Monday, September 4th.
The town has been quiet the last couple of weeks up until yesterday. There is fear that the war is getting worse as the government has been reduced to such drastic action as employing the services of the young and old. The Nazi party has brought about the creation of the Volksturm or people's militia. There the Nazis have recruited essentially every man in town and have them running drills and rifle practice. Men as old as 60 and some as young as 8 practice shooting at hay dummies. The crackling of rifle fire sounded all yesterday morning. It is shocking to see eight year olds welding grenades. What is the war coming to?
The town has remained appalled by the actions of the SS in their expulsion of the Jews but only few have spoke out about it. The rest of us keep quiet over what we had seen for fear of being arrested. The SS hold the town with an iron fist and have been steady sapping away at the city's supplies. Irina tells me of them taking food from the markets and are progressively leading the city into a famine. They have been rationing gas, taking jewelry and other such metals to be smelted, denying even the most basic of commodities to local people. They say it is for the war effort, Obrenski calls it looting. A dark gloom has fallen upon the city.
I have come to understand Obrenski's hatred of the Nazis, what they did to the Jews is completely immoral. For the first time I question what it is to be German. To wonder what I am fighting for. To fully understand our cause. And finally if I am on the wrong side. I have prayed many times for an answer to this moral question even when I haven't prayed for a long long time. What I had witness disturbs me even in my sleep. I still hear the screams throughout the sewers. I can see in my dreams, plain as day, the bodies of Josef and Ishmel Nuham hanging. Irina won't talk about it and the Lieutenant acts as though it never happened. My only comfort has been to confide in Obrenski who tells me only drinking will make the nightmares go away. But I am not about to take up a life of alcoholism. And thank God Kurtz was there to witness any of it but he has taken notice of my troubles. He will ask me if I had another nightmare and what it was about but I refuse to tell him. I don't think he would understand.
There it is again the awful sirens scream ringing in the back of my mind. I find myself in the tunnels of the sewers again but this time I find myself kneeling in submission. Out of the darkness comes a lone uniformed figure far too dark for me to make out his face. But his uniform is that of the SS, he wields a machine pistol by his side. I find myself horribly frightened by this threatening figure. Soon the figures face is illuminated enough for me to see. And what I see shocks me to my core, making my blood run cold. His face is not just any but my face! I stand in front of my doppelganger who grins maniacally. It's...it's me? Is this what I have become? He raises his machine pistol keeping his evil grin and menacing eyes. I plead for mercy, his intentions are clear. I stand face to face with my evil self. I brace for my demise but suddenly a distant voice gets my attention. "Franz? Are you ok?" Suddenly all turns to white.
I am thrust awake in a cold sweat, my body trembles. I awaken to find Kurtz looking down on me. I check my watch and it is seven thirty. The rays of light pierce the barracks, but the sun's light betrays it's warmth for it is terribly cold in here. Kurtz looks at me curiously and asks,"Did you have another bad dream Franz?" I stutter, "Uh..uh yeah but I'm ok buddy." "What was it about?" He asks innocently. I can't tell him. "Don't worry it's ok." I tell him. He asks, "Was it about the bad men again?" I utter, "Yeah." " Don't worry Franz." he says. "I'll beat the bad men for you." he proclaims. I can only admire his innocent spirit. Stay this way forever Kurtz.
I get up and don my shirt and me and Kurtz step out into the cold morning air. The sky is a terrible gray and the sun is nowhere to be seen. Obrenski stands listening while Lieutenant Sprieg talks on the phone. Me and Kurtz approach them right as the Lieutenant hangs up the phone. Obrenski asks "Well who was it?" "It was Rudy." replies the Lieutenant. "What did he want?" The Lieutenant answers,"I have been summoned to a meeting in Berlin, I am to leave immediately." "What, why?" asks Obrenski. "I don't know, he didn't say." answers Lieutenant Sprieg. He continues,"But Rudy found something." I ask, " What did he find?" "The name of the camp we have been investigating. It's call Auschwitz, and it is a prison for the Jews." "Is that where they are taking them?" Obrenski asks. The Lieutenant responds,"I don't know but what he said is once they go there, they don't leave." Obrenski snaps angrily," Well thats just great, I bet you they are killing them there!" Kurtz asks innocently,"Killing who where?" The Lieutenant replies,"We don't know that for certain." Obrenski fumes,"I tell you they are slaughtering them like animals! You know what they did to them. Me and Franz saw the butcher people with our own eyes. Tell him Franz." Obrenski and the Lieutenant look to me. I am at a loss of what to say, then the slaughter of the sewers flash in my mind. I wish to be away from this topic. I hesitantly say, "I...I don't know." There is silence. Obrenski looks at me in betrayed disbelief. The Lieutenant utters,"It doesn't matter. I need to be leaving."
