"So, this celebration, what is it about?" Cao Tang asked the patriarch.
"My engagement to Lady Pinky Finger. I was so lonely after my wife died, but then I met Lady Pinky Finger, and all were flowers once again," he replied.
"Elder Braincells will see you now," approached a servant, and the duo followed.
They walked for quite a while in these underground halls until they reached a giant door that looked like a boss room's door.
The air inside was full of a peculiar mix of some very disturbing smells. On a throne sat an old man, a thin, unimpressive old man.
The skin hung from his bones like clothes hung on a wire or hanger. It was an unimpressive view. He wore white drapes and nothing more. His face was so expressionless, and his skin so loose one might think it was just a decaying body.
"What the fuck, it's just a dying old man," Cao Tang said.
"Do you know who you disrespect?" a deep and dark voice echoed from the dark nothingness behind the old man. Something big hid behind that darkness, and it was not friendly. Two ninjas rolled up from both sides.
"I'll pull your guts out and kill you, me brother Pichu," the one on the left began to sing.
"And I'm gonna shock you. Sh-sh-sh-shock you. Gonna shock you," the one on the right chimed in.
"Stop," the old man ordered them. "I apologize. It's a boring world. I do what I can to amuse myself in this dire and dark world of..."
The seer and Cao Tang waited for a while, but the old man just sat there with his mouth open.
"You came here to buy information, well, you can have it, but I want you to..." the old man once again stopped.
"Ah, you're still here. Thank you for coming," the old man blurted out again.
"Please excuse us for a minute," the ninjas said, and they left.
They came back with a tray full of powder.
*SNIIIIF*
"Ah," the old man let out a sigh of relief after sniffing what looked like cocaine. "I'm back, bitches."
The old man was rejuvenated and full of life again.
"So, you might be wondering why I asked you guys to come and see me when all you want to know is who stole the Yin Yang artifact. It could have been done by someone else, some guy who is beneath me. But you see, Murim is a rather boring place, and I do whatever I can to amuse myself. And that's why you are here. I want you guys to entertain me, and I will just up and tell you, guys, what I know, and you can be sure it will be worth your time because, you know, you are a seer. I bet you know some really nice funny jokes, so make me laugh, and this scroll right here is just simply yours. So, worry not about anything. I will provide props, water, and whatever it is that you might need," the man high on drugs rambled.
"Not a single full stop, and he is still speaking... What is that shit he sniffed?" Cao Tang asked the seer.
"It's an otherworldly substance called cocaine. It can do that to a person. It is pitiful really... to resort to substances," the seer replied.
"Oh, by the way, guys, if you are wondering what this white stuff was, don't even worry about it. I can get you some. No ell with some. I can get you a shit ton of it. I have like 500kg of it stashed in my basement. I swear it's the good stuff. It is the peak shit. It is pure euphoria. You won't regret a sniff, and I cannot possibly consume so much of the stash. I have been rather lonely here. You guys can be my cocaine buddies, hahaha, just kidding. You can't. No one can. It's mine..."
"I don't think he is stopping anytime soon," Cao Tang said.
"So, tell me a joke. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon," the old man finally stopped.
You could see he was barely keeping his mouth shut. It was unwise to keep this crazed and restless old man waiting, especially with his looks. The expression was one of a psychopath.
"Errh... um... weehehh," Cao Tang struggled to find words.
"Once," the seer suddenly spoke.
"Once in a land far away, there was a very prestigious family. The patriarch of the family had a very talented son, the most talented in the land. But soon, another was born to the family head..." the seer narrated with great dramatic effects.
"He was even more talented, with even stronger spiritual roots. Having his position threatened, the elder son devised an evil plan. He went and laced his stepmother's bra with poison. So when the time comes to feed the younger, he dies, and his position as the next head is secured..." the seer continued with dramatic and ever-changing tones and gestures.
"Ahaha, nice, nice, what's next, what's next?" the old man was now jumping round and round on the throne.
The seer shouted loudly, "What was next, you ask? THE DEED WAS DONE, THE NEWS HAD COME, HIS POSITION WAS SECURED, THE PATRIARCH... WAS DEAD."
"Hahaha, nice one, nice, nice one," the old man was now throwing things and beating the throne, and then choking the ninja. There was a shift in his mood. The happy, laughing old man suddenly became very angry, still jumping, laughing, and choking the poor ninja.
The old man passed out after he choked Pichu to death. Poor Pichu. The other ninja, called Guts, threw us a few scrolls. We had what we wanted.
"No, don't go. I wanna hear more jokes," the old man lay crying beneath his throne with a dead ninja to soothe him.
The seer is just not a lucky person. It's just not in his stats. He cant do anything without being a part of or making a lot of shit.
***
*Crash*
And the entire ceiling broke down, causing the area to be filled with smoke, dust, and rubble. As the vision-blocking veil settled down, a man of God stood up.
"I, Atid Daishin, a man of God, came here looking for a Chad. Where might I find?" the flaming figure demanded an answer from the one who lay crushed beneath the rubble and his feet.
From amidst the smoke, another thick figure emerged, muscles rippling underneath his robes.
"I would have to say, you are looking at him," replied the thick silhouette.