The unease of being not the most wealthiest of family. Eating what is given and just being happy with the bare minimum. Being at school sat in the side lines wishing those child's shared a part of what they had. The late night argues and moves homes every 3 years. From unstable creepy grandma house with the black cloud watching you. To a stranger place that stole things. Moved again to aunts house where every other night her brother was missing or ran away.
School shuffling was just as bad. I was not able to make friends that lasted long enough. Not making the grades like everyone else. Watching the silhouettes of beings that no one else can and getting in trouble because those silhouettes made her loose focus or be blamed for their action. Always the quiet kid in the corner that no effort was made to break ice on both sides. Always watching and drawing. Always wondering why her or what that was. Afraid of speaking to the things that weren't actually there. The only thing she could ever rely on was that her own shadow was just another version of herself. It scares away the silhouettes that caused her issues. But like her life among humans, her shadow was isolated and unable to make contact with the nicer silhouettes. So she sits in dark shaded areas, beside her shadow. Always playing with things they found or learned about on accident. Like putting objects through the shadow mass, acting like a storage of things. There was stuff already in the shadow. Like books... She can't read well, but she tries each day hidden in some dark place, trying to read these strange books. She never achieved reading it, but she still felt accomplished when she did try. Each new letter shape or word she captures was like static through her. She felt she knew what it meant and could reach out for it. Although these strange books coming from a shadow body are creepy, her brother talks of demons being summoned for fewer ways. So just feeling she learnt something was for the best to stay that way. She doesn't want to accidentally break anything so beautifully and meaningful. These strange words and letters were to be cherished and loved like a photograph. Looked upon in fond thoughts but not to scratch the surface or break the frame that held it.
There was an odd feeling in how things were. When she was moving houses, she was always sent to make candles with her other grandparents. Grandma creepy black ghost house was always never a good place to leave her. Saturdays are the only time she goes to moms dad's place. Grandpa has a secret life of his own. Leaving her with the grandparents who see her as a clueless child. Their house was full of silhouettes, but she was afraid of showing her shadow here. These grandparents didn't always have shadows underneath their feet, even when light was directed over them. Rather, she has chosen to hide her shadow from everyone. Not even her own mom, one and only person she relied on most for anything. She broke her fingers in some strange object. It was she confessed to her mom having touched something she should have. But otherwise, it was for the better that absolutely not a single person finds out about her shadow. Over time, she hid that she was watching silhouettes but using reflection surfaces or her side eye vision. By the age of 7, she mastered the art of watching her own back secretive and causing small distractions away from herself - in order to prevent the silhouettes from being a problem directly to her.
"Lea, you're back..." Her grandmother in this house was always better dressed and had nice things like mom's dad does.
"I just need someone to look after her for two nights. I am cleaning out everything and moving. She is coming with me, but she needs to be out of the way while the bed frames are broken down." Her mom holding Lea's shoulder in reminder for manners. Lea gives a soft bowed head in being an obeying child.
"At least she is a well-behaved child. I am sure there will be stuff for her to do. I am always need someone to help drip more candles."
"Thank you." Spoken clear. Lea is let in, and she carries her own packed overnight bag and doll. She puts it exactly where she had always been told to put it. Watched a silhouette, take it from there, and it goes to the guest bedroom. A hug to her mom like always and wave goodbye at the door. The car is away down the long driveway.
"Lea, today I have a lot of important guests around. I want you to keep calm if you happen to see any of them. No matter what, you must never give them your names or accept something from them." Posed pointed finger.
"What if they offer using their left hand like you do all the time?" She asked in being very observant of things. Her grandmother blinks in how intelligent that was in her understanding.
"I would guess it be OK." Lea soft nod at this, "You can go draw at your spot or help your grandfather with his things." Soft nods and goes directly in following to where grandfather can be heard from. It doesn't take three guesses. The man is into making strange things, from machines to mixing drinks. He was quite a scientist for abnormal things. She liked watching his experiments often if they weren't involving silhouette beings being harmed. She disliked the sounds of pain, but she knows he is actually trying to save them and heal them. They just have different bodies to humans. An added bonus was that her grandfather had no filter. He spoke every bit of nonsense without context. He clearly was maybe arguing with whomever he was trying to heal, that much she understood. But what exactly they arguing over is lost on her.