As we pile into the kubelwagen and enter the city and come across a tragic scene. Driving through the streets we stumble upon a scene unlike any I have seen before. The soldiers of the SS in their black uniforms are going into peoples homes and carrying out foodstuffs and loading them on trucks. Crowds of people protest as they continue with their task. They loot homes and businesses alike. I have to drive carefully through the street to avoid hitting people. I watch a man and an SS soldier wrestle for control for a box of canned goods. I watch a poor woman beg and plead with a soldier crying," Please this is all we have!" She grabs his garbs but he breaks her grip. A man with a bull horn stands on the back of a truck and announces,"This is for the greater good of the Fatherland. Help us feed our fighting men on the front and keep them strong. Do your part and together we can march forward to final victory!" The Lieutenant shakes his head in disapproval, Obrenski looks angry about watching helplessly as our city is being looted. An army that was cheered when it entered our city turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothes as they have now become occupiers. A woman dashes to the Lieutenant's passenger door as we slowly rumble down the street. She cries following us pleading," Lieutenant Sprieg! Please, you have to stop them! I have three girls to feed and they are taking everything I have!" The Lieutenant replies defeatedly," I'm sorry miss, there is nothing I can do." She pleads again with hands clasped together," Please you are an esteemed war hero, surely they will listen to you!" He sighs before saying," I will speak to the General about this." She rejoices with a sliver of hope. "Oh thank you Lieutenant Sprieg, God save you God bless you!" With that she leaves us. The Lieutenant turns away as though he cannot watch anymore.
As we break through the protests, Obrenski states,"You have no interest in helping them, Sprieg." The Lieutenant sighs, "I will speak with whom I can." "You know it won't do anything." remarks Obrenski. Lieutenant Sprieg replies defeated,"I know." "Then why lie?" Obrenski asks. He answers," Hopefully it will bring them a small measure of peace." " You will only be fooling them Sprieg." Obrenski says.
We pass the checkpoint and enter into the parking lot of the train station. The large buildings towering marble pillars must be twenty feet in height. The great glass dome of the station is visible from here though partially obscured. This station is one of the newest in the city, what had started out a humble station in the 1860s became the grand station it is today. It is this building in which some of the country's freight comes through. And currently it is being occupied by the SS. Out here in the parking lot sits tons of loaded creates full of materials to be shipped. But instead of war materials I find many of the great boxes to be stuffed with wooden furniture such as chairs, tables, lamps, radios, clothing, metals, tires. But also more stunningly are jewelry of gold and diamonds. The loot of the occupiers as they send these items to be transformed into weapons of war. Men shuffle around the creates, some stacked to be six feet in height.
