Back when I was 5 years old, I used to go to a park where I occasionally went to play. I was always alone, and didn't really care much for it.
Even though my body was sick and had a weak constitution, I had learnt martial arts, thanks to my grandpa. If anyone came to pick a fight with me, I would be able to win, or be able to run away skillfully.
One day, in the evening, it was the golden hour. I met someone. It was a girl, slightly shorter than me and had blonde hair. She was crouched beside a bench and was crying profusely. Normally, I wouldn't bat an eye to such matters, but she was different. She didn't have a left arm. her left arm ended at her elbow.
I went near her and asked, "Why are you crying?", in an arrogant and boastful tone, trying to assert dominance for some reason.
She looked up at me. I still clearly remember the feeling I got in that moment. My heart skipped several beats and I almost fell on my knees. She was absolutely beautiful. But I immediately shook off that feeling and asked her again, "Why are you crying, huh?! I'm asking you!", I was a very obnoxious kid, back in the day.
She stared at me for a few seconds and told me while weeping, "sniff... they... sniff sniff... they keep making fun of me! sniff... they keep saying that I was some kind of mistake! sniff sniff... whaaahhh!!", she started crying again.
I usually never felt this way, but I decided that I needed to help her. In a way, she reminded me of myself. Her missing limb wasn't her choice, and my illness wasn't my choice either. We were both kind of in the same boat.
After consoling her for 5 minutes, I heard the entire story.
Apparently, she was born this way, and has been bullied for a long time because of it.
"Anna, do you wanna learn martial arts?", I asked her excitedly.
She started at me for a few seconds in confusion, and asked, "Like the ones I see in cartoons and stuff??"
"Yeah! if you want, I'll teach you what I know!", I jumped out of the bench and let my hand out in front of her, hoping she would grab it and agree.
"umm... okay! I-I'll learn from you!", she grabbed my hand with her right hand and jumped out of the bench too.
That's how it started. A master - disciple relationship with Anna. Thinking about it now cringes me, but I thought that was a coolest thing to do. I mean, I was referred to as 'Sensei' by a girl my age! It was one the most fun things I had even experienced in my life.
Anna and I became very close friends after that. Every Wednesday and Saturday, We would meet up and practice martial arts. I would teach her new things I learnt, and she would tell me all kinds of stories of how she could now defend herself from bullies.
At the time, I was having the time of my life hanging out with her.
When we turned 9 years old, she had transferred over to my school. Both her parents and mine became friends. Things were looking so good, I almost forgot about my illness.
But then, I remembered nothing lasts forever. When I became 13 years old, one week after my birthday celebration, my parents both died in a car accident. I survived, somehow. I was sent to the hospital, and I managed to pull through.
I couldn't even attend their funeral properly. I couldn't even cry properly. My mind was full of thoughts of how I could earn money. I had to have money if I wanted to pay the hospital bills.
I became completely alone, once again. Or so I thought. Every day, after schooltime was over, Anna would always come to visit me. Every day, without fail. No matter if it was raining, no matter if it was a holiday, she would always come.
She would always come and try to cheer me up. Telling me how she became the class president and had the best scores in the whole section. How she had won archery tournaments. And how she wished I could share those moments with her. She would always smile in front of me, but I had known her for long enough to know that, that was a fake smile.
She was actually heartbroken about something. I couldn't understand what it was, but I felt like it was something to do with me. I thought that seeing me in this state all the time was hurting her and hindering her life, so I didn't want her to visit me anymore.
The day I finally told her to stop visiting me, she had the same expression from the time when I first met her. She was crying profusely, and looking at me with extreme sorrow.
I told her that looking at her made me jealous of her. And all the stories she told me made me even more jealous. I envied her freedom.
All of that was a lie, of course. But I had to tell them to get her out of my life. I didn't want to drag someone else down with me.
She didn't say anything and just left, running outside the room. I didn't feel sad though, neither did I feel happy. I had other, much more important things to worry about, like making more money.
She didn't visit me again.
The last time she visited me was when we were 18 years old. She said to me that she was going to move out of town because she had to study more.
"...Does that make you jealous?", she asked me while looking down at the floor.
"haha... go and have fun... I don't care...", I replied with a weak smile.
She then immediately barged out of the door and never returned.
***** Flashback End****************
"Anna...?", I unconsciously said out loud.