"Is everyone ready?" asked Lou to the group as they finished packing up Seiran and Azur's few belongings.
With a quick glance, she realized they were good to go. They accompanied the pegasus and the demon to the path leading to Kampalera. It would take them at least six hours to drive through the mountains over game trails. Lou didn't want to leave them alone for fear of getting lost. So they all set off for Kempalera together, with only Viknard staying behind to guard the camp, even though he was dying to go with them.
-Viknard, we'll be back after nightfall, so stand guard until we arrive," ordered the master of blades.
-Are you sure I can't come with you? There's little risk of the camp being attacked...
-No Viknard, you stay here and guard the camp! Lou cut him off for the umpteenth time in his plea, which he hadn't tired of retrying since arriving at the small group's camp at dawn. You've got the fragments with you, it's safer for you to stay here and wait for us.
He didn't answer, and struggled to hide his pout. Niris didn't react and greeted him as he left with the others, but Seiran was inwardly relieved. This was his last moment with Niris before a long separation, even if they would be able to see each other once a week when Niris had his day off. The last thing he wanted was for Viknard to spoil these precious moments for him.
The small group followed in the footsteps of the master of blades, who led the way. Under Lipution's envious gaze, they gradually disappeared into the forest. The journey was difficult. Paths barely existed, and many were cluttered with branches and very uneven. Azur had the most difficulty making progress, so much so that he had thought of flying down the mountain. Which Lou strongly advised against. Pegasus were too rare not to be noticed as soon as they spread their wings. It was better to remain discreet on a planet where everything remained secret from the rest of the intergalaxy. It was a constraint suffered by all winged creatures on planets where they were not in the majority.
Niris and Seiran were at the back of the queue. Concentrating on his steps, he tried to think at the same time about what he wanted to say to Seiran. Many emotions were tangled up inside him, and he was having trouble organizing them and putting them into words. What was certain was that he wanted to communicate all this to Seiran. But as he was unable to stop the ebullition that had invaded his brain, he remained silent and kept moving forward, taking care where he put his feet.
For his part, Seiran knew exactly what he wanted. And he knew he couldn't get it just yet. So he took his pain in patience and silently endured his sadness.
After many hours of difficult descent, they finally came to a large packed road, wide enough for a vehicle to pass. Here, the group gathered in a circle. No one dared break the silence, and they stayed that way for a while. Finally, Lou spoke, ending their silent communion.
"You take the road to the foot of the mountain, and then follow it, it will take you straight to Kampalera," she said, indicating the gently sloping track.
You could see the fortress-city protected by its high ramparts that encircled it from side to side. All around, hostile nature left no room for human occupation. Not a stream, not a meadow, nothing but stone and a few rare evergreen trees. Seiran would have to wait in this unfamiliar and unwelcoming city for the angel to finish her training.
-It doesn't look very friendly like this, but you'll see, it's a beautiful city," Lou reassured them with a smile. When you get there, ask the guards for Holinne's tavern and tell them I sent you.
Azur nodded, then walked away. The master of blades followed with a tacit agreement to let the two lovers say goodbye. Niris wanted to speak, but the words died in his throat as he tried to say them. Sensing his emotion, the demon stretched out his arms and wrapped them around his shoulders. The angel let herself be drawn into his embrace and placed her hands on his back. He closed his eyes, savoring her presence, her familiar, relaxing scent, the movements of her steady torso lifted by her breathing. He suddenly felt a strange regret that he hadn't enjoyed them more when they were together. These moments would become rare from now on.
After a moment, they pulled away from each other, their forearms firmly welded together by their hands.
"I'll come back whenever I have a day off," Niris said in a resolute tone.
Seiran smiled.
-The town's a day's walk away, so how can you expect to come for one day?
-I'll leave the day before," he replied flatly.
-And on the way back?
-I'll come back at night!
Niris frowned. He didn't like how the elements got in the way of their relationship. Seiran laid a hand on his cheek and smiled gently. The angel's stubbornness was so refreshing to see, and at the same time. He was going to miss all this, and he too wanted to give in to the temptation to run away, away from this world that forced them to be people they weren't, and do things they didn't want to. But there was no point. They could live in denial all they wanted, but the world and their choices would catch up with them sooner or later. No matter what, you always pay for the bad choices you make, or else life would be merciful. But it isn't. And selfishness always pays off, one way or another.
