There was no word I could use to describe my current mood.
The studio was wrapping up with the staff moving the chairs and equipment around the set. They'd glance my way giving the occasional nod whenever they passed me.
Letting out a breath, I could see my own soul slipping out of my breath.
Putting on the friendliest expression I could muster, I walked up to the writer.
"About the last clip..."
"Do you want me to delete it?"
The writer asked with a faint smile on his face. I raised my brow. Could I really get it deleted?
"If possible... That'd be pretty helpful."
"Sadly, I'm a mere writer. I'm not very helpful."
I clicked my tongue. At least don't get my hopes up. Although I already knew it wasn't possible, a small part of me held on to the slight hope that it might just happen. But yeah, who was I to hope?
"Don't worry."
The writer patted me on the shoulder.
"The clip was funny. You don't have to worry about the audience turning on you. As embarrassing as it was for you, it made for great entertainment. Even the other teams couldn't help but laugh at it."
With another pat on my shoulder and a few more words of encouragement, he left directly, leaving me standing all alone on the set.
That was until the girls finally managed to find me.
Wearing a flat face, the first one to come up to me was Mia.
"How are you doing manager?"
"How do you think I'm doing?"
"Hmm."
Mia carefully studied my face before nodding repeatedly to herself.
Did she figure something out?
"No idea. Your expression barely changes so it's hard for me to figure it out on normal occasions, let alone now."
"Then why did you ask...?"
"Well, I mean..."
She didn't continue from there. The meaning behind her words was clear for me to understand.
"Whatever. What's already happened has happened. Where's Joana?"
Oddly, she was the only one missing at the moment. As I looked around, I saw no sign of her.
"She should still be near the changing rooms. I think she's taking a phone call, but her expression didn't seem to be quite right... I'm not entirely sure."
Olivia said as she looked behind her with a frown. Mia added beside her.
"Her expression was rather... how should I put it? Scary? I don't know. Just seemed unlike her usual self. I think you should check it out."
"Don't worry, I will."
Nodding my head, I pondered for a moment, thinking about my next step before finally coming to a decision.
"You girls go to the van. Here's the location of the van, I'll wait for Joana here and join you guys in a bit."
"Sure. We'll meet you at the van."
Waving at me, the girls quietly left. After I made sure they had all left, I headed for the changing rooms.
'Just what exactly happened?'
Although Olivia tried to hide it, I could see the worry in her eyes when she told me about the situation. I couldn't blame her. Of all the girls, Joana was the most mature in the group and hardly seemed fazed by anything.
For her to suddenly act in a way that would alarm Olivia out of all people... what kind of expression was she making?
I had just arrived at the waiting room and was about to call her when I stopped myself.
"I see... Like I said, I'm really happy for all of you."
Though faint, I could discern Joana's voice as her voice sounded from behind the changing room door. Her voice was unusually low.
"Me? Well, I'm doing fine. I just came off of an interview with my members... Yes, I'm still with them."
Family members?
That was the first thought that popped into my mind as I heard the conversation. There didn't seem to be anything unusual with it.
"No, I really like them. I'm enjoying my time with them a lot. I'm not regretting my decision from back then... I'm really happy for you all."
Although it was a bit rude of me to listen in on her conversation, I couldn't help but realize that her tone sounded unusually flat. It was as if she really didn't mean the words that she was saying.
"Well, I have to go now. It was nice catching up with you all again. I hope we can see each other again soon, and best of luck with your raid."
Raid?
Before I had time to dwell over her words, the door opened and Joana came out of the dressing room. Her eyes opened wide at the sight of me.
"Uh, manager! What are you doing here?"
"What do you think?"
I flashed her my watch to show her the time. In response, she smiled apologetically.
"I'm sorry. I had to take a call."
"I can tell."
"You've heard... haven't you?"
Joana looked at me with a bitter look. I didn't deny it and simply nodded my head.
"I heard everything. Not that I wanted to, but the soundproofing isn't very good over here, so I couldn't help but listen in."
No, that was I lie. I did want to listen in on the conversation.
It was my job as the manager to make sure that everything functioned smoothly within the group. I needed to be aware of any potential problems the girls were dealing with, no matter how small, to maintain harmony within the group.
That was my duty as their manager.
And Joana seemed to have realized this as well as she didn't call me out on my obvious lie.
"I see..."
"You know, next time you want to have a private conversation, at least try to hide your expression."
"Yes?"
"You had the girls worried about how you were looking."
"Ah."
With a look of realization, Joana lowered her head and put her phone away.
"So I was that obvious, huh?"
"You were."
There was no denying it. If even Olivia could tell, then anyone could tell.
"I won't force you to tell me what's going on, but as your manager, I'd like to know if there's something that's bothering you. You don't worry about me telling the girls about it. I have an iron mouth."
"An iron mouth?"
"Yes... You can trust I won't say anything to them."
"Oh."
Joana bit her lips, seemingly struggling to speak.
I quickly added.
"If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."
"No, it's fine. It's the past anyways, and it's not like I can hide it anyways."
I thought her voice was normal, but toward the end, I could feel the bitterness hidden within it.
"You know I'm twenty-four, right? I've also been with Blue Daisy for three years now."
"Yes."
Where was she getting at with this?
"Actually, before Blue Daisy, I was with another group..."