After disembarking the kubelwagen, we make our way into the train station. Through the doors we discover the high ceilings and the marble floors of the building. The building is split in two with three tracks that run through the middle. Large catwalks vault over the resting locomotives that join the two halves of the building.The giant glass dome pours in light from the gray sky, soot on the glass give a dark out cast. Here is a multitude of people, many are soldiers loading boxes on a swastica laden train. Kurt's eyes fleet back and forth with amazement. Obrenski looks aggravated with the SS that load the peoples precious items onto the train in box cars. The Lieutenant goes to one of the ticket counters and displays an orders sheet. The clerk nods and stamps a ticket for him. The Lieutenant returns and says, "Obrenski, you will be in charge while I am away. Be sure to run drills and sight the gun. No abusing Kurtz do you understand. And Franz keep Obrenski out of trouble, there will be no leaving the post until I return. Am I clear?." Obrenski grumbles,"Crystal." I just nod. Kurtz asks," Where are you going?" The lieutenant responds,"I am going to Berlin, I won't be gone long." Kurtz asks,"Can I come with you?" He responds fatherly, "No Kurtz this is an errand solely for me." Kurtz pouts," Awww." He steps off and boards the train, not long after the train grumbles to life. White steam from hisses out as the brakes disengage on the black locomotive. The wheels begin to churn as black smoke fills the station from the train's funnel. It begins its forward motion like a creature stumbling awake. Soon it chugs off, taking the Lieutenant and the Nazis loot with it. I can only wonder why he had been summoned to Berlin.
Our drive back was horrifically eventful, there was a protest of the city's inhabitants at the hotel in which the SS have made their headquarters. The crowd showed their anger by shouting and throwing stones at the ornamented hotel. The guards there to keep order kept a close hold on their rifles. The crowd shouts,"Why are they taking our food!" "We are starving!" "Damn the SS!" Some cry, "Bastards." Like a wave of rage passes over them, the collective mob rushes the guards placed at the entrance. I brawl ensues as SS soldiers pour from the hotel to help their comrades on the frontlines. Protesters battle with the armed SS in a violent melee. Cries of the wounded ringing out over the shouts and battle cries. Individual fistfights breakout within the battle. I watch on as total and utter chaos ensues. Suddenly a lone figure emerges from the second story balcony, the Major. He wields a machine pistol and raises it to the air. "Ratatatata!" belches the machine pistol. The battle halts as both sides are startled into submission. He announces," Anyone who interferes with SS matters will be shot! Men arrest these traitors and have the ones responsible for this executed!" The tide turns back into favor of the SS as they strike the crowd back. Soon more SS arrive and begin arresting individuals in the mob. Many attempt to flee but those who run are shot down with multiple cracks of rifles. Obrenski beats his fist angrily on the steering wheel.
When we arrived back at the post, Obrenski immediately went to the barracks. When I entered the barracks, I found he was in a state of breakdown. In Obrenski's fit of rage, he takes the rusted medal, for which he has worn faithfully, and rips it from his shirt, throwing it upon the ground. He shouts, "This isn't the country I fought for!" He then kicks one of the boxes under his bed. He pants heavily, his are eyes bloodshot with anger. He goes and flips one of the other cots, violently throwing it to the ground. He then turned back to me and tears trickle down his face. After witnessing the looting of the city and the brutality of the SS, its not a wonder why he is so upset. When I step out to give him a minute Kurtz asks, "Is everything okay Franz? Why were people fighting?" He bore full witness to the brawl, I look at him and try to offer an explanation, "Well a lot of people were upset." "Why were they upset Franz?" "Well uh they had their things taken away." " Why did they do that Franz?" How do I explain to him that the city was looted for a war that is now only a lost cause. "Well uh they need stuff?" I tell him. "Why though?" he asks. I huff, "I don't know Kurtz."
Tuesday, September 5th.
Yet another cloudy morning and another gloomy day. The old tractor at forest edge that sits on a small hill that two mills of flat land reveal. Obrenski observes our target from binoculars. "Ok two degreed to the left." I rotate the first hand till the gun sounds out two soft clicks. "Load." Kurtz carries a cumbersome shell from the wooden box. Kurtz struggles to load the heavy shell into the gun breech which is at a height much taller than him. He struggles to slide it further into the gun breech. He succeeded in his task and jumps back startled when the gun hatch slams shut. "Fire." Obrenski orders. We managed to acquire more training rounds. Kurtz has to use both hands to clamp the firing lever. The gun booms forth the projectile at high speed to land maybe one hundred and fifty yards from the hazy target I see. "Damn, how does Sprieg do this so well?" Obrenski asks rhetorically. Kurtz groans," Can we stop now, my arms hurt." " Obrenski snaps," No way! I am not getting yelled at for not sighting the gun. Franz, are you blind?!" The task of adjusting the weapon's sight is more difficult than I had realized. "I'm trying!" I fuss back. With Obrenski in charge things have been a lot more difficult. Ever since we got back from the train station he has been drinking.
