***
P.O.V.
[HE]
Perhaps it was the upset stomach and nagging twinge in my butt that made linear algebra class the most agonizing two hours of my existence that morning.
He wasn't exaggerating—or maybe he was—but just that day he was questioning the idea of studying engineering. He even doubted that he had even chosen to attend college that particular year.
And it wasn't entirely my fault, if that's what you're thinking. That of having insecurities at this age. Because let me tell you that it has been a long time since I felt that tightness in my chest and that uncontrollable desire to run from a place since that September—and the months that followed those—
Actually it was all due to the blue girl in the cafeteria and you may wonder why I let her influence my monotonous and routine life in such an overwhelming way?
Well there's the answer. Because it was monotonous and routine my existence in the citizenship that she with only having a simple table and a tray away with her disgusting ice cream, had already done what I had not achieved in years.
Change my way of living.
Do not consider it as a spoiler -or maybe yes- but if you know it, it is already something you know from my first narration.
I just wanted to make it clear in case you still didn't understand how easy it was for her to put together and take apart the pieces of my puzzle.
In fact, thinking about it, he always had that master key that opened all the doors that I closed.
You'll see why.
Continuing with the student day —which was not easy for me at that time— I held the worn and broken backpack in a corner with my shoulder, with my hand rubbing my stomach, I decided to get up—heavily— from the seat.
I assure you that I even had a slight desire to rub my butt.
But I held back.
There were plenty of eyes present and for someone—with my temper and humor—to scratch his ass in the hall would hurt my unstable reputation at that university.
So, I preferred to ignore for a few minutes —before finding the men's restroom— the pain in my ass that accompanied me that morning.
I came to consider that I should stop by looking to borrow a pillow in the infirmary, excusing myself from having operated on I don't know what to have a pillow stuck to my butt every time I sat down.
Idea not carried out by the insistent call of Ethan at my side.
- What's up bro? —If I stayed balanced, until then you can imagine that my physical —and emotional— stability ended up going down the drain.
Ethan placed his arm over my shoulder, making all the weight that was keeping me stable with the notebooks on the other side merged with the muscular weight of the blond on my right.
God knows how the hell I didn't end up on the ground —considering the discomfort I had that day—
-How is your day? I rolled my eyes irritably. That was a question that—despite the years we had shared together—I didn't feel like answering.
—Is everything okay? —ironically buffeted—I see you well. You're breathing, you're walking more or less and you're still listening to what I'm telling you so.” The blonde shrugged suspiciously. “You're fine. Perfect I would say—
I raised an eyebrow in disbelief as I dedicated myself to observing the boy with my frown.
If for him to go out of class twice to have a conversation with the men's toilet, to finish almost with breakfast on top of the calculation notebooks and to adjust myself in the seat to avoid my ass hurting was his definition of "all good" "Perfect"
So it was like it came out of the factory.
But of course. With several loose parts
And all thanks to the fact that when they took me out of the packaging they messed up the gears wanting to play the ice cream babysitter
I rolled my eyes at the simple memory.
— Hey! —I woke up, well, rather, they woke me up. Shaking me from side to side roughly. "Well, if you don't want to talk, that's fine." The boy shrugged again. "It's not the first time you've ignored me and turned your back on me." I even think I'm used to it —he let out a somewhat feigned laugh—
In part he was right. I spent the last years of my life ignoring any presence around me. That despite the different therapies and rehabilitations, I only got "the socialization" a couple of years ago.
But today was not the case.
Everyone was afraid that I would wax again in my bubble that barely created a layer, they took pains to explode it.
And Ethan was always looking for a way to get his old friend back.
It will cost what it will cost.
— Don't be exaggerated! I reproached him, tired of the vision my friend had of me. Vision that I myself commissioned to port after September 12.
I think that remembering that month —before— was like detonating a nuclear bomb that in one way or another ended up hurting me.
"I was just thinking," I commented not intending it to sound like an excuse. "That's all, nothing more." You know how I am when I think—that was an excuse to give credibility to my argument.
He smiled and resumed his mood from minutes ago.
—Yes, I know—he let fall a heavy sigh, like those you release when you know that something—or someone—has no remedy and you have to accept it as it is, before losing it.
—When you think it is as if the cable that was connected to your brain to give energy to your body will be disconnected from the electrical outlet and you will turn off. You don't listen, you don't see, and the worst you don't feel. He mentioned sorrowfully. -But what else? Nope? So you are and so you will be. No one can change you." I looked at him thoughtfully.
