It's been two days since we left Espin and overall morale on this ship is low. I've decided to stay in my room and be a hermit for the last remaining day at sea. The few times that I have decided to leave my room I'm met with negative energy from our soldiers. I believe aura can sometimes be invisible, but something you can still sense and feel. The aura I can feel from their glares alone is revulsion. Helen believes it's all fear but I sense hatred. All because of one seal appearing on my palm.
It's not just me that has them upset though, I can overhear the soldiers whisper as they walk past my door. They gather in the ship's small library as well, which happens to be on the other side of the wall where I lay my head at night. A lot of them have been meeting there for days, and all they do is question Father's decisions and integrity. They talk about their family members who died at the hands of multi-seals. They bring up accidents in the city caused by them. They even question if as soldiers themselves, they'd be replaced by them.
"What's the use of a regular soldier when demigods walk among us?" They ask.
"Is General Thomas just gonna sit by and agree to this?" They ask.
"How is he going to spit in the face of Valentine tradition?" They ask.
On and on they go, every day when the sun sets and everyone is either in the dining hall or their rooms. A divide is present that's only going to grow larger. It's no one's fault but this family's, conditioning people to fear multi-seals is all they've done. They're forced to be feared which eventually grows into hatred because their potential is deemed too dangerous. I don't believe in seals making someone dangerous, who the person is, their way of thinking, that's dangerous.
Yet I still have to deal with the fact that I'll be hated now, if becoming queen wasn't possible before, it certainly isn't now. I've had more time to think about everything while being isolated. There are feelings I'm still trying to sort through and then there are moments where I feel nothing. Why is it that the news of Helen being my mother doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, or even should? Did it just confirm what I knew all along? Or is it because I don't have a bond with either Helen or Sophia….Sophia, I called her Sophia.
Would I feel different if….Mother raised me and I made a lot of memories with her? The moment when David told me, it hurt, but now….? There's a void in my heart and everything's becoming numb.
"What is this depressing talk?" Helen asks. "Have some fire in your heart, darling! No setback will ever stop me from realizing my goal. Not even some blonde, twisted, bratty, entitled little girl! I planned on killing her father anyway but shit! If only I was still in control to get my army."
Aside from the soldiers who fear and hate multi-seals, there are those like Helen….Alejandro, maybe more. Those who want to see the world burn because they've been scarred. As for the current events, Brianna, Elijah and the knight squad have spent the past two days preparing their mission report. They're currently presenting them to Father right now. And at any moment there'll be a knock on my door, I'm dreading it. They're going to tell him about Helen, what happens then?
As if on cue, the knocks comes. I shout for them to come in and my heart drops once I see it's Lauriel.
"How ya doing?" She asks taking off her glasses.
"Just tell me…what is my fate?"
"I asked a question, princess!"
"I'm fine," I sigh. "Now, what's my fate?"
"I'm going to make you wait since you're choosing to be so impatient. Firstly, I want to apologize."
"Seriously?!" I exhale, "fine, apologize for what?"
"I failed you all as a captain, especially you, who wasn't even supposed to be there. And now look what's happened. If only we dealt with that witch and warlock more efficiently…" She glances at the ground. "Sort of feel like this is all my fault. And taking responsibility has always been….the point is, I can't call myself a General without acknowledging my own failures."
"It's not your fault, there was no way you could've predicted their abilities. It's also not your fault that Helen decided to use me as her own personal tool for revenge."
"Yeah….about that. Has she mentioned how or why that happened? That's the only information missing from our reports."
If David hasn't said anything, I won't either. Plus I don't want to make things worse for myself.
"She doesn't talk much about her past," I reply.
"Well," she puts her glasses back on. "Please accept my apology," she says with a bow.
"I told you, it's not your fault. You didn't fail us. But, I accept."
"Good! And thank you." She smiles. "I think I've made you wait long enough. But, I'm sorry to say I'm not here to deliver the news. King Harris wants you in the dining hall. He'll tell you what his decision is himself."
I want to scream but I leap out of bed and follow Lauriel through the ship. To avoid the soldiers staring, I keep my eyes on her ankles as she walks in front of me. When I get tired of her ankles, I look at the interior of the ship. We're aboard "The Rose." My family loves this Valentine's theme. The carpets are red, the walls are polished brown wood with golden designs of a rose repeating every five feet or so. It's designed for comfort and luxury. The ship can carry up to a thousand passengers with about two hundred rooms.
Along with the library, there are two separate dining halls and before we enter Lauriel stops me.
"I want you to hear it from me first, as captain of the knight squad. David's been stripped of his title and rank as a knight."
"What?! Why?"
"Well, he attacked a princess. And told us himself that he no longer reports to us. He's being held in a room and monitored by soldiers. He isn't talking, but Thomas and I were wondering if you could provide us with any information you might have. Did he tell you anything when you two ran off to the abandoned town in Espin?"
"No," I shake my head.
She knows that I'm lying, the slight smirk on her face gives it away but she doesn't press me about it. She opens the door to the dining hall and everyone's seated at a large table with stacks of paper spread all over it. Father sits at the top of the table while everyone else sits on the sides. He points to the chair opposite him where I'm standing and tells me to take a seat.
"You failed to mention the voice in your head…this woman who's able to take control of your body, Helen, is it?" He asks as I take my seat. My exterior remains calm while my interior is going up in flames. He's not wasting any time, and I also can't read him. He said her name so casually, I was expecting more of a reaction.
