Aadarsh was in a hospital bed supported by ventilation and barely holding his feeble body . All he had was a functioning brain and what he now does with it is just self-reflecting on his life and what has become of himself.
He thought " As Confucius said ' We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.' Perhaps I now know more of what I am and what life I have. But what use it is now?! Is there any hope? Perhaps Miracles do exist? Silly me what am I even spouting! ".
But a year had passed by nothing had happened only his sickness further claiming his body. He knew death was close and nothing could help him.
Time passed by like this usually.
At the end and beginning of the day his parents always came to meet and talk with him. In the weekend his younger brother also came.
With such frequent visits he now had deep love for both his parents and his brother and this caused further aching in his heart that he was not able to see how great a family he had and why he couldn't give more love and respect them at his past.
Perhaps you do ignore the Heaven's Door if it is right under your house is what he thought at these moments.
He also had great sympathy and felt pity and heaviness in his heart seeing their faces every time they met, perhaps it was much more painful to see them then to persevere through this sickness.
He thought to himself sometimes " I had just entered fucking engineering college and was just beginning to feel freedom of early 20's .Damn it what a weak lungs I have, I had only smoked for a month or so."
"Damn I still remember the first time it was fucking awful. I almost vomited also I had this feeling of nausea and had urges to go to washroom. F**k it. I thought that was it and that after I had tasted cigs for the first time I would quit right then .Haha. who would have thought that it will go as what everybody thought and had said? In the end I became an addict.Uff."
"But still it was just a month of heavy smoking, i thought i wouldn't have a f**king cancer. Seriously nobody should smoke, it is really dangerous and really takes lives. But I guess until one has suffered one will not take it seriously. But in my case isn't it too late to realize it. Man, I must have set a World record to get cancer as fast as possible after smoking. Haha this is all like god is playing a joke on me." His time passed by just like this thinking such thoughts along with some melancholic thoughts.
The darkness of the night settled down like water, as the time drew near to midnight. The wind whistled through, causing the dust and sand to swirl up, being scattered in the air much like mist or fog.
Aadarsh peeked through the window, seeing the world outside. It was the season of Spring. It was a scenery serene and proud, ever-blossoming.
As I rest now on this bed.
I look at the trees blowing a little in the breeze through the spring wind and it usually gave me extremely desolate feel!
And I have seen them innumerable times.
But somehow seeing the trees this time is soothing and is a transcendent experience.
I see how marvelous it is and I think to myself I had these here all in my hospital admission. How many of such trees have I seen in my life.
But had I really appreciated them ?
And the Fact is that I have not !
Until now .
In a way, it makes the fact of death even difficult to accept.
It brings tears to my Soul.
Suddenly, he had some uneasy feeling from his guts perhaps it was his body suggesting the time to meet Yama the Hell-God had finally came.
He was now more seriously and perhaps for his last time thinking of his life and the events within it and what he has done with his life , what he had made of himself.
He wanted to savor every part of his consciousness.
Before all this sickness, was there perhaps anything he could change?
Or something he wanted to change, so that his life would have been much fuller with virtue and satisfaction and filled with meaning and would be valuable to both the society, his parents and himself.
All things are only speculations now.
With the leisure of this end-time, looking back at himself there was nothing he could be really proud of, no accomplishment, no drive and ambition, no will.
Nothing !!
Only an emptiness.
A type of emptiness which doesn't take anything inside , nor devour anything that comes in contact with it but one which just sits there and is unfazed with things and events and emotions going around it .
Just dullness was what surrounded his psyche his whole life. This sickness just had ended this life earlier, this was perhaps the only difference he had.
Had he not gotten cancer perhaps his life would just go the same dull boring life which just is breathing but not living. It would have ended like such in old age perhaps but fundamentally the quality wouldn't have changed too much.
AHHHHH !!!
As he felt his soul trembling and doctors rushing in to check his condition he could feel his life slowly going away from his body.
THUMP .. THUMP!!
In his dying his only final wish as a human in this Earth was that may his family get pass his loss and live a happy peaceful and calm life and may his brother be not like him and instead be a man of great virtue.
May his Family and friends lead great and happy lives.
His one major regret perhaps, being that he couldn't see his family before dying. He just wanted to see them all.
But Man proposes and Heaven Disposes. Perhaps it was much better to just wither like this ,it would have been too painful for his family otherwise .
Too painful and sad for him as well.
I should also die with peace and smile so what if I couldn't do much in this life and be what I truly wanted to be and instead wear a mask to satisfy the society and peers of mine and was so into it that I forgot it was just a mask and it wasn't the real me .
But the question being, what is real me ?
I still don't know .
I just wish.
Uff .
Nothing .
I don't wish anything, for it is what is .
I shall be in peace with whatever it is now, whatever I am, whatever I was and whatever I shall be.
For death is nothing to me, since when have I ever lived?
When I am death has not come , when death has come I am not .
But still there is this unanswered question of what will become of me, I shall be reborn?
Perhaps if chance may arise , what really lies beyond life and death , I , shall be among the ones who have known it now as well.
No need to think too much about things one has no control over. Death comes to us all !
While he was waiting for his death suddenly, he could feel a light started to shine on his forehead.
It seemed like other people couldn't see that light.
Afterwards the light started to dim and suddenly out of it an object popped up.
As Aadarsh saw the object he could now suddenly remembered what this object was .
It was a pendant formed of light with "ॐ" symbol on it .Then, a Jade like glow started to glow from the "ॐ" symbol with gold like divine glitters, like how dust is seen with the sunlight lighting on the air.
It was magnanimous !
Simply Beyond anything he has ever seen. It's as if the light has been there eternally. As if breathing , as if Dancing in the Darkness, as if something capable of even redeeming the Devil.
The glow fell on Aadarsh's forehead.
It was very domineering yet very subtle and calm and ever forgiving and it gave a relaxation feel to it.
He was now in supreme state of calmness.
The light in his eyes were different. It had a different Glow to it.
Suddenly he could hear "ohm", i.e. "ॐ" sound all over his head as if it was coming from within his own soul and suddenly the same sound came fromm the pendant.
It was sound beyond this plane. It came with it thousands of emotions , sensations, that even Aadarsh himself had forgotten.
The two sounds started to harmonize and reinforce each other.
At this moment, Aadarsh felt as if he has was one with the entire consciousness of the cosmos, as if he could see clearly the ultimate essence of the cosmos and reality itself.
Huge amounts of information started to flow in his soul and it was as if for a brief moment he had achieved Moksha and reached Nirvana.
He gradually lost his consciousness and then the pendant dispersed into light it was before and it went back in his forehead and inside his soul.
With this, suddenly there was no trace of his mortal soul in this mortal Earth as if he had gone into the cycle of reincarnation and into the abyss.