For the next few days, we engaged in quite a lot of passionate kissing and more. We found ourselves making out in various locations, including the car, my cottage, washrooms, dressing rooms, behind the tents, and in every hidden and forgotten corner. Our desire for each other was so intense that even during work, we couldn't resist stealing glances at each other. Whenever the opportunity arose, we quickly found the nearest secluded spot to indulge in our fiery activities. We literally behaved like two horny teenagers during the heat.
We never had sex, but with each passing day, the intensity between us grew exponentially, like a simmering cauldron of desire on the brink of boiling over. Our connection grew increasingly electrifying, igniting a violent excitement that seemed to keep building up. With an insatiable curiosity, we pushed the boundaries of our desires. It was both thrilling and exhilarating, like treading along uncharted waters, and I was stepping into depths of lust that I had never dared to venture before with anyone else. This growing intensity between us eclipsed anything I had ever experienced in all my life.
Eugene possessed an extraordinary ability to incorporate restraint into our interactions, even when I pressed further. It was as if he regarded me as a delicate porcelain glass, cautiously avoiding any action that could fracture me mentally or physically. He ensured my comfort at every step with utmost consideration, even noticing the slightest shift in energy within me. In such instances, he would halt whatever he was doing without delay and effortlessly redirect my attention, be it through tender kisses or cracking a joke that would immediately ease my nerves.
Lorraine has grown accustomed to his presence in our home by now, and she often catches us in awkward situations. However, she has adapted to it well over time. Still, she remains unaware of our relationship status and has never inquired about it. Even April, content with the fact that we maintain a positive connection, has no wish to define our current business with a label. April sometimes jokes that we are in a 'situation ship', yet I know she doesn't believe that. What I feel for Eugene is more than transitory, something I am trying to dodge myself from affirming.
As the days turned into weeks, our attachment blossomed into something genuinely unique. We went on several trips together, strolling through bustling streets and trying exotic foods, stealing meaningful glimpses amidst the chaos of our workday, and going to malls for shopping hand in hand. And of course, the nights we shared, where our bodies intertwined with an appealing vulnerability, or perhaps what truly bonded us was the friendship we had for each other, It was downright ridiculous, regaling him with stories of my ex-boyfriends and the melodramatic breakups that seemed like a big deal at the time. He, too, shared a lot with me and admitted to me how uncomfortable he was with girls during middle school. But his past romantic encounters were nothing compared to mine.
"Wait, so you actually ended things with him through an email? You are joking, right?"
Eugene demanded with a mix of confusion and amazement, his tone laced with hilarity. As we sat in the comfort of my room, with him reclined against the headrest and me leaning over his chest, I couldn't help but notice the gentle vibrations arising from his chest as he chuckled softly. A laptop sat on the portable table in front of us, displaying my third boyfriend's Instagram profile, although my focus was not on it. Instead, my attention was captivated by the way his long, thick fingers felt in my hands. I found myself engrossed in playing with his digits, enjoying the sensation of flexing them and the satisfying sound of knuckles being cracked. What these parts could do to certain parts of mine was beyond explainable, and I quickly diverted my mind from wandering into such thoughts. This was our conversation time, and no matter how much I wanted those fingers in the concerned pleasure areas, I was going to refrain from being a pervert, even though I doubt he would find it objectionable. In fact, he gets super excited when I demand stuff from him or have my way with him.
"In my defense, he was also a bit of a douche. Alex was only after my virginity. He even mentioned it in the return email, along with many other mean things that I don't exactly remember."
I pointed it out instantly, and Eugene laughed again.
"Damn boy, he even responded to your email? Why do I feel like your subject line will be hilarious? I am genuinely curious."
Eugene added, shaking his head in amusement.
"I titled it "BREAK UP ASAP" in the uppercase form simply because I refused to beat around the bush. I didn't want him to get any ideas once he received my message."
"Oh my God!"
Eugene's uproarious laughter filled the room; his convulsive wheezes reverberated off the walls, and his entire body engulfed me in a tight hold. Knowing that I was the reason behind his happiness filled my heart with an unusual lightness and pride, as if a helium balloon of bliss had lifted me up. Like a piece fitting perfectly into a grand puzzle, I had finally found my place—a sense of belonging that made my heart dance with glee.
It feels like we've been riding this rollercoaster of 'friends with benefits' for what seems like an eternity, but it's only been a month. And not once have I experienced even a smidgen of regret. We created this beautiful waltz between giving each other the space we needed while also being rock-solid pillars of support during our tough moments. Our make-out sessions, fueled by an insatiable hunger, always left us craving more, like two ravenous animals caught in a delicious cycle of lust. Who knew I could pine for someone so intensely? I assumed I would be tired of him, but now my problem is that I can't get enough of him.
