.
"I just want an unsophisticated relationship with someone who doesn't care about looks or money. Someone who can just love me, you know?"
"That's impossible."
Did he really think that as well? Am I that unlovable? "How so?"
"You never reveal the softer sides of you, or really any information about yourself, so your partner will never know about the real you."
"That's true, but-"
"Then you can't expect people to fall for the real you. I mean, all you exs say you're an awful boyfriend who gets annoyed with their existence easily."
"Because they couldn't stimulate my mind!"
"Because they never learn anything about you and they end up being in a relationship by themselves. Although, they say the sex is good, that's the only thing they know about you."
"Is it?"
"Dude, I get being afraid of how other people will react to you, but obviously it won't chase everyone away."
"How did Soyoung react to hearing about your past?" I asked since it all seemed to come so easy to him, but I was equally shocked when he got quiet.
"About that...I'm kind of desperate for her not to find out about it," Sam avoided my eyes.
"What the hell?!"
"I'm just hiding most of my past from her because I don't want her to hate me. And I'm sure she's heard rumours before, but she's never spoken to me about it because I told her that I used to have girlfriends."
"So you lied?"
"You should've seen how she reacted when I told her the capacity of 'girlfriends' I had, imagine if I told her about all the other stuff I was doing."
"What's wrong with you doing all that sex stuff?"
"I'd rather not, besides, I'm sure she has an idea of it anyway. The only thing that's been playing in my favor for her is her acknowledgment that my love for her is genuine."
"How did you fall in love with her?"
"She was just unlike anyone I had ever seen before, so I had to have her, and I got aroused as soon as I met her, which no girl has been able to do for me. She's easy on the eyes, has a strong personality and our compatibility is off the charts in bed."
"What does she like about you?"
Sam shrugged. "Who knows, but I'm holding out on telling her everything."
"You can't expect her to fall for the real you," I mocked his earlier expression. "She doesn't even know who you are, fucking hypocrite."
"She has an idea!"
"Based on your lie that those girls were your girlfriends," I rolled my eyes. Maybe being in love wasn't as easy as I thought it was. I mean, I never told Danny about the abuse I got because I thought he would be disgusted with me since he liked tough guys.
"I love her so much that I can barely take it. No matter how many times I have her, it's never enough for me. I can't stand not being with her all the time, and I don't know what I'm going to do when she goes back to Korea, let alone what she might do. When I think about that, I think there's no way I could possibly tell her something like that. It's the first time I've fallen in love with someone, so I'm lost on what to do." Sam sighed.
"Ask your parents."
"Yeah, I'll just go ask the two people in a loveless arranged marriage what I should do in this kind of situation. Let's be real here!"
"Who's to say she doesn't already know?" I asked. Sam opened his mouth to argue but in the end he couldn't say a word. We both knew that unlike Sam's other flings, Soyoung had the resources to find out whatever she wanted to find out just like he did. "I mean, it's better to hear it from you than someone else, maybe that's why she's really upset."
Sam slumped back in his seat and rubbed his eyes. "Shit, I'm screwed. You know, when your head is clear, you say smarter things. I didn't even consider that."
"Why? She's a lady of your standard, right? Why wouldn't she be able to find things out herself. Her and her friends probably know all about you by now."
"Now that you mention it, her sister was especially skeptical of me. I thought it was just a cultural thing but it might really be that!"
"Ha, you're screwed." I chuckled feeling genuinely amused by this dilemma.
"Since you're on Soyoung's side, you'll be glad to know that she thinks you and Martin are in love with each other." Sam smiled.
That wasn't funny at all. "Fuck all the way off."
"No, no, I can see where's she's coming from since she's so damn rational," Sam argued sarcastically. "After all, you guys have been close for so long, you two are only nice to each other, you two moved in together, you two know everything about each other. If I didn't see it for myself, I would've assumed you guys were sleeping in the same bed and spooning each other. PS, according to her, you're the little spoon."
"What the fuck is wrong with that girl?" I muttered not finding any of that plausible. "Martin's like a brother to me."
"I gave her context to the situation but she still thinks you guys are into each other. If you ask me, it's more like Martin is in love with you, given his actions. But I was wrong about Ashton being a psycho possessive boyfriend, so take my words with a grain of salt, I'm probably wrong."
"I think you are too. Martin isn't gay."
"He's probably bisexual like you. He did confess to Danny right in front of me, so it's not impossible."
"We established that Danny is a special case."
"Bullshit."
"Well, even if you're right, he'll come and tell me if he is. You see, I've never had to wait very long for anyone in my life," I said confidently. It wasn't true anyway, I would've noticed if it was. "Anyway, just tell her about it before someone else can. Those girls would just die to tell her everything given the chance."
"I guess you're right."
"You two are the ideal couple, or so I've heard."
"Ideal couple? We fight all the time, she even gets physical sometimes, although it always leads to amazing sex.....no one wants to fight as much, but she sure knows how to get me going." Sam said.
"That's messed up-"
"You know what's messed up? How you two have been speaking throughout more than half of my class," the teachers voice cut me off causing both Sam and I to jump in our seats. She stared at us like we were the scum at the bottom of her shoe. "Some kids actually take graduation seriously, so if you aren't going to pay attention, leave my classroom."
Not wanting to be under her hateful gaze much longer, I decided to gather my books and crutches to leave despite Sam's protest. I didn't like the way that teacher was looking at me like I was trash anyway, it reminded me of my mother and I didn't love it. It felt like the longer I stayed, the more she would piss me off and criticize me.
I made my way down the empty hallway, moderately surprised that there wasn't many other people skipping class. Usually by now I'd see at least the remnants of the old group I used to be around hanging out or plotting around here, but they were no where to be seen. It suddenly made me feel childish for leaving in the middle of a lesson.
