***Flashback***
"Please, please, please!" I implored, my plea laced with uncertainty, my desires tangled in the moment's intensity. Carter clearly understood, his grip on my hips tightening to still my movements before his mouth found my clitoris, drawing from it with a fervor that bordered on greed.
"Oh, God!" My exclamation tore from my lips, oblivious to any potential audience that might include Roxanna. Normally, I would've stifled and muffled my sounds, riddled with self-consciousness and timidity. But tonight was different. An inexplicable change in the atmosphere, coupled with his assertive need, stripped away my inhibitions. He manipulated his tongue with swirls and flicks, and I writhed under his firm hold, torn between desiring him to halt or to persist.
When he did eventually withdraw his mouth, I felt an overwhelming sense of longing, a yearning for more. Yet, relief washed over me as he continued to stimulate my clitoris with his finger while resuming a seated posture. His hand dipped into the nightstand once more, this time emerging with a condom. Driven by my burgeoning urgency, I continued to grind against his pelvis, both of us releasing guttural groans as his erection brushed against my slick entrance. My need was all-consuming; I wrapped my legs around his waist, my actions a wordless plea for him to take me. Thankfully, his restraint persisted. Swiftly tearing open the condom packet, he sheathed himself before plunging inside me.
His restraint, however, swiftly gave way to unbridled passion. His thrusts became a chaotic rhythm, devoid of any orchestrated motion. In contrast to his usual attentive exploration, he paid no heed to my sweet spots or clitoris. Strangely, though, none of that mattered. The impending climax eclipsed everything, rendering my entire body taut with anticipation. Carter's flesh pressed ardently against mine, the thrusts fast and wild, my head spinning as my body trembled. Finally, release washed over me, a resounding cry of his name escaping my lips. His pace quickened further, and I clung to him, arms and legs locked around him, until his shudders signaled his own climax. We collapsed side by side, our breaths labored, his arms enfolding me in a tender embrace. This, too, was a first: post-sex cuddling. My body still quivered, and I struggled to regain my composure, but basking in his warmth brought a newfound sense of tranquility.
We lay there, lost in silence, for a considerable span of time before Carter broke it. "I had dinner with Shana and her parents tonight," he exhaled, his voice weighted.
I looked up at him, my gaze seeking to decipher his expression. Nothing had changed, but the intensity that had gripped his eyes earlier seemed to have ebbed away. Nestling closer to him, I offered some semblance of comfort. "How did it go?"
"Interesting. At first, it seemed like nothing had changed. Then, her dad took me aside and asked if I could forgive her for what she did. I was taken aback. I didn't think she would reveal the reason behind our breakup to them," Carter explained.
"Did you not want them to know?" I pondered aloud. In my shoes, if my partner had cheated, I might have made the indiscretion common knowledge. Scorched Earth policy and all.
"I didn't want anyone to know. I shared the truth with my family when they inquired about Katy, who gifted CJ a tablet for Christmas," he admitted with a faint smile.
I flushed, realizing that might have been a bit excessive for a four-year-old. "I apologize."
"No need. Speaking about it made me realize it was truly over. Silence had made it seem like we could move on once the anger subsided," Carter revealed.
"And has it?" I inquired curiously.
"It has. I told Shana's father tonight that I forgive her, genuinely. My anger has dissipated. But forgiving doesn't mean I want to rekindle our relationship. We'd drifted apart long before. I despise the way things transpired, but I grasp why we needed to go our separate ways," he confessed.
I nodded in understanding, my body shivering. With the fading of the post-orgasmic heat, the combination of our sweat on my skin and the cooling effect of the ceiling fan left me feeling chilled. Carter pulled the comforter over me, tucking me in before sliding off the bed to dress. It was part of our routine – he'd dress and leave afterward. Typically, I'd be content with that; in fact, I usually preferred it to avoid potential awkwardness. Yet tonight, after our intimate conversation and the unexpected cuddling, I felt an unsettling void.
"Katy, is that alright?"
I realized Carter was addressing me, but his words barely registered.
"Huh?" I responded.
"It's okay if you'd rather I didn't stay—"
"No! I want you to stay," I interjected eagerly, my cheeks reddening as he offered a small smile. "I'm sorry, why did you get dressed?"
"I'm going to the gas station. I need to buy condoms, and I'll replace your candy. I doubt they'll have the Scooby-Doo ones," he informed me.
I giggled. "Alright. Any gummy candy will suffice."
"Come here for a second."
Positioning myself on my knees atop the bed, the covers still draped around me, he drew me into a hug and kissed me tenderly. The gesture held a depth of soulfulness, leaving a lingering sweetness. As he pulled away, a smile graced his lips. "I have some exciting ideas for those peach rings, anyway."
