Eugene arrived at my cottage promptly at nine in the morning, and I had already prepared everything in advance. I had carefully packed our essentials into the car, including lunch, ensuring that we were fully prepared for the rest of the day. Earlier, at six o'clock, I had awakened from my sleep, my excitement preventing me from resting any further. Meanwhile, Lorraine was still peacefully asleep, as she had planned to enjoy a leisurely outdoor outing with Brenda later in the morning, leaving around eleven or even later. To ensure Lorraine didn't miss out on breakfast, I had prepared a portion for her, which I instantly stored in the oven for her to reheat at her convenience.
When Eugene inquired about our destination, I simply informed him that I desired a break and that we were just roaming around the city. However, I purposely refrained from disclosing my specific location to him. Throughout our journey, I discreetly glanced at the GPS on my phone, ensuring that he remained unaware of the directions being relayed through my earphones.
"We have been on the road for close to thirty minutes. Are you kidnapping me, Miss River Alecia Landon?"
I loved it when he used my full name, and it was an instant turn-on for me. Upon stealing a quick glance at him, I noticed that his physical demeanor contradicted his accusatory tone, as he appeared relaxed, leaning back in his seat and subtly swaying his head in rhythm with the music playing in the background. His relaxed posture and rhythmic movements conveyed a sense of ease and calmness.
"Yeah, if you don't want to get tortured, it would be advisable for you to escape immediately."
I stated pretty seriously as we sat in traffic at a red signal. He chuckled and glanced at me, a mischievous spark in his eyes.
"Naah, it seems that I have a peculiar kink when it comes to kidnappers."
He replied, wiggling his eyebrows, and his playful actions brought a big smile to my face. I burst out laughing, unable to resist his infectious sense of humor. His lightheartedness instantly lifted my spirits, reminding me why I enjoyed spending time with him.
As we continued our conversation, anticipation grew within me as I spotted the signboard for Lumphini Park. It was the perfect escape from the bustling city of Bangkok, offering a serene sanctuary in the midst of chaos. With limited time on our hands, I had chosen this expansive park as our place, hoping it would provide us with a temporary breathing space from reality.
As I pulled into the parking lot outside the park, Eugene was completely absorbed in his phone, tapping away with lightning speed. Finally tearing his eyes away from the screen, he glanced around in confusion. With a scrunched nose and a raised eyebrow, he turned to me, his expression a perfect blend of surprise and curiosity.
"Location hunting?"
He asked once he took in the arch and realized where we were. Now, I was speechless. I didn't want to tell him it was a date, as that sounded cheesy. I didn't want to lie to him and tell him that it was location hunting too, since I didn't want him to think that this outing was a part of our park. So, I just shrugged.
"I kind of wanted a change. This park sounded like a good idea. Fresh air, can walk around a little, good climate..."
I was searching my vocabulary for the next right word, but I stopped when I saw him smirking. His playful grin told me that he had seen right through my attempt at playing it cool. It was clear that he knew this was more than just a casual outing, and I couldn't help but blush at the thought of him catching on to my intentions. I couldn't deny the excitement that filled my heart, even if I tried to downplay it with words.
"What?"
I asked, suddenly not able to look into his eyes, but still I didn't give up.
"Don't tell me you have packed home-made food in the trunk."
"What? No! Why would I?"
I desperately tried to capture Eugene's attention, my words tumbling out with an unconvincing fervor. It was as though my voice was betraying me, sounding artificial even to my own ears. I should have known better than to underestimate his perceptiveness; he was no fool. Embarrassment surged through me, heating up my cheeks until they were flushed with a deep shade of crimson. What a terrible idea this had been, I scolded myself. I had wanted to surprise him, but now it felt painfully cliché. How could I have been so thoughtless? Would my gesture burden him in some way? These questions engulfed my mind, fueling my anxiety and leaving me to wonder about the consequences of my impulsive actions.
"Ummm... The thing is..."
As beads of sweat trickled down my forehead, I could feel his piercing gaze burning into my very soul. Despite his silence, his presence alone seemed to suffocate me in the car, amplifying my unease. My trembling hands couldn't help but fidget nervously with the steering wheel, trapped in a whirlwind of doubt and concern. An overwhelming urge to hit reverse to escape from this intimidating atmosphere consumed my thoughts. In that moment, even fleeing seemed like a more appealing option than facing whatever awaited me here.
"Say cheese."
While I sat there, consumed by my own thoughts, his cheerful voice shattered the silence and caught me completely off guard. Startled, I instinctively raised my head, only to be greeted by the blinding flash of a camera shutter. A poorly timed selfie captured my wide eyes and gaping mouth, making me look like a complete fool. Meanwhile, Eugene sported a full-blown smile, his eyes representing two slits demonstrating how happy he was. The resulting photograph was nothing short of disastrous—slightly blurry and showcasing me, looking as dumbfounded as humanly possible.
"What the hell was that?"
I asked, stupefied.
"To remember our very first date."
I had been ready to correct him and tell him that it was not exactly a date, but before I could say anything, he swiftly got out of the car, leaving me in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. I felt a mix of embarrassment and happiness at the thought of his reaction.
"Open the boot. I will get the food."
With a shy smile still on my face, I gathered my thoughts and followed him, opening the trunk as he had asked.
"It's not a date. Like I said, it's just an outing. To have a fresh mind."