"I have had some pretty intriguing relationships in the past, too, but I'll hand it to you, woman. You've defeated me."
Eugene chortled as I playfully elbowed him in the stomach.
"So, what led to your breakup with Juan? She seemed like a fairly nice person."
Since I wasn't acquainted with his other former partners, I inquired specifically about Juan.
"Juan is a nice girl. We were classmates, but we never had any romantic feelings towards each other, at least not for me. A few years ago, we happened to meet again at one of our gatherings. She jokingly mentioned how she used to have this long-term crush on me back then, and our friends were all playing cupids. So we just decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, it didn't work out."
"Why is that?"
I asked, now filled with curiosity.
"I am the one to be solely blamed for our separation. At that time, I was becoming fixated on a particular public figure, which unfortunately became an unhealthy obsession for me. This fascination started to affect my relationship with Juan, especially during our dates or whenever we were spending time together. I never noticed that my conversations with Juan revolved entirely around this person until she pointed it out. Realizing the negative effects this had on our communication, Juan expressed concerns about the unhealthy nature of our relationship and how she felt like a third person."
I let out a soft hum of surprise. I never would have expected Eugene to be such an enthusiastic fan of anyone. The way he mentioned it, with a hint of shyness in his voice, made me think that he didn't want to reveal the name of this personage to me. I couldn't help but wonder if it might be someone I know personally, which would explain his reluctance. However, I sincerely hope it's not Carla, as that would definitely make things awkward.
"So, you're not really obsessed with this celebrity anymore?"
I suggested, emphasizing the word obsessed with air quotes.
"I don't think I will ever stop admiring them, but I no longer consider it unhealthy. I used to believe she was a superhuman, but it turns out she's just like anyone else. Strong, but still a human being. If anything, I respect her more now."
There was a tenderness in his voice as he spoke about her, and for some reason, it bothered me specifically after finding out it was a woman. I was feeling extremely jealous. I tried to imagine how Juan must have felt, although I'm not sure if I really can. Just the softness in his tone when he mentioned her was difficult for me to accept. I can't even fathom what he was like during the height of his obsession. I suppose I never want to find out.
"Hmm... So, what's the longest relationship you've had?"
I proposed, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction. Eugene, now toying with the pendant around my neck—a gift I received from my mother on my last birthday—gave me a tingling sensation as his fingers brushed against my skin.
"A year and two months, I guess, while I was still in college. Both of us were deeply committed to each other, but then she indicated her ambition to pursue further studies abroad. Although I was willing to wait, she decided it was best if we parted ways. We ended things amicably and have managed to stay in touch. She is now a doctor at a renowned hospital in Manchester. Interestingly, she married her professor, but they haven't had any children. According to her, 'both of us are too busy saving the world and can't contribute more to the human population'."
An animated grin graced my face as I pondered what he said. I can't even imagine speaking with my ex-boyfriends so freely. The ability to maintain a positive and healthy relationship with your former partner speaks volumes about your character and emotional intelligence. It showcases your strength, maturity, and skill to rise above the bitterness that often engulfs failed relationships.
"What about you?"
Eugene posed the question I was dreading, his genuine interest hanging in the air between us. Unsure of how he would react, I felt a flicker of tension rise within me, contemplating whether to reveal the true reason or just lie. But no matter how much I was scared, honesty seemed like the only path forward, even if it meant risking our current relationship. With a deep breath, I started speaking in a low voice.
"My therapist told me that three months was my maximum threshold for dating someone. Beyond that point, I feel suffocated, even exhausted. It was after enduring four failed relationships that I made the wise decision to give up on relationships entirely, and truth be told, I didn't even feel like I was missing anything by not dating. I was happy being alone."
I was worried that Eugene might think I would get tired of him, and I wanted to assure him that I never would. However, I couldn't find the words because I lacked certainty. I didn't trust myself. Even though I have never been this way with any other guy, that doesn't mean my commitment issues have disappeared. They were still there. I was afraid of giving him false hope and then breaking his heart. I held my breath while he remained silent but felt relieved when he drew me closer and kissed the side of my forehead.
"Well, I guess it's a good thing then that we are not in a romantic relationship. You can never get bored with me."
I found myself overwhelmed with joy, to the point where tears of happiness threatened to escape. It felt surreal, almost too good to be true. Had I truly found someone who actually understood me? The realization lingered in my mind, accompanied by a certain uneasiness about the future. How long could this wonderful connection with Eugene possibly last? The fear of inadvertently damaging this relationship plagued me, as the thought of betraying him filled me with regret even before it had happened. I would never forgive myself if I let him down or hurt him in any way, which was inevitable.
That night, as we lay there, tangled in each other's limbs, my mind was consumed by a single thought: 'I would never, ever come across another person as unique and special as Eugene in my entire lifetime'.
.............