Placing an empty Chinese delivery carton on the table, Ramsey sighed and sunk back into the couch. Hoping to escape reality, he scrolled through some recommended videos, eventually settling on one about restoring a rusty cast iron skillet.
Ramsey enjoyed these videos for a few reasons. He liked restoring things himself. He had restored a few kitchen knives and some hand tools. Completing a restoration was satisfying, the time devoted and care given made the item more appreciated than if it had been purchased. And learning new tips or techniques from videos was always helpful. But most importantly, right now, these videos were easy to fall asleep to.
The comfort of the couch helped to finish the job and Ramsey gave in to fatigue.
***
Sometime during the night, Ramsey had relocated to his bed. With no alarm set, he slept peacefully until mid day.
Awoken by the sounds of children playing outside, Ramsey remembered it was Saturday. Then he remembered yesterday.
Continuing to push those thoughts from his mind, he sprang up and headed to the kitchen to start his morning routine. Seeing the coffee he never drank yesterday, he closed his eyes for a moment, then threw the mug in the sink and started brewing another.
Ramsey walked toward the bathroom. "Now for a nice hot-
Shit."
All that was left of the shower curtain was a small torn corner and the empty rings.
'No shower I guess.'
With a huff, Ramsey began to fill the tub for a bath. Thoughts of yesterday were unavoidable. He remembered laying in this tub as the shower sprayed him. He remembered the pleasant voice and the text. Again, he closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and tried to relax.
'Everything's under control.'
Ramsey slid down in the tub, submerging his head beneath the water. Something about being under water always seemed peaceful. It was like time slowed down. But peace never long, soon his lungs would beg for oxygen, forcing him to resurface and ending his tranquility.
As Ramsey's head exited the water, he heard his phone ring.
He jumped out of the tub, wrapped himself in a towel and picked up the phone to see Mercy Hospital on the screen.
"Hello?"
"Yes, is the Ramsey Garret?" the caller asked.
"It is, can I help you?"
"Mr. Garret, I'm a nurse for Dr. Patel. She was reading your scan results this morning and would like you to come back to the hospital right away."
The thought of his last meeting with Dr. Patel and the restraints was fresh on his mind, but it was quickly replaced with concern.
"Why, what's wrong?"
"Mr Garret, it would be best to discuss this with the doctor in person. Are you able to come back to the hospital?"
"Uh, sure, I guess. I'll be there soon."
Ramsey hung up, quickly got dressed, and jumped in the car. His tires squealed as he sped away.
***
This time Ramsey had been taken back to a room directly. They hadn't taken his vitals, but he knew his heart was racing.
After a few minutes, Dr. Patel entered the room carrying a clipboard. "Mr. Garret, thank you for coming back so quickly."
She sat on the rolling stool next to the bed. This seemed to be common before delivering bad news.
She continued, "When I came in today, I took a look at your scans, and honestly I believe discharging you last night was a mistake.
There is a possibility that the mass we've identified is a Glioblastoma tumor. That is a very aggressive, cancerous type of tumor. Given the risk, I'd like to order an emergency MRI and biopsy."
Ramsey raised both eyebrows. "Given the risk? I understood it could be cancer, but what's changed?
Dr. Patel thought for a moment and said, "First, we don't know for sure what you have, so I don't want to create a false alarm. And please understand if it is a Glioblastoma that there are treatment options. However, after confirmed diagnosis, most patients survive 12 to 18 months. What we don't know, if you have it, is how early we've caught it."
Ramsey swallowed hard. This rollercoaster kept getting worse and worse. He asked "A biopsy is where you take a sample, right? Of my brain?"
"It sounds worse than it is," she said. "It's done under general anesthesia, so you'll be asleep. A very small hole is drilled and the biopsy is done with a needle.
Have you had anything to eat or drink today?"
Defeatedly, Ramsey remembered the coffee he had forgotten again. "No", he shook his head.
"Okay, let's get you back for the MRI first. After that, I highly suggest we proceed with the biopsy. It's the only way to know for sure."
With a nod, Ramsey reluctantly agreed.
***
The MRI took about an hour and Ramsey was returned to his room. Reading the results, like last time, would take at least another hour.
Before, Ramsey had passed the time weighing which setting option was best. Now, he decided entertaining those thoughts was dangerous. If he had tricked his mind into sealing away the delusions, he dared not break the seal.
So instead, Ramsey contemplated the hole that was about to be drilled in his skull.
'I'm sure it's a common procedure… But all I can think about is lobotomies. That's what they used to do with crazy people. Poke a hole in their brains to make them less annoying or more compliant.