I rounded the corner of the hallway noticing someone standing there leaning against the wall with their head down. Why would a person be just standing there like they were in pain? I had a brief thought to ignore the person in the corner and I started to turn back in the direction I came, but I stopped myself and pushed away the thought to not venture into the corner and I became determined to investigate who had just crouched down and hugged his knees.
I cautiously made my way towards the corner of the hallway. From where I was, I could make out the shadow of a big guy whose face was partially hidden by big hands. "Ashton?" I kneeled down on my hood leg across from him as I noted the glare from his blue eyes that seemed to shine despite the darkness. I wonder what the hell he was upset about.
"I don't recall requesting you to join me here," growled the distraught boy.
"You're right, you didn't, Ashton," i replied icily. "If you're waiting for someone, I'll leave, but as it stands, I was curious to discover someone else skipping class, and I wanted to see who was here and why."
There was a long pause, before Ashton replied. "Well, Vincenzo, as I was happily enjoying some quality alone time until you decided to walk through the basic walls I placed up, I could ask you the same thing. So, care to tell me why you're here and why you decided to grace me with your presence when you must have been able to detect that I did not want to be disturbed."
I tried to look into Ashton's eyes, but it was too hard for me to discern any emotion from them whatsoever. Even so, I didn't much appreciate his attitude. "For being the literal Golden Boy who's basically, I suspect you're expecting me to drop to my knees and apologize for interrupting your time. But then, if that's really what you wanted you would have already told me to fuck off or attack me like you did Ronnie, not to mention then it would also prove Sam right."
Ashton raised an eyebrow at this comment, and I thought I noted a bemused look on his face for a second. "And just what would Sam be right about?"
"That you are finally getting over your fake innocent act and you're just as psycho as I was over Danny because he gave you the attention you were so obviously seeking," I said clearly.
Ashton sighed. Slowly he replied, "So what, is that just what Sam said? Or was that commonly accepted by you as the truth?"
I realized that I may have over stepped my welcome at this point. He was obviously working through things mentally, "I was just telling you what Sam would say to you. Personally, I would like to say thanks for not blaming me for what my parents did. I haven't heard from them since I got discharged from the hospital."
"Well, Vinny. We spent six years together at school and barely spoke to each other, and now we find ourselves sitting in an empty hallway, and you thank me for something I had that I'm doing to keep you away from my boyfriend? Well, then to you Vincenzo, I say that you are so very fucking welcome."
"Who pissed in your cereal?" I asked. I've never heard anyone sound so insanely bitter.
"Well, maybe I am a little pissed off.....or maybe I'm just feeling a little sorry for myself today, but my anger is my problem to handle. I came here to spend some quality time with myself, alone, with only my thoughts, and then you walk in. So, I have no need to apologize to you for my mood if it is less than pleasant and a little self serving." Did he talk formally when he was upset? I couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the absurd guy across from me. I had clearly annoyed him. "And what, pray tell, is so funny now?" His voice took on a harder edge as he emphasized the last few words, after briefly trying to be friendly just a moment before.
"I am not laughing at you, Ashton," I put my hands up in surrender. "I just find it ironic that the first real conversation I ever have with you, the Golden Child, is you wanting to do nothing more than cry because you're feeling sorry for yourself. And before you get mad at me, I am not trying to imply that you don't have your reasons to be irritable. Sam told me what Ronnie said, so I understand wanting to kill him. I just figured that you had your life more sorted out. You've gotten to a place where no one can mess with you, you have the perfect genuine boyfriend in Danny, and you have all of the money anyone could ask for. So what could be upsetting you?"
"Are you always this much fun to be around?" Ashton complained. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'm not usually a violent guy and words don't usually get to me, so I don't get why I snapped. Im just trying to figure that out."
"Isn't that normal? Ronnie said something crazy, he started it."
"But my reaction is considered irrational," Ashton said. "I fucked up. You wouldn't understand how everything I do is a big deal for the future. The clean up is a pain in the ass!"
It was just a beat down, and it's not like it come out of nowhere. Ronnie fully had it coming, so I wondered why Ashton was so distraught about pummeling him. I don't understand the rich. "Well, perhaps if I can get my foot out of my mouth we can start this conversation again. You're right, it is not my place to pry or criticize. I just figured that you of all people would have their life all settled with everything you could ever ask for. Feel free to take it out on me."
"Isn't that what I'm already doing?" He muttered.
Motherfucker! "You beat him up, so what? You were just defending Danny from someone whose jealous. And the stress of constantly fending creepy hornballs away from Danny must be getting to you."
"Shouldn't he be the last thing you talk about?"
"That part of me died after he visited me in the hospital," I assured him with a scowl. "It may have been love, or it may have been codependency, or even my obsession with not being alone, but I was never in love with Danny. I can't fathom what that kind of love even feels like."
"That's pissing me off. I don't care if people like him, I just need them to stay the fuck away. I fucking lost it and now I'm suspended for three days. I've never been suspended before, you may think it's no big deal but I'm not used to being a troublemaker! My moms going to kill me."
"Well it's three days off, what's the issue?" I sighed. "Besides, no one really cares what you do in high school. It's what happens after that everyone freaks out about, and it's not like you can't bury the news. On top of that, you defended Danny, so I don't think you did anything wrong."
"Don't try to comfort me, you're worse at it than Danny," Ashton stood up and helped me stand. "I appreciate the sentiment, and I get it's not a big deal to you, but for now I just need to think. Leave me alone."
Ungrateful. Now I remember why I hate being nice to people. Fuck them and fuck this.
I'm going to therapy. There's too much I have to workout myself.