Obrenski groans,"Franz up three, right two."
I respond by cranking the hand wheels that click sharply. Suddenly the ripple of rifle fire catches our attention. The militia is practicing again today, we watch as the town's old men and boys crawl under barbed wire while a rifle team fires above their heads placing them significantly in harm's way. Some boys as young as six are training to run ammunition to machine gunners. Obrenski eyes them furiously clenching aggressively on his lit cigarette. Anger sits in his fiery eyes as he watches the SS weaponize the city's population.
"I'd like to shoot at them." He says. All I can do is watch as sixty year old men struggle to crawl with rifles. A new sound meets my ear, the squeaking of gears and low rumble that can only be that of a tank. Sure enough a panther tank can be seen rumbling up beside our gun pit. The sloping frontal armor of the slender giant angles sharply up to the turret which is a semi trapezoidal box carrying the vehicle's twenty-two foot cannon. The hull of the vehicle is roughly twenty two feet long, ten feet wide and ten feet in height. It is painted in camouflage of dark reds, browns and greens. The commander of the vehicle stands in the commander's hatch on top of the tank. His black uniform with pink tabs display his rank. He holds a microphone to his mouth and listens through a headset. The clacking of the treads begins to slow as the vehicle decelerates. He parks his tank right next to our gun pit. This maneuver enrages Obrenski. Hey shouts, "Hey! What the hell do you think you are doing?!" The commander looks down at us and sneers,"Target practice." "Get lost!" Obrenski shouts angrily. Soon the driver pops out of his hatch at the front of the tank. He is in the same black attire with pink tabs. He looks at the Obrenski and then the Commander. The Tank Commander remarks,"I'll handle this." He then turns to Obrenski saying,"I have every right to be here." Obrenski clenches his fist and remarks,"You should even be here in the first place. Don't you have some people you should be slaughtering?!" The Commander is taken back then cold responds," I would expect this behavior from a dog." Obrenski starts towards the vehicle that sits on the terrace above us. He clenches his fist angrily as he goes nearer. I jump in his way to stop him, halting him with my body. His eyes burn with hatred. "Tell you what dog," the commander says. "I challenge you to a duel, your crew against mine. If you win we will leave." Obrenski snarls,"Fine. Kurtz, Franz man the gun." Kurtz goes to grab a shell from the trailer, nearly dropping it. He lugs the brass shell while his baggy pants drag the ground. The Tank Commander laughs saying,"Is this the best "man" you have?" Kurtz struggles to place the heavy brass shell into the cannon breech. Obrenski eyes the target and commands,"Fire!" There is a delay because Kurtz isn't strong enough to pull the firing lever again. The Tank Commander and his driver both laugh in hysterics. Obrenski goes over and yanks the lever and the gun booms, sending a projectile to land just short of the target. The Tank commander smirks, his driver falls into his hatch. He starts barking orders into his microphone. The turret begins to swivel, making a whirring noise,before abruptly stopping. The tank commander eyes hsi target through binoculars. "Fire!" he orders and the tank roars and shudders, kicking up the dust around it. Their whistling projectile slams into the helpless tractor at high speed, striking it causing it to explode, destroying our target of these past many months. The Tank commander looks at us and smirks saying," Looks like we are staying." Obrenski grips the binoculars angrily, his face twisted in an angered snarl. He abruptly takes the binoculars and throws them at the commander. They strike him in the head knocking off his cap. His cockiness turns to anger as he growls, "You will pay for that!" He climbs out of his hatch and jumps town to the grass beneath the tank. Soon the other hatches begin to pop open as his crew seek to get a glimpse of what is about to take place. He jumps down into the gun pit and he and Obrenski start toward each other in preparation for a duel. The fight begins with the Commander making the first swing striking Obrenski in the eye causing him to reel back, The Commander takes advantage of his initiative by kicking Obrenski in the stomach causing him to double over. Obrenski sits crouched and looking defeated and I am beginning to believe he lost this fight. The Tank Commander stands over Obrenski proudly to claim his victory. But suddenly Obrenski upper cuts the man in the jaw causing him to stumble backward. Obrenski stands ready to duel one more while the Commander wipes blood from his lips. The Commander charges Obrenski with intent to tackle him to the ground. At that moment something snapped in Obrenski causing him to let out a battlecry.
