"Emilia!", who's calling my name this early in the morning? And why is my alarm clock ringing it's a Saturday morning! Then I realize it's not a Saturday morning and I turn to see what time it is – 9:00 am. It couldn't get worse than this, I raced putting on slippers and made my way downstairs where my brother and sister were eating and all ready for school. My brother Angelo, looks at me and starts to nag ." Why didn't you get up earlier? , You're going to make us late! , don't you have a job to get to?" As he nags at me , I smile ever so bitterly at his comments but can't help but be reminded, My youngest brother, the boys only 13 so shouldn't I be the one scolding him? Shouldn't I be the one worrying? Shouldn't I be the one who has her life together? Why is it that my little brother is more organized than a 23 year old, it's so ironic. I take his hand and bring him closer hugging him, because I could tell he was anxious. He flinched and began to struggle against my arms and I held him tighter then he let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around me, he felt calm again. ,"Angelo Its alright you'll get to school don't worry you'll be fine." He squirmed in my arms and began to tear up.
Afterall it was the first day of school for them and he was always like this, usually my mother would comfort him but this time the responsibility was mine to take. My sister Eva glared at me with a look of annoyance, she had always been a girl who was reserved and wasn't affectionate much. Ever since mother and father had passed her attitude towards me changed. She began to avoid me and had a very bitter attitude with me not being here sooner, she blamed me. I was living abroad when I heard the news. I tried to make some space between us so she could be alone and process everything, and honestly I thought it would pass and she would see how I was also hurt and torn by their passing. I guess she doesn't understand that.
I drove my sister and dropped her off at her high-school and then dropped of my brother to his middle school. As he opened the door of my car he looked back at me and said," thanks" he slammed the door and disappeared into a crowd of kids. I was alone, late for work and I was extremely tired. I took a small bottle and flipped the cap off and stared at the small white pills in the bottle
drink one
drink one
drink one
The voice made my head hurt, I didn't want to think, I didn't want to feel I just wanted silence, I just wanted rest. My mind was numb and I couldn't resist, I popped one into my mouth. As it dissolved my body craved for more I took 3 and did the same. Oh gosh when would it stop? when?