"Yes…I'm sorry, I didn't know how to explain it. I'm still wrapping my head around things."
"How is she able to gain control?"
"I have to give it to her. It also happens out of my control if I'm low on aura."
"And giving her control led to William's death? It wasn't in fact you who killed him?"
"That's correct…"
Everyone's staring so intensely, everyone but Brianna who keeps her eyes on the sheets of paper in front of her.
"I hope you understand this changes things. As before I could've presented this information to the council with little worry about them opposing me, even though you are a witch. But this "Helen" figure complicates things. You're a danger to everyone in Athys because of her."
"Father, I promise I'm no danger. I have everything under control!"
"No danger?" Brianna quietly scoffs. "You're a witch, with an even more dangerous witch living inside of you. Don't be so entitled…"
"I'm a Valentine first, Bri. How am I being entitled?"
"The nerve of you to still call yourself a Valentine, what a joke."
"Just one moment, darling. One moment of control and I'll silence her for good," Helen says.
"That's enough, Brianna!" Father slams his hand on the table. "Alyssa, everyone has reported the same thing. This Helen woman is too dangerous for you to just roam free. We're facing war and instead of us having to worry about you, you'll be placed under mandatory lockdown. Soldiers will be stationed outside of your door until we reach Uboni. You're not to leave under any circumstances."
He stands up from his seat and dismisses everyone but me. "I'll walk Alyssa back to her room myself," he says. Once everyone is out the door, he slowly walks over to my end of the table.
"Does she speak to you?" He whispers.
I nod my head.
"Can she hear us? Is she aware of what's going on?"
I nod my head.
He tells me to get up and start walking. All of a sudden there aren't any nasty looks from the soldiers with Father by my side, no glares at all. We walk in complete silence until we reach my room. He opens the door for me and I take a seat on my bed.
As he closes the door, he looks to the ground, shakes his head and chuckles to himself. As if he already knows the answer to his question before he asks.
"How much has she told you?"
And there it is, the truth. It hits me all over again, the feeling I had when David first told me. People say they'd rather hear the truth over anything but I don't believe those people for a second. Truth cuts like no physical blade can, it's swift, unrelenting. It cuts deep. Who would choose such a thing? To feel that pain? I sound like a hypocrite, just a couple of days ago I asked David for the truth and now look at me. Now, I'd rather stay ignorant of it all, that's supposedly bliss, right?
"She's told me everything," I respond with a calm demeanor. "I sort of understand why she would do such a thing, after losing so much, she just wanted love. Even if it was with the family that caused her so much dread. But I don't understand why you would, how could you do that to Mother?!"
"How could I do that to her?" He laughs. "Sophia hated me, hated royalty, sometimes I think she hated herself. What we had was no relationship, it was an obligation. Simply to uphold tradition, every king needs a queen. It didn't matter whom I married, my heart was already taken."
He walks closer to the bed with a crazed look in his eyes.
"Switch with her," he says.
"You're a twisted human being…."
"I'm sorry to break it to you, child. Love can do that. Switch with her, Helen can you hear me?" He grabs my face.
I smack his hands away from me and crawl back onto my bed further away from him.
"If I do that, she'll probably kill you and everyone on this ship!"
"What does she want? Is she speaking to you right now?" He backs away.
"She's quiet. But she keeps going on and on about finding her body, at which point she'll retrieve "her" army from Florence. That's the reason she killed William."
"So nothing's changed, Helen? You're still after revenge."
"Why wouldn't I be…" She mutters.
"And she's been inside you this entire time…." He smiles. "I thought she died that day."
"What is it about her? Why her and not Mother?!"
"I loved her for doing what no one else could. Giving me my throne, and giving me you. Their reports said you're able to absorb magic. You should be thanking us, your mother and I."
"How dare you! Sophia Valentine is my mother!"
"Does she still say "darling" every other sentence?" His smile widens. "That I loved…I need time to think things over, time to decide what to do with you. If Helen wants to get her body, we will both help her in that quest. But for right now, our focus should be on the coming war. We'll talk more tomorrow."
Before he can leave the room I can't help but ask a question that's been nagging at me for three days now. With my frustration boiling at this point, the words burst from my mouth without me thinking much of it.
"If Mother didn't give birth to me…how did she die?"
He freezes for a millisecond, a shake in his exterior so sudden that I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't so accustomed to seeking his approval. I've learned to study him, and people in general. The subtle movements they make, shifts in their facial expressions, their tone, choice of words. It goes on and on. He quickly composes himself, "we'll talk more tomorrow." He reiterates leaving out the door.
I fall back into my bed, wanting to slam my head into the mattress or scream into my pillow. A pressure wells up inside my chest and my eyes water. I try to hold it in, hold my breath, but I can't help it. I sharply exhale and it releases uncontrollable tears.
I hate this.
The sound of my door creaking open causes me to sit up and wipe the tears from my eyes and face.
"I'm still a…I'm still a queen, I will be queen." I tell myself in my head in order to compose myself but it only causes me to cry harder. Father stands in the doorway with a blank expression on his face.
"What is it?" I ask.
His eyes roll to the back of his head as a smokey red vapor exudes from them. A crooked smile comes upon his face and he opens his mouth to speak. From his lips come two voices, overlapping each other like when Helen is in control of my body. One voice belonging to him, and the other, a woman.
"Helen, my dear, I've finally found you."