Ah.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment. It finally dawned on me what the problem was. About the fact that Blue Daisy wasn't her first group. I was already aware of it.
"As of yesterday, the group I was in [Mad Tempest] became a Tier 3 group. I was just on a call with them to congratulate them on their success."
"...You're jealous?"
Joana paused before lowering her head, and nodding her head.
"I won't lie to you. I am. I'm jealous. Extremely so. I'm jealous that they managed to succeed without me while I'm still stuck at Tier 1."
"So you're telling me that you regret leaving them?"
"No... I don't regret leaving."
"Then..."
"It has always been my dream to be a popular Star Chaser. I knew from the very beginning that if I stayed with them I'd be successful."
"But..."
"I just couldn't stand them. The atmosphere, our managers, their behaviors. Everything about my previous group. I couldn't stand it. It was as if I was walking on thin ice every single day, constantly worrying about whether I'd get backstabbed by one of my members. The pressure was too much, and so I quit."
With a purse of her lips, Joana took a deep breath.
"Don't get me wrong. I'm happy where I am. I truly am, but—"
"You can't keep yourself from being jealous, right?"
I finished the sentence for her.
"Yes..."
"I get what you mean."
In more ways than others, I could understand where she was coming from. Seeing people you were once on par with suddenly surpass you and reach heights you never thought you could... A lot of people would feel jealous.
"Being jealous and everything. I get what you're feeling."
"You also get jealous?"
I smiled and nodded.
There was nothing wrong with being jealous. It was human nature. I felt no shame in saying that I too underwent similar emotions in the past. Getting past that phase was what led to growth.
"All the time, actually. Even when now when I see you girls inside of dungeons. I feel jealous."
"Wait, what...?"
"I wanted to be a Star Chaser like you in the past. It was a dream of mine, but... As you can see, I failed."
"Oh... Sorry. I didn't know."
"Don't be."
I patted Joana on the shoulder.
"I have a new dream now."
Joana blinked as she looked at me curiously.
"Your dream... If you don't mind me asking. What is it?"
"You reaching the top."
"...What?"
I silently clicked my tongue. If only I could take a picture of the face she was making right now.
"What I want is for you to reach the place that I could only dream of reaching. Even though I can't achieve my dream on my own, it doesn't mean I can't have others achieve it for me. At the very least, I want to be a part of it."
"... "
I stopped talking and observed Joana before me. She had gone quiet all of a sudden. And then, her mouth parted as she whispered.
"You're crazy."
"I know."
"Crazy. I said you're crazy."
Her voice grew louder with each word.
"Now that you told me this, I feel like the pressure has suddenly increased. Damn."
Joana patted her arms as if trying to warm herself.
"I'm getting damn goosebumps."
I simply smiled at her. Or least, what I hoped was a smile.
"Does that mean you're going to quit?"
Joana looked at me before rolling her eyes.
"As if..."
"Does that mean you'll help me?"
"...I guess."
Joana quietly nodded, then suddenly went quiet again. Her brows furrowed together, and she seemed to be in deep thought. Realizing that the situation was turning a bit awkward, I thought better of it and shot my shot.
"What did the farmer who lost his truck say?"
"Yes...? What? Farmer?"
Joana looked up at me, and while it might have been my imagination, I could've sworn I saw a big question mark appear above her head as she tilted it to the side. Then, as if realizing what was going on, her eyes opened up slightly.
"...You, are you trying to cheer me up with a joke?"
"Could be."
I shrugged my shoulders.
After a brief struggle, a smile finally graced her lips as her head tilted.
"Hmm~ Who knows? What did he say?"
"Where's my truck?"
"..."
I nervously looked at Joana who was staring back at me with open eyes.
A wheel twirled at the top of her head as she tried to process my joke. Her mouth opened and closed multiple times.
Then, after a brief moment of silence, Joana covered her mouth and rested her hand on my shoulder.
"M,manger."
"Yes?"
"That delivery,y... Pftt."
Her shoulders trembled as she tried to stifle her laugh.
"I,it was perf...pftt...ect. Ptui! Hahahahaha."
She finally burst out laughing as she held onto her stomach and bent over.
"Hahahaha... Pftt. Where's my truck? Where's the punchline? How is this even supposed to be a joke?"
I almost felt proud at that moment. Who said my jokes were bad? At least someone appreciated them.
But at the same time, I felt relieved. She no longer appeared as down as she did moments ago.
It took a bit for Joana to finally calm herself down as she wiped the corner of her eyes.
"Thank you."
She took a deep breath, patting her clothes.
"I really needed that."
"Glad to have been of help."
"But manager..."
"Yes?"
"Hmmm. About the joke..."
"What about it?"
"Don't say it to anyone else."
"Huh? Why?"
I blinked my eyes, unable to understand where she was coming from. Seeing how hard she was laughing, I thought I could share it with the other girls when the opportunity presented itself.
And yet, when I looked at Joana, she was making a difficult face.
"Well... About that. I don't think telling the other girls is a very good idea."
"Eh?"
"How should I put this? I think you may end up getting cursed at instead."
What? That bad?
"Then..."
"I'm different from them."
"Wha—"
"Well, it's getting late. Let's go."
"No, wait..."
I reached out with my hand, but she had already headed toward the exit.
"Joana. Wait up."
I rushed to catch up to her.
"At least tell me why."