Obrenski in a swift movement, pulls a knife from his boot, grabs the Commanders shirt and throws him into the breech of our cannon. Obrenski holds the blade dangerously close to the Tank Commander's throat, his hand firmly holds his collar. The Commander's eyes plead with fear as blood trickles from his skin. "Obrenski stop!" I shout. He turns to look at me with fire burning intensely in his eyes and I realize that this is not the Obrenski I know. This man was a battle hardened veteran, a survivor of multiple battles. What I saw was elite training and a primitive warrior's survival instinct impersonating a man. I don't even know if he knew he wasn't truly there. The fire burns out of his eyes and the Obrenski I know returns. He throws the knife to stick out of the ground, rears back his fist and strikes the Commander in the face. The blow causes him to hit the back of his head against the cannon's breech, knocking him unconscious. Obrenski lets him fall to the dirt, and he walks towards the barracks shaking the pain from hand. The dumbstruck Commander's crew comes to his rescue, picking him up and then fleeing back to their vehicle.The panther roars and then reverses slowly away.
Kurtz looks up at me confused and asks, "Were those the bad guys?" "Yes, they were the bad guys." I reply. He thinks for a moment before saying innocently,"I don't like them." I agree with him saying, "Yeah I don't like them either."
It is evening now and the sun starts its decent, Obrenski sits at the radio table and takes swigs of a bottle of alcohol. He listens intently to the radio. Kurtz plays with Otto the cat, the young boy chasing him playfully around the gun pit. I watch as the SS begin to rank and file the newly made militia before dismissing them home.
Kurtz approaches me and asks,"Can I keep him as a pet?" What? "What are you talking about?" I ask. He points to a creature's figure not far from the farmer's wire fence and then says,"Mr. Piggy." Sure enough there is a pink pig wandering outside of the fence.
Obrenski spots it and eyes it devilishly, he states,"Look at that, dinner coming to us." "Obrenski no, that's the farmers." I say
"And soon it will be ours." "You can't." I rebuke him. He snaps, "I'm tired of eating canned shit Franz." "But what would the Lieutenant say?" I fire back. Obrenski shouts me down, "Sprieg isn't here! So are you going to help me or not?" I look at the pig that wanders aimlessly. Then I look to Obrenski who starts climbing the trench wall. He says to Kurtz,"Kurtz do you want bacon?" Kurtz replies excitedly, "Oh boy I love bacon!" Obrenski then commands shortly, " Catch me that pig." Kurtz comes and climbs the trench wall and then asks Obrenski innocently, "Then can I keep it?" He has know idea of what they are about to do.
"Are you coming or not Franz?" Obrenski asks. I look at him and then the pig and my stomach growls. I think surely the Farmer wouldn't notice one pig missing and set my resolve. Obrenski sticks out his hand and I take it as he pulls me up onto the parapet.
Obrenski pulls his knife from his boot and we begin our approach. The creature stands there absent minded not noticing the danger it is in. "Franz," Obrenski says, "Go wide and keep it from escaping." I circle around and we cut off the creature's escape. We pause and so does the pig, it detects ill intent. A few tense moments pass before Obrenski lounges at the pig. The creature squeals before evading, causing Obrenski to fall on to the ground. "After it! Don't let it get away!" He cries. It heads toward Kurtz but Kurtz instead of trying to capture it, turns and runs screaming with his hands thrown up in the air. I make a dash after the pig and attempt to lounge at it but the creature evades yet again. I fall head first upon the ground dazed. Obrenski is now after the pig as the creature chases Kurtz around. Kurtz yells with his hand still in the air as he tries to flee. Luck is bestowed apon us when the pig trips and stumbles. Obrenski take advantage of the opportunity and lounges and this time plunging the blade deep into the beast killing it. Obrenski retracts his blade, wipes the blood off on his pants before firmly sheathing the knife in his boot. Kurtz approaches and asks,"Mr. Piggy?" "He's dead Kurtz." I say. Kurtz pouts sadly,"Mr. Piggy." Obrenski takes the pig and slings its carcass over his shoulder. He says to Kurtz, "You wanted bacon didn't you?" Kurtz hangs his head low and whimpers, "Yeah."