"Bring me the holy water in the blue bottle!" As per always, no one can follow his instructions about what colour things are. So she arrived and got exactly that. She was on her tip teo to pass it to him.
"Ah, good girl. You are very smart." Pats her head and takes the bottle. He does his thing, and she pulls up the stool to look at whatever this is. She can't actually figure out what she is looking at. These silhouette people are hard to detail. the only thing she could do was tell them apart as different types and group those that share the same aura. Dark silhouettes and grey ones are more common around this place. Clearly, her father's parents contorl or made a deal with these silhouettes. They seem so far away, even in touching distance. Her hand sinks through a small part of this silhouette on this medical table, the watery misty dampness of something that is there but not solid. She can't see like her grandfather or Grandpa.
"Can you reach the jar of tree bark?" He meant high up there, and she can't reach there. But a dark silhouette does, placed it down.
"Grandfather, is this person going to be OK?" She asked, very gentle, but he seemed stunned, "I can't tell how or what they look like. But I do know that something hurts them." She leans at the medical table in worry. He laughed a little in a strange thought for a moment and shook in dismissing the idea.
"What's the difference between this one? I am helping, and one of those stood over there?" He softly continued in the same matter of tone.
"Day and night." She helps in picking up a tool from the ones he has, and he sighed like that wasn't the right answer, "I don't really know what I am looking at. But this one has a watery, damp, soft warmth like the day. The darkest over there is cold and gloomy like a night without a moon. I know there are more other ones by they totally different shapes. There are even some people types that I don't normally see around here." She better explains herself, "But they have to be people. They can be happy, sad, and lonely like a human can. They have their own types of pain. They seem to have jobs and help us even if we can't interact." Her grandfather blinked a lot and couldn't really focus, "I am sorry for disturbing you." She folds in, standing back, and he puts the tool down. He softly lowered to her level and picked her up. He raised with her, so she was at his height. Someone moved a chair under her, and now she stood on this chair. He gave a little smile and posed that she should point at something. She looked at the warmth mass before her and focused on what differs from itself. She was able to reach over to the spot and poke exactly what made this figure hurt. Her grandfather nods in how odd that spot is, and he has his tool out. He made the move, and there was relief from that. He poured more blue bottle holy water at the spot, and this was going to be an easy recovery. She smiles, glad to be helpful, while still really not sure what medical professional her grandfather seems to be.
"You have helped them." Grandfather wipes hands off then hers, "Very good job." He seems distracted or that his thoughts were somewhat not in the present. He makes strange expressions while looking away, and she climbs down from the chair. A dark silhouette moved the chair back to where it belonged. She used sign language to thank them as she saw on the kids' tv program. She left the room to go to that spot she told she allowed to sit and draw at. She looks back often towards grandfather's room. She pondered what was the next being that grandfather would need her help to work out where they were hurt. She began to draw something in her mind as nonsense, an odd shape of land mass. She made the ground of boulders and stones. There is never colour but shadow that was a lift source from a distance. She couldn't finish it as it was always incomplete. The only colour she uses is that of a blue dot hidden among the stones.
"Lea, are you hungry?" Her grandmother speaking towards the girl.
"A little." She puts the pencil and crayon properly into the cup and moves things aside. She stood up and is handed a bit of dry bread. Its clearly some sort of strange gift from helping before. She softly bows accepting it and gives it a try. It didn't do anything about how hungry she is but she felt like it did something. It wasn't really something she could figure out as being noticeable. Regardless it was also plenty of whatever it was, a little more didn't seem right.
"It is interesting bread." Is her comment, "Must be a dessert bread, wouldn't want to much of that."
"Very important that you never have to much of something like that. It would do more bad then good even if its a good thing." Grandmother guiding Lea to the candle kitchen and puts buttery cudes into a small batch of candles. Lea sets a candle mould ready with a wick. Her grandmother poured the now ready melted wax into this mould, "Do people at home know that you can tell when someone is hurt?"
"I used to point out things and it made them worse. So I stopped. They say I am distracted from learning and was using rudeness to cover it. If I wasn't a small little girl, maybe they listen to me and hurt each other less." She taps the mould to stop air bubbles being trapped. She helped make candles all the time, "I sometimes wonder why I am the problem." And for that her grandmother huffed.