I will confess to you that his words, by then, went in one ear and out the other. But now —after everything that happened— I realize that while he was right, he was wrong.
In the end, if I changed—or they changed me—
I just nodded without saying anything.
Deep down I knew he was right and I wasn't going to argue. When he did his part to make us friends—like before—
- You gotta see This! he exclaimed, throwing a kind of sweatshirt in my face.
I was blind for seconds. But those seconds hurt someone else.
— Ouch! I listened to the moan of another person oblivious to what was happening with us.
"You're not born dumber, huh?" Ethan mocked next to me.
I snorted, pulling the sweatshirt off my face, regaining control of my field of vision. I watched a spirited Ethan, mocking my lousy luck at the pat-downs. And then there was her, standing in front of me. Lightly rubbing his arm.
"Excuse me," I said quickly, watching the blonde examine her right arm. "You know how goofy Ethan is—I stared at him—every time," I mumbled loud enough for him to scratch the back of his neck nervously, smirking.
The girl looked up at me, fixing beautiful green eyes on mine.
"Don't worry," she laughed nervously, "I'm fine. He waved his hand dismissively. —It's not that you've broken my arm or broken my hand—he laughed again—
—If you say so—she nodded smiling—It's because it must be true. I shrugged briefly, studying the young woman across the way. —Goodbye Tessa—and without further ado I continued my walk to the next class.
Ethan was stunned watching me leave and the young blonde was still standing in the same place doing nothing.
Several steps later I felt Ethan's presence at my side again.
I scowled at the blond and his expression. A whole letter "O" was drawn in his mouth. His eyes could pop out at any minute.
A slight elevation of the lips wanted to appear.
I wasn't a caveman who didn't know laughter or fun, I just kept a relevant distance between myself and happiness.
— May I know what just happened? I shrugged for like the third time that morning.
"Well, you threw a sweatshirt at me, I don't even know what that was for." I bumped into Tessa because of you if we saw the situation from the beginning. Ethan wanted to argue but didn't let him. He opened and closed his mouth suddenly as he continued —I'm sorry because the body is mine and it was the one who impacted even though you were the culprit.—I made that point clear to him— I said Goodbye Tessa and continued on my way to the drawing class— I ended up simple and without details that he surely thought I would add.
—No—he yelled decently—what happened was that you had Tessa Ortiz inches away, face to face —he exaggerated with his hands—and what you said to her was "sorry and goodbye Tessa" —seeing it that way it was the same that he had said but without the part where he was to blame.
I nodded relaxed. Trying to forget the stomach pain—yes—it was still there.
—-That's why—another screech—More so you're not born, huh?— The lower part of my head received a strong zape from the blond. I tripped over my feet and was lucky not to end up on the ground.
Regaining my posture, I turned to the boy euphorically, but his laughter disconcerted me.
I tell you that I even thought that the blonde and the blue could come from the same package
Or even from the same factory.
After feeling my gaze, he calmed down.
"Yeah, okay," he took a deep breath, "it was very clear to me that you're the lone wolf of the pack." I rolled my eyes at her mockery, concentrating on what I was now carrying in my hands.
- What is this? —Point to the black sweatshirt combined with white on the sleeves and front, along with a print.
"Well, that," he said obviously, "a sweatshirt." wow! You saw that it is serious that you have raw intelligence —I threw the sweatshirt in his face, but unfortunately the same thing did not happen to me minutes ago.
—Yes, if make fun of everything you want but seriously, why do you want a sweatshirt how is it? —don't let him speak— Are you going to practice your kisses with the Korean singers? And this time I did laugh.
Ethan's face went from a huge smile to a downward scowl as he closed his eyes. The only thing missing was the drop of sweat on the emoji.
And as I told you before. He was not a caveman or hermit. He knew what it was to laugh only that he began to forget how it was done.
"Don't be a clown!" He hit me with his elbow. I stopped my laughter because it wasn't like me to laugh. "It's for Liliana," he muttered under his breath.
— Huh? —
- Yes. Mr. Chuckles. She likes this type of music and is obsessed with these dudes. He patted the print on the sweatshirt that showed the faces of seven Korean boys. —With this—he proudly shook the garment—I'm going to conquer her—
Yes of course. And they called me the ice cream lover.
Buffet —As you wish—
-- Is seriously. —yelling again—I was in the girls' bathroom for about half an hour, on top of the toilet to find out that Lili likes Chinese music —he added convinced.