After about an hour, Obrenski has already dressed the pig and has its carcass hanging in the kitchen. He cuts chunks of meat off of the dead creature and cooks them in a pan on the stove. The grease and fat crackle in the pan. Kurtz pets Otto the cat in his bed and says to him,"Don't worry Otto we won't eat you." Obrenski demands,"Kurtz come here." Kurtz hops off of his cot and joins Obrenski in the kitchen. Obrenski states, "Feed these to Otto."as he hands the child a handful of cut chunks of cooked meat. Kurtz takes them with excitement and rushes back to the black feline. "Look Otto Obrenski got you treats!" He reveals the goods to the cat who gnaws on the pork in the palms of Kurtz's hands. Obrenski smiles slightly watching from the kitchen. First time I have seen him smile in a while. Maybe he is reminiscing about his own son.
After a while Obrenski brings out plates of ham and green beans. The carcass has been full stripped and Obrenski has preserved the meat. He hands the plate to Kurtz but Otto tries to pounce on it. Kurtz says,"No Otto, this isn't for you." Obrenski hand me my plate and says,"Come with me." I follow him outside and he sits in the Lieutenants chair. He gazes longingly at the sunset that paints the sky in deep orange. He sighs and then looks at me. He pauses and then says, "Franz promise me something." "What?" I ask. He responds,"Protect Kurtz and try to keep him out of this war." I nod. He speaks again,"I'm serious Franz, he won't survive this war and I'm not sure what will happen to him when this is all over." "I'll try." I say. He looks at me sternly in the eyes and say,"The war is lost Franz, and me and you both know he doesn't have a home to go to." He refers to Kurtz's father want Kurtz killed. He continues,"If you and Irina survive this and truly stay together..." He pauses, He has never call her by her name." He looks down and them at me and say soberly, "I want you to take him in. Give him a home, or take him back home with you." The thought of me and Irina living together with Kurtz as our adopted child flashes before my mind. It seems pleasant really, almost like a memory I have not yet had. "Take care of him Franz. Give him a home he deserves. Can you promise me that?" I nod. "I need you to say it" He says soberly. "I promise." I reply. Me and him together eat and watch the decaying sunset.
Two days later we await the arrival of the Lieutenant at train station. It is late afternoon and with every train that passes, Kurtz asks,"Is he here yet?" In which I typically reply, "No not yet." A dark red locomotive pulls into station, we look for the Lieutenant among the many passengers that are departing. Just as everyone has departed a lone figure shuffles out of the car and on to the platform. His sharp dress gives him away as the Lieutenant. Kurtz rushes to and hugs him saying,"I missed you Lieutenant!" Lieutenant Sprieg holds a frown upon his face but manages a weak smile. Obrenski approaches and asks, "How did it go Sprieg? What did they say?" The Lieutenant looks down, takes a deep breath and then says looking again at Obrenski,"We will discuss it later. How is my gun?" Obrenski replies,"As good as she will be." "Then we should be going." He says. Kurtz releases himself and asks, "Did you miss me Lieutenant?" Lieutenant Sprieg pauses his face turns into a frown before another weak smile falls upon his face. "Yes Kurtz, I did." He replies. Something is wrong, the Lieutenant seems to be desperately trying to conceal his emotions. He looks depressed unlike his usual commanding spirit.
The drive back to the post was a quiet one. Instead of the Lieutenant informing us of the nature of his visit to Berlin, he remained silent. When we got to post, he quickly went to his shack without a word. Me and Obrenski look to each other with alarm. He has never acted this way.
