I can almost taste the scent of wood, a rather peculiar description but it is exactly that. I continue to busy myself as I compile my random ideas into a book.
Zeraya remains seated in her chair just beside me continuing to rock the chair back and forth while playing with a knife. "Your majesty, what do you think? Can we elves have a place for us in this chaotic world?"
I don't know how to answer her, and like how I always do it, I decide to lie… once more. "Yes! Of course, we can!" I confidently tell her with my false bravado always carrying me.
Then.
I realize.
Ah~ this is... a dream, a fragment of an old memory, in other words, an illusion of the past.
…
"I am alive…"
The first words that escape my mouth are these. My emotions are complicated, and I don't know how to express them. I remain lying on the hard wooden floor gazing on the thick branching leaves above me as roof.
My revenge… is now complete. While I am being petty for appointing an 'inheritor' of hatred, it is a fact that my journey of vengeance is now done. Because I am alive, there is no need to revisit old wounds, and the only thing I can do from now on is to move on.
"Zeraya…"
I am such simp… But what is so bad in remembering her? At my instinctive mention of her name, I feel a twang of heartache.
"Your majesty…"
Crisp and quivering voice reach my ears.
I sit properly and remove myself from lying flat down the floor. In front of me is Kara. Her eyes are trembling, and there are insecurities hiding in her spirit. I can tell. It is like an aura of agitation seeming to beg comfort from me.
"I am here." I announce, and with easy steps, I embrace her in a hug.
Kara's sobbing echoes in the lonely forest. I sense her trembling in my arms, and her weakness. Honestly, I don't understand. She is such a strong little girl. For her to show such weakness is so infinitely baffling to me.
I look around, my eyes glancing on my comrades. There is Trudviar, Yirlung, Lafira, and the old alchemist Allenwood. "Please leave the two of us alone…" I kindly ask them.
Now, only the two of us are in the rather spacious wooden hut. I soothe Kara by mildly rubbing her back, and gently whispering to her that everything will be fine.
Elves are strangely optimist creatures, so it is rare for an elf to cry… This is the norm, but lately, all I am seeing are crying elves. Though I try my best not to pay attention, elves do cry, however only under the harshest condition. Like a mirage, my mind drifts to Zeraya's crying.
"You are such a crybaby…" I recall the first time we met inside a bloody shed… She is also crying at that time. I pitifully look at the elf child. In my heart, I can only repent for I am manipulating her into this.
The imbalance of birth rate and rate of growth of infant elves are so flawed I easily deduce my race's inevitable extinction. One of the reasons I am so lazy after my transmigration is also this. I recall I am barely ten years old at that time and is still a toddler.
Elves are done for, and as an endangered species, we will only continue to grow weaker by the day. The miserable end of my race is long already certain… This is one of the reasons I am so carefree in gambling with my life despite 'love' in some instances trying to hold me back.
That may be the case, but that doesn't stop me from screaming my last hoo-hah. In essence, this is Kara's true use… An inheritor of hate that shall proceed to the next generation until all elves are done for.
Against all of my expectations though, that 'Aphrodisiac' suddenly appears. Moreover, I am still alive… This changes a lot of things. "Kara, listen to me…"
At my call, Kara looks at me with bleary eyes.
With the same trickery and deception, I weave my story. "I am evil… I am not who you think I am… I wished to die that day, but it looks like the Fae has other plans for me."
"What exactly is the Fae?" Wiping her teary eyes, she adopts a serious façade.
Not a smile on my face, I… start speaking the truth. "I made it up."
"Huh?" Kara's confusion is a delight to see. Her eyes are wide, she looks at me in stupor.
I erase my prior apathetic expression and don a neutral smile as if the world matters don't concern me anymore. "It was all a lie. I made it all up. The prophecy? The claim to the title of King? The tall tales I am advertising? They are all false." I grab her shoulder.
"W-what do you mean?" Kara tries to push herself from me, though disbelief is in her eyes, she seems to still respect me as she only looks at me with her poker face.
I let her go from my embrace. No longer is she crying, but the hesitation and trembling in her heart are still there. I can tell, because I have been there. "I was trapped in the well at that time. I was like you now… Full of hesitation and trembling with fear… I waver not to scream for help lest I attract the attention of the human raiders. I did try my hardest to climb the slippery well, but it is futile. I can barely climb a tree, and that is under the influence of a bear chasing after me." I snicker as I particularly recall some memories of my childhood.
Kara realizes what I am inferring about. "So, you lied?"
"Yes," I briefly reply to her not missing a microsecond to respond.
But Kara seemingly not changing her attitude toward me just shrugs. "So what? You delivered though... You punished the humans… and you will do more in the future, right?"
I don't know what she is currently feeling, and not that I really care about her emotional state. I only wish to impart her an important lesson. I am a hypocrite by saying this, but Kara deserves better.
"Kara," I softly call to her. "Abandon your revenge."
Continuing on my words not giving her time to reply, I sincerely tell her my intentions. "I want you to become the hope of the elves. The lies that I built will be your foundation…"
Cutting me off my words are Kara's unladylike shout. "Fuck you!" Biting her lips, she cusses at me while flipping the bird right on my face with annoyance. Rather than being angry at me, she is more annoyed. "You pigeon shit! You are our King! Do not shirk your responsibilities! You have to see this through!"
Kara is about to punch me on my chest as she aggressively comes to me, but midway, she withdraws her strength turning her punch into a soft tap. "Of course, I have abandoned it!" She adds with surrealistic acceptance. "What do you think am I feeling when big sister Zeraya is suddenly gone like that… And then you? This is unfair! So unfair!"
I bitterly smile at her tantrum. "My original intention for you, Kara, is to become my tool for vengeance… Someone who will continue to hate the human race in my stead after my death… But now, I see differently…"
I hang onto my words unsure of how I should phrase them.
"I no longer desire revenge…"…but the extinction of the human race.
"I have come to peace with my hatred." …but the 'war' is not done yet.
"The elves must survive." …so that I can use them.
"And you Kara will be our hope…" … and it cannot be me, because I am the opposite of hope.
The unspoken words remain unspoken, and the truth might not reveal itself even after all is done. I place my hand over Kara's head earning a cute little smile from her.
It is evil in my heart, so I cannot be a good King.
A dark ambition starts taking root in my heart. Using the ashes of the flower of revenge, a new demented obsession takes a firm grasp on my heart. It is so ugly and disgusting even I am reluctant to call it my own.
Create a place for elves to live? That is too naïve. I would rather create a 'world' than a mere place, a random forest, or a forgotten corner… Zeraya did tell me I should live so that I can create this world for elves… I will not disappoint her, so if she is watching over me, I can only pray for her protection.
Just like how the Homo sapiens erased the Neanderthals from existence, the elves will do the same… It is Natural Selection at work, and I am just one of its many participants…