—His name is kpop Ethan. How are you going to conquer it if you don't even know what the musical genre is called? And I bet you don't even know the name of the band, much less the members.
— Do you? I remained silent. He was right about that part—See. Google knows everything. You'll see my friend. You'll see, I'll have a girlfriend bro. And a very pretty one —sighed—
I entered the room and upon arrival we were greeted by Tessa's radiant smile. Ethan noticed what I was looking at and patted my back in confidence.
—You should also think about conquering someone preferably of the female sex. That way, maybe the rumors that you like guys, that you cry when you ejaculate and that you like big cocks would end, don't you think? He meant it well, but I didn't see it that way.
"Well, thanks for worrying about my sex life," I said sarcastically, ignoring her presence as she took her seat. Remembering the aforementioned pillow for my butt.
Again I looked back at the smiling blonde. Realizing that their smiles were nothing like the smiles that greeted me every afternoon in the cafeteria.
Perhaps it was wrong to compare smiles but it was what I did at the time.
The blonde's smiles were tight while the blue one's smiles were light.
Tessa's smiles didn't hide anything, instead those of the blue one seemed a mystery,
An incredibly beautiful mystery.
I think that's when I realized that there could be thousands of smiles in the world, but I would continue —and continue— preferring those of the Ice Cream maniac.
I shook my head.
—By the way—Ethan's voice was heard again—Yesterday, when I went to buy the sweatshirt, there was a riot at the store. I opened my backpack, taking out my notebook and pencil, while I wrote down the notes and listened to his gossip.
—A girl with blue hair ended up destroying half an establishment. It was funny but worrying. Haven't you seen it somewhere else? I let the pencil fall into the notebook.
The images played in my brain like a movie.
She taking my order
She bringing me ice cream
She sitting in front of me
She writing me that note
she smiling
And although at that time the memory of her walking out of my life never came to me. Because maybe it wasn't what I expected even if I thought about it. Today, it is the memory that repeats itself the most inside my head, every time I decide to look at those little honey eyes.
Returning to the narrative.
Ethan waited for an answer. “I don't know. I'm not paying attention to the world that surrounds me and you know that more than anyone.” I replied, going back to what I was doing.
—Ujum. —-he turned in his seat to turn his back on me and look at the blackboard in front of me—I still don't know how you realize I exist—he sighed in defeat—It looked a lot like her—and without further ado he ignored me.
The memories affected him more than me. Because unlike him, I couldn't harm myself remembering past events, when my memory seemed empty, instead he ended up torturing himself remembering what was more than clear was not going to happen.
He got up from his seat and left the room.
I stayed to finish what I owed, to continue with my life without interruptions until the study hours were over.
[...]
—Remember to rehearse the C minor along with the F major in the melody score— I agreed, putting the guitar back in its case to leave.
—Please rehearse—Emiliano commented seriously—It's important for all of us. And if it's not for you, then it's not for you to shit everything you don't like —I raise an eyebrow watching the brunette speak to me.
—Hey! Emi's not that big of a deal either,” Ethan burst in, patting my back.
—You shouldn't worry Emiliano —the aforementioned crossed his arms with an arrogant attitude. "I won't ruin your gig." And in case you didn't know this—I made a circle framing the band—I care too—without further ado I turned on my heel, slinging the guitar case over my shoulder.
Opening the garage at Ethan's house, the cool afternoon air blew against my face.
cold and alone
As my social, emotional, mental and physical state
The Sun peeked out timidly between the cloudy white layers of clouds that covered the grayish sky. It seemed to want to rain but still I followed my routine.
The weather was the same as yesterday, the day before yesterday, a week ago. And it has practically kept that gray and blue hue for a month.
The irony is that in the previous afternoons it never started to rain. Everyone ran to take refuge in their homes, cars or in any establishment with a roof included, only to never receive the shower of water in the end.
That's why I continued my walk
Not to my house.
You know where, right?
If you think of scolding me or releasing reproaches against me. I want to tell you that you are free to do it, although I do take the blame.
But let's see, I'll explain.
Since early—even the night before—the question was eating at my head. Because to tell the truth I was not sure that she would serve me the disgusting ice cream again
And you'll say "Third time's the charm"
There's the reason. With that idea in mind, I walked straight to the cafeteria without turning or stopping.
To know the answer did not take long. Unfortunately, the consequences of this lasted quite a long time.
