Kokoro was freshly out of university and had not had much of anything since he was young. He spent most of his days studying and working so that later he may have a chance at a better life. He had no mother or father to get him through middle school, as they got into an accident with his older brother, leaving him with a distant relative who didn't want anything to do with him. He had spent many days after his family's death just wasting away for months until a switch flipped in him. Almost as if he'd forgotten everything. He picked up a piece of paper on the floor next to his bag and began solving questions. It was his homework. Although every question was wrong, he did not feel broken anymore. He felt more, not at peace but calm.
From that point onwards, he spent most of his free time studying. While he began studying and working to pay for his food and school, he graduated middle school with no friends. He had lost his closest family, and no one supported him, not the teachers, neighbours, or anyone. Instead, everyone bullied him, saying, "Your family left you cause you're boring," or "You should've joined your family." Some went as far as throwing his bag in the school pond or writing harsh words on his table. Even though he escaped middle school, the same fate awaited him in high school.
Still clinging on to his escape through studying, he was able to make up for the bullying by getting into the top 5 in his grade through high school, allowing him to get a scholarship to a great university that allowed him to study medicine. However, when Kokoro arrived, instead of learning as an escape, he instantly realised he could change his life. He does not have to live in such a cruel town and could start fresh once he gets his certificate.
But the reality is often too cruel. Not even halfway through the degree, Kokoro was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. He used up all his savings to try and get treatment, but he didn't have nearly enough money to do anything.
"why is god so cruel," he murmurs to himself.
His whole life after his family's death had been a shithole, and no one ever pitied him. He was so close to getting the life he wanted, but it wasn't enough, and he had to get kicked down even more. Once he used up his savings drinking it away, he travelled to the seaside, where a nice peak had a great view of the horizon. Being defeated, he drops to his knees and begins wailing.
"Why did you have to put me through this!?"
"I lost everything, and now you want to take me too?!" he cries harder as he begins to punch the ground like a maniac.
"Just once... Just once, you could have given me a chance?!"
"If you don't give me a chance, God, then I will never let you take control of my life!" He yells, damaging his vocal cords in the process.
Tears still viciously run down his face as the orange hue of the sky shines across the horizon with the sun ever so slowly going down.
He jumped off the cliff, throwing himself into the rocky-filled shore beneath, taking control of his life and ending it before god takes anything more from him, even if he has nothing. The sky went dark as the sound of the ocean engulfed the area. There was no other noise, only the sea swaying in and out. Kokoro wished his life was just a bad dream as he floated in a void.
Inside a pitch-black area with little specks of stars floating around him in what felt like an endless void that Kokoro could not explore.
He spent what felt like an eternity drifting in this void, but strangely as time went on in this unusual place, his hatred and disdain were ever so slowly washed away. It felt like he was getting his soul repaired, as if everything that happened to him was a dream, as if he'd wake up any second and see his family again. But as time passed, it was clear that Kokoro was gone from reality.
"thump", a faint noise played.
Spending so much time in darkness and silence, even though it was soft, Kokoro took notice.
Was it his imagination?
Described as an eternity, Kokoro began thinking that what he heard was his imagination.
"Thump thump." It was still faint, but now there were two thumps, like a faint heartbeat. This sound made Kokoro sad. It reminded him of his now-distant past, where he wanted to live so badly but wouldn't let the illness take him. He can't remember the last time he heard a heartbeat and begins to think about his little joys while still alive, like when he stayed up late studying math and flying through the questions like a mathematician. Or the time he went to the store and got ice cream to reward himself for working so hard in many labour-intensive jobs.
More time passed as Kokoro reminisced about the small things that made him happier.
"thump thump." there it is again. It's one hundred percent not all in Kokoro's head. These noises were real, making him wonder if he could pass the time with them. And so, he began counting. One. Two. Three. Four. Time went by. Two hundred-fifty thousand and two hundred and twenty-five. Two hundred-fifty thousand and two hundred and twenty-six.
"Thump thump." two hundred-fifty thousand and two hundred and twenty-six!! That's how long it took for the thump to show up again. Counting again from scratch, Kokoro realises that the number keeps getting shorter as more thumps keep coming. So not only was the time between the noise getting closer, but after many cycles, the faint sound began getting clearer, although not by much, but still noticeably.
Being studious, Kokoro begins slowly learning about the void, taking as many mental notes as possible.
Like how the feeling of being in this place felt very similar to being in a small body of water, and if he tried to move as if he had his body, something like a very deep, quick "whoosh" would sound. It was not very audible either, though.
