The light streams into the bedroom, I look down and my round bump comes into view. I stroke it with my hand and feel light tapping beneath my fingers. I smile. It's warm, too warm and I remove the cover and turn over to face Matty. Why is it this warm in November? The light is bright and warm as if its going to be a sunny day. He opens his eyes sleepily, he places his cool hands on my tummy and smiles. He strokes it and the little kicks increase excitedly. He laughs bringing his hands up and over my boobs which have doubled in size. He kisses my lips softly and strokes my hair away from my warm face.
I watch his hands moving over my body protecting me and massaging me and I fall back into another dream.
I wake up to our cold November morning, realising it was a dream. A completely surreal and visceral dream. I look down at my tiny waist and feel a pang off jealousy and hurt.
I grasp my phone which is on the side next to my now cold hot chocolate. I turn the phone on and watch a stream of messages buzz through.
Jay has messaged me, Rach and also Ross.
I message Rach back telling her I'll meet her at 12pm. I send a good morning message to Ross. Then I tackle Jay.
"I mean it I'm sorry. Please talk to me. I just meant nothing explicitly happened between us. Not that you meant nothing or any shit like that." It reads.
"You mean a lot to me. I care about you" another message reads.
I text him back he'll be hungover by now.
"Jay it's all good. I'll see you later or something" I say.
"See you then." He messages me back and I'm slightly shocked at him being awake. It's only 9am.
I place my phone on the side. I turn to face Matty he's asleep still. I stroke his face lightly, his lips and tuck his hair back. He smiles eyes closed.
"Good morning" I tell him.
"I'm gonna get you some breakfast in bed" I say.
He kisses me and I leave before he can protest. I go down in his shirt and make eggs on toast in the kitchen. I plate it up and place a coffee and a tea on the tray. I also grab some chocolate from the cupboard and take that up with me.
When I enter our room he's sitting up slightly waking himself up. He looks glorious. I place the tray in front of him and he smiles.
"Wow thanks babe" he says.
"I was hungry" I laugh.
We tuck into our breakfast eagerly. Once we're finished I place the tray on the side. I sit in his lap facing him. He smiles kissing me.
"I'm meeting Rach at 12 by the way" I say.
"Okay I'll drop you off and pick you up" he says rubbing my back.
"Thank you" I say.
"Im going to do a test and then I'll bring it in here and we can wait for any result." I say addressing the elephant in the room.
He stands up with me. He waits outside the bathroom door for me to come out with the test. I place it down on the side and we wait. He rubs my hand in his own as we sit there. I feel nervous. The dream this morning, us talking about it all. I want it so badly. This makes it real. This is a big thing, if I'm not ? Then what the hell is wrong with me.
Luckily Matty brought the expensive tests that tell you in words rather than us having to decode lines and bars. It's supposed to tell you the weeks as well. I glance up at him waiting for him to decide whether it's time yet. He smiles at me and grasps the test in his hands he brings it down in front of me. He's so sure, so confident. He looks at my face not the test when he shows it to me. Like he doesn't even need to read it.
I glance down at the little window on the test. It reads pregnant, 1-2 weeks.
I cry, happy tears. And he looks down and reads it too. He places it on the side and I straddle him in his lap. Kissing him over and over again.
"So much can happen still before 12 weeks though Matty" I tell him.
"We can't tell anybody in case something goes wrong" I say fretting already.
"I understand. I love you" he says and he starts crying. I wipe his eyes and then start crying myself. He looks elated, I've never seen him this happy.
"I love you too" I tell him.
His hands travel down to my waist cupping my belly. He just stares at me for a while. He grabs the test again and looks at it again as if checking it's still real. I smile and kiss him.
"You said I was pregnant with your child, and I am you were right." I say smiling.
"When am I ever wrong" he laughs.