You have it? Did you find the answer?
If you tell me no, you seriously need to watch more CSI Miami shows to activate that know-it-all detective sense.
That's right, ladies, gentlemen, boys, girls. Any human—or extraterrestrial—reading
That answer was the one that harmed me while she triumphantly won.
Sitting at the table—same as always—I watched as that blue came again, for the third time to my seat with two white porcelain containers.
I looked both ways. Nothing more to verify that she was coming towards me.
And yes, it was coming towards me.
That's when I decided to detail the containers on the tray.
One of them—the one on the left—contained three scoops of greenish ice cream. You already know that for these deductions I use my intuition, so I guessed between my little —or null— knowledge of the cold dessert, I was able to guess that its flavor was Lemon.
That, and because one of the balls had a slice of lemon on top.
This time, she didn't keep the established distance between the table, the tray, her and me. Because —again— like the day before, he took a seat in the opposite chair —which was always— unoccupied—luckily for him—
She concentrated on placing the containers on the table and hiding the tray under the chair where she was sitting. I looked at her strangely because of the container that she had in front of her.
This crazy woman didn't mean to put 7 bags of ice cream with that amount into my system!
I was alarmed.
But to further detail the situation, she had taken that container with four round and colorful balls. Each one of a different color.
A pink ball that must have been strawberry, cherry or raspberry—I was trying to guess what she would eat. Mere curiosity —another yellow one that could be shortbread or peach, a blue one that was surely blueberry —because it was the only blue fruit I knew— and the last one was orange, which must have belonged to the painted color.
Each and every one of them were combined with each other creating a disgusting colorful mess.
Adding the touch of disgust, she reached for the jar of colored sprinkles and syrup.
You who already know me —or that's what you try to do— will be able to know with certainty that with everything that my field of vision had in front of me I had to swallow the desire to vomit —and that I hadn't eaten anything— and leave the table alone. With her and her twisted and disgusting combination.
He raised his eyes, meeting mine, which could have seemed at that time an expression of astonishment and horror.
A horror movie would be much less traumatic than what I was seeing at the time.
He smiled, raised his lips to adorn his whitish and clean porcelain face, drawing that smile—which were the causes of my joining the insomnia club and sleeplessness at night—for the rest of my days. And without waiting for my reaction, he began to devour the ice cream monster.
I swallowed heavily—my urge to throw up—as she easily finished off that odd combination of ice cream scoops.
I cleared my throat to loosen the lump in my throat. "What's your name?" I dared to ask him, surreptitiously pushing aside the ice cream in front of me that hadn't even been touched.
Detail her bluish hair, tied tightly in a high ponytail, which fell to her shoulders. That day he was not wearing the local cap, revealing some poorly painted and rebellious locks.
Wait for the answer—which came, but not from your own mouth—he didn't answer. He looked at me smiling again.
He never deigned to tell me who he was—even after he left—instead he ignored me, got up from his seat and disappeared.
I blinked several times in a daze.
What the hell was happening to her and me?
I had three scoops—huge—lemon ice cream right in front of me. While I was left alone at the table without her.
I wandered—for several minutes—hoping to find a logical answer to the matter, but failed.
I always knew that going over my mind had consequences—just like tasting ice cream—getting not answers, but a painful twinge in the back of my head.
I played that part out of inertia and as had happened before —and soon— I ate the disgusting lemon ice cream—which, although it didn't taste too bad—was too much for my palate.
I finished—barely—dessert. I got up from the seat and got ready to go — to stick my ass — home.
But before crossing the exit door. She made an appearance again. Standing in front of me.
He looked at me with those honey eyes and smiled again. He extended his hand to me holding a small pastel pink napkin characteristic of the place. I waited for him to unfold it and read it.
{The Ice Cream Girl}
I watched her expand her smile to the point of occupying almost her entire face.
—My namehe mentioned and without saying goodbye, he disappeared.
she was strange
weird, unhinged
Sometimes I won't deny you that it scared me
But there came a time in my life when his presence didn't bother me.
At the time I wouldn't have admitted it but it was just that day when I realized that I might be out of my mind but I was beginning to love everything about her.
Although it might seem that I hated her, a strange feeling began to bloom inside me.
And a long time later I verified that she felt it the same way.
But we both decided to ignore it.
Without further ado I continued on my way to the third injection of the week. And to my conversation with the toilet.
Wish me luck. I'll need her (I know)