Standing at the side of the corridor leading to the main palace, I watched my brothers train vigorously as if they were going to war the next day. If there was something I had always wanted to do, it would be to train alongside them, to become strong just like them. I always cried over little things, so maybe if I became strong, things might change, but my father forbade me from touching a sword, let alone training with it.
Enoch charged towards Michael like a raging bull and when he was a few meters away from him, he jumped and attacked from above with his wooden sword. Michael quickly avoided his attack by taking sharp side steps allowing him to smash the ground with his sword. The training went on for a while with Michael clearly having the advantage. That was because he was more skilled and attacked with accurate precision. I was amazed by how they fought with so much enthusiasm. He was the strongest among our father's children. Enoch charged once again with his wooden sword pointing directly at Michael but he made no attempt to evade or block Enoch's attack, rather, he was looking directly at me. Once Enoch realized his brother wasn't paying attention, he halted his attack.
"Hey moron, get your head in the game, if you're scared of losing, just say so and stop pretending the fight is over. And why are you staring at big sis?" Enoch said after returning the sword to its sheath.
"She may be your big sis but not mine, that good for nothing crybaby can never be my big sis? General please, why did you allow that girl to come watch us? Please send her away, with her around, it's even difficult to breathe." Michael said, pointing his right finger at me. He was the most handsome man I had ever seen. It's true that my father didn't allow me to go anywhere but I doubt there is another man as handsome as he is. His raven black hair fell down his shoulders in many waves. The only thing ugly about him is his attitude towards me.
"Come on Michael, there is no harm in Celine watching her little brothers train, Is there? and besides....."
"That's enough. Please excuse me, General." Michael interrupted before General Ashar could finish his sentence. General Ashar is not only the royal army commander of our kingdom, the Kingdom of Persia, but he is also our personal teacher. He is the man my father trusted most so he gave him the permission to train his children personally.
"Out of my way." Michael pushed past me and made his way to his quarters. One may wonder why the people I call my brothers treat me in such manner. Well they are not the only ones, even my own father refuses to look me in the eye. I need someone to tell me what I did wrong. It's not like it's my fault to be born a girl. Every king wishes to have his first born as a male child, but I was born a female. They can all go to hell for all I care. I didn't choose to be born a girl, so I don't care what they think or do anymore.
"Do you guys want to continue with the training or you want to go for a break?" General Ashar asked my other two brothers since Michael had left. "I don't think I want to continue, I would like to have my lunch instead." Soarez replied looking at me with his face void of any emotion. "Well in that case, we'll continue our training tomorrow." General Ashar said and started preparing to leave. I started crying and ran into my room.
I lay on my bed and covered my face with the pillow and cried some more. It was the pride of every King to have a son as firstborn. For men are perceived to be stronger than women. I was the firstborn but wasn't a man. Does that mean I deserve less attention and love from my own family? I want my father to recognize me as part of the family. I want my brothers to accept me as their elder sister and stop treating me like the youngest. I know I cry a lot but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still their elder sister.
A maid with blonde hair came inside my room after she had knocked several times and heard no reply. She walked inside to see me sobbing into the pillow. "My princess please are you okay?" she asked concerned about me.
"I...I am fine, what do you want?" I asked with the pillow still covering my face.
"Please I came to inform you that dinner is almost served and that your brothers are already seated." She stated calmly not wanting to ask any further questions about why I was crying. I can't believe I've been crying for that long, it's even dinner time, that means I didn't eat lunch. After waiting for a while without any reply from me, she excused herself. I removed the pillow from my face and sat on my bed, just then, I noticed the maid preparing my bath. I quickly took off my clothes and laid then, carefully laid them at the foot of my bed and walked to bathtub filled with warm water I gently slipped my left foot into the bathtub, followed by the right foot, before submerging my entire body under the water. After I was done bathing, I decided to head to the dining hall.
I walked through the palace halls lost in my own thoughts, the hall was dimly lit and I could hear my own footsteps echoing through the hallway. Shortly afterward, I stood by the door that led to the dining hall. There were two guards at the entrance. They immediately greeted my presence.
"Good evening Your Majesty. Please, you may enter." One of the guards said as they both opened the door for me to enter.
I entered the dining hall and much like the previous dinners, my father's absence was no surprise; he had been absent from dining quite often and even if he were present, that still wouldn't change the fact that he would rather not have me at the dining table.
My brothers, Enoch and Michael, sat across from one another, engrossed in their own talks. They spoke animatedly about their training, battles, and other matters related to the kingdom's affairs. I, on the other hand, remained an invisible presence at the table. It was as if my very existence didn't matter to them. A maid entered with a jug of juice and spoke after she had placed the juice on the table.
"Your dinner is served," she bowed her head slightly before dismissing herself. Just then Michael turned and noticed me sitting next to Soarez the second born and the first son of my father. My father had four children, me included, but in all Michael was the coldest. He had rather unusual but beautiful green eyes with a weird mark on his forehead. Father said it was his birth mark. Michael gave me a disgusted look from across the table. He gave me a look that said, 'Your presence makes me want to puke.' Meanwhile the rest of my brothers ignored me completely.
I toyed with my food, trying to muster the courage to engage in their discussions even though I knew it was a bad idea, I wanted to be a part of their world, but my voice was swallowed by their boisterous conversations, Michael would now and then give me a stare that said, 'We don't need you here. '
Enoch chuckled at something Michael said, and I found myself longing to share in their laughter, to feel like a true sibling. But the divide between us seemed insurmountable.
As the meal progressed, I grew increasingly disheartened. My brothers' laughter and camaraderie were a stark reminder of the bond they shared, a bond that excluded me. It was painful to watch them, knowing that I was an outsider in my own family.
After a while, I couldn't bear it any longer. I pushed my plate away, excusing myself quietly.
"I've lost my appetite." I muttered, my voice barely audible.
"Alright" Soarez replied. He was different, he didn't care if I was a male or female, he only does what father tells him to do. Neither Enoch nor Michael acknowledged my departure. They were too engrossed in their own world. Michael took a peek, and when he saw I wasn't at the table, he turned to see me walk towards the entrance to the dining hall. I could feel Michael's cold stare which brought shivers down my spine. I know I feel uncomfortable in this family but Michael makes me feel even worse. As if his presence wasn't intimidating enough, his stares are something else, like the eyes of a dark presence constantly watching you.
Back in my room, I sank onto my bed, feeling the weight of loneliness pressing down on me. I had become a pariah, a constant reminder of a failure in my father's eyes. I can't even recall the last time I had a conversation with him.
I gazed out of the window, watching the moonlight cast its silvery glow onto the palace grounds. The world beyond these walls seemed so distant, so unattainable. I yearned for something more, something beyond the confines of my gender.