-Concentrate on your training, work as hard as you can, do everything you can to reach your goal. That's the most important thing right now.
His voice was soft, but his tone was unmistakable. Niris knew this, but the knowledge that there was no way out for him brought a pang to his heart. He had no choice but to face up to his responsibilities. Tired of having to endure these prerogatives, he closed his eyes and let himself go against the demon's warm hand.
-And then there's always this," Seiran pointed to the Gojiak, which had stopped growing since they'd been reunited. Even if it's only at a distance, we'll still be able to communicate. And I'll come and see you on your days off. I've got more time than you to get there, so it'll be easier.
Niris looked at the little bean sprout with a blank stare. The despair this thing had brought him was as great as the hope it had given him. To think he had to go back to that state of permanent waiting when he was only a few miles from Seiran! How frustrating! He sighed.
-All right," he agreed reluctantly.
The demon's gaze was as wounded as it was loving. Nothing was more painful than to see the angel he loved so much suffer from their estrangement.
-Niris, look at me," he ordered gently.
The angel obeyed and looked up at him with moist eyes.
-We'll see each other regularly, not like when we were on two different planets. I promise I'll come and see you on every rest day you have. In the meantime, concentrate on what you have to do, think of nothing else, and put your heart and soul into it. I know you can do it. You're an incredible fighter. You have a strength inside you that makes you invincible. And if one day you feel yourself wavering, come and see me. I'll always be there to support you. And Lou also supports you and believes in you. So have faith and don't give up.
Niris had plunged his eyes into the demon's golden ocean and was holding back. The dike that held back his feelings, his doubts, his questions, he held on to it with all his strength to resist this surging, swirling wave that escaped from his mind to wipe out everything.
Everything he hadn't been able to put into words was taking shape in a surge of emotion that transcended him, but which he knew he had to hold back. This was his burden. Mastering his sensitivity to put it at the service of his goal. To make it a strength rather than a weakness. That's what he had to do. And right now, the strength he would draw from it would be to be able to resist it to protect the one who mattered most to him. He couldn't afford to impose his emotions on Seiran when the latter was doing everything not to hurt him with his own.
He swallowed and nodded wordlessly. He was about to let go when the demon tightened his grip on his arm and held it in place. He looked up at him with astonished eyes.
-And promise me to keep a respectable distance from Viknard that gives him no more hope than friendship with you! I don't want to live in jealousy, knowing you're far from me and close to someone else...
Niris didn't give her time to finish. He interrupted her by placing his lips on hers, which immediately stopped moving.
-I'm more into tall, playful blonds," he smiled broadly.
Seiran blushed and looked away.
-I promise," he said more seriously, kissing his fingers after intertwining his hand with hers.
Seiran didn't reply, but let himself be kissed without saying a word. Then the angel took a step back, breaking off any physical contact they'd maintained up to that point.
-You'd better get going to get there before nightfall," he said, turning away.
He didn't have the courage to face the demon. The second separation was much harder than the first. He hadn't anticipated it at all. They joined Lou and Azur, who were waiting a little lower down. There, Niris threw himself around his four-legged friend's neck, teasing him. The pegasus responded in kind and pretended to want to get rid of him. Niris made him promise to come and see him from time to time, and the Pegasus finally acceded, sighing in exasperation. But deep down, he was also touched by their separation. He too was not yet quite ready to face everything he had overcome in a short time alone. Fortunately, Seiran would be with him. Together, they could long for the same person who was causing their turmoil.
Niris reluctantly detached himself from the Pegasus' neck. There was so much he wanted to say to him before he left, but the situation didn't lend itself to it. There was one thing he could say because he'd wanted to talk to him about it for a long time.
-Azur, I never blamed you for not saving Seiran in Yerpena. And neither did Seiran. You did what you could. So don't blame yourself too much, what happened wasn't your fault, we all know that very well.
The Pegasus didn't look away. He faced the angel's gaze, full of gratitude. He'd needed those words. He'd needed them so much, he suddenly felt moved. He swallowed and nodded wordlessly.
-Practice hard," he said simply.
After a brief bow to the master of blades, they turned their backs and began to descend the slope slowly, towards the town that awaited them. The sun was beginning the final phase of its descent behind the horizon.
-Niris, let's go," called the master of blades firmly.