As night fell, me and Obrenski discussed what might have happened. Obrenski says,"Something is not right with him." "I know, what do you think was said?" I say.
He replies,"I don't know but he won't even open his door, this isn't like him Franz." "Do you think he is just tired?" I ask. "No."he says, "Something shook him up. He hasn't even bitched me out yet." "Do you think they are relieving him?" I ask. "No but something has got him bothered real bad." he says. "What do we do?" I ask. "You go talk to him, see if he will say something." He says. I exclaim, "Why me?!" He replies,"Because he likes you, now get going."
I knock on the Lieutenant's door and am unexpectedly greeted with the quivering voice of the Lieutenant demanding,"Leave me be." I think for a moment and decide that something has disturbed him so much that he has locked himself away. I open the door and am shocked to see him slumped over his desk in grief. Bottles of Obrenski's alcohol surround him. He looks at me with tears that run down his face. In his remorseful surprise he turns to hide his face and says, quivering,"Franz I told you to leave me alone." I am shocked to see him this way. "Sir, what's wrong?" I ask. He remains silent. "Sir," I demand," What is happening?" He turns back to me with tears welling in his eyes and says,"I am so sorry Franz." I, confused, ask, "Why?" He sinks his face into his hands and sobs,"They are deploying us to the Front." My heart sinks with the dreaded news, all I can say with a lump in my throat, "What? When?" He replies, "December, we will be on the western front." I freeze and the flashes of my nightmares have come to fruition. " Franz." he says looking at me. "Don't tell Obrenski, I need to be the one to tell him." I nod. He sinks his face in his hands again and cries," Poor little Kurtz, I tried to get them to spare him, but they insisted they needed everyone." He looks back up at me and says with tears that roll down his cheeks," He is only twelve Franz, he won't live to see thirteen." He cries again, quivering,"I am going to lose my men again." He snatches the bottle off of his desk and takes a large swig before throwing it on the ground. He slumps in over in depression and demands monotone, "Franz, leave me." I step out, closing the door behind me. The lump in my throat hangs heavy, my mind flashes to Irina. She will be devastated. I look up to the bright moon and I don't know whether to curse God or cry. I just noticed that tears have welled in my eyes. I must tell Irina, I have set my resolve.
I quickly rush to the kubelwagen and race toward the city on this late night. The blackout is in effect and it is past curfew, SS patrols roam the streets and have set up checkpoints, they have orders to shoot anyone suspicious. If I am going to reach her I will have to be stealthy. I don't care about the danger anymore, my only desire is to see her and embrace her before the war whisks me away. I navigate slowly the city streets, there are no lights to be seen, only the grumbling of the engine which I fear will give me away. So I hastily decide to park the vehicle in a hidden spot and make my way on foot. I am still several blocks away from Irina's home when I encounter the first patrol. Leaning against a wall is two SS soldiers smoking, the glow of their cigarettes give them away. I hurry off the road and down an alley, I however in my haste, kick a glass bottle that echos, giving me away. I freeze tensely, and hear them speaking to another. One asks, "Did you hear that?" "Yeah I did." I hear them rack their rifles and their hobnail boots clack against the cobblestone. I panic and think of a place to hide but there is none. I quickly dash to the end of the alley, my boots clacking giving me away. I hear a whistle and shouts. I make the end of the alley. But I am startled by a passing convoy of military trucks as they rumble loudly through the streets. "Hey you!" the SS soldiers shout from down the alley. I'm horrified, they could arrest me on the spot. The run down the alley to me, my only thoughts are to flee or surrender. The convoy of roaring trucks still pass through the street. I make the boldest decision and rush into the traffic, I dash in front of the passing trucks and dive narrowly avoiding being rundown. I quickly get up and race through another alley hoping that the noise of the convey will drown out my running. After a while I think I have lost them. I continue this way narrowly avoiding patrols and checkpoints but I finally reach Irina's house.
