Chereads / The One Who Holds The Joker / Chapter 147 - Guilt

Chapter 147 - Guilt

"I had to do it. It's not my fault. I'm not a bad person. I can't be a person. What other choice did I have? I-I was... it was need... a need, a need!"

Lilith cradled her head in her arms, her mutterings gradually becoming more incoherent and rapid. As that happened, the vision began crumbling into the mist. However, it did not die off quietly, instead wrapping around her. In a bit of a panic, Mia attempted to pry the mist away with her telekinesis, but it was fruitless.

A few moments later, the mist dispersed entirely, revealing an empty space where she used to be.

After a second or two of silence, Jessica spoke up without much care.

"Well... I never really liked her anyway. She was way too rude and forceful, even if she did end up helping after."

Kenji shook his head dismissively.

"She isn't dead. But her mind might've suffered. Will be worse if we all fail."

Mia furrowed her brows, seemingly feeling a bit suspicious.

"How are you figuring all that out? Have you been here before? I didn't see anything that would indicate that."

Kenji just shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know."

Mia's eyelid twitched. Before she could say anything further about it though, the mist condensed once more to reveal another vision. It was somewhat blurry, but not as much as before. And in that vision, was another appearance of Lilith, despite the fact she should've been gone. While blurry, it was still enough to pretty clearly depict her.

This time, she was rummaging through some bloody remains, tossing aside organs in search of things. Eventually, she let out a gasp before picking up a ring, and standing up rather quickly.

And as she did so, a head rolled over into view. A rather familiar head.

Although it wasn't too easy to tell, that head resembled the fellow that was pushed by Lilith. In other words, she was rummaging through the corpses of her comrades that she had betrayed, and from the fresh blood, it seemed to not even be that long since.

The smile on her face as she held onto the ring showed how little remorse she had. Though soon after, the growl of a beast resounded, startling her and prompting her to drop the ring, getting mixed in with all the flesh.

With a distressed look, she briefly looked at where the ring fell before looking over at the monster before running away.

Jessica couldn't help but speak up after seeing all of that.

"She... doesn't seem like the best person. Should we really still keep her around?"

Although those were her true thoughts, she was also being oddly aggressive. In fact, she seemed extremely disturbed by the sight in front of her, far surpassing just disdain for another person.

That was shown rather clearly by her increased breathing.

Mia walked up and put a hand on her shoulder, quite concerned.

"Are you okay? You seem to be a little... stressed."

"Y-Yeah..."

Jessica slowly let out a shaky sigh.

"I'll be fine. I'm stronger than this."

The vision gradually dispersed, though it seemed that quite a bit of damage had been done, at least to Jessica. And as though sensing an opportunity, another vision manifested with Jessica in it.

This time it instead showed Jessica, watching a man getting grabbed by a monster with a giant hand.

"Help me! Help me, Jessica, we swore to protect each other didn't we?"

And without waiting long at all, she ran away.

"Jessica? Stop! Fuck you! You lying whor-"

He was suddenly cut off by a crunch, coming from his body being crunched.

It was a fairly similar scene to Lilith's, though it wasn't as damning considering unlike Lilith, she didn't actively push them in.

As for how Jessica was doing after witnessing the vision, her eyes were bloodshot and wide open. She didn't try to look away or block her ears, making sure she experienced every single moment clearly.

Her entire body was shaking and she bit her lip so hard she began bleeding. Mia had held onto Jessica's hand rather early on, but seeing her condition get even worse, she hugged her tightly, hoping that it would be enough to keep her together.

"I don't think any less of you. There was nothing you could've done."

Jessica lifted up a hand to grab onto her arm. She nodded very slightly.

"T-Thank you."

She seemed to be just barely holding on with Mia's support. And soon enough, she began calming down as well. Despite the fact it was obviously something she felt guilty about, this guilt was also something she decided not to run away from anymore.

As hard as it might've been.

Eventually, the vision dispersed, giving some time for Jessica to take a break. She was breathing rather heavily and some cold sweat had formed on her body.

Jack had a finger on his chin watching the whole thing and couldn't help but speak up.

"Why did you run away?"

Mia tensed up hearing that, before hurriedly speaking up.

"Don't ask her that! She's still-"

"No, no... I ran away because I was scared. But... I don't want to be scared anymore."

Jessica cut her off, answering for herself. There was still shame in her voice, but at the same time there was a resolve to stand up to it.

Mia slowly let go and smiled a little, quite proud of her.

Soon after though, the vision began to manifest into something else. This time, it was a grassy field with small hills. There were occasional tall trees that sparsely populated the area. In the distance, Emma, Jack, and Mia were sitting on top of one of the hills, while a strange man in a mask and suit was standing on top of a nearby tree.

And in the valley, was a crow along with Jessica.

Though she looked a little different this time, with her head awkwardly slumped against her shoulder and arms slack at the side. Seeing herself like this, she furrowed her brows rather intensely.

"Is that... me?"

As though to answer her question, as she moved up her head tilted back, revealing her expressionless face. Her awkward movements akin to an alien getting used to a human body were in full display in front of her.

And to top it off, a frightening display of combat prowess was shown off, contorting to dodge feathers as though the joints were unrestricted.

Mia remembered this scene, and didn't see much problem with it.

"Ah, right. I remember this. Why would it be showing something like this?... I guess the second vision of Lilith's was also a bit strange, focusing on a ring for some reason."

While Mia was contemplating the vision, she didn't realize that Jessica was breaking down, mostly because she was simply standing there still. However, there was a terribly fearful look on her face.

It did not take too long for her to suddenly start scratching her arms, ripping through the skin and bleeding rather heavily.

"G-Get it out! GET IT OUT!"

Mia was startled by that sudden uproar and rushed up to her and tried to stop her by grabbing her wrists.

"Calm down Jessica! It's just a vision!"

Unfortunately, this only made her struggle even more, desperate to claw away at her skin despite the resistance. Jack let out a laugh before cheering her on, thinking that she was just having fun.

"Yay! Yay! Yay!"

There were tears in Jessica's eyes, not that she noticed. Whether it was because of the pain, or the concept of something inside her, it wasn't clear.

However, the most disturbing thing of all, was after clawing away enough at her skin, under all the bloody gore, there was some slimy white tentacle wrapped around her bone. And upon seeing that, she directly fainted.

The mist claimed her as it did for Lilith, leaving a disturbing empty space soon after.

Mia opened and closed her mouth a few times. At the last second, she caught a glimpse of the rather strange addition Jessica had that most people wouldn't. Before that moment, she would pretty confidently claim that she could trust Jessica. However, now she was beginning to question whether Jessica was even fully in control of her own actions.

Looking at the vision again with the knowledge of what was squirming within made her shudder uncomfortably. The new context was too much for her.

And as though seeing a new prime target, the next visions that manifested involved her.

It showed her just a tad bit younger, sitting on a couch with Emily.

Emily grabbed onto her hand, holding it close to her.

"Promise me that you won't leave me again, ok?"

Mia nodded sheepishly.

"O-Ok..."

Emily pulled her closer upon seeing such hesitance.

"You have to really really promise me ok? Please."

Mia was blushing rather furiously, but eventually reciprocated by holding on tighter as well.

"Ok... I really promise you that I won't leave."

Emily smiled brightly.

"It's a promise then! You can't leave me anymore. If you do, then you're a promise breaker."

The Mia that was watching all of that unfold grabbed onto the side of her hair. A few tears had formed in her eyes, as a crushing feeling of guilt.

There was a bad track record so far, to say the least.