Dr. Patel seems to have my best interest at heart, despite her intense expression. Although, I did scream crazily at one of her nurses. And then she put me in restraints. …And then said I shouldn't have been discharged.'
Ramsey's heart was racing again.
'No, this isn't some horror movie. It's just a biopsy. She's been brutally honest with me despite how scary the possibilities may be.
Unless… she's been trying to provoke me, to get me put back in restraints.'
Ramsey's scattered thoughts and paranoia were mixing into a volatile combination. He was nervously kneading his hands when Dr. Patel entered the room.
"How are you doing, Mr. Garret?"
"I'm okay, just a little nervous about the biopsy."
"And still no return of the hearing or vision issues?"
"Thankfully, no", Ramsey tried to smile a bit as he shook his head.
"Well, the MRI results confirmed what we saw with the CT. It does appear to be a tumor. The question we need to answer now is whether it's cancerous or not."
Ramsey slumped. He didn't really expect a different answer, but receiving it was still difficult.
She continued, "We can be ready to do the biopsy in about 2 hours. An anesthesiologist could be in to see you in about an hour, though. Is that okay?"
"Yeah," was all Ramsey said as he lightly nodded. "Wait, could I see the pictures from the scans?" With all the urgency, he suddenly realized he hadn't even seen the tumor yet.
Dr. Patel furrowed her brow a bit and said, "Of course. I don't have them with me now, but I'll be back to show you before the anesthesiologist comes."
"Thank you," Ramsey said as she exited the room.
He needed to trust her and his thoughts weren't helping.
***
Nearly 45 minutes passed with Ramsey continuing to nervously knead his hands. He wasn't sure if the tumor was interfering with his thoughts. He was having trouble not thinking about Dr. Patel's unlikely vendetta against him, or somehow waking the system he had finally quieted.
Being told to clear your mind always seemed like nonsense to him. How was one supposed to think about not thinking?
The door to his room opened and a short man pushing a cart with a monitor entered. He was wearing what looked like complete surgical coverings, over his shoes, hair, everything. Behind him, still outside the room, a woman similarly dressed was pushing a rolling bed.
"Mr. Garret, correct?" He continued as Ramsey agreed. "Can you confirm your date of birth please?"
"June 7, 1980"
"Great. Mr. Garret, I'd like to switch you over to another bed." He waived to his counterpart. "You'll still be in this room for now. We'll start the anesthesia here, then move down to Surgery after it's taken effect."
The woman pushed the bed into the room and lowered the side rail.
"Um, Dr. Patel was supposed to come back in to see me first," Ramsey contested.
"Okay, no problem. Jennifer, could you go find Dr. Patel please?"
She exited the room, then the man motioned for Ramsey to move to the other bed. He complied as the man readied his IV.
A few moments later, she returned. "I'm sorry, Sir, I couldn't find her on the floor."
The man said, "Mr. Garret, we'll need to start the IV to stay on schedule. May we proceed?"
Ramsey knew he had no real reason to doubt Dr. Patel. The biopsy should be the least of his worries. Plus, he could actually get some good news from the results for a change.
With enough courage built up in the moment, Ramsey agreed. "Yes, please".
"Once the IV starts, you should be asleep within about 30 seconds. A lot of people like to count down aloud. I've never had anyone make it all the way to 0", he chuckled. "Okay, there.. we.. go. You can begin counting if you like."
— alarm —
— alarm —
[Warning: Toxins introduced, Avatar will lose consciousness in 25 seconds]
The familiar voice spoke as the black text appeared. By the time he read it, it had changed to 24 seconds.
Just then he saw Dr. Patel walking past his room. She looked directly at him as she passed without slowing down.
'No, No, No.
Why didn't she come in here?! What was that look for?!'
Ramsey glanced at the text
[…21 seconds]
'Dammit!'
[Warning: Toxins may interfere with Automatic System Reset]
'No. Everything is happening all at once.
[…17 seconds]
'What should I do?'
[…15 seconds]
Ramsey thought about the menu and the text appeared. His vision was starting to get fuzzy.
He thought about the Reset options.
[…12 seconds]
The warning message overlayed the menu text. But beneath it were the same Settings options. He didn't need clear vision to recognise them, he had read them dozens of times.
[…9 seconds]
Ramsey blinked hard and thought about the setting he wanted the most.
'Elorr, Birth of Mana'
[…6 seconds]
There was a blurry three-word "button" beneath the setting options, but Ramsey could no longer keep his eyes open. He couldn't see the countdown anymore either. However, he didn't need to see the words to know what they said.
In the dark, with his consciousness fading, he had one final thought.
'Begin System Reset'