***Present***
A subtle smile played on my lips as I entertained my private musings. "I've stopped eating them," I revealed, a touch of secrecy lacing my words.
"Really?" Carter's surprise was evident.
"Indeed. When I first moved to California, I went on a bit of a binge. I had to undergo a detox and make a solemn vow to abstain. I'm not looking to stumble off the wagon here," I elaborated. His laughter rang out, a sound that brought me immense joy. How I relished making him laugh.
"Are you taking CJ to CiCi's pizza?" Karen inquired of Carter.
"CJ, would you like some pizza?" Carter beckoned to him.
"Yes!"
"Alright. Go ask your mom." We trailed behind as he dashed over to his mother, where Dave, Roxanna, and Leon stood. Shana consented to the dinner outing.
"Goodbye, CJ. I'll catch up with you later," I bid him farewell before he trotted off.
"You're not coming?" His frown questioned my decision.
"No, I have other plans, but I'll see you soon, alright?" His nod was satisfied, and he departed with his mother. I turned to bid Carter adieu, but Karen had already engaged him in conversation. I waved, but before I could utter a word, Roxanna redirected her attention to me.
"Let's go, Katy. If you've had plans, you should've driven. I'll drop you off at the house," Roxanna declared.
"No need," I responded calmly. "I have a ride. Josiah should be here by now."
Roxanna saw through my casual demeanor. "You called Josiah?"
"No, I mentioned earlier I had plans," I reiterated, bidding farewell to everyone before making my way to the parking lot. Josiah's Honda Civic was immediately recognizable. Relief washed over me as I headed towards the car, promptly sliding into the seat with a smile.
"So, what's the plan?" My excitement was palpable as I questioned him.
"I was thinking of heading to Austin. Mitchell has a gig tonight, and it's been a while since I've been there," Josiah explained.
I pondered it briefly. Austin was roughly a three-hour drive away. While I was technically on call, Homer had mentioned that most weekend appointments were scheduled during the week. Still, I probably shouldn't go. I'd need to stop and gather some clothes, risking another encounter with Roxanna. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood for that. As I explained my hesitations to Josiah, he chuckled.
"Come on! Your boss practically gave you the green light to make plans. After our successful escape, I'm sure we can manage something as straightforward as finding clothes."
His reasoning left me chuckling too; I had no valid counterargument. "Austin, here we come!" I declared it with a hint of exhilaration.
*****
During the drive to Austin, I consciously steered clear of any conversation involving Roxanna. I was determined not to mar the trip by allowing my emotions to sour the atmosphere.
Josiah, however, did broach a slightly more agreeable subject: Dale. He remained unaware of the true depths of my discord with my brother, though I did confide in him that I grappled with the notion of forgiveness.
"Would you appreciate my impartial perspective?" Josiah queried.
The irony of that statement wasn't lost on me – Josiah playing the neutral intermediary between my brother and me. At another time, I had been the mediator. Back then, Josiah and my brother were aligned with me, neither of whom was particularly fond of the other. Dale held suspicions that Josiah, the stereotypical college guy, might exploit or harm his younger sister. Josiah, in turn, believed Dale excessively coddled and indulged me.
To some extent, they were both correct. I had been heavily reliant on Dale. Josiah, though he never took advantage of me, inadvertently wounded me by not reciprocating the intense crush I'd once nurtured for him. Things shifted after I graduated from Baylor. Josiah and I evolved into genuine friends, and I secured a job to support myself during graduate school, reducing my reliance on my brother.
In contrast, Josiah encountered difficulties securing an entry-level position. Armed with a computer programming degree, he faced the challenge of finding a suitable job. Dale, leveraging his connections from the Air Force, had already established himself in a Dallas-based role in the same field. When I approached Dale for potential job leads for Josiah, he extended an internship offer to him. Consequently, Josiah relocated to Dallas. The condensed version of events ends with Josiah's transition to full-time employment after six months, as he and my brother cultivated a close friendship. At the time, witnessing my two cherished companions bonding was a source of immense joy. Oh, how the tables have turned.
"Of course, go ahead," I responded, my curiosity genuinely piqued. Maybe Dale had shared some insight with Josiah…
"At the heart of it, you both care deeply for each other. Ultimately, what holds greater significance?" Josiah offered.
A part of me yearned to dispute his viewpoint and emphasize the importance of truth, loyalty, trust, and the pursuit of normalcy. Yet, as I mulled over his words, I realized I couldn't even persuade myself otherwise. Above all else, I longed to reintegrate my brother back into my life.