The prince complied without answering. Lou could tell from his closed pout that he wasn't happy. She let him walk in silence for a moment before confronting him. She was beginning to understand her pupil well, and knew there was no point in asking him questions right away.
-Is something wrong?" she finally asked as they resumed their ascent towards the camp.
Niris didn't answer immediately, but then decided to speak up. In any case, the Master of Blades would find out eventually, so tell him now.
-You could have told me earlier that Seiran and Azur weren't going to stay with us," he protested modestly.
-Why, would you have wanted to be sad sooner? In anticipation of your separation?
Niris raised an eyebrow. She wasn't wrong, and he couldn't find fault. He reasoned out his frustration, accepting that there was nothing he could do about it anyway.
-If you'd told me a little earlier, I could have told them what I had to tell them before I left them," he admitted with more resentment than anger.
-Let that be a lesson to you!" replied Lou with a tone of reprimand that surprised Niris. You should never wait to say what you want to say to those you love.
Once again, Niris had nothing to say. She was right again. It irritated him, but he had to admit it.
-You talk as if you've lived it yourself," he mumbled, hoping she wouldn't hear.
-Because I lived it.
His answer surprised Niris. Firstly because he didn't think she'd heard him, but also because he'd said it without thinking.
-I remind you that I'm not from this time, I've already lived my life.
-But you died too soon... Niris couldn't help reacting.
-Maybe, but I've already lived my life. I'm only a living dead now, don't ever forget that. And believe me, if there's anything I regretted more than anything before I died, it was not saying everything I had to say to those who mattered to me.
A silence fell between them. Niris was extremely surprised by his statement. It was the first time the master of blades had spoken of his former life. His life as a living person. It was true that he tended to forget that she was no longer really of this world. That she wasn't quite alive anymore. The reminder hurt, but it was necessary.
-Did you ever love anyone? he dared to ask finally, taking advantage of the moment of confidence to ask her.
He wasn't curious, but he also wanted to remember that Lou was human too, and not just the legendary last master of blades. It took her a while to answer, but eventually she did.
-I liked it as much as you like it now, maybe even more, who knows.
She left the sentence hanging without closing the conversation to her apprentice's questions.
-Do you have any regrets? he asked.
-Any regrets? Not really, no. Everything I've done, I've done with full knowledge of the facts, knowing full well what it would entail. Masters live in a different time from ordinary mortals, because of our connection with master minds. This doesn't mean we've made better choices, just that we've taken the full measure of our choice. That's the voice of the master. Becoming aware of your choices and fully assuming them.
She paused and brushed aside a bramble that had returned to block the path they had blazed a few hours earlier.
-So when I chose to love someone and have a relationship with them, I knew exactly what I was doing and what I was exposing myself to.
Niris caught up with her after wrestling with the same bramble she'd pushed aside earlier.
-Did you know you were going to die?
Lou couldn't hold back a burst of laughter.
-We all know we're going to die Niris, but don't make me believe you don't know that!
-That's not what I meant! retorted Niris, stung to the quick
-I know, but honestly, do you know when you're going to die?
The question was rhetorical and Niris didn't answer it. He was waiting for the next part.
-You know you're more likely to die young than the others, because of your particular condition, but you have no idea when you're going to die exactly. Nobody knows when the reaper will come for us, and knowing that he's likely to come sooner for us than for the others doesn't make us any more aware of his proximity. Otherwise you'd have already said everything you had to say to Azur and Seiran, don't you think?
Niris didn't answer. It was the first time he'd thought of the subject in this way. The master's philosophy, from someone who had lived, died and then come back to life, was marked by the experience of death itself, which was something exceptional. Normally impossible.
-When we're alive, we don't think about death, even if we suspect it's a little closer to us than to others. We only think of death when we see it face to face. That's when we become aware of it, and not before. That's why it's so hard and so beautiful to be alive.
Niris pondered these words. He was realizing many things from what his master had just shared with him. While he was lost in thought, he came upon a ridge that fell steeply from the mountain they were standing on. A sheer cliff descended vertiginously to the ground. Niris looked around him. The view was magnificent. The sun was beginning to disappear behind the horizon, leaving behind a land devastated by the wind. He hadn't even noticed that they'd taken a different route.
-Let's start training!" announced Lou, snapping him out of his observation. Go down and up that cliff with your bare hands, as fast as you can.