From now on, I categorize myself as a person of unsound mind.
'Oh sweet nephew, you've already lost your wits a long time ago,' he politely commented, lovingly ruffling my hair. "That is one of the many traits that people adore about you."
Was that a compliment or was that an insult? I could tell. He smiled as if the world had done nothing wrong to him. I brushed away the strands of hair from my face and looked straight at this man who claimed to be my relative. Caspian wore a jaunty facade.
"How you've grown. It is good to know that our sacrifices weren't in vain."
The word sacrifice instantly triggered my inquisitiveness.
"What do you mean by that?"
The brightness of our surroundings flickered. Slowly, the Ancients who were resting disappeared one by one.
Caspian sat with a dignified posture on the grass, keeping his expression calm and welcoming. He was an overall congenial man, but was shrouded in mystery.
What were dead Ancients doing inside my head?
"You are a miracle to both life and death. Always remember that."
With another flicker of darkness, he vanished. I rose and searched for him, looking for answers regarding the puzzles of my identity.
"What are you keeping from me?" I asked.
What was I?
Why did people keep dying for my sake?
The light had completely deserted my eyes. Voices echoed through my mind as the topic tore the sheet of my core, leaving me bare to the freezing temperatures, vulnerable to the opportunists, and flimsy to the abusers.
"He's the reason why this happened! Everything is his fault!" Slade growled. His voice held rage and vengeance. The ground shook from the might of his fury.
I didn't want them to die.
"His kind killed my whole pack. He needs to die. I'll end him myself and with his death, I shall follow," Caleb said.
I wasn't like them. I was not a catastrophe.
"Lucian is a catastrophe...I can't believe he manipulated us all. Wye Fye died because of him. I won't forgive him...never!" Sevor yelled.
I tried to save them. I tried to keep them alive.
And I knew that no matter how much I apologize, I cannot return the life that was stolen from them.
I should have died in their stead.
'Lucian, can you hear me?'
I stiffened at the presence of another man inside my head, who reached out through the clouds of this storm. The light materialized into an angel. He was on his knees which were fanned out. His shoulders were slumped, his back was slouched, and his head bowed in submissiveness. He was shackled with his wings bound together by a massive clip that made his silver-blue wings drip with blood.
"What happened to you?" I asked him. . His head lifted in surprise and his fanned legs folded. The shackles clung as he moved hastily.
"It worked. You can hear me."
"Why are you inside my head and why are you held captive like this?"
He looked at the shackles, resting his hands on his stomach.
"The other angels had noticed my interference with you without God's consent. I am being punished," he responded.
I blinked, bewildered by his attempt to reach out when he was already suffering from the consequences.
"Are you not afraid?" I asked him. "You are already bleeding because of your defilement. I would advise you to refrain from bleeding for the likes of me."
The angel crawled forward.
"I have felt your withering will to live. You are not thinking of taking your life, are you?" He frankly queried.
"What is it to take if I am already decaying from the inside? The reason why I was caged as a child was because they fear me for spreading the rot to the world. They are right; I should have never come out."
The angel's bound hands reached out to me as he swayed his head in disapproval.
"Do not speak ill about yourself, especially in front of me."
I kept my silence, standing to grab the shackles keeping him.
"How do I free you?" I asked.
"Freeing me is equivalent to killing me. It's impossible."
"We won't know unless we try," I told him.
"What if I died trying?"
I stared blankly at him.
"At least you won't regret not trying."
...
...
...
I grabbed the edge of the mask that was covering the angel's face. He inclined his head at me to proceed. I pulled the mask with all my strength. The angel bellowed in excruciating pain. Light brimmed from the shape of the mask. My fingertips burned from the smoldering fire.
Sweat layered my skin; the angel's body slowly floated. He rose as if he was being held. My arms followed until he hovered above me. Because of this angle, I bent my knees and continued to pull.
The view from above transformed into a blue sky. Just as I plucked the mask from his face and fell on the ground, he supported his body with his stretched arm as if he was on top of a transparent floor that separated us. His face was void of features but its outline bled. Drops of blood touched the invisible barrier.
A drop of blood seemingly caused a crack on the floor he was on. The fissure elongated and spread out. The sky shattered in shards and collapsed on top of me. As the chilled shards pricked my skin, my breath was stolen from my lungs. I felt like I was yanked from an ice-filled tub just as the air was returned to me and was used to fill in a loud gasp. My eyes peeled open and I found frightened and confused eyes staring at me.
They were scared of me.
The ethers were tinted cherry with a mix of orange. The camp was in total devastation with its inhabitants at equal state.
My heart dropped, seeing Caleb standing far away from me with eyes lost in deep thinking. Slade was blankly staring with a bitter expression as his arms were folded up front. Sevor had an unreadable face, but was looking at me, boring holes into my shivering form.