Now I have to summon her, so I take a stone and throw it at Irina's bedroom window. The stone strikes the glass with a sharp thud that I could have sworn alerted the whole neighborhood. After a minute, the window is raised and Irina's head peers out. She looks at me with surprise before disappearing. Later she comes out of the front door dressed in a nightgown and coat. She comes up to me and whispers," Franz what are you doing here? You know its past curfew." "Come with me, it's important." She must have recognized the urgency in my face because she nods. We go a little way to one of the catacomb entrances, a place I figured would be safe to talk. As we enter the gloomy crypt of the catacombs lit only by torch light, She asks me, "Franz what is it?" "I have some terrible news." I say. "Oh gosh, is everything ok?" she asks in alarm. I reply, "No, Its not. We are getting deployed." "What?" she asks in stunned fear. Her breath trembles and she asks," W…When?" I reply, "December." "It can't be, who did you hear this from?" she asks in denial. I respond, "The Lieutenant. They are even sending Kurtz." "Oh God." she whimpers and her face turns pale white as she sinks to her knees. Her mouth hangs in disbelief. I crouch and sit beside her. She sits there speechless as though the mere thought has put her into shock. She is silent, face frozen, staring at the wall. "I…Irena?" I ask uncertain. Irina suddenly pops up," Franz, I got it! Why don't we get married?" "What?!" I reply, jumping up surprised. She continues,"We could run away together, you could leave the army and we will change your name…." "No I can't." I interrupt her. "Why not?" she asks snappishly. "You know what they do to deserters. I can't risk that, I must stay here, it is my duty to follow orders, to watch over my friends. I can't do that by leaving? Who is going to watch Kurtz?" I say. "But Franz you know you would be better off by coming with me." she pleads. " Its my duty, I must stay here." I say. Suddenly I see tears welling in her eyes. "I can't lose you Franz and not anyone else. This war will kill you and I wouldn't be able to stand if they bury you in just another shallow grave." she says as tears trickle down her face. I rush to comfort her," I…. I want to come with you but who is going to help the Lieutenant, Obrenski and Kurtz, I would betray them if I left. I can't leave with you and I'm sorry." She sits on her knees and I watch as tears stream down her face and soaks into her gown as she sobs. She shouts, "Dammit Franz, I love you!" as she hits me in the chest. I stammer," Irina, I…. I lov…I love you too." She turns away from me. I plead,"They need my help." I reach and touch her shoulder, he shrugs me a way and faces me shouting," Fine! Then go die being a hero!" I recoil in shock. "GO!" she shouts. My heart sinks to my stomach. She shouts again,"Go die for your friends." I try to reach for her again and she shouts,"Don't touch me!" I draw back. "Just go dammit!" she shouts. I cower and leave but before I close the catacomb door, I see her sobbing with her face in her hands pleading, "Why God?"
I make my way back to the kubelwagen, with a lump in my throat and my sunken heart. I ponder the future of my relationship. I cry as tears stream down my face. I find the kubel and embark as I navigate the darkened city streets, I have to take a different route for they have erected a new checkpoint. I take a different street that leads me to the hospital. As I drive by I see something that horrifies me. As I past the nursing home and mental sanitorium, I see dozens of SS men going in and out dragging with them patients of the prospective buildings. I stop and watch them wheel out in wheelchairs several elderly patients and then line them in front of a wall. They are placed side by side with mental patients. There must be ten against the wall across them. They are illuminated by the headlights of several cars. I watch a firing line form of SS men. Oh my God, they are going to shoot them! The nursing staff pleading with the ruthless SS. I hear orders being barked and then I hear "Fire!" I turn away as the sound of rippling rifles echo into the night. As I look back those who didn't fall are slumped in their wheelchairs. Blood stains the wall behind them. I panic and drive off trying to get away from this place of carnage. I clench the steering wheel in anger. Those bastards, what did those people do to deserve death? Was their crime being too old or mentally unfit. I guess in the Nazis world if you can no longer are fit for their purpose, they discard you. That's not a world I want to live in, that is not what I am fighting for. I feel as though I am going to be sick. Now I see why Obrenski hates the Nazis. My emotions feel numb as I drive back. Why an I even fighting this war? This isn't what I want. My life is being turned upside down and for what? I won't fight for the party, but I will fight for my home, my friends, and Irina.