Chereads / CANON INDEED / Chapter 5 - Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore

Chapter 5 - Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore

A few days after the elevator incident, Derek finally got a return call from Katie who reluctantly agreed to meet him for lunch. After waiting at the table alone for almost 20 minutes, Derek began to wonder if he was going to have to eat lunch alone. Just when he was about to call her on the cell phone, he saw Katie entering the restaurant.

“Sorry!” Katie apologized when she reached the table with hurried footsteps.

“You seem to be running late a lot these days,” Derek teased but secretly smiled a relief in his heart.

“No kidding!” Katie chastised herself. “I really need to have better time management. Somehow, time seems to go by way too fast when I’m back home in Hong Kong.” Katie settled into her chair and tried to get comfortable in the quiet ambience.

Silence filled the time and space as they perused the lunch menu. They seemed to have a tough time kick-starting a conversation again, as if the cat had really caught their tongue. But both were glad when the waiter came to take their order. After ordering their food, Derek managed to keep his words flowing through his vocal chords.

“So why are you back so soon?” He was certain school was still in session in China in November. When Katie’s facial expression became bleak, he sensed something was wrong. “Did something bad happen to you in Hunan?”

“No.” Katie shook her head and forced a smile. “The volunteer foundation was asked to provide criminal records to the school. When they found out about my imprisonment, they were afraid it would jeopardize the enrollment of the school.”

“They let you go because of that?” Though Derek sounded surprised, he wasn’t too shocked that the school would not hesitate to execute such decision. However, he didn’t want to make it sound like he agreed with the school policy.

“No, I resigned because….you know,” Katie gave a knowing glance. “This way, it is easier for everyone.”

Derek nodded and waited for Katie to elaborate. When she didn’t, he asked. “So, what will you do now?” He was hoping to get an affirmative answer to this one. “Are you planning to stay in Hong Kong?”

Katie didn’t respond right away because she wasn’t sure what the future held for her in terms of employment. Moments later she said teasingly. “If I stay in Hong Kong, would you hire me as your house maid?”

Derek did a double take before realizing she was joking. He let out the breath he was holding onto. Then with a slight smile, he stated. “Hmm, you have learned how to tease people now. You never did that before.”

“I suppose I’ve changed a bit,” Katie smiled. Her mind seemed to drift back to the past. “After experiencing so much over the last two and a half years, my outlook in life has changed a bit. Ms. Chan gave me a book that talked about how to let go of things in the past. I found it was really helpful for my situation!”

Derek interjected. “Well, speaking of Ms. Chan!” He gestured for Katie to look over her shoulders towards the entrance where Gillian was speaking with the hostess. They both noticed she had come alone.

“Let’s ask her to join us!” Katie suggested.

Derek called out to Gillian and caught her attention immediately. She approached them with her usual friendly smile.

“Gillian, want to join us for lunch? We just got here as well.” Katie spoke with a tad of eagerness which sounded like a plea.

“I would if I was here alone, but not today.” Gillian gave Katie an apologetic look. Then her expression turned neutral when she looked at Derek with a polite smile.

Realizing the hostess was waiting to walk her to her table located on the opposite side of restaurant, she said to her. “Thanks. You can just place the menus there. I’ll head there myself.”

As the hostess walked away with the menus, Derek addressed Gillian with a tease. “Are you meeting your new boyfriend? It’s understandable you don’t want us to intrude on the two of you.”

Gillian gave a sigh. “If you must know, I am meeting my ex-boyfriend here.” She noticed Derek suddenly turned quiet. “If things were different between us, I’m sure he won’t mind having lunch together. But I really don’t think he wants me to tell him off in front of you and Katie.”

“What did he do this time?” Derek asked with furrowed brows. “Are you really here to tell him off?”

Gillian reached into her purse and pulled out the bank draft that had his name on it. It was the same one Anita wanted to give him a few weeks ago. There was a guilty look on Derek’s face as Gillian shot him a knowing glance.

Ethan was not aware that Derek and Katie were in the same restaurant when he arrived 15 minutes later. He was immediately brought to the table where Gillian was occupying. After the waiter took their order, Gillian did not bother with small talks. Like always, she cut to the chase and got straight down to business by presenting two bank drafts in front of him.

Ethan noted one of the cheques was from Gillian’s account and it was made out in his name, the other one was the same bank draft he saw a few nights ago from Anita. He noticed the latter one has got more wrinkles from when he first saw it.

“I am assuming Anita met with you?” Ethan tried to act nonchalant, though he was indignant upon seeing the two cheques.

“Yes, but don’t you dare blame her! She did it because you wouldn’t listen to her!” Gillian gave him an imploringly look and emphasized the 2nd person subject pronoun as if she was pointing her finger at him. She tapped on the two cheques to draw his focus back to the topic of conversation.

He noted her tapping finger on the cheques in front of him and was trying hard to control his belligerence. “What do you want me to do with them?”

Gillian could see the contention in his eyes and thus softened her tone. “If you are going to keep my name to the apartment, then at least let me pay for half the down payment and half the mortgage.”

Ethan shuffled abruptly in his seat and was about to say something to justify his actions. However, Gillian would not let him interrupt her trend of thoughts. “At least this way when the market goes up and you decide to sell the apartment, I would feel better claiming my portion of the profit!”

She noticed he was unable to come back with an immediate rebuttal but was torn between letting anger take control and accepting defeat. She attempted to use her flashing brown eyes to win him over to sweet surrender. “Unless you were planning not to let me know and then give the profit to Derek!”

Ethan let out a smirky scoff which earned him a snub from Gillian. “Well, some friend you really turned out to be!”

