"If only you were never born."
Those were the words Noah's mother told him in the last moments of her life.
His mother, for as long as he could remember, had always (hated crossed out) disliked him.
That day was just like any other day.
Waking up when it was still dark out and checking up on the snoring woman on the rundown smelly mattress below the barred window he adjusted the cheap woollen blanket on her body. Boiling the porridge from last night, he poured it into a chipped bowl and placed it along with some money on the only table with no legs in their room.
Cradling his precious shoe-shining kit in his arms, he went to the lower tier, hanging around the metro station, ready to fight for customers.
He returned at noon and hid his tools at the usual place. By this time that woman had already woken up and was long gone. He washed the bowl in the bathroom and roughly cleaned up last night's mess of broken bottles before hurriedly returning to the lower tier for his dishwashing job.
His shift ended at 9. With the leftovers from the restaurant securely wrapped in a plastic bag and safely kept in his bag, he went to a shabby bar near their home.
There, the woman was sprawled out on the table at the farthest corner of the bar, surrounded by bottles of the lowest-quality beer. Her beautiful black hair, as dark as the night sky, was tangled and messy. Her pretty blue eyes like cornflowers were unfocused as she mumbled something angrily in her sleep.
Noah's mother was a real beauty.
With her milky white skin, plump cherry lips, delicate appearance, and tantalising figure, she really looked like an enchantress.
Men wanted to get closer to her, but none of them had approached her yet, perhaps because his mother seemed so unreachable.
He truly loved his mother very much.
Even if these sentiments were one-sided.
Not even those SS-class hunters could compete with his mother when it came to beauty.
Plus, she was the only one who knew how to read in this dilapidated place.
Noah always thought that his mother was only a little harsh to him because she was suffering terribly.
Rumour has it that his mother was tricked by a black-hearted man and after having him, he left her heartlessly, without even giving a sideways glance.
If it weren't for Noah, her mother could have gone anywhere to remarry.
But with a little oil bottle behind her, which decent man would accept her? Noah knew very well that she could have abandoned him, left him at the doorsteps of an orphanage or something and still lived a good life despite her poor potential, but she didn't, which further proved his point that his mother did love him and was only cold to him due to unclear circumstances.
He helped his mother, who was drunk and tottering, to get back into the house.
The neighbours could hear the sound of the bottles breaking, things being thrown, the drunk angry shouts of a woman and a little boy's sobs since the thin wall did not block any sound. But since this was already an everyday occurrence, no one really paid much attention.
That night, Noah returned to the restaurant with red, swollen eyes and a red handprint on his left cheek. No one asked any questions, most just not caring, and the rest were already used to it.
Returning home that night, Noah silently crept inside, not wanting to disturb his mother's sleep. The woman half haphazardly lying on the mattress suddenly gagged and violently coughed, breathing heavily.
Panicked and worried, Noah hurriedly supported his mother. But the caring gesture was not appreciated by the black-haired woman, violently pushing him away.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!....COUGH...COUGH...COUGH—"
Her Vicious glare fixed him in his place, unable to move an inch.
"....Huff…If only you were…Huff…never born.…"
Her breathing was messy and disorderly, her black locks covering her ghostly, pale face, looking as ferocious as a malicious ghost.
"I-If only…Huff…you n-never existed…Huff…I wouldn't have to…Huff…live like this…cough…if only I hadn't married that…cough…cough….b-bastard and hadn't had y-you, I wouldn't be in this state...."
".....t-t-this …cough…this is all yo-your fault…Huff..you should n-ever have been born! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DIE!!!...COUGH-COUGH…"
After her angry outburst, she broke into tears, crying in agony, curling up into herself, facing Noah with her back. Noah was heartbroken at seeing his mother in its state. His eyes blurred with tears. His scrawny boy shaking and trembling. Before a sound could escape his mouth, he bit his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood.
Silently, the woman on the mattress convulsions, foaming at the mouth but unfortunately, Noah was facing away from her too preoccupied with trying to silence his sob so as not to provoke his mother from the 'annoying' sounds.
He knew that she was right. It was all his fault. He knew it, and yet…
A long time passed before Noah realised that the room's other occupant was quiet. Thinking she was asleep, Noah knew this was his chance to be close to the woman since it would not be easy to wake her up now. After all, despite everything his mother said, Noah was still young and craved his mother's love and attention, wanting to be near her.
'Shameless'
He scolded himself in his mind, but the heart is a tricky thing to console.
In the dark room, the small boy neared the woman. Slowly the boy crawled onto the mattress and lay beside the woman and closed his eyes. Carefully, a hand sneaked onto the woman's waist and squeezed a little.
Becoming a little more courageous, he buried his face into her back.
Gradually, the body in the boy's embrace turned cold and stiff.
Rays of morning light peaked through the shredded curtain, exposing the pale bluish skin.