The only one who dared to approach me was Crowley, yet I flinched from his gentlest touch.
"Lucian..." He murmured.
His voice thickened from crying. His eyes were puffy and red from weeping.
"The little ones didn't make it. We buried them while you slept."
I sat up, still feeling woozy. Crowley held me and I sensed the two wings still in place. I shivered, refusing to take a look of what I truly was.
I scrutinized my surroundings, having the intent to find something to appease my aching chest yet the graves further chased me with remorse. At my first step, Crowley immediately walked to my front to catch me in my stumble.
"You have not fully recovered. You have lost so much blood and you are still bleeding a bit."
My dry lips only managed to whisper:
"Please..."
He immediately understood. He understood the pain, this grief, this regret, and this anger.
But most of all, he understood this sadness.
I took more steps until another hand slipped around my arm. Caleb was supporting me. His eyes held nothing but vengeance but I didn't know if it was for them or for me. I weakly pried the two men off, staring down.
"I can go...by myself. Let me be."
My steps were unstable and weak. There was pounding in my head. My hands shook uncontrollably. The walk to the graves was arduous and long. I was grabbed once more but this time by Slade who had his rage nearing its spilling. His hold was tight as if he was grasping my heart.
"Where are you going? Why don't you accept help?" He firmly asked.
I yanked myself from him. He did not argue. He was tired. We were all tired.
"I can do it myself."
My steps went on and this time I was stopped by Sevor.
"Let me escort you."
He had always been gentle yet his eyes were mourning. He was weak. He was distrustful and I knew that I was the source of his unsureness.
"I can manage," I assured him.
I tried to get away. I tried to slip from his grasp, but unlike the others, he did not deter.
"You are weak. It is not the time to refuse. Allow us to help," he insisted.
"I am fine. Do not mind me."
He scowled a little. "Do not be stubborn."
"I am not. I am fine. Do not worry about me."
"I will still help—"
"I do not need it!" I shouted, my voice surprising everyone and even him. "Just..." My voice broke. "Leave me be."
Sevor's resolve prevailed. "This is not the time to rebel. You are extremely injured. Dethroning yourself has made you weak."
"Stop," I whispered. "Stop being kind to me."
"What are you saying?" He asked.
Do not play dumb.
Do not act nice.
Do not lie to me.
"Am I not the cause of these graves? Am I not the cause of the disaster that took place? Why are you being kind? Do not pity me. Do not pity this mon—"
A resounding slap left a stinging red mark on my cheek. I looked back at Sevor who possessed eyes of sorrow.
"We care for you, that is all. Do not belittle yourself in front of the graves of the children who adored you, who loved you. They were willing to follow you because you have given them hope," he said in a trembling voice.
I watched him tear up. His nose turned a bright red before finally grief expressed into tears.
"You gave them light in this dark and cruel world. How dare you insult yourself in front of them, in front of all of us?"
The pain on my cheek somehow gave me inner peace. It wasn't me who gave them hope. I did not put a light on anyone's path. In truth, in my eyes, they were the ones who became the stars to my night sky. I was the one who was lost from the very start.
Sevor helped me get to the graves. I collapsed on my knees and hands. My hands grasped the dirt of two of the many graves. My hands shimmered a soft blue light. Flowers grew above the earth they were resting under and I rubbed my cheek against the wet soil.
Sevor's hand rested on top of my back. Caleb and Slade sauntered to our place and rested their own hands as well. The children circled us, holding each other while they sang a song in a rhythm of innocence that passed through the slope of this malicious era.
They cried and sobbed while singing, saying their farewells to their friends...their family.
"Good night, good night!
I guess this is goodbye my friend.
Close your eyes and sleep well
No one will harm you now."
"Good bye, good bye!
My old good friend."
Don't be scared, you'll get there
You are safe and sound, you see!"
"Good night! Good night!
Good bye, farewell, my friend."
Rest and you must be tired
Thank you for all the smiles!"
"Uh...Boys, what is that?" Crowley called out.
Our heads turned to him then followed the direction to where he was looking at. There was some kind of fireball falling from the sky. As it got closer, the fireball was extinguished and was replaced by ice. There was a man inside of it.
"What do we do?" Caleb asked.
"It looks like...that angel from before," Sevor commented.
"Do we kill it?" Slade queried.
Peaches appeared beside me, triggering a violent reaction from Slade. My position garnered Peaches' full attention and without second thoughts, he gathered me in his arms.
"Oh so now you're here! Where were you when everything was in shits?!"
Peaches gave Slade a blank stare before saying:
"Collecting souls. It has proven to be difficult when I don't have my scythe."
"Peaches, will you help him?"
He sighed once he looked up and realized what was falling.
"Do I have to?"