Looking at her playful flashing eyes, Ethan couldn’t help but surrender in a soft chuckle. He was too surprised about her reaction to the apartment; afterall, he knew if anyone could figure out what he was planning to do with the apartment, it would be her. His plan was to change his name to Anita’s and leave Gillian’s as it was after the initial mortgage period was over in one year.

However, he wasn’t planning on letting either women know about it. So he asked with apprehension. “You are not mad at me for lying to you about the apartment?”

Gillian gave a quick but meaningful glare to communicate how much she despised being lied to. But when she realized he got the message and saw in his eyes how much he was affected by guilt and love at the same time, her heart was stirred as well. “I’ll forgive you this time. And you are treating me to High Tea after this!”

Touched by her honesty, he said nothing but kept his focus by looking deep into her eyes.

After what seemed like a super long moment, Gillian couldn’t take it anymore and had to tell herself to get a grip, but in a cop out way. “But you have to promise to make me lots of money! I will have to start saving up in case I end up old and single!”

When Gillian noticed a darker shade of tan came over Ethan’s face, she instantly regretted allowing those last words to roll off her tongue. She quickly tried to amend the situation by refracting the conversation back to the apartment. “I was actually surprised the realtor and seller were willing to return our deposit and revoke the sales contract. I should have known better.”

Ethan understood her too well, even the regrets she was feeling. He also decided to let go of her dooming words. “It was either this or we go to court against the bank and the seller! I couldn’t let that happen to you.”

Gillian’s heart took a deep dive to the bottom of her stomach at his revelation and she realized for the first time the struggles he must had gone through in dealing with these legal real estate transactions. Though she felt bad he had to face them all alone, she wasn’t going to give him too much credit; just enough to let him know she appreciated his effort. “Well, at least one of us was smart enough to do the right thing!”

Finally, Ethan couldn’t control the slight reflex at the left corner of his lips. When Gillian noticed how much he was trying to resist smiling at her, she thought she would spare him the agony before getting a muscle spasm across his face.

“Now, if you don’t want to use Anita’s check to pay Derek back, then use mine! I’ve already explained to her I’ll be paying part of the mortgage as long as my name is still there.”

“You don’t mind that Anita and I will be living in your apartment?” Ethan asked and held his breath while searching for the truth on her face.

“I think you should be more concern how Anita feels!” Gillian was aware he was trying to read her emotions, so she put on her professional hat. “And you need to be open with her regarding everything, you cannot hide things from her if you want your relationship to grow with her!”

Ethan gave out a deep sigh. “That’s what your problem is! You care too much for how others feel, even your own ...” He stopped short.

Gillian knew what he was about to say, so she completed it for him. “Even my own love rival?”

Their eyes met and she knew she hit the bullseye and she could feel the course of the conversation was about to focus on a topic she didn’t want to pursue anymore. So she brought Anita back to the table for discussion with a brush off to change the mood. “Nonsense! I was concerned Anita might not be able to manage upkeeping the apartment. You need to hire a maid to keep the place clean so that it will have a better resale value when the time comes!”

Ethan knew that was certainly not her concern, and he realized there was no fighting off his feelings for her anymore. He was hoping for a chance to discuss about their own pending relationship over this lunch but decided to drop the subject for now. Besides, knowing he was paying for lunch, he had every intention to enjoy it and not let the food give him indigestion.

That night, Gillian had a difficult time falling asleep. Lying in her bed past the midnight hours, her mind kept recalling the activities of the day, particularly the afternoon she had spent with Ethan.

She had let her defenses down and allowed her heart to connect with him again over lunch. For the first time in months and since their break up, it felt as if the shadow of Anita wasn’t there and they were once again the close couple they used to be. It wasn’t until their conversations took her back to the heart-breaking memories over the bowl of congee on the night of their first union that she was able to come back to terms with reality. That was when she accepted that ‘Fate’ was the winner in this game of ‘love’ that the three of them were dealt. She knew she was not the winner, but neither was Ethan or Anita. She knew this because each of them had told her so.

Gillian was happy that Anita was rescued, because it meant Ethan could finally put a closure to the nightmares behind her disappearance. However, she could sense something was missing between Ethan and Anita, for she couldn’t see that truly happily-in-love kind of chemistry between them. As for her own emotions, she knew she was threading on deep water trying not to let herself drown in the sea of sorrows. But every time she thought she had managed to swim back to shore, Ethan would somehow sweep her off to the deep water with him again.

Well, she had to admit that she allowed herself to be swept off as she missed the thrill of riding on the waves with him, but she feared one of these times she might truly forget to put on her life jacket and wouldn’t be able to swim back to shore; or that her heavy burdened heart would take her to the bottom of the sea to never surface again.

Gillian took in a deep breath and admitted she was still in love with him; and she was not happy about it. The more she thought about her situation, the more she believed the winner was ‘Fate’. It seemed her head was way ahead of the game when the lyrics of the ABBA melody came to her. Or perhaps her head was trying to tell her how much of a loser she was. She certainly felt like one at this moment. “The winner takes it all, the loser’s standing small. Beside the victory, that’s her destiny! The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall. It’s simple and it’s plain. Why should I complain?”

Suddenly, Gillian was overcome with a firm determination that something in her life had to change. After sorting through her thoughts, she figured out what it was she had to do. Finally feeling an onset of nausea, she let out a deep sigh, sent her cares heavenward and said a short prayer asking for sleep to claim her for the rest of the night. Then she closed her eyes and fell asleep before she could count the 10 sheep in her imaginary field. Partly because she was trying to argue with her head that the plural of sheep was sheep when she was counting them. One sheep … two sheeps … no, two sheep … no, go to sleep.