After many more cycles passed, he started to get a feeling, not your simple emotions but genuine feelings as if he had a body, but his motor function felt very off even if he had lived 21 years moving with no issues. Finally, getting his sense back, he could take even more vivid notes about where he was, but the most notable thing that Kokoro found out was that he felt very different to his old body. It was almost as if the world around him was moving like the wind, and if he focused hard enough, it would feel like he was controlling it. After that, things kept changing drastically. The noises got louder and faster, and even more minor things kept getting more noticeable.
He started hearing what sounded like very faint mumbles, but the heartbeat sound had gotten to a point where it was many times a second and had the rhythm of a heart. The murmurs weren't distinct, but it felt like someone was talking to him fairly frequently, even if it was just muffled mumbles.
He began feeling his limbs and developed muscles and bones to the point he thought he was a whole human again.
With the feeling of being in the void for eternity, everything began going red, and as his eyes rushed with this colour, he began to panic.
"what is happening," "what's going on?" The thought rushed to him quickly, and then he began to feel a strangling sensation around where his neck would be.
Feeling like he would die again, he began what felt like crying and then suddenly, the pain went away, and the bright red light turned into a haze of many colours. So many colours hit him, such as red, brown, and orange. He was being born.
Kokoro had been born again. Overwhelmed with emotions, he began crying extremely hard, to the extent of a healthy baby.
As he wailed, two distinct voices were talking in a language Kokoro had never heard. He still could not see as his eyes had not fully developed, but his ears were very sharp. After a few hours and calming down, he notices that there have been a total of three consistent voices that talk to him and move him every day and occasionally other voices. Still unable to understand the language, he slowly learns day by day that the three voices that talk to him are his family.
He can distinguish who the dad is based on the voices but is unfamiliar with who his mother is as there are two female voices. Needing to understand the language made it all the tougher to understand them.
"Being a baby isn't easy," Kokoro sighs to himself. Even though he is a few weeks old, he cannot do anything other than eat, poop, puke and cry. Well, he is trying to learn the language. Still, he is struggling very hard since it is not his generic Japanese, and there's also this weird feeling he gets every day, like the air is a lot denser, not because of altitude, but because of something he can't explain.
He couldn't shake the feeling, and all he could do for the next several months was be a baby and grow up. As his eyesight developed and improved by the day, he could distinguish between his family members via vague facial features. Another interesting fact is that Kokoro's parents named him Kokoro, just like his old parents from his previous life.
Kokoro's father seemed to be home often, only going out twice to three times weekly, but Kokoro has yet to learn why. The person always with him is a woman with a charming voice, and this is his mother. She was always with him, talking to him, feeding him and changing him daily, and the second female was a lot younger than her. They might be a friendly child or maybe his older sibling. A family of four, including him. As time passed and Kokoro grew older month by month, he inevitability got good eyesight. He could now make basic observations such as the house he lived in and the small details in the wooden build of the home that had a cosy cabin feel and always felt warm. He could even tell the minor features in his family's facial expressions and appearance. His mother was beautiful, with a brownish-red hue resembling the earth, and the sun blessed her. Her eyes were soft light brown, and mesmerising to stare into. She also had-.
"eh?" Kokoro exclaims.
His mother leaned over his crib to pick him up. He notices her ears are not normal. They were long and pointy, as if someone had pulled her ear many times or as if she had come out of a fantasy story. In complete disbelief, Kokoro chalks this finding up to a body dysmorphia that his mother was born with.
On the other hand, his father looked very ordinary but western with his light brown hair, tall stature, and very muscular.
His older sister looked like their mother, with brownish-red hair, a soft face and a "huh?"
"WAHHH?!"
Kokoro screams out loud in disbelief. His parents take it as if something has happened and immediately rush to his side, but that exclamation was not because he was in pain or discomfort. Instead, he was surprised his sister also inherited their mothers' long pointy ears. Her ears weren't enough "proof" for him, so Kokoro thought it was an explored unusual phenomenon and stated the human race would not sit still to discover the cause of this unique ear shape. Finally, he calmed down, and his parents felt more worried that something might be wrong since he had a random fuss and, in the end, decided to take him to a doctor.
He may be known as a doctor, but the man his parents took him to was mainly known as a priest. They lay Kokoro in a small basket on a pedestal, almost like he faced the gods.
The Priest began talking, but it did not sound familiar to the language he's heard since birth. Before he could even think about how unusual this encounter and his parents were, a bright sunflower yellow light came from the Priest's hands. As the Priest put his hands over the child, the colour turned pale green, leaving Kokoro in a state of calm and warmth.
"What is this feeling?" Kokoro thinks to himself.
"It's strangely familiar."
He slowly closes his eyes as he gets more and more relaxed, and then he falls into a deep, peaceful sleep. However, while sleeping, he began to dream.
He saw three very familiar people, but not from his new life. They were from his old life. It's been so many years since he last saw them. They left him in such a cruel world to fight for himself without someone to protect or support him.