Despite my inner joy, I remained defiant and crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. Eugene disregarded my defensive stance, proceeding to whistle casually as he effortlessly lifted the boxes. He then positioned himself directly in front of me, his hands occupied with the task at hand, yet a wide grin remained plastered on his face.
"Whatever lets you sleep at night, Miss Arrogant."
He said, rolling his eyes, and before I could form a response, he surprised me by leaning in and planting a quick, gentle kiss on my lips. The touch was fleeting, yet it left a lasting impression. It was the sweetness of the gesture that struck me, but what made it even more appealing was the fact that we were in plain view of everyone. There was no hesitation in his action, and in that instant, I realized that I liked it more than I should have.
The atmosphere during that morning's working day was surprisingly serene, with only a small number of individuals scattered throughout the area. Some students who had decided to skip their classes and a group of office workers, dressed in their professional suits, gathered around a laptop, engrossed in a discussion. The cleaning staff diligently went about their tasks while mothers pushed strollers, accompanied by playful toddlers. And amidst it all, a small cluster of elderly people were seen practicing laughter yoga, their contagious joy filling the air. The lack of crowds and the multitude of different activities taking place added a unique charm to the scene. The rare sight of folks freely enjoying their day, whether it was through skipping commitments, engaging in professional discussions, or simply basking in the company of loved ones, created an atmosphere of contentment. It was as if the surroundings were responding to my own positive state of mind, amplifying the feeling of being in good spirits.
As we continued walking towards the lake, our laughter and conversation filled the air. Our carefree mannerisms brought us back to our teenage years, where everything seemed simple and amusing. I was captivated by Eugene's playful nature as he gave a random boy a piggy ride while I waited with the food boxes. In that moment, I couldn't help but contemplate Eugene as a father, and I couldn't shake off the feeling of envy. I imagined Eugene playing with his own child, creating precious memories that I realized I could never be a part of. I knew deep down that I couldn't be the mother of his child. It wasn't that I was incapable of becoming a mother; rather, I didn't want to bring a child into an unstable and mentally unfit environment. Despite the longing, I firmly believed that it was better to not have a baby than to raise one in an unhealthy setting. I felt I needed to prioritize my own personal growth and healing before considering bringing another life into this world. The decision to not have a child was a difficult one, but I firmly believed it was the best choice for both myself and any potential infant.
The kid suddenly reached into his little pocket and pulled out a small piece of chocolate. With a wide, toothless grin, he held it out to Eugene, his eyes shining with innocence. Eugene, surprised but touched by the gesture, accepted the chocolate and ruffled the toddler's hair affectionately. It was a sweet moment of kindness and connection that warmed my heart.
Once we reached the lake, I realized that I hadn't brought a picnic blanket. However, the plain grass seemed inviting enough, despite being slightly damp from the morning watering. We set out our food, and Eugene's eyes lit up at the sight of the spread. It was clear that we were both famished, having skipped breakfast. The hunger, combined with the fresh air and serene surroundings, made the food even more enticing. We eagerly dug in, savoring every bite and enjoying the simple pleasure of each other's company.
"You made a lot."
With a grin expanding across my face, I couldn't help but appreciate myself while eyeing the mouthwatering array of delicacies neatly arranged in the containers before me. Each one held a unique dish: sticky rice, fresh bread slathered with creamy butter and jam, fluffy omelets, chicken curry, orange juice, and a few more. Lorraine was definitely not going to let this go. In fact, I am certain she has already called April and given her the details. I can deal with them later. I munched on the crunchy seaweed, liking the salty taste.
"So, what's up?"
He inquired about my silence, and in response, I simply shrugged my shoulders. It makes me wonder if he possesses some kind of ability to perceive my thoughts. It seems that he is constantly aware of any change in my mood.
"You have a natural ability to connect with kids."
I said this with a slight smile on my face, and his expression transformed into a wide, beaming grin.
"My sister is blessed with twins, and let me tell you, they are quite a handful! But do you want to know who their absolute favorite uncle is?"
Eugene's proud expression glistened as he asked, and red curry dribbled from his open mouth. I chuckled, watching him amusingly, and wiped off the gravy with the side of my hand.
"If this were some K-Drama, we would be staring at each other for half of the episode."
He was not wrong, though. The intense awareness that would typically accompany such an interaction seemed to be nonexistent between us. Surprisingly, the absence of those familiar feelings felt oddly terrifying, as if these kinds of exchanges had become second nature, something we had done countless times before. And that was really scaring me. Familiarity means he is becoming a part of my life. Plus, he too didn't look awkward as I made such gestures.
"You will make a great father."
On hearing me, Eugene paused with his chopsticks in mid-air while picking up a piece of bread. A sigh escaped his lips as he confessed.
"I don't know if I want to become a father."
The words hung in the air, making me ponder if he truly meant them or if he was simply saying them for my sake. After all, he knew of my aversion to parenthood.
We were enveloped in a tranquil silence then, our gaze fixed on the undulating waters as we savored our meal.
"Eugene..."
"Hmm..."
Our eyes refused to meet. Sometimes, choosing not to look can reveal more than a thousand stolen glances ever could. My vision blurred, my emotions surged forth, and for once in my life, I allowed myself to surrender to their power. The moisture that gathered in my eyes was not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to the immense depth of my scar.
"I can never love you."
..............