*~*Rika's POV*~*
All throughout the summer, and leading up to my second year at university, I had had similar conversations with my brother as I had had after the training session. It was clear that he was worried about me, but he knew that I wouldn't talk to him right now. Usually, I talked to him about everything, or mostly everything, but right now I just needed to keep things to myself.
There were things that were going on with me that no one in my family truly knew about. Reagan knew that I was feeling disconnected from my wolf, that her presence was feeling less than it should, but I don't think that he understood it all. Or better yet, I don't think that I explained it to him properly.
What had been happening to me lately felt like my wolf was slipping away from me. She was there, in the back of my mind, but I couldn't hear her. She wouldn't growl when we were angry. She wouldn't whine when we were sad. And she wasn't that same old comforting presence that I used to rely on. It was almost as if I wasn't a wolf anymore at all.
If it hadn't been from the repeated shifts into that form, just to confirm for myself on an almost daily basis that she was still there, I would have thought that I was turning into a human. Or just a half witch and half Fae. I was able to shift though, so I knew that she was still there. I just didn't have her instincts and emotions to help guide me anymore.
"I am sorry, girl." I whispered to her again, as I did so often. "Whatever I did to drive you away, I am sorry." This was also a common conversation that I had with my wolf, or one I had tried to have. It was all one sided, and that meant that it was not a conversation at all.
In the time between my fear and pity that I seemed to feel constantly, I would go out with my friends to mask what was happening to me. If I pretended that I was fine, and that everything was normal, then there was no reason for anyone to worry about me. And that was why I was calling my best friend at the moment.
"Hey, girl!" Lyssa's voice came over the phone. She was also someone that had been hiding the pain that she was in. Her mate wasn't here anymore.
No, he wasn't dead, but she had severed the bond with him. She had done this because he had betrayed her and she needed to stop loving him while he was gone. Hopefully, after some time away, he would come back and be ready to change things with her. Until then, she had to live with that knowledge every day.
"Hey, Lyssa." I smiled despite the rocky emotions inside of me.
Alyssa Asher-Conrad, one of the four magical babies that were born to Uncle Dietrich and Uncle Shawn, two sets of magically conceived twins. She was a vampire, like Dietrich was, and quite the amazing friend. We had been with each other for a long time now.
"So, hey, want to get out for a little bit? I want to go to the mall or something. I am going stir crazy here at the castle."
"Yeah, we can buy some new clothes before classes start." She sounded excited. She loved shopping more than almost anyone that I knew. "Ooh, we can get the others too. My sister of course, but also Ilana, Ashle, and even Talia. We're all starting classes in a couple of weeks, let's make sure that it's a start to remember."
"Yeah, sounds good. I will get my sister and let her know."
"I'll tell Alexa and the others." We agreed on a time to meet up and ended the call. We would see each other soon enough.
I knew where my sister was. She, like me, spent most of her time in her room. However, she was always training as well, in different ways than Reagan and I. She was training to take over an entire kingdom when she was eighteen, so she only had two more years. It was so strange to think about the fact that she was already sixteen.
"Hey, Tally?" I called out from her door after walking down the hall.
"Hey, Rika, come on in." Her voice was calm and easygoing, nothing like it was when she had to yell at me last year. Hmm, it had been almost a year exactly.
The time that she had yelled at me was when I was being too difficult for the family to handle. It came after I had been betrayed, or rather lied to, by a man named Clovio. He was a foreign exchange student from Germany that was going to school with us, but he was also a member of a murderous group of humans that were bent on killing us all.
In truth, I had every right to be upset with him, but I didn't have the right to take that anger out on the family. And it was Talia who had pulled me out of the funk that I was in. Reagan had told me that I was being naïve and I ended up getting angry at him. Talia, in turn, told me to sit down and shut up. The two of them together helped me to come to my senses, and I will forever be grateful to them for that.
When I looked at my sister, I saw how much like Mom she looked, and therefore, in a way, she looked like me. She was Mom completely though, stature, complexion, hair, all of it. Well, she used to have the same hair, after she shifted for the first time her hair had darkened to a color that was closer to mine, almost black.
"Hey." She smiled up at me when I entered her room, the blue eyes shining in the light of the room, and her pale face making her look a little ghostly. Beautiful, yes, but really ethereal.
"What are you up to?"
"Just studying notes from Lucifer." She said as she indicted a book that one of the Gods of the underworld had given her. "I need to learn it all, you know."
"Yeah, I know." I would be overwhelmed if I was her. The kingdom that she was taking over was the underworld. She was going to be the new Goddess when she was ready. And it was all because she had magic that was associated with souls and the dead. Some really scary stuff. "Anyway," I moved on trying to get past this part of the conversation, "I was going to go to the mall with Lyssa and Alexa, also the others, want to come with us? We're going to get some new clothes for school."
"Oh, uhm, are you sure you want your little sister to tag along?"
Talia had been saying things like this a lot. I knew why too. She was three years younger than me, but was coming in just a grade behind me in university. The reason for this was because she had busted her ass to graduate two years early. She wanted to get as much college done as possible, before she took over the underworld later.
"Yeah, you're my sister and you're my new classmate, come on. We're all going to go."
"You do know that Dad will make me take Alexio, right?" She laughed. Alexio was one of her two guards. I used to have two guards as well, but now I only had one. The other one left because of personal reasons that no one ever told me about. Oh, well.
"Yes, I know." Alexio, and even Talia's other guard Rudy, were both demons that came from the underworld after my mom went there to save it. They were both taking care of their future queen and seeing to her every need. That's what they were meant for, and Alexio was her head guard.
"If you're OK with him coming, then I don't mind. I have been wanting to go shopping. And I have my license now, so I would love to drive there as well." There was excitement in her eyes as she said that, and it just about made me want to cry and say 'aww'. She truly was growing up, but in a way she was still just a kid, like I was just last year.
"Yeah, you can drive. Come on." I beckoned her off the bed and had her follow me.
Before we could leave, we had to go and tell our parents where we were going and all that stuff. This was where it was going to be harder for me. I needed to pretend that I was fine, that all was truly good with me. If they thought for even one second that I was having an issue with my wolf, they might not let me out of their sight. Not with all that had happened in our world lately.
Still, I just put an arm around my sister's shoulders and guided her toward the stairs with not a care in the world. I was getting really good at pretending that nothing was wrong. I did it so well that sometimes even I couldn't tell when it was a lie.
Besides, wouldn't some retail therapy do me good? I mean, there is a lot that can be said about the healing powers of shopping with your friends and family. I wouldn't have to worry anymore if I wasn't alone, and it would be easier to maintain the lie if I was distracted.