The dream ends as he wakes up with tears being wiped away by his mother. It hit him. He no longer exists in his old life. He promises himself that he will live a different life than the one from his past. A more fulfilling life as soon as possible and do whatever his heart tells him to do. Even though this thought never truly crossed his mind or consciousness, he would follow a path where he could be happiest.
This place that Kokoro has been born in has been so different from what he's used to, not just the way his family looks but also the Priest and the way the house seems to even the feel of the flow the air takes is different almost like the world entered his body and gave him some form of control.
The way the air felt to him was how the Priests' light felt but less potent.
It didn't take long for Kokoro to get used to these sites and these feelings as his family taught him little by little about the language as he grew over the weeks. Of course, he never learnt his parents' names, but he did know his sister's name, Yua.
Kokoro felt a strange bond with this name as it meant tie, bind, love and affection in Japanese. It was a fitting name since Yua was near him almost constantly. His mother spends the most time with him, then comes his sister and then his father. Due to his past life and how he studied so passionately, he quickly picked up the basics of the language even though his vocal cords still needed to be fully developed to put his learnings to practice. Yua loved talking to Kokoro for hours as their mother held him warmly. Because he didn't fully understand what she was saying, he just appreciated that she was so passionate about talking.
Many calm days of this had come, but one unexpectedly quiet evening, when the whole family was quietly enjoying each other's presence in the living room just next to the warm crackles of the fireplace, it happened.
"M-m-mama," Kokoro says with a shaky voice.
His family stares at him in complete disbelief.
"P-p-papa," he speaks again with a shaky voice.
The room goes silent again as they hear the crackles of the fireplace. Mother and father look at each other with faces that seem to say they know what just happened but can't say it out loud. Yua interrupts.
"NO FAIR!!!"
Yua did not have any of it.
"How come only mom and dad get to be said and not me," Yua mumbles with disappointment, and her parents look at each other again with a grin.
"U-A!" Kokoro says confidentially. They all begin laughing.
His father picks him up and tells him, "Kokoro, you don't have to try too hard, but we are happy that you know who we are to you." The father puts his forehead on his son's and then moves him away to look him in the eyes. Kokoro could not understand what was said, but his feelings spoke volumes.
Weeks passed with Kokoro learning to speak again and working on his motor functions. He was now several months old and could even eat solid foods, especially vegetables, which sparked his concerns about the strange occurrences he had encountered. The vegetables Kokoro's mother had fed him weren't something he had ever tasted or seen in his past life, and everything started to make less and less sense.
The air's aura. The Priest. Kokoros' mother and Yuas' ears. The house looks underdeveloped, and now even the vegetables are irregular.
Then one encounter that set a lingering thought in Kokoro's mind was a few months after he started eating solid foods, when his father burst into the house in a complete panic and grabbed Yua, then started telling his mother something. Not many seconds go by before his mother picks him up, and they leave the house. Kokoro was bundled up in a blanket and could not see what was going on as his mother kept running, but his ears were so good he could only imagine what was happening to everyone in the place he was living in as screams filled the area.
While running, it seemed as though Kokoro's father was giving instructions to his mother, and he then proceeded to take something out, almost like he was unsheathing a sword. Finally, his mother takes Yua and Kokoro into the mountains with the other villagers who have escaped to safety.
Unable to see anything, Kokoro can only think of the worst: They were attacked by evil people or maybe even by another region. All he knew is he wanted answers.
They stayed in the mountains for a few days seeking refuge from the climate, getting through the cold temperatures and surviving. Then very late at night, everyone started waking up as people were shuffling towards the camp, and as they got closer, the kids in the campsite began running to the people and hugging them. Even Yua ran to them. Then, as the people started coming into the light, it turned out all the men from the village were limping and shuffling over to receive immediate medical care. The men, in many ways, were injured in places that made no sense for fighting other people. Kokoro noticed his father had a large gash across his chest and was not concerned about getting treatment. Instead, he was telling the other men to get treated first.
The Priest began doing the action with the light that Kokoro had seen the day his parents rushed him to the church, and this time what Kokoro saw, he couldn't explain with his basic knowledge and logic. This green light was healing the wounds of these injured men.
There was no equipment or even technology in the Priests' hands, so it wasn't the future. Then it hit Kokoro. This place wasn't the future, a different country or a new settlement in an unknown land. This place was a completely different earth than he's known in his past life.
Will anything he'd learned until this point even be helpful to help him navigate? Was all Kokoro went through in his past life for nothing? How is he supposed to understand a new world with vastly different growth and fundamentals? A bigger question with a positive light and a dark innuendo crossed his mind...
"How much do I truly not know about this earth?"