The cold feeling of uncertainty courses its way through Clayton's veins. Couldn't he go faster? He watched as Nathan tapped on the leathered laced steering wheel. As each pad of his finger hit the rugged material, the detective couldn't help but feel more and more anger fire it way out.
"Nathan, quit doing that shit." His words were met back with a hesitant "okay" which only caused Clayton to think his attitude over even more. He wasn't trying to be mean, he was just scared. But instead of apologizing, he just continued to look out the window. As he made the slight promise to apologize later, he couldn't help but ponder his possible future. What would he do without her? God knows he would lose his mind if he ever lost Yasmine, but how was him LOSING his mind gonna help? It wasn't gonna bring her back and it wasn't gonna make her any less sad. It was a lost cause.
So all he could do was sit.
"We're almost there, man." Nathan's voice somehow punched its way through the sea of thoughts that danced around Clayton's head. "So don't give up." Instead of arguing, or giving some sort of sarcastic pessimist answer, he just sat there.
Because all he could do was sit.
Sitting around,
Was all he was good for.
Clayton surprisingly could feel tears welling up in his face. It wasn't like him to be so hopeless. Why did he keep thinking, she was gone? She could have ran away, or started the fire to protect them. Anything!
But why does he feel like he lost her?
The sleep deprived man could feel his leg starting to bounce as he tried to hold in his emotions. An action he's done far too well. As Clayton reached his hand down to his sleeve, he couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. She did this because of him. It had to be. She didn't believe he could do it, so she went out on her own. It was because of him, wasn't it?
Because he couldn't keep his emotions in order because he couldn't stop. Because he could ever try to stop.
Because all he could do,
Was sit.
As they pulled into the church, the huge line of smoke littered itself over the group of people like a rave. If they had any hope of finding Yasmine, it definitely struck it. Outside, several firefighters and news anchors stood still, looking for some kind of sign as if the fire wasn't enough. People of all ages stood near the charcoal colored gate as they pointed and awed at the fact, that an over seventy-year old building, was finally meeting its demise.
But to him, it was his worst nightmare. No one was doing anything. No one was moving a single bit. It's almost as if, everyone just didn't care. Didn't anyone see the car? Why wasn't anyone moving?
"Hey!" Clayton's voice was barely audible as he moved himself out of the car. "What in the hell are you doing? There's someone in there!" The look he seemed were audacious compared to the word he just sputtered. As he breathed, he could feel the pestering eyes of everyone around him. Even Nathan. After taking a few breaths, he finally noticed one of the fire fighters that had approached him. She was tall, hair blonde as blonde could get. Her eyes waved a nice green as grass as she placed a hand on his shoulder before speaking.
"Sir, we looked. There's no sign of anyone being there. Just some busted floors and terrible wiring." Her words felt like a slap to the face as he took time to process her words. No one was there. Was that the truth or was she so burnt, she wasn't worth saving.
"She wasn't there? How could she not be there? I swear, they…" Clayton's voice was officially now too quiet for anyone to hear. He wanted to scream. He wanted to do anything to make them willing enough to go check again.
But they wouldn't.
"Hanes! Come over here won't ya." The other fighter from the crowd notions her into position as they start talking about god's knows what. As Clayton looked at fire one more time, he couldn't help but see his marriage the same way. Burning.
Burning with passion, yet burning with doubt. But definitely one he could keep pushing down.
As Nathan made his way beside him, The sound of the gravel rock being kicked was the only thing keeping the other grounded. Why? Why did she leave her home? She could've been safe. Still, after everything… he was still confused. Just when you think someplace will bring you answers, you'll end up with less than what you started with. With him, chasing this myth, he ended up without a wife or child. He was alone.
"Nathan," It was more of a cry for help than to just acknowledge him. As he spoke, he could feel a lump of regret and anger in his throat. "I want to go get some coffee. You down?" Truth was, he didn't need an answer. Because the feeling of Nathan's hand slipping into his was confirmation enough.
"Yeah. I don't want to see this either."