Fol wasn't the daughter of a priest nor was she preacher's daughter, but she held steadfast to her beliefs of some unknown supernatural force and continued her daily routine. Waking up at 5 am in the morning due to the one alarm she set. Getting ready for school and attending for the rest of the year. She had left her future such as education and job occupations in the air and decided she'd do them later.
'I'll find the time somehow' she kept repeating in her mind. But that thought was only a procrastination that she foolishly circulated daily, weekly, and monthly. After all, procrastinators cannot stop when deeply comforted in their own abilities. A problem Fol would find herself facing sooner than she had expected.
-
Revisiting her grades, most of her classes were average with As, but two were slipping down a steep slope. She was now failing a class and close to failing in another. After all her hard work in the first semester, she was tired this semester. She was tired of it all. Tired of working, communicating, commitment, and above all else believing. It wasn't her first time tiring of believing, she tires all the time. A month ago she relentlessly prayed for a whole week in order for her competition, only to be crushed by not placing in anything. How cruel she thought but she still believed.
Her belief and prayers blessed her a month later in placing within the top of her state, and she was genuinely happy. This joy she only felt when she looked to the Heavens she thought.
'How long is that gonna last?' She heard a voice asked. Was it her consciousness? The Heavenly Force? She was startled only for a moment and decided to be wary of herself.
-
Spring Break was in session. She felt relieved from everything. Fol took a break from everything, her future with her classes, her education, and most of all, she took a break from her beliefs.
For the next two weeks, Fol was a mess. Her room was a mess, her chores were never clean, her house had always gotten only on her because they looked to her the most. She resented the idea how her father only paid attention when she was falling behind and not doing what she was supposed to do, but she hid it with smiles and rude retorts. Fol took a break and her life was falling apart, more so stuck. Fol felt extremely unmotivated because of how she glued herself to her messy bed and chose to lie there all day. She couldn't move, her body became ill with the smells of fresh soap and when she ate even a bowl of cereal, her stomach would not accept it and wanted to throw it all out. Her eyes could no longer move in synchronization causing her vision to blur. Her common sense turned her away from all that she believed.
She had done awful things before she came to know the Heavenly Force. She steered clear of that path for a long time, only to fall short within two weeks. So Fol invited her 'friend' over the next six days to relieve her of all of her sexual desires. Drained on the bed and looking at her partner now asleep, she thought 'I'm in trouble now… but I like it,' feeling a sharp tang of guilt. She covered her friend and dressed herself for something to eat. Walking down the stairs, her father and mother were nowhere to be seen. Even her siblings had led different lives and were rarely in the house. This awfully huge house where a dark void only grows.
Feeling dissatisfied even with her desires satisfied, she felt a void. It wasn't going to go away anytime soon, so she dismissed her friend and continued to wallow in her room. Checking her phone for anything interesting, she fell asleep, tired. She hated herself to sleep every six nights knowing her wrongs would be forgiven because that's the God she had chosen to place her faith in.
-
That Spring Break, her family had gone camping at a whole lodge they rented. A cabin where not one family member was separated, it felt lovely knowing no one else would be here, but the five of them made comfort in a nice renovated cabin that warmed Fol's heart. A vacation she had always wished for! A vacation needed for her family was always too busy. Her mother was rarely around the cabin but Fol, her father, and two siblings could now use the time for anything! They mostly consisted of movie nights, game nights, and roasting s'mores and popcorn over a huge campfire just for the five of them. She looked around and wished for more moments like these. Where it was just her family in their own little world, knowing it was impossible in this one. Upstairs had three beds, perfect for her siblings, but the roof was arched so the ceiling felt clumped. Fol woke up on the bed and bumped her head on the roof. Rubbing it she looked back to see if she hadn't startled her siblings awake. As soon as she turned back,
both of her siblings were in front of her, eyes wide open as they whispered something…Fol leaned closer and heard both repeated in low tones,
"Wake up" Fol closed her eyes and turned around, maybe she was imagining things she thought. Turning around and opening her eyes…her parents were there whispering the same thing, only thing time their eyes weren't open, she saw they didn't have eyes.
Shocked awake, Fol suffered a panic attack, only there was no one in her room, and no one in her house she woke up to. She felt her breath shorten each time she breathed in and when she was near fainting, she prayed for healing from the Heavenly Force. After she closed her eyes shut and opened feeling somewhat relaxed. Knowing she would only worry her parents and annoy her siblings, she did the only thing she could do that night, cry herself to sleep. It's what she would do occasionally, daily daily daily…