"You may not be able to read and write but you are a smart and polite girl. You have more practical skills. You take after your mother more, as she was the same at your age. Being able to read people." It was now a matter if waiting for the candle to set, "If one day the silhouettes become real, don't tell people. While also try not to confuse them for us. They aren't human and they don't have the same body of sense like us. You have to be careful as most are very dangerous." patting shoulder, "But these candles not only protect you but they show you who is human. In the light of candles you will past the illusion they make to hide what they are. The ones who don't hide at all are especially dangerous. If they don't hide and don't speak... you make every effort to move away from it slow and careful. Use a candle or some salt to block them from you. Those things are very dangerous." Lea nods understanding the lesson her grandmother is teaching. Took the advice to heart but deep down there seems more to it then that. A hunch that candles and salt wasn't going to scare away the nightmares.
"Don't you ever feel like there always something wrong?" Lea ponders in thought out loud watching the candle set, "It isn't bad or good. Just sitting there waiting but not seeing or watching."
"A strange question." Her grandmother melting down another set of wax and Lea diligently readies the smaller tea light moulds for this one. A wax mould for left over to be recycled for other candles.
"It's like looking at words on page for me. They seem bent the wrong ways or made simple then what they should be." She pouts in knowing that didn't make sense. Her mind recounting any other person in what they to her when she says these stupid things. She frowns with herself while her grandmother considered this strange conversation in a different way. In spite of what Lea's mother may thing of Lea's learning difficulties being a bother. There was however the way that this child mirrors how grandmother's own sons would say about how they find reading hard.
"Do you feel like you need a pair of glasses?" Lea shook at this in dismay.
"The lines are clear and size is fine. But it's like they move in motion and blur." Helping with towel to hold the tea light set still as wax is pouring, "These candles smell like the ocean beside a burning fire."
"Smell is a powerful tool for us and so is sound. The spirit people can't hear fire bells or horns of cars. But they hear you whisper in a thunder storm. They can't smell certain things depending what they are. Some smells that are lovely are foul for others." The left over poured into the mould and pan set aside to cool. As this was enough made for now. Towel passed over from granddaughter to grandmother, brush away sweat. The grandmother softly claps a moment and pulls a children's book from no where. Lea seen this sort of magic trick a thousand times and knows she can do it to. The book opened to a page, stood behind the child as they looked at the page together. Lea at frist didn't feel like she was going to be able to understand the letters on the page. But for some reason in this moment, the words weren't blurring. In fact they were still and easy to read. Yes, she can read them.
"They are still." Lea smiles in surprise, "But they always move about."
"You can read this." Pointing to the title. Lea does even better with reading the whole page including the publication information. Grandmother pats the child's head and putting the book down, "See you can read. You are not stupid or being difficult. It's just that you have your father's eyes. You read like he does." softly claps hands and opens the book to a new page, "You can't read them now." Indeed Lea struggling back to square one, "But follow the words with your left hand and feel the ink from the paper." She does this and it take a bit but she indeed can sort of read it, "See. Very good. It will take practice and some book in the way they are made will be an issue to you." Pats her head, "But you are very smart and someday you will be able to see words like normal people. Yet I suspect you will see the spirits for what they are too."
"I can at least try to learn to touch read carefully."
"Don't read everything you find. Especially if the thing you are trying to read might come from a spirit." Getting the girl down to floor level and giving her the children's book, "Those words spirit use are sometimes exactly what they say. That is dangerous." Lea didn't understand that but she does keep it in mind for the next time she secretly reads something, "Now your dinner should be ready and I want no messing about for getting ready for bed. A reminder to not upset or bother our special guests." Lea nods and does exactly as she is told. Goes to eat her dinner and then was directly to the toilet to wash up, brush and change. No messing around with being in bed and has a hard think about everything she learnt.
She thought so hard in the words that she was deep asleep in her dreams. Making writing notes and trying to learn these things she had laying around her dreams. So many strange objects with little notepads about them. Her dreams are full of new things and strangers that come talk at her. She always made time to learn and listen to these strangers but took advice with a little bit of doubt. It was never anything personal to her either, it was the sort weird troubles these strangers had and advice her to avoid things to stop her being in their shoes. More often then not it was about the strange objects or what these objects use exchange of using them. The side affects and problems if blindingly used. The dream seemed endless of tasks but always eventually she wakes feeling exhausted from helping so much. At least she strong each day due to it.