"Yeah, uh huh." Zeph tried not to let his groan be heard over the phone. A few days later after the lamp tying incident, Muin got tackled with all the fun Zella had been going through. "Yeah, I'm sure Zaria's an ass. I agree. No, I'm pretty sure a bat to the head for him's not quite the right idea. Oh you bought him the Sensitive Daddy book instead?" Zeph winced. Zaria was better off with a bat to the head. "Oh he backed off when you did that? Okay. Say, maybe you should talk to Zella about this instead when she comes home? No, no. I'm not trying to be insensitive to get you off the phone." Zeph sighed. "No Muin, I do understand. You're going to what?" Zeph wasn't pleased with her words. "You know technically threatening a Guard is illegal. No, no I won't tell. No, I won't let them put you in jail." Zeph grabbed his head. "Will you stop crying, I get it. What, Zaria showed up? Well good, go cry on him so you'll feel better. No I am not demanding it, only if you want to."
A grumpy, irritable, nauseous emotional Zella had nothing on Muin.
"Hey," Zella greeted him as she opened the door. "How are you?"
Zeph pretended to hang himself. "Help?" He whispered.
Zella strolled over and took the phone. "Hello? Hey Muin, how are you? Ooh…finally caught up?" Zella couldn't help but grin, but kept her voice sympathetic.
"Me? No, no I'm doing much better. You rest and let Zaria handle dinner tonight. Okay? Hugs and kisses. Bye bye."
Zeph watched in amazement as Zella hung up the phone. "Oh great one, please teach me your ways?"
Zella chuckled, "Gosh, I can't believe she's actually having two."
"Yep," Zeph said. "Let's hope they don't inherit too much of Muin's attitude though." He shivered. "I might belong in the highest class of Guards but she can be scary."
Zella laughed at him, "Anyhow, I've got my news." She set her purse down. "I'm going to name her Carressela."
"A girl?" Zeph chuckled. "Well, let's hope she takes after you and not Muin."
Zella gave him a funny look.
"Oh! That's right, you're not really…" Zeph hit his head. "I don't know why I said that."
"We're as close as family," Zella said as she sat down on her couch. "I couldn't imagine life without Xiam or Muin." She looked over at Zeph. "You have no clue how hard you leaving really was on this family at first."
"I know, but I can't help it." Zeph crossed his arms. "I'm a Guard, I go where I'm needed." Before the conversation could go further, there was a knock at the door. He watched as Zella went over to the door and answered with a simple hello.
A warno coughed as he looked at Zella. He was dressed in a silky purple shirt with a gray vest holding a box of expensive chocolates. "Hey Zella, haven't seen you much down at Vallencio's. How are you and your little one doing?"
Zeph raised an eyebrow as he started to stand. This guy was not welcome.
"We're fine," Zella said in a quick manner. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, well I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to see how you were doing," He said tenderly. "Are you alright?"
"She's fine." Zeph interrupted as he came to the door. His hand firmly placed on the back of the door, almost ready to slam it. He gave the stranger a firm but strange smile. "Who may I ask are you?"
The clueless warno smiled like a dumb idiot. "My name's Marni. I'm a friend of Zaria's and I'm also a waiter down at Vallencio's part time. I used to know Zella well."
"What, you think that gives you a shot with Zellaponia Cattral?" Zeph said in an unfriendly manner.
Zella covered her face, "He's here as a friend Zeph."
"Yeah sure," Zeph said unconvinced. He smiled at the warno anyway. "Do you like games?"
"He's here as a friend only Zeph," Zella warned him. She smiled back at Marni. "It was nice seeing you."
"Well, actually I came over to ask something else." Marni smiled as he cleared his throat. "Zella Cattral, if you aren't real busy later, maybe you'd like to go out as friends sometime?"
And that was that.
"Ow, ow, ow! What the hell are you doing?" Marni screamed.
"Playing a game," Zeph said as he bent Marni's elbow back and scrunched his fingers. "How many of your fingers am I holding up? Guess right and I let go."
"Zeph, stop it," Zella demanded. "Will you stop it?"
"Three," Marni yelled in agony.
Zeph finally let go. Without even a reply, Marni took off running down the street. "Touch her and your digging your own grave." Yeah it was a cliché saying he said a thousand times, but he didn't care, it got the point across a thousand times. "Wanting to go out as friends, how transparent is that?" Zeph gawked. "I don't think so. The guy didn't even figure out who I was."
"Well, you're not wearing your Guard uniform," Zella's voice held some disdain within it.
Zeph looked down. Oh yeah, it was just a casual blue with an imprint of orange hybrid roses. "I didn't feel like wearing it." He looked over and saw Zella's expression, his actions were unapproved. "He said friends, he didn't mean friends. Males don't go out as friends."
"We go out as friends," Zella protested.
"That's different," Zeph settled on. "I'm a Guard and I'm never up to anything. The way he was fidgeting and acting, he was up to something. That stupid wannabe charming shirt and suit, he probably rented it just for the night."
Zella just turned around and went back in, "he's harmless."
"No guy's harmless," Zeph reminded her. "Give any male a chance and they're all the same."
"Yeah, except Guards. I know, I know." Zella groaned in frustration. "The almighty Guard is the only one immune to the female charm," she said lazily, repeating something Zeph used to say all the time. "Everyone else is simply barbarians driven by pheromones and their sex drive."
Now wasn't the time to use his own words like that.
"If Muin calls, tell her Zaria is doing the best he can with her so give him a little break and to try to drink some milk if she's nauseous," Zella said as she went up the stairs, stomping a little harder than usual.
As if on cue, the phone rang. Zeph took a deep breath, remembering Zella's advice.
"I didn't say it, Zella said to say it," Zeph protested on the phone with Muin. He had shared Zella's advice, and it hadn't turned out so well. "Yeah, I agree. He's scum and you could do better. No, I don't know why I said that. No, I didn't know that about milk, Zella said it, not me. I'm not trying to pin blame on her but she's the one who said it. No, I'm sorry, go ahead." Zeph groaned as he heard a knock on the door. "You know what? If you just come over and whack me, will you stop yelling at me? No, Muin, will you listen? What do you mean you lost your Sensitive Daddy book? You misplaced it?"
Zeph made it over to the door. Lo and behold, Zaria stood there with the missing book. Muin's husband waved awkwardly at him.
"Zaria? Oh, he's missing too huh?" Zeph continued to talk on the phone. "You think what? He might have hidden the book?" He looked at the book in Zaria's hands again. "Well, who knows. Okay. Alright, you go look for him and make him pay then. Alright, nighty night." Zeph hung up the phone.
"How are you Guard Zeph?" Zaria tipped his head politely.
"Wondering if I have extra business coming my way," Zeph couldn't help himself. "My fees are outrageous for your income, and you are not my favorite guy, but after hearing Muin, I'll give you an hour." He gestured for him to come in.